Victoria Beckham

Thanks, as always, to People for this collection of celebrity quotes...

"Maybe after having kids, if my boobs dropped down to my belly button, I would get them lifted. ... Maintenance. But you know, my boobs are real."
- Jessica Simpson, on not ruling out plastic surgery (which runs in the family)

"I am genuinely happy for the two of them. In fact, I sent them flowers to congratulate them both. I've spent time with her, and my girls really like her. That's all that matters to me."
- Denise Richards, on ex-husband Charlie Sheen's new fiancée Brooke Mueller

"I am now officially ordained. Yep, that's right. Reverend Tori Spelling!"
- Tori Spelling, on adding minister to her résumé, on her MySpace blog

"I think they have this impression that I'm this miserable cow who doesn't smile. But I'm actually quite the opposite. ... I'm going to try and smile more for America."
- Victoria Beckham

"It's a boat... It's kinda big."
- A Kim Porter-less Diddy, describing his yacht to David Letterman

"I'm working on the sexiest projects around the world. So to me to be on a TV show every single day at a designated period of time just wouldn't work for my schedule."
- Ivanka Trump on not wanting to co-host The View

"All of the going out he did after we broke up sort of shocked me. When we were together, he hated stuff like that, so I felt like I didn't really know him as well as I thought I did."
- Hilary Duff, on ex-boyfriend Joel Madden's post-breakup behavior

It's not about celebrity or not. It's all about, do you have that 'girl in a cardigan' in you. You gotta have that."
- Office star John Krasinski, on looking for a real-life Pam Beesly

Victoria and David Beckham may be British tabloid royalty, but they're just starting to get big press "stateside."

So is Lucy Pinder. But for other reasons.

Soccer star David and Spice Girl wife Victoria are moving to L.A. this summer, a relocation so monumental that it's being captured by NBC cameras for a special airing July 16, entitled, Victoria Beckham: Coming to America.

Prior to the move, the couple spoke to W and revealed an unrehearsed charm that's sure to earn them many more fans in the U.S. Even more than this pic of David Beckham nude will get them.

From giant boobs to famous pals, to learning to smile for the media to dealing with scandals, the couple is ready to take on Beverly Hills... together. Excerpts below:

On how they met:
David Beckham: "I'm quite shy. I just sort of waved from the other side of the bar. I sort of said hello and then just went back to Manchester. I was quite upset and gutted."
Victoria Beckham: "I didn't really know who he was. I was never into football... He was always with his mom, dad and sister while a lot of the footballers were at the bar getting drunk."

"I could sense right from the start that David was a gentleman, and very family-oriented, which is important because I'm the same."

On knowing their callings at an early age:
David Beckham: "At school whenever the teachers asked, ‘What do you want to do when you're older?' I'd say, ‘I want to be a footballer.' And they'd say, ‘No, what do you really want to do, for a job?' But that was the only thing I ever wanted to do."
Victoria Beckham: "Everything revolved around dancing and singing lessons. I used to customize my school uniforms. I love clothes, hair and makeup. I've always been a girly girl."

THG NOTE: So has her BFF Katie Holmes. Until she went all robot.

On Victoria's plans to win over Americans:
Victoria Beckham: "I think people are really going to see me for the first time. I think they have this impression that I'm this miserable cow who doesn't smile. But I'm actually quite the opposite. When you're out there, they're trying to get pictures up your shirt, down your top... With all the flashes, it's as much as you can do to just find your car. I'm going to try and smile more for America."

THG NOTE AGAIN: Surely Tom Cruise can give her some pointers!

On dealing with rumors and celebrity gossip centering around the story that David Beckham had an affair three years ago:
Victoria Beckham: "I'm not going to lie. It was a really tough time. It was hard for our entire families... David and I got through it together. No one said marriage was going to be easy. Yes, there have been bumps along the road. But the fact is we've come out of everything we've been through stronger and happier. It's even better now than when we were first married. After all these years, we can just come home and have a laugh together."

We know she's got some huge breasts.

Not to mention some hilariously big sunglasses.

But they may pale in comparison to the size of her bank account.

Victoria Beckham recently had a $500,000 closet installed for her clothes in the family's enormous new California mansion. Hey, you gotta have ample storage space, people.

She not only gets to see David Beckham nude, she gets to spend his money. A lot a lot of money. And she's got a fair amount of coin from her own days as one of them Spice Girls with Emma Bunton, Geri Haliwell, Melanie Brown and whoever the other one is.

Still, you wouldn't believe what kind of stuff you might find in Victoria Beckham's closet. And surprisingly, a submissive, mute Katie Holmes is not among them.

It supposedly features a leather floor, a crystal chandelier, $80,000 Andy Warhol shoe print, a computer that tracks when she wears items of clothing and a camera to give her a customized 360-degree "cat scan" of her outfit before she steps out.

Which is kind of a waste. We could tell Victoria Beckham every morning that she looks like a robot that should probably put on a bra - and at a fraction of the cost. 

No wonder she and David get along so well with Tom Cruise. These are people with so much money to burn that they probably light cigars with $100 bills on their yachts. Well, so to speak. We all know Scientology forbids things such as cigars. Pure evil.

To think, her time in America has just begun. We can't imagine what purchases are to come when Victoria Beckham starts getting a $50 million annual allowance.

Stop the presses, ladies and gentlemen. Katie Holmes' handlers friends and prison guards representatives think that celebrity gossip site TMZ.com went too far this time.

Are they talking about incessant stories run about Suri Cruise? Or the fact that we say Tom Cruise is insane? That Katie is shackled in a $35M prison without bars day and night?

No, of course not. Katie Holmes' peeps are mad pissed because her new bob haircut was likened to that of her BFF, Posh Spice, a.k.a. Victoria Beckham.

Apparently, her people don't see the obvious resemblance. And are, for some reason, offended that she be compared to a hot woman she obviously likes and looks up to.

According to TMZ, Katie Holmes' friends and agents are in utter disbelief at the comparison - claiming that she "has her own look" and would never bob it like Beckham. So to speak.

Check out the photos of Katie Holmes and Victoria Beckham below. To us, the members of PoshKat are peas in a pod. Don't you think their hair is a tad similar?

Although there was plenty of drama predicted for David Beckham's final game for Real Madrid - the real (side)show was in the stands as wife Victoria chilled with pals Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes to cheer Posh's husband David on.

Victoria Beckham and her lame friends, all wearing obligatory oversized sunglasses, lit up the stands with superstar wattage. And weird ass hair.

Katie Holmes, 28, with her new hideous sleek bobbed hairstyle, looked like a dead ringer for new best friend Posh Spice in her short-sleeved minidress.

It didn't take long for the Hollywood couple to put on their characteristic public display of affection. The movie stars shared a kiss as Real's third goal was scored.

The previous day, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were spotted arriving at the German Church of Scientology headquarters in Berlin - at 2:45 a.m.

They took a vacation from Holmes' prison without bars to hit up Europe and visit a memorial to Count Claus Schenk von Stauffenberg, who attempted to assassinate Hitler in 1944, and to meet some of the quote-unquote religion's German leaders.

The visit has sparked fears that Tom Cruise, 44, will "inject" some serious Scientology propaganda in his next film, in which he plays von Stauffenberg.

While in Berlin, Katie and daughter Suri Cruise took the opportunity to see Knut, the polar bear rejected by his mother.

"Katie Holmes asked for a private visit and I showed her around myself," said Dr. Ragnar Kuhne, curator of Berlin Zoo.

Then the Cruises headed to Madrid to catch up with the Beckhams. Victoria, 33, held onto four-year-old Romeo, who was wearing a Real shirt with his father's number, 23, and "Daddy" on the back.

No idea how Beckham did in his final game. We didn't check. No one cares about soccer. Besides, he was probably too fixated on his wife's huge breasts to perform up to his abilities.

Note to readers: Don't assume Victoria Beckham is any sort of unfaithful skank just because of her penchant for ridiculous outfits that showcase her huge boobs.

Much as we enjoy ripping on her, she's a happily married mother of three (and friend of Paul Sculfor) who's got her priorities right. Family before career, and loyalty to her husband above all else! Nothing but David Beckham nude for this British babe!

You can imagine, then, Posh's reaction to Alex Rodriguez scandal.

Cheating on pretty wife Cynthia Rodriguez with a stripper? A not very hot, somewhat manly stripper to boot? Yeah. Stray-Rod is up to no good and practically begging for the high heat. Apparently hitting many home runs on the field wasn't enough for him.

Better watch out, Alex, or you're gonna pay the price - Posh Spice chin music!

It's gonna leave a welt, that's for sure. A woman who's never afraid to throw inside, you better believe Victoria Beckham won't hesitate to throw at other Hollywood screwups too. This appearance at last night's Dodgers game is just the beginning.

There's surely a high fastball earmarked for you too, Joslyn Noel Morse. Better grow eyes in the back of your head, you bleach blonde floozy!

Oh, and Coley Laffoon? You're officially on Becks' bean ball list. You too, Kevin Federline, if you don't treat Britney Spears right - whether you too get back together or not!

We already know that Jennifer Aniston's new man used to be friends with Kate Moss. Fortunately, Paul Sculfor has kicked that anorexic model - and cocaine - problem.

But it doesn't appear as though this British model is done with his taste for spices yet. Why, exactly, was he spotted having dinner with Victoria Beckham last weekend in L.A.?

"He's just an ex-boyfriend of a friend," Posh's rep said.

Sculfor was photographed trailing Beckham's entourage outside the Saddle Ranch Chop House in West Hollywood before sitting down with the wife of David Beckham for a meal on Saturday.

Turns out the Beckham's longtime pal, makeup artist Maria-Louise Featherstone, dated Sculfor when they both were growing up in Essex, east of London. Aniston should probably be glad Paul went for this English women instead of an intimidating fellow Brit such as Keeley Hazell.

"Maria-Louise and Paul remained friends after they split," a friend told People magazine. "Victoria knew Paul when the two were dating. She hasn't seen him for about 10 years so it was a great chance to catch up."

Let's just hope Sculfor didn't get too taken with Posh's giant boobs. Jennifer Aniston nude may be gorgeous, but few can best Beckham in the chesticular category.

For reasons unknown to our celebrity gossip staff, Victoria Beckham took home Woman of the Year crown at the Glamour Magazine awards last night.

The fact that there are Glamour Magazine awards, and that we are writing about them for a living, is almost funnier than Victoria Beckham winning one. Almost.

In taking home the hardware, she was dressed like a total harlot - a posh-tit-ute, if you will (and we will) - in what appears to be a tuxedo-auto racing chic outfit. So damn hot!

Alhough for former Spice Girl and future reality TV star was touted by the editor as "a role model" and "indicative of the modern woman," as far as our staff can see it, Victoria Beckham's only notable recent accomplishments appear to be:

• Constantly looking hungry
• Pouting like a stuck-up beeyotch
• Shopping with Katie Holmes
• Walking around like a robot
• Possessing enormous boobs
• Seeing David Beckham nude
• Hating The Hollywood Gossip

Role model indeed ... for bitches, cyborgs and hoes, maybe! What. What!?

Other "glamorous" women honored at the event included Sienna Miller - who said she had too much wine to make a speech - and the "musical" group Girls Aloud (think Pussycat Dolls with British accents).

We're guessing Katie Price, a.k.a. Jordan, wasn't available.

The ceremony was somewhat redeemed by also giving awards to Angelina Jolie, Beyoncé and Helen Mirren - though none of them showed up to receive their awards. Maybe that explains Posh winning... someone's gotta accept, right?

Victoria Beckham hates Hollywood gossip.

That much we covered yesterday in depth.

Yet the star's distaste for the media hasn't caused her to yank the plug on her upcoming reality show, as was falsely reported yesterday.

The Mirror of the UK reported prematurely that Victoria Beckham, 33, quit the series in order to support her husband, David Beckham, 32, in his upcoming soccer matches.

The paper claims NBC insisted that the former Posh Spice move out to L.A. to begin filming this week, despite David's two scheduled matches for England, and his last game with Real Madrid.

When the network would not budge on the schedule, The Mirror says Victoria Beckham and her giant boobs bailed on the series, declaring that:

"My family will always come before my career."

Whether Victoria actually said that or not, Britney Spears might want to take that advice to heart. Actually, she doesn't seem to be focusing on either one. Bad example!

Yet both NBC and Posh's rep deny reports of her bailing.

"Victoria Beckham has not pulled out of the TV show," her rep said. "She has had so much fun filming the show but it's true that she took last week off and is taking this week off to look after the boys and support David. However, she will be back in L.A. in mid-June to continue filming. It's completely up to the network how long and in what format they decide to broadcast the show."

So calm down fans. Posh should be bringing her angular and strange self to your TVs sometime soon. Although the show might not feature David Beckham nude. Sorry.

As for a future appearance by Posh on Dancing With the Stars, that hasn't been confirmed nor denied. So stay tuned.

Some stars are not big fans of celebrity gossip.

Justin Timberlake is not exactly a big supporter. Britney Spears blames tabloids and paparazzi for her problems. And we're guessing that Joslyn Noel Morse isn't a huge fan of ours right now.

But Victoria Beckham is taking the hating of The Hollywood Gossip and its counterparts to a new level. Check out what she had the nerve to say in a recent interview with Neil Sean of Sky News.

"I think these people are pretty spineless, the way they hide behind pseudo-names," says the former Posh Spice.

"They don't really know what's going on in anybody's lives. They're just sad people that sit behind their computers."

The Hollywood Gossip resents that, for the record. How do you know Free Britney, Hilton Hater and MischaLova aren't our real names?

And we assure you that our celebrity gossip staff writers are very happy people sitting behind their computers and earning modest wages, thank you very much.

Just because that picture of David Beckham nude is circulating online does not give you license to tear us a new one, Posh. We didn't take the damn photo - all we're guilty of is giving the people what they want.

In other words, don't hate the player, hate the game, babe.

That's right. We don't have time for this debate anymore, because we're too busy gathering and preparing to post the newest pictures of your huge boobs. Not that we're complaining, but have you heard of a bra? Snap, yo. Snap.