by Hilton Hater at

Thank goodness Dean McDermott has been released from the hospital.

Sure, we're glad this reality star is healing well from last week's dirt bike accident - but mostly we're just happy to never hear about pain in his penis ever again.

Emaciated Tori

During Tori Spelling's husband's hospital stay, he apparently suffered from an unusual, painful accident; and, naturally, felt the need to tell the world about it. Over the course of a few hours on July 2 and July 3, Dean Tweeted:

OMG !!!!! My catheter is stuck and won't come out. I'm waiting for the Doctor to get here and give it a try. Gotta be honest, I'm scared... I had the worst night. Catheter cut me up coming out. Unbelievable pain. I got a fever of 104 and was throwing up. Fun, WOW!

The worst part of this? It gives the couple ammunition for an entire season of the most contrived reality show on television.

Prior to her husband's release, Tori milked the incident for all the sympathy she could.

On Friday, she Tweeted: "Rented New Moon for 2nite. Lonely w/o @deanracer. Just got home from hospital. Taco Bell and Team Edward!"

First, who refers to her man by his Twitter handle?!? Must Spelling really market Dean's social networking account at all times?

Second, Team Edward?!? Come on. THG is on Team Jacob all the way!

Tags: ,

by Hilton Hater at

In the latest issue of Life & Style, the tabloid reports that Kendra Wilkinson wants to squeeze out a new baby in order to make up for her leaked sex tape.

Incredibly, this was NOT the most ridiculous item on that magazine's cover. The publication also quotes Tori Spelling as saying: I'm not too thin.

That's hilarious, considering the photo that accompanies this story:

Emaciated Tori

"Last summer, she didn't want to be photographed in a bathing suit," a source told the tabloid. "Now she's much happier with herself. She's still very thin, but she's not bony anymore."

We guess that's true. But when you set the bar at Shenae Grimes-like levels, it's easy to clear.

Study the photo above and you tell us: Tori Spelling looks...

 

Tags: ,

by Hilton Hater at

What do you do when you're a washed up actress whose reality show is slipping in the ratings?

You make up divorce rumors and then shoot them down by renewing vows with your annoying husband. Isn't that right, Tori Spelling?

Luisana Loreley Lopilato de la Torre and Michael Buble

The former Beverly Hills, 90210 star and Dean McDermott walked down the aisle again yesterday in Beverly Hills.

Spelling donned a white, strapless gown with an open back, as children Liam and Stella were among the friends and family in attendance.

In related news, we apologize for wasting your time by writing about this contrived cry for attention. To make up for it, check out what Robsten told Oprah last week. Now that's breaking news!

Tags: , ,

by Hilton Hater at

Thank goodness.

Following a series of self-created divorce rumors, Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott have decided to shoot down the non-talk for good... by renewing their wedding vows!

The couple has pretended to fight on the fifth season of their hit Oxygen show Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood in order to make headlines. But it's scarcely worked, even when Spelling went on the Today show and explained:

"We have our fights. We have our ups and downs. It's a real relationship. Some issues have come up this season, and the cameras were there to catch it. And I'm happy to put that out there to my fans, because we're a normal, relatable couple."

Because all "normal, relatable" couples have fans, right?

Fake Fight

Tori and Dean celebrate their four-year anniverary tomorrow.

We've purchased them acting lessons as a gift, so their televised arguments actually seem legitimate. They still have a way to go, but if Oxygen continues to be desperate for programming, we have faith they'll eventually get there!

  • Tori and Dean
  • Tori Pic
  • Pretending to Be Mad
Tags: ,

by Hilton Hater at

Tori Spelling has clearly been attending classes at Kardashian University.

Like the world's most famous, least talented trio of siters, the washed-up actress has created her own relationship drama... in order to spout off to the press, deny the made-up rumors and garner attention for her reality show.

Earlier today, Spelling appeared on NBC and said her and husband Dean McDermott are "not headed for divorce. We're committed to each other, we're committed to this family. But you know, we work on things just like everyone else."

They are different from everyone else in one regard, of course: they contrive scenarios for their Oxygen reality show, Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood, and pretend like the show is a glimpse into their actual lives.

Such an Annoying Couple

On the upcoming fifth season, for example, Tori, Dean and their children load into an RV and take a road trip to Atlanta. They fight along the way, of course, including the following, scripted exchange:

"It's like you got more and more unhappy and angry," Spelling says to her husband. "I just want the old Dean back. I really do. I miss you so much."

But don't worry, folks! Tori told Us Weekly that "there are good days and bad days with everything. I'm happy fans will see we have ups and downs like everyone else."

This begs the question: Who on earth is a fan of Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott?!?

Tags:

by Hilton Hater at

It's one of the most embarrassing facts we've ever come across:

Each of Tori Spelling's first two memoirs ranked on New York Times-bestsellier's list, with Mommywood and sTORItelling combining to sell over 800,000 copies.

While our staff racks our brain to come up with a single reason why anyone would care about this washed-up actress' take on family life, we're sad to report that she isn't done. A third book, tentatively titled unchartered terriTORI, is scheduled to hit stores in June.

"I love sharing my stories and experiences with people and connecting to them on both a humorous and emotional level," Spelling told People. ""Whenever something happens that makes me laugh or if I remember something in the middle of the night that I want to share, I jot the experience down."

Tori

Expect the nauseating tome to cover tabloid scrutiny of Spelling's weight; her contentions relationship with mother Candy; and life with husband Dean McDermott.

Other rumored titles for the book include:

  • TORIble: My Guest-Starring Stint on 90210
  • Self-ExplanaTORI: Stuff I should have said in my previous two memoirs
  • DefamaTORI: A shameless attempt to cash in
  • An ObligaTORI Attempt to Remain Relevant
  • Downward TrajecTORI: My Career in a Nutshell
Tags:

by Hilton Hater at

Isn't it nice when the need for positive publicity overcomes the need to make headlines by trashing your daughter?

As recently as six months ago, Candy Spelling actually blamed the death of her husband on daughter Tori. She said that Tori's decision to no longer speak to Aaron Spelling "killed" him. Isn't that sweet?

Earlier this month, though, E! News confirmed that Candy spent quality time with Tori and husband Dean McDermott's two children, Stella and Liam. She then said this week:

"I'm looking forward to a lot of wonderful things. We have taken this private, which is what I've always wanted and I think so did Tori, and I'm really thrilled."

Why the change of heart?

Candy Spelling

It could have something to do with the fact that Candy realized she was making Dina Lohan look like a stand-up mother.

But, call us cynical, it might also have something to do with Bank of Hollywood.

On that ridiculous, upcoming reality TV show, regular people will ask a group of panelists - Candy, Pussycat Dolls singer Melody Thorton, Wilhelmina Models president Sean Patterson and poker player Vanessa Rousso - for money to assist with their dreams.

And Spelling isn't stupid: you can't garner strong ratings if you're best known for feuding with your famous daughter.

Still, it's nice to see mother and daughter getting along for a change. Maybe there's even still hope for Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren.

Tags: ,

by Free Britney at

Tori Spelling does NOT weigh 95 pounds. Got that, celebrity gossip readers? Yeesh. The 90210 alum clarified this Thursday, stating she weighs a healthy 107!

So there, Star Magazine!

That reputable publication said Donna Martin collapsed and was rushed to the ER for being exhausted, emaciated and drastically underweight at 95 pounds.

Tori took to Twitter to set the record straight.

"Star Mag... LIES!" she said. "Literally not 1 factual thing in entire article. And, come 2 my house & weigh me Star! I'm 107lbs. if you care about FACTS?!?"

THG NOTE: Everyone knows Star is second only to OK! in made-up headlines, Tori. This is what they do. Acknowledge it and you only feed the beast.

THG NOTE #2: 107 isn't much different than 95, is it?

The tabloid said a "painfully thin" Tori collapsed after an "angry showdown" with husband Dean McDermott, whose ex-wife wrote an incriminating tell-all.

As a result, she was indeed admitted to the hospital twice within 24 hours on September 29, but for an undisclosed stomach ailment, not for lack of food.

Spelling insists to Us Weekly, "I am healthy. I am a busy working mom!" She adds that she has "always gotten" picked on for her slim body size. Really?

"This is my weight," Spelling said. "I don't have an eating disorder. It's hard to be criticized in public, and it's harder on your family than you. You need a thick skin."

"When you have kids and when you have a husband, it's upsetting."

Tags: ,

by Hilton Hater at

On Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood, Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott appear to have the ideal marriage.

But, you absolutely won't believe this, the show may not depict reality. At least not according to Michael Olifiers, an actor that has worked with McDermott for years.

"There is no question Dean is with Tori for the money and the fame," he tells Star in the tabloid's latest issue. "Dean's always been desperate to become famous. He craved being in the spotlight and Tori's his ticket to that life."

Note to Dean: No, she really isn't. No one knows who you are.

Because Aaron Spelling didn't leave his daughter much money in his will, Olifiers says the couple earns a living these days from "exploiting their relationship. They do everything and anything to make money from their fame."

Gee, what could the actor possibly be referring to?!?

In closing, McDermott's so-called friend claims his pal is even grossed out by Spelling, stating years ago: "I can't believe I have to kiss her. She looks like a horse!"

To make matters worse, Donna Martin and David Silver are going through tough times on 90210. Tori can't even get her fake marriage to work out!

Tags: ,

by Hilton Hater at

Tori Spelling wrote a best-selling book titled Mommywood.

As the name implies, the memoir was based around life as a mother in Hollywood.

Kate Gosselin and Son

But it looks like the 90210 actress has a short memory, as she recently lamented to Extra the fact that Jon and Kate Gosselin have essentially gone Hollywood.

"I loved the fact that they were a normal family; they weren’t in Hollywood," said the actress, who didn't seem to comprehend the irony in appearing on the show to promote the fourth season of her reality series, Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood. "It’s hard for me now to see them on the cover of People magazine... It’s gone to a whole different level, and I feel bad for them."

We're not defending the atrocity that is Jon & Kate Plus 8, but note to Tori: you've made a living off that same exact level!

Pictured above: Four giant boobs.

Spelling also offered some advice to the Gosselins: "I hope they’re prepared for what they are going through and just know that this too shall pass... Next week, it will be someone else on the cover and you can go about your life."

Wrong. We're sorry to say, but there definitely will NOT be someone else on the cover of Us Weekly next week.

Tags: , ,