Tori Spelling

During her performance over the weekend, Tori Spelling put the "Y" in Pussycat Dolls.

As in: Why the heck did this group of typically attractive women invite this eye sore on stage?

Somewhere, Nicole Scherzinger is grateful she left to start a solo career.

And Asia Nitollano is scoffing at those that think she should have joined the group.

Tori Spelling in The Pussycat Dolls? That's akin to Minka Kelly being in The Ugly Girls.

Tori Spelling could scarcely act well enough to deserve her role on Beverly Hills, 90210.

So now some fools think she'd make a good lead on Broadway?!?

The New York Post reports that the Spelling and husband Dean McDermoot are "are currently in talks" with Chicago producers to strut their stuff in the high-stepping, vaudeville-style musical.

We think Drake Bell and Vanessa Hudgens should be considered for the roles instead.

As of now, though, rumors suggest that Spelling and McDermott would play the roles of Roxie Hart, the murderous heroine of the story, and that of her crooked lawyer, Billy Flynn.

The production has seen other married couples in these parts: Amy Spanger and Michael C. Hall, as well as Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin, have starred in this current incarnation of Chicago.

Perhaps the most famous guest star to land in the long-running revival musical, however, was Usher. He portrayed Flynn for a few months in 2006.

There was no Tameka Foster sighting on stage, however, to the delight of the singer's fans.

What, no David Silver, Jr.?

Tori Spelling gave birth yesterday to a boy with husband actor Dean McDermott.

The couple christened the child Liam Aaron McDermott, disappointing those who had hoped it would be named in honor of Tori's Bevery Hills, 90210 boyfriend.

Liam weighed 6 lbs, 6 oz - or nearly as much as Keira Knightley - and was born at Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.

Spelling and McDermott were married in May 2006 and have been going broke ever since. This is the first child for Spelling and second child for McDermott, who has a son from a previous marriage.

The countdown is now on to see if we'll get pics of little Liam before actual photos of Jayden James Federline.

A source close to the couple says: "Everyone is happy and healthy."

With the exception of Dylan McKay, that is. We assume he's off brooding somewhere.

Tori Spelling is really pregnant.

But is that gonna stop her and husband Dean McDermott from going forward with for their new Oxygen series Tori & Dean: Inn Love.

"Every night when I walk by my mirror I just stare at my belly and I'm so impressed by it," the former Beverly Hills 90210 and So noTORIous star told TV critics at their annual conference in Pasadena, Calif., on Wednesday. "You always wonder what you'll look like when you're pregnant and it looks good. I like being pregnant."

Meanwhile, McDermott gushed that his wife is apparently the anti-Victoria Beckham: "She looks so sexy naked."

McDermott added that the middle name of their expected son will be "Aaron," after Tori's later father. The Hollywood Gossip doesn't understand: Not Heaven Rain??

When it comes to their other baby, their TV show together, the couple is turning its backson the poor real-life track record of such reality-show couples as Jessica Simpson/Nick Lachey and Carmen Electra/Dave Navarro.

They believe they are special enough to make it through.

"We are still newlyweds â€" with a baby on the way. It's Newlyweds, Part Two," says Spelling of the series that premieres in March.

But what about reports that Spelling left his daughter a measley $800,000 inheritance.

"That magic number that's been put out there isn't exactly what that number is, because when it's all said and done you're not even close to left with that."

She's right. After taxes, it may be as little as $400,000. Such chump change gives one little choice but to go through with a yard sale.

Poor Tori Spelling.

No really, we get the distinct impression she is hard up for money. First she got b!tch slapped by her mother, Candy, and was practically nixed from her dad's will. Then, before we knew it, she was hawking her pregnancy pics, signing on for an ill-fated reality show, agreeing to write a boring-ass memoir, and holding the mother of all cries for help - a yard sale.

Anything to raise a little dough for herself and her unborn baby! But nothing is as indicative of the pregnant Tori's sad financial state as this recent shopping outing with husband Dean McDermott. The proof is in the petit larceny...

Come on, guys. We do not condone shoplifting, no matter how desperate you might be. There are government programs to help the destitute. Just ask Isaac Cohen, an actor/model struggling so hard to find work that he's willing to do anything to boost his public profile - even if that means being seen with Britney Spears.

Santa Claus has a lot to deal with during the holiday season: stressed out elves, a neglected wife, washed up, desperate actresses that will write or sell anything for attention and money.

We can only imagine the strain of this fake smile on Saint Nick, as he entertains Tori Spelling and listens to her wish list of cash, fame and love.

We're guessing he preferred the company of a nice Katharine McPhee. Or a bad case of athlete's foot.

Meanwhile, it's at least safe to assume no child will put the Tori Spelling memoir on his or her Christmas list. There's a better chance that Heather Mills asks for a wheel chair as a gift than anyone reads that tiresome tome on purpose.

Pity Tori Spelling. She only received $1 million or so after her father passed away.

And she doesn't exactly look like Heidi Klum when pregnant.

So, what's the former Beverly Hills, 90210 star to do in order to pick up her spirit - and her bank account? Hold a yard sale, of course! You can't purchase Spelling's virginity there, of course, because David Silver took that a long time ago.

But maybe you can pick up a cheap, early copy of Tori's memoir. Or, apparently, lots of pornography.

Sadly, we don't know anything about a Tori Spelling sex tape, so that may not be an item on the lot. Perhaps Jessica Simpson will have a yard sale one day, though.

It's not enough for Tori Spelling to be a terrible actress. She's dead set on becoming an even worse author, as well.

The former Beverly Hills, 90210 star and husband Dean McDermott are getting ready for an Oxygen network reality show that no one will watch, but that's not enough for portrayer of Donna Martin. A memoir is in the works.
Simon & Schuster will publish the book, which promises to be almost as interesting as brewing tea will be for Kate Middleton. Spelling told USA Today that she'll probably enlist the help of a ghostwriter to spice up such stories as her first sexual experience with David Silver.

Meanwhile, Tori has yet to inform her family, with whom she's had a tense relationship, about the book, hoping it "doesn't cause any more damage."

You mean more than already exists between her and her mother, Candy Spelling? The pair has clashed ever since patriarch, Aaron, passed away and left nary $1 million for his daughter.

"I wish things were different. My mother and I have always had a difficult relationship," Spelling said. "There has always been love, and I don't doubt now that there's love."

That's always important, to not doubt there's love between yourself and your mother. We get the feeling Jayden James Federline may be wondering about that now that mommy appears to embrace going commando more than she does going home.

As for the memoir, Spelling says she wants to talk about plastic surgery ("I basically want to lay it out in my terms"), past relationships ("I want to clear up that I was never in a physically abusive relationship, but verbal abuse is just as detrimental"), and her treatment in her father's last will and testament.

We don't care about any of it.

We didn't like Tori Spelling before. She's a bad actress, a greedy daugther and a reality TV whore.

Now, however, we've really had it with the fake blonde.

On the American Music Awards last night, Spelling dared to mock Kelly Ripa.

Sort of.

Making fun of the controversy from a recent Clay Aiken appearance on Live with Regis and Kelly, Tori placed her hand over the American Idol crooner's mouth.

We at The Hollywood Gossip are not afraid to expres our support/unabashed, unrelenting love for Ripa - and it was irritating enough when Rosie O'Donnell somehow made this a gay issue. But at least she isn't as useless as Tori Spelling!

Lint in our pockets isn't as useless as Tori Spelling.

Seriously, we thought she was dead weight back in her 90210 days, and she's only regressed since.

In less angersome, music awards news:

• Britney Spears made a surprise appearance in a breast-acular strapless dress to present.
• Nicole Richie introduced her dad Lionel singing "All Night Long."
• Jamie Foxx introduced the world to his biological mother in the audience, whom he hadn't seen in many years.

And Tori Spelling continued to suck.

She's pregnant and definitely a lot less rich than her mom.

But Tori Spelling isn't letting either keep her down. She's lined up a new stint on reality TV that has been given the green light. Brace yourselves: She will star in a new series with her leering, porn-loving husband, Dean McDermott, as they choose a bed-and-breakfast in Southern California to buy and refurbish.

Tori Spelling has ;weo;hkqgoqierghbneon3vc2ddfaulkionqvgnoeiqnbobnoobidw4490f29hfhn48fphF'J'PJVR'VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Oops, sorry. We got so bored merely writing about the show's concept that we fell asleep at the keyboard. Yeah, this is bound to be a smash hit -- right about the time Lindsay Lohan decides to sober up and stop doing everything in sight.

The still-untitled show will air on the Oxygen network, with six half-hour episodes debuting next spring.

According to producer Randy Burbato, the couple "may be actors, but they're also very entrepreneurial. They wanted to create a real business."

Guess this is what happens when you get shafted out of half a billion dollars by your psychotic, evil mother. In any case, the cameras will also follow the couple as they prepare for their roles as expectant parents. Yippee.

The final episode of the show is expected to coincide with the baby's birth in March. Spelling starred in the scripted series Notorious, based on her own life, for VH1 last year. Did anyone even know that?

Come on. Is this really the best that TV has to offer these days? What is up with this snooze-fest? Who the hell is going to watch it? Where's the reality show that follows Kristin Cavallari and Lauren Conrad in their school/dating escapes? Oh, wait...