Tom Cruise

Break dancing.

Bumping and grinding.

Butt slapping!

No, we're not talking about what goes on inside Paris Hilton's bedroom when Tyler Atkins rolls over there. We're talking about Tom Cruise getting down and dirty on the dance floor!

Which is kind of strange. Not because he's older, because the man is still a bona fide hunk. There's just something about TomKat that gives our team of celebrity news writers the heebie-jeebies.

Anyway. Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and their pals had few inhibitions at the July 22 "Welcome to America" party the couple threw for Victoria and David Beckham in L.A.

As guests like Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Eva Longoria and Brooke Shields mingled, Jim Carrey pretended to spank girlfriend Jenny McCarthy (really, who wouldn't) as they boogied â€" as Will Smith rapped.

"I can't believe Will can move like that!" marveled Jim Carrey.

But, as Us Weekly reports in its new issue, the real showstopper came when the DJ (Lindsay Lohan's gal pal Samantha Ronson) played "Old Time Rock & Roll."

That's when Cruise re-enacted one of his famous movie scenes.

At one point, he got on his back and kicked his legs in the air, just like in Risky Business! In real life, however, there were no tighty-whities as the star kept his pants on.

Suri Cruise will thank him for that later.

David and Victoria Beckham have already caused quite a stir in the states. But this weekend, the British imports are truly going to be treated like Hollywood royalty.

None other than power couples Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith will host a private party for the Beckhams at the Museum of Contemporary Art in downtown Los Angeles Sunday.

The invitations, printed in gold lettering on deep gold card stock, beckon guests to "Please join Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith in welcoming David and Victoria Beckham to Los Angeles."

What, little Suri Cruise doesn't welcome them too? That's pretty weak.

In any case, the party thrown by Tom Cruise and friends is the latest in a series of high-profile events to celebrate the celebrity couple's move to Los Angeles.

The day they arrived, they met the press as David was officially introduced as the latest addition to the Los Angeles Galaxy soccer team - which apparently exists.

Victoria Beckham also made appearances on Today and on Ryan Seacrest's KIIS-FM radio program and starred in a one-hour NBC special Victoria Beckham: Coming to America.

David Beckham, who is expected to raise soccer's profile in America, has been hampered by an ankle injury, but is expected to play Saturday during Galaxy's exhibition game.

How long he will play is not clear. But you know Victoria and those large breasts and larger-than-life friends will be there to cheer him on.

In 1976, if you told 14-year-old seminary student Thomas Cruise Mapother IV that one day he would become one of the top movie stars of all time, he probably would've laughed.

(Then jumped on a couch like a maniac and told you that his true ambition was to go bat$h!t and impregnate a hot young actress with the spawn of Scientology).

Just kidding. But the man who grew up wanting to be a priest certainly has had quite the career. Since bursting onto the scene in Risky Business a quarter of a century ago, he's appeared in countless hit films across many genres and become a mega-star.

Still perhaps underrated as an actor, Tom Cruise is best known for being insane as well as good looking. Once married to Nicole Kidman, he has moved on to Katie Holmes, forming one of the weirdest celebrity couples (and best couple names) ever in TomKat.

But for all his quirks, the 45-year-old Tom seems content raising baby daughter Suri Cruise and hanging out with weird friends such as Leah Remini, Jada Pinkett Smith, and David and Victoria Beckham. All is well. For a man we give massive amounts of crap to, he's not all bad, even if he has a few screws loose.

Don't ever accuse this celebrity news site of biting the hands that feed it. We are grateful for all the entertainment value - and good movies - that he's given us over the years.

So happy birthday, Tom Cruise, you lovable ol' nut. Hope you enjoy a nice dinner out with some robotic friends and your possessed wife.

Call Tom Cruise a couch-jumping loon all you like. We sure will!

Or joke that Suri Cruise looks Asian, and may not be Tom's kid. We'll do that too.

Heck, go on and rip Katie Holmes' robotic nature and Victoria Beckham haircut all you like, as well. Our celebrity gossip staffers will do so until blue in the collective face.

But there's no disputing the cuteness of the photos below, in which TomKat and its TomKitten took a trip to France for a friend's wedding. That is one happy family.

 Check out these precious Suri Cruise pictures...

It was a long day for Suri Cruise, having taken her first public steps. Hey, who can blame the little tyke for being tuckered out and wanting to chill for a while in Tom Cruise's arms.

Like just about every female celebrity with a significant other, Katie Holmes is rumored to be pregnant. She says she's not, though, and that's okay with us... as long as we keep finding Suri photos like these. That will tide us over a while.

* sniff *

It was quite the trip to France for TomKat and its TomKitten.

Decked out in matching, signature off-white outfits, huge shades and bowl-cuts (aww), Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes looked like they were ready to attend a prom in Cannes.

Instead, they went to the wedding of Australia's richest man - a fellow Scientology follower - James Packer to model Erica Baxter. TomKat was its usual self, decked out in drab attire.

Borrrr-ring. Seriously, are these people cyborgs? We hate to say it, but we sort of miss the days when Tom Cruise would at least make a fool of himself jumping on couches.

But at least half of Hollywood's strangest and possibly most boring couple had a little fun on the trip. Katie and baby Suri Cruise frolicked on the beach Tuesday.

As for Katie's BFF, Victoria Beckham, the spicy one was nowhere in sight. For a change. But Katie Holmes has her own style, okay? There is no such thing as PoshKat! Clear?

Although there was plenty of drama predicted for David Beckham's final game for Real Madrid - the real (side)show was in the stands as wife Victoria chilled with pals Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes to cheer Posh's husband David on.

Victoria Beckham and her lame friends, all wearing obligatory oversized sunglasses, lit up the stands with superstar wattage. And weird ass hair.

Katie Holmes, 28, with her new hideous sleek bobbed hairstyle, looked like a dead ringer for new best friend Posh Spice in her short-sleeved minidress.

It didn't take long for the Hollywood couple to put on their characteristic public display of affection. The movie stars shared a kiss as Real's third goal was scored.

The previous day, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were spotted arriving at the German Church of Scientology headquarters in Berlin - at 2:45 a.m.

They took a vacation from Holmes' prison without bars to hit up Europe and visit a memorial to Count Claus Schenk von Stauffenberg, who attempted to assassinate Hitler in 1944, and to meet some of the quote-unquote religion's German leaders.

The visit has sparked fears that Tom Cruise, 44, will "inject" some serious Scientology propaganda in his next film, in which he plays von Stauffenberg.

While in Berlin, Katie and daughter Suri Cruise took the opportunity to see Knut, the polar bear rejected by his mother.

"Katie Holmes asked for a private visit and I showed her around myself," said Dr. Ragnar Kuhne, curator of Berlin Zoo.

Then the Cruises headed to Madrid to catch up with the Beckhams. Victoria, 33, held onto four-year-old Romeo, who was wearing a Real shirt with his father's number, 23, and "Daddy" on the back.

No idea how Beckham did in his final game. We didn't check. No one cares about soccer. Besides, he was probably too fixated on his wife's huge breasts to perform up to his abilities.

In a move designed to dispel rumors that he is insane and his wife is imprisoned by a cult, Tom Cruise plunked down $35 million for a Beverly Hills home for himself, Katie Holmes and baby Suri Cruise, the Los Angeles Times reports.

Tom Cruise had been renting a home in Beverly Hills for the past several years, but that lease runs out next year, according to the paper.

The new address, which reportedly was not even on the market when Cruise made his offer, is described as a "traditional-style residence."

Originally built as a 10,000-sq.-ft. structure in 1937, the house was expanded four years ago and currently contains seven bedrooms, three cells with padded walls and nine bathrooms, say those familiar with the property.

Katie Holmes' Scientology prison without bars will at least have privacy: the pad sits on 1.3 acres, behind gates and a lengthy driveway, and boasts a tennis court and a pool.

As for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' current residence, the compound also serves as a gathering place for Cruise's kids with ex-wife Nicole Kidman: Isabella, 14, and Connor, 12.

The actor's mother, Mary, 70, also lives there. Yes, Tom Cruise still lives with his mother.

"Tom and Katie will be in the kitchen and make amazing popcorn with chocolate," says a pal, Internet mogul Sky Dayton. "[Suri Cruise] is there playing. Kate feeds her a bottle and then Tom feeds her."

In addition, Cruise and Holmes's pals, David and Victoria Beckham have bought a multi-million-dollar house only two minutes away. They plan to move in July.

As rumors fly about the state of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes's six-month-old marriage, friends of the pair are stepping forward to defend them.

Previously, we heard from Jenna Elfman. Now, Jada Pinkett Smith, who, with husband Will Smith, is a longtime friend of the couple, tells People what life is really like in the Cruise-Holmes household:

I met [Katie Holmes] through Tom. I didn't know her before Tom. I think everybody has this image: Poor little Kate, she doesn't have the strength to take care of herself. People don't know that behind all that grace is a tiger. I've witnessed it! I've had conversations with Kate personally where the tigress comes out of her, that fight.

There was one incident when I turned to Will â€" we were in their dining room, just the four of us, we were sitting and talking â€" Kate made a comment, and that was the moment I was like, "You know what? I can ride with her." She made it very clear she wasn't standing for people messing with her family. She is extremely protective. But at the same time she's so graceful.

I can see how people wouldn't see this, but when you look at Kate now [compared to] when she first met Tom Cruise, she's more confident and more knowing who she is than ever before. You can see it in her pictures.

She looks more beautiful and more confident and more assured. I've watched that metamorphosis â€" how Kate has blossomed into this woman. Because her life changed very quickly, she moved from one person into another.

On reports that Holmes is a prisoner without bars:

It burns my soul â€" I see her in the house with Tom; he doesn't have that on her! It kills me. 'Tom's this monster and she's living a tortured life, he's got her chained up in the basement and he's forcing Scientology down her throat' â€" it's bulls---. Let me tell you: Kate ain't no little wimpy kitty cat. It's not that ballgame. For real.

I see how protective she is over her family and her husband. She very much carries the idea that people better not [mess] with my family. She gets fired up. When she gets to that mode, it makes me step back. I was like, 'Okay!' And Tom looks at me and goes, 'See? See? Did you see that?' And I go, "Yeah, I saw that â€" hell yeah.' It amazes me.

She's got a quiet thunder. When she walks into a room, or you see her in a magazine â€" it's a thunder that people are attracted to.

It's quiet and it's very subtle, but it's extremely powerful. What's great about Kate is that she doesn't wear who she is on her sleeve, and that makes people so interested in her. That in itself is quite a power, and she knows it.

Kate is smart, let me just put it like that.

People think Tom and the Church of Scientology got something on Kate? They don't. Kate is running her own show. And she's a great mother.

Her kids â€" Connor and Isabella and Suri â€" are some dynamic children and are extremely happy. And her husband is very, very happy.

Where the hell has Dharma been for the last 10 years?

Evidently, practicing some serious Scientology.

So it's no surprise that Jenna Elfman is shooting down reports that the marriage of her friend, Tom Cruise, is unstable.

"Honestly, they're happy," Elfman, 35, said of TomKat at Thursday's Healthy Child Healthy World benefit in Santa Monica.

"They have a great life and they love each other. For some reason, the media cannot experience that. They must put in things other than the simplicity of it."

Several recent tabloid stories have alleged that Katie Holmes has been living in a "prison-like" environment and that Cruise is pushing her hard to adopt his many spiritual beliefs.

Elfman, who attended the couple's lavish wedding in Italy in November, says such stories are pure crap.

"It's totally irrelevant, because it's so absolutely not that. It's hard to give a detailed explanation on something that's simple. Honestly, do any of you have a great boyfriend or girlfriend? It's not a big deal, right? You have fun hanging out, and you like talking and sharing your ideas. It's exciting. That's their relationship."

Cruise and Katie Holmes have been spending time in Louisiana lately while Katie films the comedy, Mad Money, with Queen Latifah and Diane Keaton.

Last week, they threw a first birthday party for daughter Suri Cruise at their Los Angeles home, welcoming many friends including Brooke Shields.

Jenna Elfman is herself seven months pregnant with her first child with husband Bodhi, 37, and tells People she's hoping the give birth naturally.

"Bodies have been giving birth for a really long time," she said. "I want to know what it's like to go through that process. I'm just going to be as focused and patient as I can be."

Well we're happy for her. Add Elfman to the list of random celebrities to defend Tom Cruise in the last few months. Leah Remini, you've got company.

Katie Holmes has hardly left Tom Cruise's side since they began dating in April 2005.

However, that support has caused her much grief.

According to one Hollywood insider, the actress, who gave birth to daughter Suri Cruise last year, has been told by her kooky husband to attend "mommy classes" taught by Scientology "handlers."

"There are parenting classes," a Scientology source confirms.

"Katie Holmes was quite offended by that," the source tells Us Weekly.

"Can you imagine when you're 28 and have your first child to be told you need to go to this church to become a better mom?"

Holmes now finds herself surrounded by fellow Scientologists, an exception being Victoria Beckham, who one Hollywood insider describes as "her link to the outside world."

Wow. We've talked before about Holmes' battle and how she is a prisoner without bars. But when Victoria Beckham is your link to the outside world ... that's pretty f*%ked up.

From the time TomKat began dating, the actress - who, pre-Tom Cruise, did interviews without a publicist - has been assigned a Scientology "minder," whose job, according to a Scientology expert, is "to make sure that nothing is said or done that would be critical of the church."

In fact, virtually everyone on the couple's staff is a member of the Church of Scientology.

"Everyone who works with Tom is technically minding Katie," a source dished.

So why does Katie stay? What will Suri Cruise's life be like growing up as a Scientologist? What did Tom's ex, Nicole Kidman, think about all this?

Only time will tell, celebrity gossip followers. Only time will tell.