Tom Cruise

On the first part of an interview with Oprah Winfrey that aired today (the second part airs Monday, check local listings!), Tom Cruise let us down.

The occasionally deranged husband of Kate Holmes and probable father of Suri Cruise simply sat on a couch. He didn't jump on it once.

Here's what Cruise had to say on a number of topics:

On his feelings for Holmes: "I can't even articulate it, to be honest. That feeling, that connection. Just who she is and what she means to me."

On waiting three months to publish Suri's photo in Vanity Fair in 2006: "Kate and I didn't feel any need to [rush] it. We said, 'Why? It's our family.' We just were on Suri time."

Check out more Tom Cruise quotes - from the crazy to the, unfortunately, rational - now.

While Suri Cruise gets all the press, let's not forget that Tom Cruise has two teenage adopted children, Isabella, 15, and Connor, 13.

Much as we love to rip on Tom, we like that he's always spending time with these two, including over this past weekend, when he took Isabella and Connor to see his soccer star buddy, David Beckham, at the Home Depot Center ...

Tom, Connor and Isabella Cruise cheer on their man.

As we reported last week, young Connor Cruise will soon be making his film debut as a young Will Smith... or at least the young version of Will Smith's character in the upcoming drama Seven Pounds. Sounds like fun!

No word on whether they were the only fans at David Beckham's game. But here are more photos of them - and Becks shirtless - from Saturday night ...

Yes, Tom Cruise is coming back to The Oprah Winfrey Show.

The episode, which will appear in two parts during May, will celebrate Cruise's career since his breakout role 25 years ago in Risky Business.

"Tom will be doing Oprah's show," Cruise's rep, Julie Polkes, confirmed this week. "He is really looking forward to it."

One part will be shot in-studio before a live audience. In the other, Tom Cruise will show Winfrey around his Telluride mountain retreat.

They will then conduct the second portion of the interview at his home.

Great, insane moments in Tom Cruise history.

In 2005, the Scientology ring-leader memorably jumped up and down on Oprah's sofa and proclaimed, "I'm in love!" with then-girlfriend Katie Holmes.

They later married and had a cute baby named Suri Cruise, who was falsely rumored to be fake, Asian and/or the spawn of L. Ron Hubbard.

Following in his famous, adopted parents' footsteps, Connor Cruise will make his film debut in the upcoming Will Smith drama Seven Pounds.

Connor Cruise has grown up around movie sets with mom Nicole Kidman and dad Tom Cruise, so he should be well prepared for his first role, in which he will play a younger version of Will Smith in the new movie.

Even with such famous acting mentors in his corner (Tom Cruise is also close friends with Smith), Connor Cruise had to audition for the part.

"Tom is so proud of Connor," says a source.

"He's proud of him for really doing this on his own."

A sharp-dressed Connor Cruise with his famous father, Tom Cruise.

We can only imagine that Connor's adopted sibling, 11-year-old, Isabella, and his baby half-sister, Suri Cruise, 2, are equally happy for him.

The Columbia Pictures film, which is still listed as "in production," also stars Woody Harrelson and Rosario Dawson.

Celebrity news readers are everywhere, from Hollywood to Boston's Fenway Park, where a Red Sox fan snapped these photos and sent them to us on Saturday.

Cheering on his beloved team as it hosted the rival New York Yankees, this fan (for some unknown reason) felt a strong need to make bold statements about certain celebrities we know and love. Hard to argue with him on this point ...

Yes, friends, Tom Cruise is indeed insane. Few things in the celebrity news world have been more evident in recent years. He married a hot robot in Katie Holmes and has a cute baby in Suri Cruise, but the Scientologist is certifiably nuts alright.

On the reverse side of the celeb gossip fan's sign was a separate proclamation, one which may elicit some strong reactions from devotees of Britney Spears ...

Britney Spears a terrible mother? Noooo way, you're joking. The little drawings of Sean Preston and Jayden James (top right) say it all. So cute, so innocent, so ... sad.

Maybe one day soon, once her mental issues subside and she stops crashing cars, Britney can regain some custody or visitation with Sean and Jayden.

For now, though, her mothering "skills" involve parading around in no panties during late night Starbucks runs, so maybe no custody is for the best.

He's a strange one, that Tom Cruise.

In never-before-seen footage posted Friday afternoon by Gawker online, Cruise reenacts an iconic scene from his 1983 hit Risky Business.

The undated video was taken at an extravagant, six-figure birthday bash thrown for Tom Cruise by the Church of Scientology.

Cameras show Cruise leaping out of the audience to sing and dance to "Old Time Rock and Roll." The husband of Katie Holmes (reportedly his fourth, but final option for the enviable job of wife) looks a bit manic in the process.

This is your brain on Scientology.

The father of adorable little Suri Cruise goes bonkers in the video would be an understatement akin to saying Britney Spears hates pants.

"Thank you!" he declares after his performance. "I don't know where I am... Thank you. This is the best birthday ever, ever, ever... and I mean EVER."

It must be seen to be fully appreciated.

Peep the video at The Gawker ...

We love the state of Oklahoma.

Our favorite celebrity, Carrie Underwood is from there, as are more than three million wonderful, honest-to-goodness, hard-working Americans.

We'll give them a mulligan on Sally Kern.

Our point is that we love Oklahoma and mean no offense by the photos below ... we just had to pass along this funny creation of Planet Hiltron.

Follow the link to that site for many more doctored photos like these, which morph some of our favorite celebrities into honorary "Oklahomans" ...

ABOVE: A frighteningly realistic, Oklahoma-style Britney Spears - ding, dang, y'all! - and a permed-up Ashlee Simpson. BELOW: Oklahoma Tom Cruise (nice pants, guy) and his close friends and neighbors, David and Victoria Beckham.

Whether this story about TomKat is true or completely made up (Britney Spears getting pregnant by Adnan Ghalib-style), it's not any less funny.

Ex-Scientologist, Marc Headley, is the latest to claim Katie Holmes was Tom Cruise's fourth choice as his wife and mother of his child.

Before TomKat were created, Tom Cruise allegedly held a casting call for wives under the guise of a Mission: Impossible movie audition.

Headley says Tom told BFF and Scientology leader, David Miscavige, that he was having trouble finding babes, so the church sent out a casting call.

Scientologists Sofia Milos and Erika Christensen were apparently presented to him, but the discerning Cruise wanted bigger celebrities.

Tom Cruise shows off wife choice #4, Katie Holmes!

Headley said they went for Jennifer Garner, Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba, in that order... Jennifer and Jessica didn't accept this wonderful invite, but Scarlett Johansson took the bait and came in for an audition. Briefly.

When ScarJo arrived and found out it was the Scientology Center in Hollywood, of course, she freaked out and bolted without doing a tape.

Katie Holmes, it turns out was their fourth choice. Tom apparently said he knew she was the one right away when she showed up for her "audition."

Maybe he's a big Dawson's Creek fan. In any case, Katie was brainwashed ASAP, Suri Cruise was spawned a year later, and the rest is history.

Hey, John McCain was running fourth in some Republican polls in December, and the Giants' fourth receiver, David Tyree, became a Super Bowl hero as New York upset the evil Patriots of New England. So hold your head up high, Katie!

We welcome you, celebrity gossip fans around the world, to The Hollywood Gossip Caption Contest. This week's winner is HP. Congratulations! Scroll down to see the winning entry and the full list of replies. Good luck again this week!

"Hey SPs, I'm doing a documentary on how repressed you are… you know, to KSW. Say ‘Thetan'!"

The Church of Scientology continues to try to take the following video off the Internet. We don't know why.

In it, Tom Cruise refers to the Environmental Protection Agency as liars for saying the air was clean after 9/11. And he also explains how he helped provide 9/11 rescue workers with detoxification therapy based upon the works of Scientologist Founder L. Ron Hubbard.

The work of propaganda is inspiring - and downright frightening.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-0qRwZcsiE&eurl=http://www.usmagazine.com/video_tom_cruise_how_i_helped_save_america_after_nine_eleven[/youtube]