Tila Tequila

The people of Haiti really need your help.

Because thousands of homes have been destroyed and countless lives lost? Yes, absolutely. But even more so for this season:

Tila Tequila is threatening to adopt a few orphans from this ravaged country!

On multiple Twitter* posts last night, Tila made her frightening plans public:

• I will adop 2 children from HAITI....I'm going to try to do that ASAP! Those poor babies ! Mommy is coming to rescue u my Angels! xoxox.
• I am going to have 2 biological babies of my own, then adopt 3 other babies who need a home! TILA FOR PRESIDENT!!!! For real.
  

Sorry, Tila, but Barack Obama's approval ratings aren't that low.

As for rumored baby daddy The Game, Tequila continues to have harsh words for the man that definitely did not impregnate her. She told Radar Online:

"You know damn straight everything you said... is a lie! Why would you do that? But I don’t even care.

"Just wait nine months for my paternity test. I’m not worried about it. Game has nine months to live out all of his fun lies. Live it up baby! Nine months from now, it’s the big paternity test day! Now that doesn’t lie, unlike you, sir."

* Tila has since gone all Miley Cyrus on us and deleted her Twitter account. For what reason? Only she can explain:

"Twitter, by FAR as THE MOST HATEFUL, DEVIL WORSHIPPERS, RACIST, AND VIOLENT COMMUNITY THAT I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED! TWITTER IS BAD."

Hear that, MySpace? The challenge has been laid out!

This just in:

The Game is NOT father of Tila Tequila's baby. Which makes sense. Seeing how that certified nut job isn't actually pregnant.

Yesterday, Tila Tweeted obvious hints that the rapper (whose real name Jayceon Taylor) was her imaginary baby's daddy. Last night, however, The Game posted a Twitter message - like only The Game can - which seemingly denied this accusation:

Just left TMZ settin the record straight, my gyrl aint like that Tila Tequila sh!t !

Case closed, right? HA! Wrong...

Tila has perfected the strategy of making crap up, and then blogging about the subsequent fallout in order to stay in the news. Her Tweets in response to The Game's denial?

• I CAN STILL ABORT MY BABY IF I WANT TO, SINCE GAME IS NOT GOING TO STEP IT UP & TAKE HIS RESPONSIBILITY, BUT I AM NOT GOING 2 KILL MY BABY!!
• GAME IS THE MOST TALKED ABOUT HIP HOP ARTIST IN BLOGS TODAY! WHY? CUZ HE HAS GOOD MUSIC? NOPE! CUZ HE IS ASSOCIATED TO TILA TEQUILA! PUNK!
• I will raise my baby just fine without him. Deadbeat Dad! Me & MY baby will be just fine. Im going to the Grammy Party now.
• The doctors were saying "we're so sorry he's doing this 2 you. You don't deserve this but you're going to be just fine"
• ppl say I lied about everything. HOW? The said I lied about being pregnant. GUESS WHAT? I AM PREGNANT! I TOLD U PEOPLE I NEVER LIE!

Oh... wait. Tila says she is pregnant? Nevermind. We take everything back in that case.

Tila Tequila is good.

You've really gotta hand it to this professional attention-grabber for doing everything she can to sell her fake pregnancy story. First, came the the website announcement. Then, the photoshopped sonogram.

Now, Tila has moved on to phases three and four of her plan: shop for baby clothes and hint at a father for her imaginary unborn child.

The paparazzi-addicted loon was spotted today at Kitson's Kids in Los Angeles. She aptly held up a toddler - as real as the tyke supposedly growing inside her belly - for cameras to see...

Meanwhile, after initially saying the sperm donor responsible for planting his seed inside her troubled womb was a war veteran, Tila is now teasing that it's a famous rapper who has been in trouble with the law.

Is this all part of her GAME? You tell us. Consider these Tweets from last night:

• RT: @ihategame To My Unborn child (2pac's voice) <=== Hmmm what ever do you mean by that?? Gee I wonder! Tell me!! haha!
• RT @skyla79: WTF is @ihategame the father of @officialtila's baby?!!
• RT @skyla79: WTF is @ihategame the father of @officialtila's baby?!!
• You guys stop asking me if @IhateGame is the father of my child.....STOP ASKING ME! GO ASK HIM!

Ok, fine. Hey, The Game, are you the father of Tila Tequila's unborn child? Call us!

Tila Tequila has good news and contrived news for celebrity gossip followers. First, the good:

She's going away! The former Penthouse pin-up Tweeted her farewell last night: GOODBYE HOLLYWOOD! I WILL MISS YOU! BUT I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE 2 DO NOW!

Tequila is referring, of course, to the alleged fetus growing inside her body. She confirmed to blog readers yesterday she's pregnant, though most people with a third grade education or higher doubt the veracity of this news.

Will she actually disappear for longer than it takes to shower and restart her computer? Of course not. But let's enjoy these Tila Twitter-free moments while they last...

Prior to signing off, Tequila claims she sent a photo of her sonogram to Radar Online. How do we know it's real? Because the letters in the corner (ng) are the first two letters of her last name. D'uh!

No way that can be photoshopped...

You can see a gestational sac in the picture, which is the earliest sonographic finding of a pregnancy. We won't actually believe Tila is knocked up, however, until there's a live baby and a blood test taken.

Referring to plans with Casey Johnson, Tequila wrote on the website:

"We talked about one of us getting pregnant so we can have another baby of our own. We talked about this for a very long time, and we both agreed that I would be the one carrying the baby.

"So that is the reason why I got pregnant. It was for Casey and I, and that is also why I was so devastated when she passed away because now I have our baby in my belly, but she has passed away."

But is Casey really gone? Yes. Still, Tila said she came to her in a dream and:

"She told me not to cry anymore and not to worry. She told me she is in heaven now watching over me and always and forever protecting me and our baby. She then handed the baby over to me, kissed me, and said "I love you T, please don't cry anymore! Just take care of our baby.'"

What a sweet thing for a fake fiancee to say, don't you agree?

She teased Twitter followers about it for weeks, but Tila Tequila has officially confirmed the most transparent lie on the Internet: she's pregnant.

The professional attention-grabber claims to have been articially inseminated with the child her and Casey Johnson always dreamed of having. Is there any evidence? Yes... if you consider exclamation points and capital letters to be proof. She wrote on her blog today:

TILA TEQUILA IS OFFICALLY PREGNANT, 100% CONFIRMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  & THIS BABY WAS NO "ACCIDENT" EITHER!!!!!!!!

Tequila went on to say she doesn't want to "exploit" her child. In related news, she's shopping around ultrasound photos for a price.

Hopefully, if any website takes her up on the offer, Tila will use the money to seek professional help.

What else does Tila's latest blog entry cover?

• She was scheduled to show up at Millions of Milkshakes in Los Angeles this week, but the owner said he was anticipating a crowd of 20,000 people and she therefore canceled the appearance because "someone could accidentally jab me in the belly."
• She has documents that prove Casey never made a sex tape with Courtenay Semel. (THG note: this would be the first-ever proof of a negative. We can't wait to see it!)
• Speaking of Semel, she is a "REAL MEDIA WHORE!"

The countdown to Tila's Tweets about a contrived miscarriage is on. How long do you give her, readers?

Over the past few weeks, Tila Tequila has feuded with Casey Johnson's family, friends and ex-lovers.

She's seemingly used the death of her fiancee as a means toward promoting her record label, celebrity gossip blog and Twitter account.

Having sat back and watched the talentless model exploit Casey's death and act like a self-centered fool, Kelly Osbourne has finally had enough. She's alerted the world to her take on Tequila: girl is a total fart!

Indeed, matching ridiculous, immature Tweet for ridiculous, immature Tweet, Osbourne posted the following over the weekend:

Snaps, yo!

Not one to just lie down (except for Shawne Merriman, Courtenay Semel and anyone that will get her in the news) when faced with a publicity op, Tila fired back at the former Dancing with the Stars contestant.

In the space of a few minutes, Tequila bashed Osbourne's teeth, ankles and need for a large tampon. It's brutal stuff:

A Twitter war is not her style, Tila says? That's like a supermarket tabloid saying it hates to invent rumors about Brangelina.

Consider the two sides carefully, readers, and then decide: Are you on Team Kelly or Team Tila?

The job of a publicist is to keep his/her client in the news for positive reasons.

Due to her lack of PR sense, addiction to Tweeting and all-around insanity, Tila Tequila has made that impossible.

As  a result, Jessica Cohen has announced she's stopped representing the erratic reality star. In her statement announcing this decision, Cohen did not admit why:

"This is to inform you that I am no longer representing Tila Tequila as her publicist. Some matters need to remain private and away from media attention and due to recent events, I realized that we need to part ways while she deals with the loss of her fiancée. I will forward any remaining inquiries to her until the new publicist takes over."

Since the death of Casey Johnson (above, flipping off the world with Tila), Tequila has cursed at Johnson's friends and family; started her own record label; been accused of faking her relationship with the deceased heiress. And she won't stop Tweeting about it all!

You can imagine her classy response to Johnson's resignation. Tila wrote:

"If you wanted to mold or package me, you should have done that when I was 16 and might as well have me join the micky [sic] Mouse club too while you're at it, then take over all of your money when you grow up and have you tell people you're a virgin when you're not. Well that was pretty much it.  Her and I just wanted different things. I just wanted to stay true to who I really am."

Wait... Tila Tequila is not a virgin?!? Now we've heard everything.

You'll never believe this, but Tila Tequila has posted many messages on her Twitter account over the last 12 hours.

These rants are based around the troubled star's pregnancy claim, as she feigns morning sickness, along with the pimping out of her new celebrity gossip blog.

As the photo at the bottom of this post reveals, the pictires on Tila's lame site look an awful lot like ones published each day by her supposed arch enemy, Perez Hilton. But we'll get to that shortly.

First, Tequila's most recent Tweets, nauseating, exploitive word for nauseating, exploitive word...

• can't sleep. So I freestyle blog about my thoughts and feelings.
• I'll blog more when I'm not so tired. I actually passed out half way and woke myself back up 2 blog!

• LOL....this is going to be funny! You'll love it! Way better than Piggy Perez website... BRB I'm bloggin.....yay!
• Well what do u guys think I should do right now? U do want to see me exercise my bloggin skills? I can do it right now & show u whn im done
• so much work to do. Must numb myself in order to keep it moving. There's an Empire to run. My Record Label & My Celebrity Gossip Blog! yay!

Hmmm... for someone that says she hates Perez Hilton, Tila sure copies his amateur, immature style of drawing on photos. Below, Tequila shows just how creative she can be when writing about Stephanie Pratt:

Drawing a penis on a picture? It doesn't get much funnier than that!!!

We hope you're sitting down. This may come as a shock, but sources close to Casey Johnson say her relationship with Tila Tequila was just a huge publicity stunt.

This came from Casey's own mouth in the weeks before her tragic death last week, according to two of the late Johnson & Johnson heiress' friends cited by TMZ.

The friends came forward today and said that they each received separate calls from Casey Johnson saying her engagement to Tila Tequila was "all for show."

Casey told them she met her only three days before the infamous engagement video and made it very clear to both that she and Tila were not together.

May Casey Johnson rest in peace. May Tila Tequila go away forever.

Oddly enough, one of the friends even says Tila was in the room when Casey made the calls. We don't know if this makes Tila's recent actions better or worse.

The publicity whore has been Twittering up a storm, effectively play the grieving victim, elicit sympathy and milking Johnson's death for everything it's worth.

Fake mourning your fake fiancee for a 16th minute of fame? Even pretending to be on suicide watch? That's a new low, even for the lowest form of life on earth.

Tila is now saying she wants custody of Casey's daughter too. Not that she was ever married to Johnson or has legal standing ... but why let that stop you?

Following her widely-criticized Twitter rants and cries for attention, Tila Tequila had her apperance on Larry King canceled last night.

But People has gone ahead with a feature on Casey Johnson's quasi widow, who opens up to the publication about first meeting the woman she refers to as her "wife." Read the excerpts below at your own nauseating risk...

On her first impression of Casey: One day I texted and she was the cutest thing ever. She was nothing I had envisioned. I thought, I cannot believe this is the Casey Johnson people used to tell me about.

On their first date: She was so nervous at my house. Dropping things. I could tell she was nervous... We just ended up laughing all night. We just fell in love.

On their engagement: One night she comes over and she was so nervous. I was like what's wrong with you, calm down!" Tequila recalls. "She was so nervous and so cute and finally she pulled out this fat ring that I had never seen before.

On Casey's daughter: I was going to adopt Ava and we decided she would call her Mommy and me Mommy T. We were going to have a big family.

On reaction to Casey's death: My therapist put me on suicide watch. I've been getting help but I'm fine now. I know Casey wants me to be alive and she hates seeing me like this. She always hated it when she would see me cry.

In related news, Tila has posted 37 Tweets in the time it took you to read this article. She's good.