Tila Tequila

There's a lot wrong with Tila Tequila.

According to a friend, though, it can all be summed up by a summary of the trainwreck's typical day, which is based around the snorting of Ambien.

“She would wake up, snort Ambien, Google herself, do more, Twitter all day and then sleep," this source told Radar Online.

As a result of her need for constant attention addiction, Tila has signed on for the next season of Celebrity Rehab. Dr. Drew Pinsky will clearly take care of all her issues.

This insider adds that Tila and late girlfriend Casey Johnson would often get high together.

Research indicates that Ambien can often cause hallucinations and varying senses of intensity, especially when snorted. It can only result in outstanding sex... right, Tiger Woods?

It's sad, but true: Hollywood may be running out of attention-starved drug and/or alcohol addicts. As a result, another season of VH1's Celebrity Rehab may not air.

If it does, though, Tila Tequila is on board. Her inclusion in this exploitive, Dr. Drew-hosted series was announced earlier in the week, although no specific reason was given for Tila's casting...

... until now.

Yesterday, Tequila started a series of messages on her official website by writing: “I KNOW I am an EXTREMELY smart girl, and to run all these empires when I am not even 30 yet, is quite an accomplishment, however I finally admitted to myself that I cannot rely on taking prescription pills everyday for the rest of my life!"

Yes, in Tila's mind, running a website that one can purchase from GoDaddy.com for $10.99 is considered an "empire."

While owning up to her addiction, Tila called out the celebrity gossip world's most notorious party-hopper. She wrote: “I MUST not be another “LINDSAY LOHAN” where I just flush everything I worked so hard for down the toilet for nothing…”

From there, Tequila asked us "haters" what we would do now that she's "getting help."

We were stumped by that question, until Tequila added that she planned on spinning off Celebrity Rehab into her own, sober-based show that might also include a search for a new mate.

Thank goodness, too. We were almost gonna give this professional headline-seeker props for actually placing concerns regarding her own health over plans for her career. Almost.

Seriously, who invited Tila Tequila to the Maxim Hot 100 Party?

Tila Tequila is in need of serious help.

Unfortunately, she's signed up for phony help.

The troubled celebrity, whose only claim to fame these days is to dress like a skanky moron, has signed on for the next addition of VH1's Celebrity Rehab. There are just two problems:

1. As TMZ reports, the show is having difficulty finding other stars for the new season and there may not be one.
2. Celebrity Rehab is run by Dr. Drew Pinsky, a man interested in making money off the problems of D-listers, not actually helping them solve anything.

For now, Tila simply awaits word on whether or not VH1 will air the show again.

Until then, she'll probably lie about being pregnant again and definitely f-ck a DJ or two.

At this point, we just feel sorry for Tila Tequila.

Sure, we could refer to her as a pathological liar for inventing a pregnancy.

We could mock her for claiming that God is her BFF.

We could, once again, call her out for exploiting the death of her ex-girlfriend, Casey Johnson.

We could say many disparaging things about this poor woman... but to what end? We simply pity Tila by now, as she put on a concert to celebrate the launch of her new EP, Welcome To The Darkside, last night - and the most famous person to show up for it was former American Idol contestant Trenyce.

Plus, she wore the following outfits at the event. They speak, tragically, for themselves...

In a new video hyping the launch of her website, Tila Tequila says she has the "biggest celebrity gossip blog" in the world. Not that she will have it, the professional nut job insists.

She has it now.

There are just a couple problems with this claim:

1. As of this writing, the site is not live.
2. She thinks Perez Hilton is her main competition, underestimating the power and traffic of THG.
3. She's certifiably insane.

We'll make a deal with Tila: the day she actually produces a child from her womb will be the day we take her seriously as blogging competition.

Until then, every word Tequila writes and utters will be as believable as the pregnancy she bragged about for months on Twitter. Shockingly, a baby bump is absent from the video below...

Introducing Her Site

Shocking information was revealed about Tila Tequila last week.

No, she isn't actually pregnant. That would be ridiculous.

Instead, the Z-lister proved she's capable of a look aside from clothed or naked. In a laughable public appearance in New York City, the aspiring blogger debuted a dyed blonde hairstyle. Apt for someone that puts the "twit" in Twitter, isn't it?

Tila was in town to promote her upcoming celebrity gossip site and to sing about f-cking the DJ. Who is the DJ in question? HA! Like it matters one bit for Tila Tequila.

What is Tila's best look?

Tila Tequila is set to enter the world of celebrity gossip blogging, as her new website launches this month.

Call us crazy, and/or secure in our fan base (thank you, readers!), but THG isn't exactly afraid of the competition when she looks like this:

The professional trackwreck continued to promote her "career" by performing at New York City club Greenhouse last night.

She caused the audience to laugh hysterically at her entertained those in attendance with a rendition of her single “I F-cked The DJ." She also exposed her nipple and underwear, while assuming a few positions typically reserved for the bedroom along the way.

Shake your head over the photos of this disaster below...

Having abadoned her career as a professional, rarely clothed Twitter user, Tila Tequila has set her sights on a new goal:

World Wide Web domination.

In an interview with Fox News, the shameless D-lister said she's excited about her upcoming celebrity gossip blog, TliaTequilaOMG.com, because it "will dethrone Perez Hilton."

“Everybody knows I dubbed him ‘Piggy Perez’,” Tila said. “All my friends say, ‘we can’t wait for your site, you’re going to beat Piggy Perez.’”

That's a tall order, of course. Can Tequila draw penises on photos, make everything about herself, and use second grade-level vocabulary?

Hilton isn't the only person Tila says she'll take down with her new site.

“People who have messed with me, I will put them on 'blast,' every single one of them, and it is going to be ugly," she promises, possibly aiming her venom at THG.

If that's the case, we have a message for this future rival: Bring. It. On. We also have a question for readers:

Who sucks more?

She's alive!

We were getting worried about Tila Tequila for awhile, as the batty, often-naked, talentless reality star has taken down her Twitter account and seemingly gone into hibernation. That's what happens when you claim to be pregnant... yet there's nary a baby bump months later.

But Tila actually appeared on the Howard Stern Sirius radio show yesterday, and she brought every ounce of crazy with her!

Among the topics Tequila dished on:

• She got artificially inseminated as a promise to late fiancee Casey Johnson.
• Tom, the creator of MySpace, personally invited her to join his social networking site.
• She thinks Casey’s dogs were euthanized by her family and buried with Johnson. (They weren't.)
• Her and Casey were starting a lingerie line when the latter passed away.
• Tila admitted that Johnson "did have a lot of prescription medication... I didn’t know what they were.”
• But Tequila turned Casey's life around by saying: “I will put you under my wing and I will heal you with my love.”

She also told Tila: "After I die, feel free to exploit my passing by giving every interview possible, pretending you are carrying our child and showing less shame than Tiger Woods in a Las Vegas nightclub."

No, wait. Casey never said that.

Having been conspicuously absent from celebrity gossip blogs and keeping a relatively low profile on Twitter for weeks, Tila Tequila finally turned up Sunday ...

... on The Cleveland Show.

We've got nothing, except to note that Charlie Sheen also made an appearance on Fox that night (with classic Family Guy quotes) and these quick points:

• The quiet has really been rather nice lately
• She looks hotter here than in real life ...