by Free Britney at . Comments

It wouldn't be The Bachelor without thoughts from ESPN's Sports Gal.

Well, sure it would, but it wouldn't be quite as funny.

Here's what she had to say about Monday's premiere. Sounds like The Sports Gal liked it, and is a pretty big fan of Matt Grant... who wouldn't be?

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The Bachelor started Monday night, and it was, as usual, a competitive first show because girls were doing everything to impress the bachelor -  including singing, arm wrestling and playing the clarinet.

It was like a beauty contest for crazy people.

They always have one black contestant who makes it two rounds before she gets voted off. [Bill Simmons, aka The Sports Guy] always compares her to Gonzaga because she's an underdog who never makes the Final Four.

Granted ...

Anyhoo, this year's bachelor is A HOT GUY FROM BRITAIN [take a bow, Matt Grant] and seems to really like this year's black contestant, so maybe she will make the Final Four before Gonzaga does!

The other highlight from last night other than THE BACHELOR BEING REALLY HOT was a woman with fake lips who got tanked, fondled the bachelor's knee and gave him her panties before passing out face-first on a bed.

I love this show.

Ladies, did I mention that THE BACHELOR IS SMOKING HOT????

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The Hollywood Gossip is on its game.

Unlike a certain lazy, yet funny Sports Gal.

Bachelor Buns

When Andy Baldwin chose Tessa Horst on The Bachelor a week ago Monday, we waited around for the Sports Gal's take on it. And waited, and waited. At long last, we got fed up and had to post our own recap.

Three days later, her Bachelor blog apparently goes live, when it was old news and noticed by no one (with the possible exception of Bill Simmons).

Anyway, for you hard core fans, we've got her post up.

Finally.

Below, we present the Sports Gal's long-awaited take on the passionate love affair shared by Andy and Tessa, the demise of poor Bevin Powers and the rest of the drama of The Bachelor season finale.

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I wasn't there when Bill watched the Celtics lose the lottery, but he couldn't have been more crushed than Bevin Powers after she got dumped on the final episode of The Bachelor.

I'd describe what happened, but I was too busy covering my face with my hands. It was a big blow to the confidence of tattooed divorcées everywhere.

They may never trust the intentions of an uptight, dorky Naval doctor again.

Earlier in the show, Bevin exchanged I love yous with Andy Baldwin and told the camera, "There's no chance in hell that he'll leave me without a rose in the last ceremony."

By the end, they were whisking her sobbing ass away in a limo as she whined, "This s--t happens to me all the time. This is the story of my life."

Continue reading the Sports Gal's take on The Bachelor ...

by Free Britney at . Comments

The drama on the 10th season of The Bachelor is peaking as Andy Baldwin cut the field down yet again, and it's time for The Hollywood Gossip's weekly recap of the always-enthralling Monday ride.

As usual, ESPN's Sports Gal will do the honors.

Ben, Lindzi, Horse

The wife of ESPN's beloved sports scribe, a.k.a. Bill Simmons, offers her thoughts below on last night's events and the three remaining would-be Mrs. Baldwins, and how his choice for the final twosome came as a shock. Not!

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I really enjoyed the "The Bachelor: Hawaii."

The show started with Andy Baldwin wearing his white Navy uniform, walking around Pearl Harbor and telling us, passionately but seriously, "It's not about yachts, it's not about sports cars, it's about being a U.S. Naval officer."

The camera showed him from various angles as Baldwin looked very serious and pretended the cameras weren't there. It looked like he was filming a photo shoot for a new Andy Baldwin cologne line called "Pearl Harbor."

The girls arrived one at a time (first Bevin Powers, then Danielle Imwalle, then Tessa Horst) and Andy didn't greet them with his usual dorky energy because he was busy feeling serious.

Follow this link to continue the Sports Gal's recap of The Bachelor

by Free Britney at . Comments

The drama on the 10th season of The Bachelor continues to intensify and it's time for The Hollywood Gossip's weekly recap of the always-enthralling Monday night fiasco that is Andy Baldwin's search for everlasting love.

As usual, ESPN's Sports Gal will do the honors. The wife of ESPN's beloved Sports Guy, a.k.a. Bill Simmons, offers her thoughts below on last night's events and the final four aspiring brides... and how she likes none of the above.

Ben Flajnik Looks at Ring

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ABC needs to give The Bachelor a mulligan during the course of the season. It's only fair. Poor Andy Baldwin spent the sixth episode visiting the Final Four's hometowns and not one of the girls seemed like a promising match.

It's amazing that Andy narrowed the field from 25 to four without finding a prospective wife, but this whole season has been amazing.

Andy Baldwin confirmed this by saying the word "amazing" 10 different times during this week's show. That was pretty amazing.

Here's what happened:

Before introducing Andy to her parents in Seattle, Bevin Powers, a.k.a. the Ankle Faker, finally admitted to Andy Baldwin that she's ... gulp ... divorced.

Andy looked just as confused and overwhelmed as he did a few weeks back when he was on Jimmy Kimmel Live, only if he had also pooped in his pants.

Thank God that doctors follow a specific set of rules for every medical emergency. After all, if Andy always looked this confused in a pinch, there would be a lot of dead Navy divers.

Follow this link to continue reading the Sports Gal's recap of The Bachelor ...

by Free Britney at . Comments

The 10th season of The Bachelor rages on, and it's time for The Hollywood Gossip's recap of last night's episode (#5). As usual, The Sports Gal will do the honors.

The wife of ESPN.com's renowned Sports Guy offers her thoughts below on the many aspiring Mrs. Andy Baldwins, so let's get right down to business.

Jason Mesnick-Melissa Rycroft Email: Part IV

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[Bill Simmons] made a top-10 list of revelations you should never bring up if you're trying to win over The Bachelor. I thought it was funny so I'm passing it along. He's enjoying this show way too much. He calls it the "I have to tell you something ... " list...

  1. "I have herpes."
  2. "I have a kid."
  3. "I can't have kids."
  4. "I used to date (fill in any NBA player over 6-foot-3)."
  5. "Not only am I in a Girls Gone Wild video, I'm on the cover."
  6. "I can't legally come within 100 yards of my ex-boyfriend."
  7. "I lost my virginity to Joe Buck."
  8. "I don't really enjoy sex that much. I just don't get it."
  9. "When we meet my mom, just be prepared, she's a very heavy woman."
  10. "I'm divorced."

This list was created immediately after we found out that Bevin the Ankle Faker is divorced. She claims that she wanted to tell Andy Baldwin sooner, only she "never had a chance."

Suuuuuurrrrrrrre.

Once Bevin revealed this news to the camera, I quickly revised my final two. She's done and she knows it - I think she was in denial.

She's had a look on her face like she slept with her best friend's fiancée and has to tell her the night before her wedding. She's freaking out.

During one scene, she told Amber Alchalabi that it bothers her that Andy is falling for multiple girls, especially ones who are 23 and haven't had enough "life experiences" to be ready for marriage.

Follow this link to continue reading the Sports Gal's recap of The Bachelor ...

by Free Britney at . Comments

It is time, yet again, for The Hollywood Gossip's recap of last night's episode (#4) of The Bachelor on ABC.

As usual, the Sports Gal will do the honors. The wife of ESPN.com's The Sports Guy (a.k.a. Bill Simmons) does a tremendous job of blogging the adventures of Andy Baldwin, so why mess with a good thing.

Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi Picture

The drama only intensified last night as Andy Baldwin bid farewell to not one, not two, but three aspiring trophy wives who don't seem to mind that this Navy diver and doctor has no sense of humor whatsoever.

Guess with abs like these, who needs jokes? Anyway. Take it away, Sports Gal!

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On Jimmy Kimmel last week, Andy Baldwin came off like someone who had two glasses of champagne at an office party, forgot to eat anything, then ran into his boss and tried to be outgoing and crack jokes, only he came off like a rambling, brain-damaged goofball.

Jimmy Kimmel tried to rescue The Bachelor, but finally just started teasing him at the end. He apparently never had a chance to test his comedy chops growing up in Amish country.

Follow this link to continue reading the Sports Gal's recap of The Bachelor ...

by Free Britney at . Comments

It is time, yet again, for T.H. Gossip to break down last night�s gripping episode of The Bachelor: Officer and a Gentleman on ABC.

Oh, who are we kidding. We're going to do the usual thing and let the Sports Gal do the honors. The wife of ESPN�s beloved Sports Guy (a.k.a. Bill Simmons) does a tremendous job, as we know.

Shayne Lamas Pic

She recapped episode 2 brilliantly last week, and the drama only intensified last night as Andy Baldwin bid farewell to more aspiring trophy wives. Without any further delay, we turn it over to the Sports Gal!

We made history on The Bachelor this week! The show started with a drill sergeant waking up the girls and dragging them out for calisthenics. Bill thought the drill sergeant looked like Dick Bavetta on steroids. I'm not sure who he is, but okay.

I was more shocked that none of the girls was wearing makeup during an HD broadcast. They should've had a follow-up show with the girls watching this show in HD. I guarantee half would cry, two would pass out and the rest would flee to the MAC counter.

But that wasn't the history-making part. Running through a set of tires, Bevin wrenched her ankle and ended up with a displaced fracture plus a rose from a guilty Andy. Here was the history-making part:

The other girls became jealous because Bevin got a rose and 1-on-1 time with Andy Baldwin at the hospital. Now others may start maiming themselves for more time with Andy. We might see Tessa throw herself down a flight of stairs within the next three shows.

Obviously, Andy wasn't too upset because he made his first group date at the mud baths. Not a lot of highlights here except that BBBD ("Big Boobs/Bad Dresser") was in heat and kept rubbing mud on Andy as an excuse to molest him.

She's a tramp. Bill thinks there's an 80 percent chance she has a sex tape floating around out there and claims he has never Googled this to find out for sure. I don't believe him.

Follow this link to continue the Sports Gal's unique, in-depth coverage of The Bachelor ...

by Free Britney at . Comments

Once again, it's time for T.H. Gossip to break down last night's major television event, the second episode of Season 10 of The Bachelor.

Or, more appropriately, it's time for the Sports Gal to do it up. We really can't hold a candle to the hilarious wife of ESPN's beloved sports scribe, the Sports Guy (a.k.a. Bill Simmons). So why bother.

Ben Flajnik Playing Piano

She's recapped episode 2, as she has done and will do for each riveting episode on ABC. We're just passing the word along. Take it away, Sports Gal!

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This season's second episode of The Bachelor was like a bad sequel to a good movie. It reminded me of sitting through "Legally Blonde 2" - everything felt the same as the first movie, but I was bored most of the time.

I'm still upset they screwed up "Legally Blonde 2" because it ruined any chance for "Legally Blonde 3," which could have been Reese's character divorcing her husband and getting madder and madder as he sleeps with every young slut in Hollywood, then castrating him at the end with a gavel and ending up with Jake Gyllenhaal.

Actually, I'd probably go see this movie, so I guess I don't have a point there. But I don't like "The Bachelor" as much as I like Reese Witherspoon.

Here's what happened in the second show: Andy Baldwin (the bachelor) dated two groups of seven women, then had a date with the girl who received his "first impression rose."

She didn't look like a "Stephanie," so Bill (my husband) and I tried to come up with a nickname for her because we couldn't remember her real name.

Bill suggested "Big Boobs," I suggested "Bad Dresser," and we just merged them into one name: "Big Boobs/Bad Dresser." That works.

Andy Baldwin
is quite smitten with BBBD, which grosses me out to be honest. Between his DeLorean, his bad taste in women and the girl who described him as "a little kid living inside a 30-year-old body," I'm seriously wondering if Andy's a virgin.

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

We've recapped Dancing with the Stars.

We've given you the blow by blow (and Spencer Pratt really blows) of last night's season finale of The Hills.

Courtney Robertson and Ben Flajnik Date

Now it's time for T.H. Gossip to break down last night's third television event, the premiere of the 10th season of The Bachelor.

But we really can't do it justice, so we're turning it over to the Sports Gal, wife of ESPN's beloved sports scribe, the Sports Guy (a.k.a. Bill Simmons).

She's going to be recapping each riveting episode for ESPN and ABC. We're just passing the word along. Let's get down to business. Take it away, Sports Gal!

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ABC wants the new season of The Bachelor to remind people of Richard Gere in "An Officer and a Gentleman." We know this because they're calling this season, "The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman."

At least they came right out and said it. The Bachelor himself, Lt. Andy Baldwin, isn't as sexy as Richard Gere in that movie, but I liked him immediately and thought he was the cutest bachelor yet. He works as a doctor in the Navy's dive unit with Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Costner, does charity work and Ironman triathalons and even has a hot body.

Of course, Bill (my husband) was suspicious as soon as we learned Andy's alma mater was Duke. He kept saying, "You watch, you watch, he's going to end up being a [bad word]."

Not even 30 seconds later, we watched Andy get into his fancy sports car, which looked like a DeLorean (do they still make those?) and had those dorky doors that open straight up.

I hate when Bill's right. You should know that my friend Terera and I have a list of things that instantly bother us about guys - like guys who wear man sandals (those leather ones that look like the ones girls would wear, only they're for guys, I call them "mandals"); guys who wear black jeans or black tennis shoes; guys who wear Speedos at the beach; guys who drink daiquiris or frozen mudslides; guys who tuck their sweaters into their pants; and especially, guys who drive weird sports cars (like Miatas or Corvettes). I don't know the name of Andy's car, but it should be called "The Overcompensator."

We watched Andy Baldwin tool around in his DeLorean hoping he'd pick up Doc and head back to the future. Instead, he pulled up to the clock tower, I mean, bachelor mansion, and was greeted by our old friend Chris Harrison.

I like Chris Harrison - he knows his place and never interferes, not even when a girl has too much champagne during the opening cocktail reception and might drown in the pool. Meanwhile, Andy looked so excited to meet the girls, it was uncomfortable. It looked like he was going to burst. Bill described him as "a much, much, much hornier Richie Cunningham."

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

Ray J.

Kim Kardashian.

Ben Flajnik Shirtless Image

Some things are just meant to be together.

With this philosophy in mind, ESPN and ABC decided to collaborate with the Sports Gal for weekly recaps of The Bachelor, the new season of which debuts Monday.

Her recaps will run Tuesdays after the show.

Suffice it to say, the Sports Gal's worse half, the Sports Guy (a.k.a. Bill Simmons) is pretty psyched up about her efforts, which will run alongside his ESPN columns.

He writes:

"She's aiming for four paragraphs per recap. So alert your girlfriends, wives, mistresses and platonic female friends that you're secretly trying to sleep with - on April 2, the Sports Gal returns. In the words of Pete Carroll, I'm as shocked as you guys."

Well put. Like the Sports Gal, T.H. Gossip will be tracking the progress of Andy Baldwin as he attempts to follow in the footsteps of Lorenzo Borghese.

And after what he pulled with Sadie Murray, those are some big footsteps.

The Sports Gal Biography

The Sports Gal is the wife of the Sports Guy, a.k.a. Bill Simmons. She appears to be hilarious and has a take on all things pop culture.... More »
Full Name
The Sports Gal
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