Suri Cruise

Believe it. Suri Cruise, the reclusive little Asian baby, made a surprise, rare public appearance with her mother, Katie Holmes, and her dad, Tom Cruise, at City Hall in Rome. She looks tired. Probably from watching Tom run around the house like a loon and jumping on furniture every day. The guy is straight up insane. Anyway, here are the Suri pics:

TomKat is now making preparations to get married Saturday in Rome, after Katie's parents reportedly a hissy fit that the couple planned on getting hitched at a Scientology church. Amazing. We can't imagine why they'd object to her being brainwashed by a cult. Or buying a $340 thong. These things make perfect sense.

In honor of Halloween, and autumn in general, here are a couple of fall-themed pictures we came across while scouring the Internets for Gossip. Feast your eyes on these puppies:

On the left, we see a Suri Cruise pumpkin. So cute and innocent. The Asian-looking spawn of TomKat is captured really nicely in this jack-o-lantern, we have to admit. Apologies to the creator of this piece if it is actually intended to be Bjork -- hope you can understand the confusion.

On the right, we have a pumpkin carved in the likeness of Lindsay Lohan... after a long night of partying. Yes, this is as accurate a depiction of the drugged-up skank as one could hope for. The only thing missing is a pumpkin of Rumer Willis by her side and rushing to clean up the vomit. Gotta love having a personal bitch assistant.

Special thanks to one of our readers, who we shall call Kerri, for this suggestion. Our celebrity look-alikes aren't always on the mark -- sometimes, such as in the case of Tom Cruise and Kim Jong Il, they're really more for laughs than any sort of serious comparison. But we think this pair of look-alikes is particularly solid. At least as far as six-month old celebrity babies and Icelandic pop singers go.

Yes, that is little Suri Cruise (left), and the amazing Bjork. Despite turning 41 later this year, we think Bjork is a dead-ringer for the spawn of TomKat.

If babies (or Jessica Simpson) were smart enough to put together complete sentences, oh, the sweet, innocent and inane things they would say.

Alas, all we can do is speculate. Below, T.H. Gossip has done just that, taking a trip inside the mind of that little Asian cutie, Suri Cruise.

Despite the adulation of her parents, Suri clearly realizes -- even at the tender age of six months -- that TomKat has more than a few screws loose. To say the least. They practice Scientology, which is essentially witchcraft. Suri's pleas for help do not fall upon deaf ears, we assure you... but Tom Cruise's rather large security detail might have something to say about our liberating the poor tyke. *sigh*

Well, a Gossip website can dream, at least. FREE SURI!

After chronicling the life and times of Suri Cruise for like, ever, we're excited to see what the little Asian cutie will be going as for her first Halloween.

As we talked about a few weeks ago, there are certainly a ton of spooky costume options out there. But we don't feel those are up Suri's alley. Going as a starving Kate Bosworth, while topical and not unfunny, is probably too scary for a little tyke.

We came across a fun website, however, where you can dress up TomKat's spawn in a variety of costumes. Follow the link and make your own! Here's what we came up with:

Not sure which is our favorite among the ones we made. Probably the one on the right, in which Suri is naked except for a grass skirt. A little risque, but what's Halloween without pushing the envelope? We also think Katie Holmes' daughter makes a good alien freak, but that's just us

Regardless, it's fun for the whole family. Unless you believe in Scientology, of course, in which case you probably think Halloween is sacrilegious and $h!t.

That's right, just four months after her birth and one month after her Asian much-anticipated debut in Vanity Fair, rumors are bubbling that little Suri Cruise may have some company in her insane household before long.

On Saturday, paparazzi were on hand to capture Tom Cruise's standard Suri-free outing to cheer on his adopted children with Nicole Kidman -- Connor, 11, and Isabella, 13 -- at their respective football and soccer games.

His baby's mama, Katie Holmes, accompanied him, and the photographers instantly noticed what appeared to be a slight swelling beneath the super-slim actress' sweat-inducing ensemble of a black mock turtleneck, black bodysuit, second-skin black jeans and green blazer.

In Hollywood, and in Gossip circles, this teeny bulge was enough to spark talk that Scientology may soon add another devotee to its ranks.

Could Katie be incubating a second "glorious," "gorgeous" and completely "normal" mop-topped Tom spawn, or is her apparent puffiness simply the result of too much layering (to ward off the blustery 75-degree chill), or perhaps a remaining pound or two of baby weight, or even an extra-large latte downed moments before the photo op?

Who the hell knows.

As for the long-heralded Cruise-Holmes nuptials, which Us Weekly recently posited were just "days away," but that crappy magazine can't seem to get the on details straight. In Touch says Katie will pledge to love Tom in sickness and in health, in Xenu and E-meters, until death -- career or otherwise -- do they part while wearing a Giorgio Armani creation.

"She wanted something completely original. It will be classic -- long, flowing and fabulous. She's going to look like something out of a fairy tale," the mag claims.

The official word from the TomKat camp has long been that the vow-swap will happen by "early fall," which means right about now-ish.

What a dick.

Techno music singer Moby has lashed out at Tom Cruise and his baby's mama, Katie Holmes, for putting their five-month-old daughter on the cover of Vanity Fair magazine, insisting they are using their baby as a publicity prop.

The family posed for a much-hyped 22-page spread in the October issue of the glossy publication, which was shot by celebrity photographer Annie Leibovitz under top-secret conditions. So secret that Suri Cruise had no idea what the hell was going on. Then again, she's five months old and wears a toupee. But no matter.

Here's what Moby had to say about Suri on his blog:

"Are you kidding me? Putting your child on the cover of Vanity Fair? Are they out of their minds? Using a child as a PR prop? Argh. In the grand scheme of things fame pales in comparison to family and child-rearing."

"I don't know Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, but I really cannot for a second fathom the mindset of parents who would sell pictures of their children and use their children to get better press coverage. I'm sorry, I try not to be too judgmental, but it's gross."

Well said, Moby. Well said. You may be a 40-year-old, hairless techno star (let's just let that sink in for a moment), and it may be your jealousy of Suri's hair talking... but you really hit the nail on the (bald) head with this one.

We've been waiting months for this showdown.

Forget about comparing which father is hotter, Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise (although feel free to chime in on that debate, as well).

Or which mom is the most eniticing MILF, Angelina Jolie or Katie Holmes.

Now that Suri Cruise pictures have finally surfaced, readers need to answer the cuteness conundrum:

SHILOH OR SURI?

Come on, people. We all enjoyed the joke of whether or not Suri Cruise existed while it lasted. But maybe it's time we left child and parents alone.

The question for some, however, is just who those parents are.

Comedian Carlos Mencia wonders, from Suri pics, if the child is of Asian descent.

"Tom is not the father. Jet Li had the baby with Katie. Katie and Jet Li had a baby. Or maybe it's really the alien baby, I don't know," he said. "I'm just saying, if my baby came out like that my father would be like, 'Hey you better get a test.'"

George Lopez made a similar joke.

"I'll wait for the test to come in, but it's a beautiful baby. Not theirs. I'm a Latino so we always struggle with which kids are ours."

Not everyone is as skeptical, however.

"It looks like both of its parents. Hello?? They are both gorgeous so the baby is incredibly beautiful," said Desperate Housewives actress Andrea Bowen.

And, as Marcia Cross has proven, Housewives know babies!

It's true, folks. As reported last night, Katie Couric presented the first-ever pictures of Suri Cruise to a national audience on the CBS Evening News.

In case you didn't tune in, however, have a look now:

In the Vanity Fair cover story, Katie Holmes talks about how "it's been heartbreaking" to see what's being said in the press about her family and her baby.

The Gossip hopes it didn't contribute to any motherly malaise. We were just curious to see the tyke. And she's adorable. Proud father, Tom Cruise, has proven that insanity really can pay off.