Stephanie Pratt

On tonight's episode of The Hills, Holly Montag apparently moves in with Lauren Conrad and Lauren Bosworth (Lo). Heidi Montag was not happy when she learned of this - from none other than the instigator, Stephanie Pratt, of course.

Clearly humored by the news, Spencer Pratt was quick to opine on how the move came about, blaming Heidi's mother and saying that Lauren's karma has come around as it's now LC who must deal with the "world's biggest mooch."

He even disses Stephanie Pratt in the process. It's a rather amazing clip, even by Spencer's passive-aggressive, sarcastic standards. Check it out ...

That Sounds Like Something Stalker Mom Would Do

As usual, THG's recap of The Hills will consist of us grading last night's episode, awarding (or deducting) points for the best and worst moments.

This week, Audrina Patridge is still torn between Corey Bohan and that loser Justin-Bobby, and whining about it 24-7, while Stephanie Pratt's new boyfriend Cameron decides to stand up to Brody Jenner ... then later backs off of course.

On to the rankings!

As noted in the sneak preview we posted yesterday, Chiara is clearly annoyed with Audrina's wishy-washy whining about Justin-Bobby. Plus 5.

Minus 2 for a couple naming their daughter Chiara.

Corey Bohan is no fool. When Audrina mentions that Justin-Bobby went on the Cabo trip, he's instantly skeptical. Audrina says "Lauren and I shared a room," and he replies "Sure you did." Plus 3 for honesty. And Plus 3 more for the accent.

Justin-Bobby Brescia & Audrina Patridge in an emotional, mumbled heart-to-heart.

Brody Jenner continues his hatred of Stephanie for reasons unknown. “Please god, let Cameron say something to me," he says. Typical guys. When they go to the club, they set out to either get laid or get into a fight. Either works. Plus 5.

Despite talking a good game, Cameron ends up saying nothing to Brody. What a [insert female body part of choice here]. Minus 3.

Brandy is recording in the studio where Audrina works. This prompts Audrina to inquire about her brother Ray J and the infamous Kim Kardashian sex tape. We're obviously making the second part up, but Brandy's mere presence at Epic Records inspired us to imagine that scenario, which amuses us to no end. Plus 15.

As usual, our recap of The Hills will consist of our staff grading last night's episode, awarding (or deducting) points for the best and worst moments.

The gang heads to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, for a weekend of fun. Audrina Patridge is still drawn to Justin-Bobby, who is intent on being a free man on the trip. Back in L.A., Spencer Pratt treats Stephanie and her new boyfriend like crap.

On to the rankings!

The crew heads to Cabo in Doug Reinhardt's jet. His baseball career has apparently fizzled out, but who cares? Give it up for rich parents! Plus 3.

If you didn't think that Audrina Patridge had fake boobs before, this episode should clear that up. Those things are just unnaturally perky. Minus 5.

When Stephanie first mentioned Cameron, we thought it might be Cameron Brinkman - Laguna Beach Season 3 meathead! Not so. Plus 2, because that would've been so contrived, but Minus 5 because it would have also been hilarious to watch.

Always the mediator, It's Frankie Delgado who asks why Audrina's not talking to Justin-Bobby. Plus 1. Then Plus 5 more for Frankie toasting Brody as not only his best friend, but the best friend anyone could have. Give it up for man love and feelings!

Not digging Spencer's disappearing/reappearing facial hair. Minus 4.

As a birthday present, Doug Reinhardt gets Brody about a dozen bikini-clad chicks. Plus 4 for the effort, and Plus 3 more because both Doug and Brody dated Lauren, who's present for the spectacle, and none of the three mention this.

Obligatory Minus 2 for Heidi Montag's overuse of makeup and heels!

Not only does he get pissed about Brody, but during the big dinner with Cameron and Stephanie, Spencer asks about Doug, off-handedly referring to him as Stephanie's ex-boyfriend. Classic passive-aggressive d!ck comment by Spencer. Plus 10.

The tension between Audrina and Justin-Bobby was palpable from the start, but since he can't formulate a f*%king complete sentence and she's the world's worst communicator, nothing came to a head. That is, until he stole a flower hair thingy that Corey Bohan gave her and she stormed off. Are these two in third grade? Minus 8.

Plus 3 for Lauren Conrad being such a good friend and trying to talk sense into Audrina Patridge in a kind, supportive way. Minus 9 because Audrina's a moron.

TOTAL: -2. This episode of The Hills was thoroughly entertaining, but plain and simple, Audrina's inability to kick this loser to the curb kills it for us.

THE HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP NOTE: As is our new custom, our recap of The Hills will consist of a brief rundown of events, then our staff members grading last night's episode, awarding (or deducting) points for the best and worst moments.

Despite the presence of a charming Corey Bohan, Audrina Patridge is still drawn to bad boy Justin-Bobby, while Lauren Conrad is cute as ever, and a conniving Spencer Pratt is still determined to give Holly Montag the boot from his apartment.

On to the rankings!

"If you take your top off and went over there, I'd probably have to chase you," Justin Bobby says. Dear God, what an unbelievably lame line, but Plus 5 because it totally works and he thus gets to see Audrina Patridge (fake boobs and all) topless.

The Cabo San Lucas Tourism Board must pay for all the name dropping. Minus 1.

Backhanded compliment of the year from Spencer to Stephanie: "I can't imagine disliking a sister more... Should make you feel good." LOL. Plus 7.

Once again, we are forced to mention that we already know Justin-Bobby will win out before any drama unfolds, as Corey Bohan was seen with Audrina 24/7 for like a week this summer before falling off the face of the Earth. Minus 10.

THE HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP NOTE: We're switching up our format for recapping The Hills. After a brief rundown of events, our staff will grade each episode, awarding (or deducting) points for the funniest, cheesiest (and most fake) moments.

To sum up, Heidi's mom, Darlene Montag, pays a visit to L.A. from Colorado and is dismayed to learn that Heidi is living with Spencer Pratt again.

Doug Reinhardt throws a party where his shadiness re: Stephanie Pratt becomes a topic of debate. Lauren Conrad and Brody Jenner get on his case.

On to the rankings!

"If you're friends with your girl, you don't go out with an ex - unless you get the stamp of approval," says Lauren Conrad's trainer as she punches his raised palms at the gym. Right. We're sure he cares. Most rehearsed line ever. Minus 2.

After claiming she and Doug Reinhardt aren't dating, and she deleted his number from her phone, Stephanie tells LC she's still going to go to Doug's BBQ, claiming she RSVP'd "weeks ago before I was even friends with him." Ummm, what? You gotta love blatantly lying to your friend AND four million viewers. Plus 3.

Darlene Montag comes to L.A. unannounced? Really? That's not exactly a quick trip. And Spencer doesn't appear surprised to see her for a second, transitioning instantly into irritable, lazy jackass mode. Very suspicious, Hills. Minus 4.

Wearing jewelry, Lauren and Whitney Port look more glamourous at the gym than most girls do on dates. This is, strangely, the norm for them. Plus 1.

On a similar note, Heidi Montag is wearing full-on clubbing / prostitute makeup while sitting around the apartment. Minus 3.

Later, Spencer Pratt actually leaves the apartment! Plus 2.

Whitney Port's sunglasses cover 75 percent of her face. Minus 1. But Plus 1 for them actually showing Whitney outside of work for a change.

On last night's episode of The Hills, Stephanie Pratt pulled a major no-no by dating her friend Lauren Conrad's ex. Brody Jenner told LC that Stephanie has ulterior motives, but it was Doug Reinhardt who initiated the date in the first place.

That said, we've just gotta know ...

Whose side are you on?

EDITOR'S NOTE: While The Hills is usually totally predictable due to the deluge of paparazzi photos / spoilers online, we totally did not expect Doug Reinhardt to be cock-blocked by Brody Jenner's mom. Best surprise plot twist ever!

As this episode of The Hills gets underway, Lauren Conrad packs for a trip to Italy. The reason for the trip is never explained. Nor does it matter.

Like five seconds after LC leaves, Stephanie Pratt arrives to tell Audrina Patridge about how Doug Reinhardt asked her out. Audrina suggests to Stephanie that she wait until Lauren gets back and just give her a little heads up.

Audrina and Lo - who are apparently getting along better these days - have lunch and Audrina her in about the Stephanie-Doug Reinhardt date sitch.

Lo is flabbergasted. Audrina says that's a no-no, then wonders aloud why Stephanie Pratt would want sloppy seconds. Audrina's words, not ours!

THE VOICE OF REASON: For once, it was Audrina Patridge talking sense into people (or at least trying to) on this typically drama-filled episode of MTV's The Hills.

That night at Goa, Audrina and Lo are chillin' when whaddaya know, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag arrive! Heidi says hi to Auds, who seems genuinely happy to see her. Lo, however, looks like she wants to stab herself in the eye with a fork.

Heidi, like, cannot believe about Doug Reinhardt and Stephanie Pratt either, then invites Audrina and Lo to a Bolthouse X-Games Party the next night. There they hang out with Justin-Bobby, who's looking like an even bigger d-bag than usual!

Back to normal. After Sunday night's special airing of "Boys Make Girls Cry" to hype the MTV VMAs, The Hills returned to its normal time slot Monday.

The lead story: Brody Jenner in jail. 

The morning after Frankie Delgado's birthday bash, Lauren Conrad, Stephanie Pratt, and Lo Bosworth tried to track down Brody and Doug Reinhardt and figure out what jail they were taken to - and what happened that sparked their detention.

LC and her posse consider calling places that offer bail, but considering they're in Las Vegas of all places, that's a bit of a wild goose chase.

Just as they become dejected and think there's no way they'll figure it out, Frankie walks into the hotel room with Brody and Doug right behind him. 

Brody Jenner's gal pals weren't so happy with him on The Hills last night.

Turns out that Brody Jenner and Doug Reinhardt got in a fight in the casino and ended up in a holding room right there, on the premises. Not jail.

So, after weeks of hype about Brody in jail, he was not actually in jail. Talk about misleading your audience. That's almost Grey's Anatomy-esque!

Either way, Lauren Conrad was far from pleased, calling them "idiots."

Meanwhile, at Casa de Pratt, Spencer has had enough of Holly Montag.

MTV sucks.

Sorry, but it's true. First, with no notice, they decide to air a new episode of The Hills as a special, Sunday-night lead-in for the VMAs. Hella weak.

Even worse, though? Plugging the VMAs with a gigantic banner that took up half the screen. And since half The Hills takes place in clubs - necessitating subtitles for the conversations - that banner made them unreadable. Nice work, assclowns.

Lastly, the network spent the entire week promoting an exciting fight that landed Brody Jenner in jail, with Doug Reinhardt in tow. This, of course, was only discussed in the last 12 seconds. Wait 'til next episode again, we suppose!

Eat ass, MTV.

Anyway, from what we could discern, Lauren Conrad and Co. headed to the City of Sin for Frankie Delgado's birthday. For whatever reason, that turned into one huge drama-fest as Brody rode Stephanie Pratt hard the entire time.

We don't mean that in a sexual way. Heavens no. He was just bashing her over and over again for being shady. Brody Jenner either has a huge grudge for some reason, or was prompted by the producers to harp on this. Or both.

At dinner, Stephane Pratt finally confronted Brody Jenner to try to figure out why he told Lauren Conrad not to be friends with her.

On last night's episode of The Hills, Lauren Conrad started to think things with Doug Reinhardt is fizzling out. We saw that coming big time.

Not because of the show. Just because in real life, Lauren Conrad and Doug Reinhardt were inseparable for like three weeks, then he went MIA.

Whitney Port gives her good advice: if she's not feelin' it, it's better to get out early. Speaking of Whitney, she's got some romance of her own!

Ms. Port heads to New York City to meet up with Kelly Cutrone at the east coast People's Revolution office. There she meets a model named Alex!

At dinner, Spencer Pratt tells Heidi Montag that he will never be close with his sister again. Man, he is as schmoozy and sleazy as ever these days.

When Heidi says that she misses Stephanie Pratt, Spencer tells her that if she plans on rekindling a friendship with Steph, don't come home. LOL. 

Last night's The Hills was the end of the road for Doug Reinhardt.

Lauren Conrad and Brody Jenner have dinner and he warns her yet again about Stephanie Pratt. LC confides that Doug is boring and gonna get dumped.

In New York, Whitney Port meets up with Alex after Kelly seemingly set this up for her, arranging a group get-together and then bailing last-second.

Things go well and the two decide to extend the evening with a little walk around New York. The night doesn't end with a kiss but they do promise to meet again. Could a Whitney Port romance - or spin-off -be in the works?

Back in L.A., Stephanie brings a peace offering to Spencer Pratt to try to repair their broken relationship. It's a book he wanted, and he accepts Steph's gift - but takes a parting shot at her about LC just the same. What a d!ck.

As the episode concludes, Lauren Conrad drives over to break things off with Doug Reinhardt. He gets defensive and doesn't seem to understand why she doesn't want to make it work. But in the end, he takes it pretty well.