Spencer Pratt

Despite filing divorce papers and taking a (relative) hiatus from the public eye earlier this summer, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are not actually splitting up.

We told you so, and thank goodness.

After separating in May, rumors of a Heidi Montag sex tape preceded the plastic pair's "reunion" in Costa Rica this month. But they never really split, you see.

Looks like Speidi's divorce is off. Was it ever on? [Photos: Pacific Coast News]

The gruesome twosome were secretly living together all summer, Radar Online reports, and naturally left their rental house in Malibu in a state of disrepair.

"Heidi and Spencer made some very expensive upgrades to the house, without the owner’s permission,” a source close to the situation told the gossip site.

Speidi miraculously stayed out of sight very well for a bit, before returning with hilarious, staged photo shoots like the ones above, celebrating her birthday.

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When you think about it, it's hard to blame the Avon Walk For Breast Cancer for trying to distance itself from two of the biggest, fakest boobs around.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt made an appearance at the event Sunday, but the organization wants to tactfully make clear it didn't ask them to.

While the reality (and possible sex tape) stars posed for photos in official Avon paraphernalia, a rep for the breast cancer organization said this:

WALKING FOR THE ATTENTION CURE: If there's one thing Speidi cares deeply about, it's constant publicity curing cancer. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

"While Heidi and Spencer did not participate officially in the Avon Walk and were not there in any official capacity, we do appreciate their support of the cause."

It's not untrue. Sources say Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt did not walk the course, but merely showed up at the start, posed for said photos and then split.

For his part, Pratt's rep says the gruesome twosome "lost a mutual friend to Breast Cancer" and "neither Heidi or Spencer would've missed the event."

"It's a cause they both care deeply about."

Almost as they care about publicity. Almost.

Spencer Pratt apparently told the truth for once when he said he was arrested yesterday in Costa Rica for felony possession of a firearm. Explosive stuff!

Pratt, who issued a profound apology to wife Heidi Montag last week, was busted for firearm on his way back to the U.S. He was cited and then released.

Spencer claims he was on his way out of the country when he was arrested. He says he turned over the weapons and signed a confession with the local DA.

DOGGONE IT: Spencer Pratt, seen here picking up puppies in Costa Rica a few weeks ago, just got popped for packing heat. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

An arresting document from Costa Rica confirms Pratt was arrested, charged, prosecuted and found guilty. Couldn't have been that bad, as he's a free man.

The name of Heidi Montag is on there, as well, as "spouse." His listed occupation? "Actor." Given the stunts he's pulled, that may not be too big a stretch.

He issued this bizarre statement to TMZ regarding the arrest:

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Spencer Pratt has taken time away from sex tape peddling to follow the script in his break-up with Heidi Montag issue a heartfelt apology.

In a statement that said he required some "intense soul-searching" and would be following "appropriate avenues for my issues," the reality star took full responsibility for the split with Montag.

Might Spencer Pratt really be a changed man, in ways other than his ridiculous facial hair?

"Divorce can be a trying, draining, and emotionally devastating experience for all involved," Spencer wrote to People. "Despite these hardships, most individuals manage to conduct themselves with dignity and maturity. I did not - I failed spectacularly.

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In the least shocking news of the summer, the Heidi Montag sex tape rumor appears to be a story planted by that plastic surgery addict and her fame-loving ex-husband. The couple is no longer shopping the video.

However, in equally unsurprising news, Playmate Karissa Shannon claims there actually is a sex tape of her taking it from boyfriend Sam Jones - and she wants Spencer Pratt to give it back. Or else.

Insert obvious caption here. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline]

Shannon has admitted to scissoring with Heidi on tape, but now says there's another video out there that depicts her and Jones getting it in.

According to documents obtained by TMZ, Karissa's attorney has sent a letter to Pratt, demanding he return footage that was "taken from [Karissa]" and "contains private materials" featuring her and Jones.

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So much for the stocking stuffer you were hoping for this Christmas. Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag have broken off talks regarding the sale of their sex tape.

The pretending-to-be-estranged pair ended negotiations with Vivid Entertainment president Steven Hirsch, telling him they're not interested in selling after all.

Hirsch got a letter from Pratt's rep saying "Heidi's made it very clear that she is not interested in releasing any tapes ... It looks like she pulled the kill switch."

Heidi Montag bends over as Spencer Pratt gives the cameraman he called minutes earlier a knowing look - he's hittin' it later. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

The letter also explains that Spencer Pratt is "no longer interested in further destroying their relationship by pursuing an avenue she's so vehemently against."

Destroying their relationship? They're supposedly divorcing!

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Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag sure are going all-out in their latest ruse.

The gruesome twosome was spotted at her private villa by paparazzi pretending to look surprised at being spotted by paparazzi in Costa Rica this week!

Under the terms of their bogus divorce, Speidi has joint custody of their four dogs. A shirtless Spencer Pratt was seen delivering two of those canines ...

These are some weird people. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Carrying the other two dogs, Heidi emerged wearing a short purple dress and bandages on her nose, fueling rumors that she got more plastic surgery.

Which would make sense. Does Heidi Montag really expect us to believe she's living in seclusion in Costa Rica to "find herself"? This is beyond fishy.

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Does the Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag sex tape actually exist? Like the rest of us, the porn company he wants to sell it to has doubts - at least to a degree.

So far, the tape is all talk by Spencer Pratt (and Karissa Shannon, but that's only slightly more credible), and you know how well you can trust that guy.

Steven Hirsch, head of Vivid Entertainment, says he's not meeting with the gruesome twosome in person until he sees a Heidi Montag sex tape preview.

King of sex tapes ... or just BS? [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

The adult film kingpin is not going to down to Costa Rica to meet with Spencer about the sex tape, which he requested, until Pratt coughs up a teaser.

Pratt is asking for at least $5 million for a "library of footage." Before negotiating further, Hirsch wants to see at least 30 seconds of whatever that is.

Hirsch says he asked Pratt to send him some kind of preview, as he doesn't want to be part of some publicity stunt - shocking skepticism on his part.

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Questions continue to surround the Heidi Montag sex tape, specifically: Is there a Heidi Montag sex tape?

Former Playboy model Karissa Shannon has the answer: Yes, I got busy with this enormous, fake-breasted realty star on camera.

"There is a sex tape of me and Heidi," Shannon tells Radar Online, adding that Spencer Pratt was not around when this girl-on-girl action took place. "It's just me and Heidi, that's it."

Karissa Shannon confirms the existence of a Heidi Montag sex tape. We never, ever saw this coming. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline]

Karissa spoke to the website while she and boyfriend Sam Jones III stopped by Millions of Milkshakes in West Hollywood last night to promote her signature milkshake (coming next week on THG - Karissa Shannon Has a Signature Milkshake: A Special Report).

Keeping a straight face, Shannon said she doesn't want people to see the video.

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Heidi Montag apparently denies there's any sex tape featuring herself getting taken by Spencer Pratt and/or Karissa Shannon, but the plastic princess still wants to have a meeting with the president of the biggest porn company in the world.

Like we've been saying ... it doesn't add up.

Emailing Vivid Entertainment chief Steve Hirsch, Heidi writes, "I don't think Spencer has any footage of the two of us. I think hes (sic) making it up for publicity for a new reality show he wants me to do but I really can't tell. He can be sneaky."

"I wanted to drop you a line and let you know where Im (sic) at with all of this. If you decide to come to Costa Rica I look forward to hearing your thoughts."

Yeah. We have no idea either.

Is there really a Heidi Montag sex tape out there? Is she bluffing to stay in the news? Or covering her ass so she can claim it was "leaked" without her permission, even though that's not possible? What do you think? Does the tape exist?

What combination sounds hotter, sexually?