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Yes, you read that right. Forget Matthew McConaughey, George Clooney and their annual battle for Sexiest Man Alive honors. This battle is for the complete opposite (dis)honor.

This list, compiled by the amazing Boston Phoenix, is chock full of irritating smirks, bad haircuts, possible murders and some seriously ugly mugs. Yup, the Phoenix list of The 100 Unsexiest Men Alive has it all, and we've got the highlights...

Stupid Speidi

100. Tom Cruise. The heat that Tom Cruise emitted early in his career has long evaporated, leaving only a smirking corpse in its wake. Cruise struts around like a smaller, yappy version of Arnold Schwarzenegger as The Terminator, but comes off creepier, given his campaign to impregnate and wed enslave hot actresses.

92. Osama bin Laden. Here's a man that could use a makeover. Note to Osama: camouflage jackets have been out since the millennium. Sure, there's not a surplus of hip outlets â€" or even dry cleaners â€" in the caves of Afghanistan. But come on.

87. Joe Simpson. The former Baptist minister relentlessly pimps his daughters (Ashlee and what's-her-name) to MTV, John Mayer and Pete Wentz, then makes ourskin crawl by ogling his offspring's endowments. Gnarly.

79. Joe Francis. Skeezy creator of Girls Gone Wild stuck it to Paris Hilton and Tara Reid. If doing that disease-ridden duo wasn't enough to warrant his place on this list, he's headed to jail on contempt-of-court charges.

56. Kim Jong-Il. Besides an uncanny resemblance to Tom Cruise, the deranged North Korean demigod is a porn connoisseur, binge drinker and womanizer. Oh, and a mass murderer with nukes.

45. The Duke Lacrosse Team
. You go to Duke. You play lacrosse. Yet your social life is so barren that you've got to rent a couple of cut-rate strippers? You dudes are guilty... of having no game whatsoever.

35. Kevin Federline. Would've placed even higher had Britney Spears not gone off the deep end and made FedEx look relatively stable by comparison.

33. Spencer Pratt. This obnoxious star of the MTV "documentary" series The Hills (left) has greasy hair, a veiny neck and forehead, circa 1994 gold chains and a cast-iron jaw. Yet he still manages to get Playboy playmates' numbers (while straight up playing Heidi Montag and making Lauren Conrad's life a living hell). Spencer Pratt, we loathe thee.

30. Howie Mandel. Few things are less sexy than obsessive-compulsive disorder and fear of touching others. That spells bad news for the freaky host of Deal or No Deal. No deal, Howie Mandel. No deal.

28. Dustin Diamond. Deviant, cretinous former child star who scammed his fans by selling shirts to help him avoid foreclosure â€" there were no such proceedings against him. Then there was the Dustin Diamond sex tape in which Screech gave two skanks the Dirty Sanchez.

27. Mr. Blackwell. His relevance is on life-support, but he nonetheless makes the news every year with his embarrassing list of the best- and worst-dressed celebrity fashion offenders.

25. O.J. Simpson. We're not even gonna go there.

23. Pete Doherty. "Heroin chic" is predicated on being able to do lots and lots of drugs without looking like a skid-row pin cushion. Somehow Pete Doherty (below) didn't get the memo. By association, he made coked-up gal-pal Kate Moss unsexy, too, for which men the world over will curse him forever.

20. Jared Fogle. Ubiquity and over-exposure has turned a merely annoying ex-fatty Subway pitchman into a serious pain in the ass.

18. Mel Gibson. Hateful director with massive alcohol problem.

11. Perez Hilton. Exponentially overhyped celebrity gossip blogger whose sense of entitlement far outweighs his contribution to society. Oh yeah, Perez Hilton is also gross.

7. Sanjaya Malakar. The class clown of American Idol is operating under the delusion that he's the class stud. Shyamali Malakar, on the other hand...

6. Don Imus. Long before Don Imus (below, left) got the ax for calling the Rutgers womens' basketball team a bunch of "nappy-headed hos," this talk-show troll established himself as one of the ugliest faces in an industry that prizes them.

3. Howard K. Stern. We understood the zillion-year-old billionaire: Anna Nicole Smith would sleep with anything for money. But her dalliance with this glassy-eyed salamander of a man (above, right) forced Americans to lower her standards: she'd screw anything with... kidneys? At least she was smart enough not to have a baby with him.

1. Donald Trump. It's not the greed, the preposterous comb-over, or the public bullying that turns us off any more: it's the pursed lips and the scrunched stare. Actually, scratch that: it's still the hair, the greed, and the bullying.

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Spencer Pratt. Our readers know how we feel about this rich loser from The Hills.

We hate him! Sharing that sentiment, along with most viewers of The Hills, was a fellow celebrity gossip site, which unlike The Hollywood Gossip, was able to swallow its pride and request an interview with Spencer Pratt himself. The man and his lame gold chains complied.

King and Queen of Gossip

The interview below - which Heidi Montag (following her new boob job) also takes part in - may shock you in that Spencer is, at times, not 100 percent annoying.

It's more like 65-75 percent. So rather than wanting to gouge your eyes out with a butter knife, you'll merely shake your head in minor irritation.

Below, the stars chat candidly about their life together, Heidi's strained friendship with Lauren Conrad (and budding friendships with Audrina Patridge and Whitney Port) as well as plenty of other things we didn't see on The Hills....

Q: People have pretty strong opinions and perceptions about the way you are both portrayed on reality TV. How accurate is the portrayal and what do you think is the biggest misconception that viewers have?

Heidi Montag: People don't know every side. It's a reality TV show about several people's lives. It's accurate of who we are, but sometimes the situations can be misconstrued. It is 20-minute, edited drama. They can't show everything.

Spencer Pratt: Heidi and I had just started hanging out when the show started taping and we really liked each other, but all of a sudden I was considered to be her boyfriend. We were flirting all the time, but following the rules of being single. We were both seeing other people at the same time. We were both players - she was playing the game with me. Heidi has game!

Heidi Montag: One of the first nights I saw Spencer at Area he showed up with [Audrina Patridge] and I hadn't talked to her all summer. I was so mad that she came to the club with him. I really liked him that summer.

Spencer Pratt: I did show up with Audrina - because Heidi changed her phone number on me!

Continue reading this interview here ...

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On April 5, Lauren Conrad received a shocking phone call.

No, it wasn't from Jason Wahler looking to get his ass bailed out of jail. Though the stunning call she received did pertain to her loser, arrest-prone ex-boyfriend.

Very Perky
Lauren Conrad can't always be described as such, but she's definitely looking perky here. Wow.

A friend called LC to tell her about a report on the celebrity gossip site Perez Hilton claiming that Wahler was looking to sell a Lauren Conrad sex tape.

"My friend started reading the item to me, and I literally could not breathe," Lauren Conrad tells Us Weekly. "I thought she was joking when she started telling me."

Though Perez Hilton tells Us that he confirmed the tape's existence with "multiple sources close to Lauren and Jason," the star of The Hills denies the report.

"Honestly, they videotape my life five days out of the week. I don't need additional footage, you know?"

Whomever leaked the story seems to have a vendetta against Lauren Conrad.

Continue Reading...

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Spencer Pratt.

Few words, phrases or individuals have ever enraged the Hollywood Gossip staff to this degree. OMFG. Has anyone ever deserved to be rolled up in a carpet and thrown off a bridge more than this a$$hole? The next time we see you at Hyde or Les Deux - yes, we go there, Spencer Pratt, and we will be watching you - you better grow eyes in the back of your head. We'll leave it at that.

Dweebs For a Good Cause

That should give you an idea of how the season finale of The Hills went last night, but we'll delve into further details for you just the same.

For a show that's supposed to star Lauren Conrad, there's a lot of stuff happening to people around her as she sits at home on the sofa reading (but still looking very fashionable, we might add).

Not that we're upset. We love the new Lauren Conrad who's emerged this season and doesn't take any crap. But in Season 3, let's have the girl do something. You heard us, MTV.

From the onset, the homebody LC bombarded one-time BFF Heidi Montag with zingers over her wishy-washy should-I-live-with-Spencer nonsense.

"You don't even live with me," Lauren Conrad snapped. "I just live with your stuff."

We knew what Heidi's decision was going to be for two reasons: She's weak, and the previews gave it away. But we're getting ahead of ourselves. The other person actually out doing stuff was Whitney Port, jetting off to NYC to interview for the permanent Teen Vogue job.

Wonderful as always, Whitney knocks 'em dead in the interview, but we're left hanging as to whether she beats out the other intern applicants. Cross your fingers, Hills watchers!

Okay, now we talk about what a psycho move it was for Spencer Pratt to get a new apartment after Heidi Montag clearly said no, then take her there as "a big surprise" and beg for her to move in again. And she did. Sellout.

Back at home, Heidi dropped the news to LC that she'd be moving out - a boring conversation so anticlimactic after all the talk about it that we almost clicked over to The Bachelor. Only we had it TiVo'd, so there's no point.

Over at the condo of Brody Jenner, Spencer was explaining that he really just wanted to keep Heidi away from Lauren and reassuring his buddy that he's a player 4 lyfe, yo, and would not be denied just because Heidi's movin' in!

The guy needs to be beaten repeatedly with a tire iron and strangled with his own retarded looking gold chain. You're not cool, bro. No one wears those.

We would leave it at that if it weren't for a brilliant exchange between Heidi and her co-worker, Elodie (what kind of name is that, and what do they actually do at work?) about Heidi's plans to cook dinner for the amazing Spencer that night.

Elodie: Do you even have all the equipment to cook? What's it called?
Heidi Montag: Dinner?
Elodie: No.
Heidi Montag: Pasta?
Elodie: No. The equipment to cook, like, pots, pans.
Heidi Montag
: Oh, I have to go get all that.

Lauren, meanwhile, was celebrating the conclusion of the epic roomie drama with champagne and pizza ... and her brand new roomie... Audrina Patridge!

We weren't big Audrina fans at first, but she's come around. In short, this episode was a complete waste of time, in that there was no drama and nothing new was revealed. But we love The Hills just the same, and can't wait for the next season with the girls.

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Before we begin this week's recap of The Hills, let us just reiterate a few points:

  • Don't you just love Whitney?
  • Don't you want to beat the ever-loving snot out of that disgusting ass clown Spencer, possibly with a baseball bat, then kick him in the ribs repeatedly as he writhes in pain on the ground?

Okay. Sorry. We had to get that off our collective chest.

Furry Friend

As Whitney Port, who plays a larger-than-usual role in this episode, gets ready to graduate from college, she ponders her future in the fashion biz. Whitney asks her boss, Lisa Love, if there are any opportunities at Teen Vogue, and whether she'd be considered.

Lisa tells her there is a position (the nebulous "Fashion Contributor") that is going to be opening up at Teen Vogue, but some other interns have similar qualifications as Whit and will be interviewing for it too.

Meanwhile, Lauren Conrad and Whitney work with that, like, kinda bitchy New York all-star intern, Emily, on a Good Morning America Oscar piece. A Vogue big shot is at the studio with the girls, and picks Whitney out of the crowd to, like, model one of the dresses!

Emily stews as the head honcho vows to put old girl Whitney Port on TV in one of Hilary Swank's Oscar dresses. OMFG!

But the meaning of the episode title, "Everybody Falls," hits home on the day of the shoot when Whitney tumbles down the steps on live TV. It was mortifying. That snarky little b!tch Emily even smirked at Whit's mishap.

After the taping, Lauren (in a cute role reversal) does her best to comfort her friend, who is understandably devastated by the mistake.

All is well the next day, however, as Lisa gives Whitney great praise for handling the incident with class and grace under fire. Lisa wishes to send her - with a high recommendation - to NYC to interview for the Teen Vogue position opening up.

Audrina Patridge is nowhere to be found, and even LC is hardly featured in this episode. Mainly it's Whitney and Heidi and Spencer - who bicker, once again, over moving in together.

Heidi says there is a trust factor between them, to which Spencer pretends to be shocked. Spencer and Heidi argue about her intentions and puts the pressure on. To make a long story short, this stuck up prick gives her an ultimatum to move in with him or let him slut around with the rest of L.A.

When a distraught Heidi gives that slimy Spencer Pratt her final "no" on moving in, and he throws her out of his car. The conversation went like this:

Spencer Pratt: "You need to tell me your final answer."
Heidi Montag: "Well, like, my answer is no."
Spencer Pratt: "Fine, then my answer is get the hell out of my car."

But don't start crying for Heidi Montag (or celebrating the departure of Spencer) just yet. The previews for next week's season finale show Heidi pulling away in, like, a moving truck and looking back at a tearful LC.

Way to stick to your guns, babe. And on a side note, does anyone else think it's weird that The Hills gives away everything in its previews? Some shows tease you a little, but you basically know what's going on from the second you catch scenes from the next episode. Weird!

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Not from the simple, yet sage words of Lauren Conrad:

  • "I think if a guy after a few months asked if I wanted to move in with him, I'd be like, Whoa." - to Heidi
  • "A good roommate is like a good pair of jeans â€" you hold on to them no matter what." - to Heidi
  • "If you do a really shady thing, be like, 'I was shady.'" - to Jen
  • "You were evil and conniving. It wasn't all Brody; it was you." - to Jen

All these quotes and more stemmed from the drama on last night's episode of The Hills, which featured Lauren's coming of age - and not just because she celebrated her 21st birthday party at Hyde.

Gnarly Heidi Montag

Finally, America's sweetheart is learning to stand up for herself, ladies and gentlemen.

The episode begins with Lauren and Heidi at the homestead. After a brief moment of tension during their discussion of Heidi possibly moving in with that douchebag Spencer Pratt, the estranged BFFs seemed cool again (thus the jeans comment).

And she's right. Who isn't happy to have Heidi Montag back on Team LC! Even better that Heidi was clearly getting along with Audrina Patridge as well, conspiring to plan Lauren's surprise party.

What wasn't all good was Heidi's relationship with Jen, who had the nerve to show up at Heidi's workplace to talk about her fight with Lauren!

Jen, apparently, is, like, best friends with Lauren. So she says. Which is why you hooked up with Brody Jenner behind LC's back, right? Bitch! Still, Jen laments: "I haven't talked to my best friend of 15 years for, like, what? For, like, sloppy thirds?"

Before telling her she had to get back to work, Heidi took the high road and said that she wasn't getting involved and this spat is between Jen and Lauren.

Later, Heidi throws Lauren off the party trail by faking like she was canceling on Lauren for Spencer for the 245th time. Wow, talk about a realistic lie! Lauren Conrad looked like she was about to cry, which was sad, but she was cool with it when everyone surprised her at Hyde.

It was weird, though, with Brody Jenner being back on the scene. And, OMG, going straight to asking about Jen. The guy may be hunky but he has some kind of nerve. It was nice, we think, that he apologized, even though Lauren insisted it wasn't his fault, when it, like, kind of was.

SIDE NOTE: Can you believe when Whitney Port told Lauren at work that she dated Brody once? Has this guy dated every cute girl in Southern California - and how does this not come up at Teen Vogue HQ until right now?

SIDE NOTE #2: What's funnier - the fact that Lauren Conrad is now 21, but has been going to these hot clubs for some time now, or the fact The Hills gals have become big enough stars that we knew about LC's 21st birthday party when it happened six weeks ago?

Anyway, back to reality. When Jen showed up at Lauren's place to apologize (and we use that term loosely), Lauren wasn't having any of it.

"You put yourself in this situation, she said before showing Jen the door.

If only she'd treat the guys in her life with the same determination. At least the legal system isn't as forgiving to Jason Wahler, right?

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Note to Spencer Pratt: If we ever see you at Hyde, we might just have to beat the living crap out of you. Which shouldn't be that hard. So consider yourself warned.

This is not because The Hollywood Gossip is out to get people or enjoys violent conflict. It's simply because Spencer Pratt fills us with blinding, unrelenting rage. Basically, watching him on The Hills makes us want to channel our inner Jason Wahler and go postal.

Laker Love

It was probably during last night's clothing-store scene â€" when Spencer was asking Heidi Montag to move in with him while constantly pawing at her â€" that we realized how bad this guy needs a boot to the f*%king skull.

Of course, as Entertainment Weekly wryly notes, the way he so selflessly dedicates himself to being creepily manipulative for our viewing pleasure is nothing short of miraculous.

Taking a break from Spencer for a second, the gang starts off the episode gearing up for the best New Year's Eve ever. We're also informed that the lovely Whitney Port, LC's fellow intern, is also a decent softball player.

Seriously, she can really drive the ball!

In addition to planning a hot NYE at the nightclub Area, everyone was also acting determined to make amends after the great Heidi-Lauren rift.

"I feel like, 2006 was a hard year on our friendship, and I want to spend New Year's with her," Heidi tells Spencer.

On the big night, he kept repeating how much he despised her friends and the fact that she "chooses them" over him. As if a girl can't have both a boyfriend as well as female friends. That'd just be too f*%ked up.

So it goes in the mind of Spencer Pratt, however. Why is Brody Jenner even friends with this tool again? At dinner, before they met up with the group at Area, Spencer told Heidi:

"I don't even want to go to the club. I just want to take you home right now. But you have another boyfriend named Lauren Conrad."

Blinding, unfocused and unrelenting rage
.

Things were much cheerier on Lauren's side, thankfully, where her big plan for self-improvement in 2007 was to take kickboxing with Audrina Patridge.

Hey, every girl's gotta have a New Year's resolution. Lauren's pal from Laguna Beach, Lo, also paid a nice visit. Moreover, Lauren met a pal of a pal of Audrina's (vacationing from Colorado) who she could smooch on New Year's, too!

We've loving Lauren's newfound interest in regular guys, by the way. Maybe it's just that Heidi dates Spencer. But it shows LC's not as superficial as may of her peers.

Heidi, meanwhile, seemed intent on her underlying goal to destroy her friendship with Lauren (or what's left of it) by blabbing to Lo about Spencer suggesting they move in together - without mentioning it to her roomie. WTF!

Then, taking a page str8 outta Spencer's playbook, she got all pensive and pouty at midnight when no one, like, was paying attention to her. Absolutely classic Heidi.

Days later, Spencer was still at it.

"I've been thinking a lot," he told Heidi. "I think it's really rude that you've chosen Lauren over me."

And our blood pressure keeps on rising.

NEXT WEEK: The return of Brody Jenner (amazing how he keeps turning up) as well as that girl Jen. Plus, Lauren Conrad's big 21st birthday!

Spencer Pratt Biography

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag Kiss The loathsome Spencer Pratt is a random dumbass who has gained celebrity gossip notoriety from being on The Hills as Heidi Montag's loser... More »
Born
Birthplace
Los Angeles, California
Full Name
Spencer William Pratt

Spencer Pratt Quotes

Heidi Montag: Honey, I'm home.
Spencer Pratt: Oh, my favorite part of the day!

I would never watch that! I would rather throw up... but I know for a fact, and I would take a lie detector test.

regarding a Lauren Conrad sex tape
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