by Free Britney at

That's the focal point of this drama-filled episode.

In her continuing efforts to forge a friendship with her former flame, Jason Wahler, star Lauren Conrad wasn't exactly expecting to learn that ...

  1. He has a new girlfriend.
  2. Oh, and they're living together.
  3. They're engaged! Surprise! Woo!

Jason drops bombs #1 and #2 during a lunch date with LC, inviting her to a housewarming party thrown by himself and his new gal. She accepts.

Only when Lauren and Audrina Patridge attend said party do they learn the full extent of Jason's relationship with Katja Decker-Sadowski.

The big moment comes when a drunk frat guy offers a toast - with a plastic cup of beer, just pumped from a keg - to celebrate the engagement of Wahler.

Lauren's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.

Her heartbreak and complete shock evident, LC feigns happiness for a time, though later she confides to Jason that "I think you're being an idiot."

After all, he's only 20 years old and still in a recovering alcoholics program that recommends he not date anyone... let alone get engaged to someone.

A calm Jason Wahler just rolls with his ex-girlfriend's criticism, though, and is clearly happy with Katja Decker-Sadowski, a tennis player at USC.

The highlight of the night came when a clearly jealous Katja interrupted Lauren's during her heart-to-heart with Jason on the deck, heaving herself on Wahler's lap in one of the most awkward moments in Hills history. What a bitch!

Whitney Port, Lauren Conrad

Left: Jason and fiancee Katja Decker-Sadowski. Right: LC and Whitney.

The next day, Lauren Conrad reflected on the events with a cooler head, saying "this could have been me ... but as much as I love Jason, I'm glad it's not!"

She also noted that she's dreamed about the day gets engaged and it doesn't involve plastic cups of beer and Bob Marley posters. Same here, Lauren!

In other news, Whitney Port drops the ball a little at Teen Vogue when she is in charge of a photo shoot for a band, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, but goes out and parties with them late the night before and everyone shows up late. Fortunately, her editor, Lisa Love, only gives our girl a slight reprimand and tells her to step it up.

Lastly, the loathesome Spencer Pratt is not psyched about registering for wedding presents. Or telling his parents that he's engaged to Heidi Montag. The episode ends with Spence's sheepish admission that his folks don't even know... despite the fact that he's a media whore who appears on a well-known reality show!

Thoughts? Feelings? Comments? Sound off in our Hills forum.

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by Free Britney at

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag of The Hills suck so much as it is, it's hard to imagine worse things than being subjected to a party thrown by the two.

Unless you were to throw Perez Hilton into the mix.

That's exactly what went down over the weekend as Spencer and Heidi - along with their romantic gondola ride in Las Vegas of course - celebrated in style at the clubs. Which is interesting, since they used to do that before she was 21.

Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt and Perez Hilton: The trinity of pain.

Heidi Montag turned 21 on Saturday, the very same day that Lauren Conrad's fashion line officially debuted. We were, like, OMG, so excited for the latter!

Oh, right, this is a post about Heidi's birthday party. Club-goers out on the scene report that "Heidi and Spencer were in a festive mood at LAX, downing Veuve Clicquot and passing out flutes to random people in the crowd."

No word on whether later that night, Heidi Montag played another kind of flute. Made of skin. Speaking of which, Perez Hilton was on hand to complete this first meeting of the Team Heidi fan club. It's okay, you gotta start small sometimes.

Spencer Pratt should have Perez hang out with them more, for sure. He may be the one of the only men alive who makes him look attractive by comparison.

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by Free Britney at

Back her weekend away with the bumbling Justin-Bobby (Justin Brescia), Audrina Patridge announces that the volatile couple is sooo back on.

Lauren and Whitney, meanwhile, discuss the development at work the next day, where Whitney teases an obviously concerned Lauren Conrad.

Heidi Montag Pratt Picture

"They probably worked it out on their own," Whitney Port chides at her friend, adding, "no need for everyone else to get involved!"

Then none other than Jason Wahler calls, and Whitney shoots Lauren a look of disapproval over LC's decision to answer that Blackberry.

Jason takes Lauren to dinner at the new L.A. hotspot Ketchup, a place owned by none other than Paula Abdul boy toy J.T. Torregiani.

Wouldn't you know it, Spencer Pratt just happens to be taking Heidi Montag to that very place to celebrate her promotion at Bolthouse.

After Jason and Lauren share some awkward moments of nostalgic flirtation, the drama starts to go down when a sarcastic Spencer spots them, and says "It's great to see you guys back together, really, it's heartwarming."

LC restrains Jason, who wants to go over to their table and start $h!t. But the needling Spencer sends over a water and a Shirley Temple over to their table, prompting Conrad and Wahler to leave - and get heckled as they do.

Spencer's take: "I wonder if she picked him up in rehab or jail?"

Heidi's take: "After everything she's been through with Jason, and me... who was there for her, through all that hell, is the one she won't talk to... it's baffling."

Jason's take: "Who cares about them?"

Lauren's take: Not a lot, but she gave Jason Wahler SERIOUS kiss-me-now eyes when he drops her off afterwards. Damn, girl! Fortunately, J doesn't make a move. Lauren is really desperate for some loving, guys. Make a move!

Elodie's take: "What exactly did you do to her that makes her not even want to accept a drink from you? And also, you know, you were also friends with Audrina, and she doesn't talk to you anymore. You were friends with Whitney too. You don't even know what's wrong and what's right anymore. It's so sad!"

Oh. Snap. Clearly Heidi Montag's "all business" defense doesn't fly with Elodie, who's still bitter over losing out on that Bolthouse job and pretty damn sick of listening to Heidi whining and bossing around her new assistant.

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by Free Britney at

With absolutely no idea there are cameras nearby, Spencer Pratt holds on tight to fiancée Heidi Montag during a romantic gondola ride Sunday...

Ah, Venice. That Spencer Pratt is the ultimate romantic.

Of course, not unlike Heidi's engagement ring, their gondola ride was a knockoff - it took place at Las Vegas' Venetian Hotel, rather than the Italian city. What a loving relationship, though. The gondola operator's face seems to say it all.

Still, it's nice to see The Hills star's 21st birthday was celebrated in some way other than the unveiling of the Lauren Conrad fashion line.

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by Mischalova at

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are not listening to Jason Wahler.

The man who swears he did NOT make a Lauren Conrad sex tape has told his former flame's former friends to shut the heck up. Instead?

Signing Autograph

Spencer and Heidi are featured in the latest issues of COSMOGirl! In it, The Hills stars give an interview entitled "What You Don't Know About Me & Spencer." It's nauseating.

It's also excerpted below, courtesy of Us Weekly:

Heidi on Spencer:
"I could start crying right now when I think about being without Spencer."

Spencer on Lauren Conrad:
"Lauren is the show's Goody Two-shoes. Heidi is portrayed as the wild, goofy friend who is going through all these experiences that they can't have Lauren go through because she is the sweet, innocent character. But sometimes she's the craziest one of us all."

Heidi on being the bad girl:
"It's like I was the good girl on the show until I fell in love with Spencer, and then I became the bad girl. But they don't show the footage of how Lauren was sort of obsessed with Spencer, or how she called my mom in Colorado and told her I was involved in an abusive relationship, or how she would scream at me in the middle of the club if I wanted to leave at 2 a.m. to go see Spencer."

Heidi on Lauren being needy:
"I spent a lot of time with her during her breakup with [Jason Wahler]. I was there for her every day and night when she cried, and I have been there for her through some horrible things you never saw on-camera. No matter how much time I spent with her, it was never enough. Lauren always wants to have a friend around."

Spencer on how his relationship changed after Heidi and LC stopped being friends:
"All I know is that once Lauren was out of our relationship, it became flawless. It was like I had this girlfriend who had this friend whose goal it was to break us up. Lauren's not dumb, and she knows how to get what she wants. She's got a really strong team of people around her; she knows how to work it."

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by Free Britney at

"This is like... I feel like we're back in high school with this! How long have I been friends with you.... What a bitch!" - Brody Jenner

Ah yes, the sage wisdom of the great Brody Jenner. Try as he did to talk sense into childhood friend Spencer Pratt, he couldn't it get it through the oily one's head to cool it in regards to Brody's rekindled friendship with Lauren Conrad.

Buffoons

As a result, as Brody himself said, "Spencer broke up with me!"

That was the focal point of last night's new episode of The Hills, in which Lauren Conrad helped her ex-boyfriend (and possible friend with benefits) realize that life can actually be (gasp) a lot more fun without Spencer Pratt.

A stunning revelation, we know.

At the episode's onset, however, the focus was on Audrina Patridge and former flame Justin-Bobby (real name Justin Brescia) who had drifted apart in the last episode, only to get back together again in a true reality TV stunner.

Justin-Bobby tells Audrina that he's "hesitant to put labels on things" and wants them to become "best friends" before lovers, then accuses Audrina of being too sensitive.

Riiiight. Lauren Conrad's take? "[Audrina] wasn't being over-sensitive. He was being over-a$$hole!" Said as only Lauren can. You tell her, girl!

Shortly thereafter, at work (yes, she has a job) Heidi Montag learns that Brody and Lauren have been hanging out again from her boss, club promoter Brent Bolthouse... at a staff meeting. Yeah, MTV doesn't stage this show at all.

Heidi was taken aback, and in typical fashion, Spencer reacted to the news with a sneer. Betrayal. It hurts. Almost as much as having to stare at Spencer Pratt's scraggly-ass blonde beard for much of the show. Take a shave, bro.

Meanwhile, at Les Deux, Brody and Lauren party - with her girl Lo and his boy Frankie Delgado. LC then invites herself over for an "after-party" at his condo. Both deny hooking up the next day, calling it just a "friendly sleepover."

Regardless, they're on good terms, and that's plenty enough for Spencer to shun his childhood pal. When Brody dials Spencer up to shoot the $h!t, Pratt rips him a new one for fraternizing with the enemy - and says that makes him the enemy.

Brody tries to explain, and calm him down, but it's a moot point. As we all know, there's no rationalizing with this conniving, insecure, acne-riddled Devil.

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by Free Britney at

Monday's episode of The Hills started with LC and pals at beach BBQ thrown by Brody Jenner in Malibu. Once again, it's a tad annoying that we went in knowing he broke his finger during a football game on the beach. But it was, for the most part, entertaining.

The bash, of course, happened on the same weekend that Brody's quote-unquote publicist, Spencer Pratt, was asked by Heidi Montag to go meet her parents in Colorado.

Mostly Plastic

Brody was upset to hear this, and ripped Spencer for going, calling him "married guy" and saying that a true pal "wouldn't flake out on his homies." True dat, yo.

By and large, Spencer did a nice job with Heidi's folks, although we take serious issue with Heidi saying she always wanted a guy like her dad - and that she got that in Pratt. We found Heidi's dad to be a nice, normal guy, thus making this statement really confusing.

Later, Heidi tried at length to justify her love for Pratt, and Spencer himself was awkwardly thrust into the "heart-to-heart" talk with Mr. Montag. Somehow, the evil one utilized his Revenge of the Sith mind-control techniques to seem like a normal human.

Back at the party, Audrina Patridge was having a great time with boyfriend Justin-Bobby. For some reason, she was all about this guy. That is, until he started flirting with other girls, then ditched the event without telling anyone.

He even left Audrina's bike helmet at Brody's. Classy move.

Lauren Conrad then consoled Audrina Patridge after she miraculously realized what the rest of America already knew - that Justin-Bobby is an absolute waste of space.

In the immortal words of LC: "Homeboy wore combat boots ... to the beach!"

Amen. By far the cutest part of the season so far came when a teary-eyed LC and Audrina Patridge began talking about love and boys in front of the fire - having had a few too many drinks at the party - while trading the requisite hugs and supportive comments.

Awwwww. For one scene, The Hills felt like actual reality again. Cute girls drinking too much, talking about feelings and saying how much they love each other after one of them is spurned by a guy! Who hasn't seen this 50 times at parties!?

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by Free Britney at

TV watchers love to hate the slimy Spencer Pratt so much that you'd think he were on The Bold and the Beautiful instead of MTV's reality hit, The Hills.

We know. Spencer Pratt is neither bold, nor beautiful. That's not the point.

Paparazzi Mobs Perez, Speidi

The privileged son of a dentist and a stay-at-home mom, Spencer is the scheming foil to Lauren Conrad's All-American girl - and he isn't shy about it, on or off the show.

"Spencer is enthralled with being in magazines," an Us Weekly source reports in the celebrity gossip rag's new issue.

"He literally has a shrine in his room at his parents' house of all the magazines he's been in."

Even Pratt's carefully orchestrated proposal to girlfriend Heidi Montag on a Santa Barbara beach was beyond shady.

They denied the engagement to Entertainment Weekly, after telling Us August 8 they were, in fact, getting hitched. And the "engagement ring" Pratt purchased at an L.A. mall?

Price estimates from those familiar with the store range from $250 to $2,500. Hardly the bling ol' Spence made it out to be.

Another source confirms the question was not popped: "Spencer didn't propose to Heidi. It's a promise ring. He just knows what people what to see on The Hills."

Episode two of The Hills' Season 3 corroborates this - there was no proposal, just an awkward thrusting of the bogus diamond ring in Heidi's general direction.

Meanwhile, Pratt's quest to dominate the D-list has taken a toll on his bros. Brody Jenner used to be one of his best pals, but now the two aren't speaking.

Some say - and we don't doubt - that it's because Jenner began hanging out with his ex-girlfriend, Lauren Conrad, again recently.

Brody Jenner says, on the subject: "It's unfortunate that Spencer and I aren't friends anymore, but I will always consider him family."

Cute. We'll always consider him a no-talent ass clown with an acne problem. But hey, Spencer Pratt sure makes each day more interesting here at The Hollywood Gossip.

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by Free Britney at

For Lauren Conrad, it's apparently tough to find a BFF and roommate with a boyfriend who doesn't suck. And turn her into a mother hen, of sorts.

The beautiful star of The Hills found herself in a somewhat familiar area Monday night, playing the third wheel as her roommate dated a new "hot" guy.

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag at Area

Only this time it's not Heidi Montag, but new BFF, Audrina Patridge, and on-again boyfriend, Justin... whose friends, of course, call him Bobby. Thus, Justin-Bobby.

What's J-B's actual name? We have no idea. Nor would we care, except that Audrina Patridge is apparently too clueless to give this assbag the boot.

After a standoffish meeting with Lauren - the guy showcased his belching skillz and displayed the maturity of an eight-year-old in an upscale eatery (no joke) - Conrad will likely have less-nice, more descriptive nicknames for Justin-Bobby.

Mumbling, hiding under a hood and telling Lauren Conrad bluntly that he doesn't care about her opinion, Justin-Bobby is shaping up to be a worthy competitor for Spencer.

The scheming Spencer Pratt does a much better job of making himself compelling to watch, though - even the haters have to give him that.

Despite a desire not to hurt Lauren, who told her she should pull the plug, Audrina nonetheless found herself back with the motorcycle-riding bad boy by the episode's end.

As Lauren Conrad herself knows, sometimes the bad boys are the hardest to let go of. But will LC give Audrina flak for giving Justin-Bobby this second chance?

In other dysfunctional relationship news, the newly engaged Heidi Montag showed off her fake engagement ring at work, then struggled to set the ground rules for cohabitation. Her methods of choice were passive-agressive - and entertaining!

After Spencer Pratt "surprised" his lovely lover with vintage '80s arcade games and a graffiti-splashed living room wall, and didn't listen to her pleas for even a little input as to home decor, Heidi gave him a taste of his own medicine.

Spencer came home to find Heidi paint-rolling over his "artwork," offering him his very own "surprise" - a clean, plain, off-white wall!

Pratt fumed as Montag explained that if they plan to make this "engagement thing" work, they're going to have to make decisions together. Spencer was seething as he agreed as he stared forlornly at his once glorious wall. In a moment, though, he picked up a roller and finished off Heidi's project.

Is Spencer now thinking pal Brody Jenner may have been right when he said marriage was just an institution for dumb guys who can't get otherwise laid?

Who knows. But next week on The Hills, Spencer ditches a Brody BBQ to meet Heidi's parents in Colorado, while Brody and LC commiserate over their lost friendships. Meanwhile, Audrina encounters drama with Justin-Bobby - drama everyone in America saw coming but her!

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by Free Britney at

Funny, we would say the same thing! Only he means it in a different way.

Heidi Montag talks about her "music" almost as much as she talks about her feud with Lauren Conrad. But unlike her very public cat fights, Montag and Pratt say they did not want a song she recently recorded to be played on the air.

Touting the "world premiere" of Montag's single, metrosexual host Ryan Seacrest played a song called "Body Language" on his KISS-FM radio show Thursday.

But the track, which sampes a beat from Yaz's "Situation" and features Spencer Pratt - Montag's fiancé / manager - rapping, wasn't supposed to be released, he claims.

"We did it as a joke," Pratt said. "That's not her single at all. It was never meant to be heard by anyone but us. Over my dead body would I rap on Heidi's first single. Heidi is really upset because this was not the first sound she wanted people to hear from her."

Riiiiiight. We're sure the release of the track (just like alllll those bikini photos) was accidental, and that Heidi's really a potential Grammy winner.

Montag's "sound," The Hills star says, is "dance, urban, rhythmical … I love a lot of rap and urban music at the same time, so I'm bringing a little of those elements in."

When it comes to the couple's nauseatingly fake engagement, well, Heidi Montag's music career obviously takes precedence.

"I'm shopping [for a dress]," she said recently. "But we haven't done anything else, we're so busy in the studio, and with my music, we don't have time to plan a wedding."

T.H. GOSSIP NOTE: In case you were unaware, these people are morons.

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