by Free Britney at

Once the loudest, proudest fame whores around, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag lived a fake life for the sake of cameras for years and reaped the benefits.

Nowadays, however, things are a bit different.

They’re broke and living in a beach house in Santa Barbara owned by his folks, who let them live there rent-free. Few other family members speak to them.

Heidi Montag’s plastic surgery binge has marred her face and body. They are largely unemployable, both on camera and off, victims of their own success.

Pratts Play with Guns

Three short years ago, they were at the top of their game with The Hills, working every lever of the celebrity industrial-machine to their advantage.

Speidi. One word said it all. You knew them. You hated them. But you ate up their antics and the celeb culture they embodied. They knew it. Worked it.

But things turned dark as The Hills wound down. By the end of 2009, their lives grew increasingly insane ... not to mention financially unsustainable.

Lavish spending on useless crap - cars, clothes, her music career - killed them.

“We were getting paid to be people we weren’t for so long that there’s no line,” Spencer Pratt says. “What we learned is, you can be too famous.”

Follow this link for the Daily Beast's feature on the demise of Speidi ...

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by Free Britney at

Spencer Pratt is apparently still around. And furious at Virgin Mobile over its faux celeb spokes-couple "Sparah," which he says is blatantly copying Speidi.

Virgin's new ad campaign is built entirely around a fake Hollywood couple called "Sparah," a mashup of the names Spencer and Sarah. Sound familiar?

Pratt is pissed that he and Heidi Montag have become the butt of a national joke. Not because of pride or hurt feelings, but dude wants to get paid for it!

3 Boobs

Sparah Speidi at an event last year.

According to Spencer, Speidi is so getting ripped off. "They should being paying for using our likeness. It's obvious they are trying to be us," he says.

Pratt doesn't stop there, adding, he and Heidi "hate" Sparah ... "It's nuts how much [Virgin is] promoting them, when they are obviously copying us."

It's an interesting legal question. Even if Speidi did inspire Sparah, can you sue someone for mocking you? Lindsay Lohan has probably tried ...

[Photo: WENN.com]

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by Free Britney at

It seems unthinkable for this terrible tandem, but Spencer Pratt is not permitted on or anywhere near Heidi Montag's new reality show Famous Food.

Producers of Heidi's show - on which she, Jake Pavelka, Ashley Dupre and other has-beens manage a restaurant - are serious, too. Spencer is banned.

Pratt has been disallowed on set since day one, and Heidi Montag herself agreed to the injunction against her better half (not that she had a choice).

Heidi, Spencer on the Move

PERSONA NON GRATA: That's what Spencer is on the set of Famous Food. And presumably many, many other places in and around Southern California.

The producers were adamant that Spencer wasn't allowed on the set, near the set, or to be involved in any way, and Heidi agreed to keep him at bay.

We're told Spencer has behaved himself so far - it helps that he was briefly in a coma this spring - but you know it's just a matter of time with him.

[Photo: WENN.com]

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by Free Britney at

Okay, it's April 2. Joke's over.

Our bogus report that Spencer Pratt was critically injured in Wales took on surprising legs yesterday, despite what we felt was an obvious April Fool's prank.

We made it up. Out of thin air. He really is in Wales and really hasn't been on Twitter since March 29th (has to be a record), but THG invented this rumor.

The Beard

Pratt is alive and well, despite THG's attempt to put him in a coma.

Yes, we realize this was in bad taste, but come on, it was April 1.

It's also Spencer Pratt. If anyone can appreciate this, it's him.

The former Hills svengali even commented personally on the rumor when Rumor Fix tracked him down, and seemed to be amused, telling the website:

"Ha Ha Ha. I finally have reached the level of fame I aspired to - when I don't have to make up my own stories! LOL." The reality star went on to add:

"All good here. No hiking for me - just eating."

Come home soon, man. We kinda miss you.

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by Free Britney at

For the past week, Spencer Pratt has been in Wales, taking in the sights and hiking the UK country's beautiful countryside. We haven't heard much from him.

Never did we guess we may never hear from him again, however.

Reports out of the UK indicate that while trekking through the hills, Spence was hindered by one of the region's typical drastic shifts in weather and stranded.

He attempted to take a shortcut down a steep hill and took a terrible fall, losing consciousness and suffering severe injuries. Luckily, he was found quickly.

Spencer in Wales

The Hills made Spencer a star. Ironically, a hike through faraway and very different hills may lead to the semi-annoying, semi-endearing reality star's demise.

While the extent of Spencer Pratt's injuries and his prognosis remain unclear, it's not good. Some reports indicate severe head trauma, possibly resulting in a coma.

Sources at the scene say he was found by fellow hikers and injured badly, but still breathing by the time emergency personnel arrived at the bottom of the hill.

He and people close to him have been radio silent for days, which can't be a good sign. All we can do is hope for the best, wait for updates and pray for a miracle.

Fortunately, Pratt's wife Heidi Montag sustained less severe injuries, as 68 percent of her body is non-organic. Who'd have guessed that would come in handy?

Story developing. Stay tuned for future updates ...

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by Free Britney at

Spencer Pratt is a known loser. Still, he wants to be part of Charlie Sheen's WINNING! team so bad that he'll be the actor's new publicist for free.

After Sheen's long-time PR man, Stan Rosenfield, quit this past, Spencer has come out of the woodwork, offering to help Sheen mend his image.

We wouldn't hold our breath, Spencer. Then again, it's Charlie Sheen. Bets are off. We know he's a role model, but he's an unpredictable one!

Scraggly Ass Beard

Spencer to Charlie: Let me use your scandal for attention help you!

Pratt, who's married to Heidi Montag, says, "I want to be Charlie Sheen's new publicist. I am offering to be his media point man. I have great contacts with media outlets and will work for free just to be part of his winning team."

Taking media advice from Spencer Pratt is a like getting romantic tips from Mel Gibson, but we're sure Charlie appreciates anyone reaching out to him.

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by Free Britney at

Spencer Pratt is apparently livid with Bravo's Andy Cohen for his verbal tirade against Heidi Montag, who he wasn't exactly kind to over the weekend.

Cohen referred to Heidi as "trash" and said he'd rather stab himself than see her on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills after she expressed interest.

"That trash is delusional and I would sooner stab ... knives into my eyes than see her on this network," he said, calling her the "Jackhole of the week."

Pissed Off Pratt

JACKHOLE! Spencer has issues with Andy. [Photo: Pacific Coast News]

Never one to miss an opening, Spencer was stunned by the hurtful comments about his wife, telling Radar Online, "Andy is clearly the Jackhole."

"You think you're special because you have your little talk show that's hurting in ratings doesn't give you special authority to bash a young girl."

"Maybe you have issues with women," added The Hills alum. "It's clear you you don't respect your talented housewives, always mocking them."

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by Free Britney at

Spencer Pratt is done with reality TV and headline-seeking gimmicks.

LOL. We'll believe that when we see it, but that's what he's claiming.

Instead, "I want to be an FBI agent, or work in homeland security or intelligence," the former Hills star said. "I've given up TV, and would love to be an FBI agent."

Spencer Pratt with a Gun

FBI MATERIAL? Of course, there's the small matter of Spencer not having his B.A. He says he's just a few credits short of a degree in Political Science from USC.

"Those ads that pop up when you sign on the computer that say, 'Do you want to work for the FBI, all you need is a college degree.' I was like, I don't have that."

"I came so close to getting my degree, that I can't believe I didn't finish. It's going to be really weird to be at school again. I know it will be hard to blend in."

"Just going to the college store with [Heidi Montag] to get my books for summer school was a challenge," he says, expecting us to take this seriously.

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by Free Britney at

The Spencer Pratt rap song that leaked last week might result in something besides widespread ridicule for the former Hills star after all. KFC wants to use it!

KFC President Roger Eaton wants to partner with Pratt and turn "Ain't No Thing," his so-bad-it's-amazing track, into a music video ad for the company.

Yes, we're actually serious.

"We heard the song came out before it was fully cooked, and you were just winging it as a first cut," Eaton says, tapping into a vast well of poultry puns.

"We're willing to help you tune up the track and even turn it into a tasty music video, featuring the Colonel himself. That is, if you're not chicken."

"On behalf of the entire Kentucky Fried Chicken family, we want to make an offer you can't resist." Pratt's response? "My dreams have come true!"

Here's the musical brilliance in question if you haven't heard it:

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by Free Britney at

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt insist on torturing us with music. It's pretty funny if nothing else, even if the gruesome twosome didn't intend it to be.

A year after the debut of her gawdawful album Superficial, Montag has just released "Heartbeat," a new, mediocre-at-best synthesized dance track.

"Touch me," she sings, or attempts to in vain. "Let me know. Touch me. I don’t need. You enjoy myself. Enjoy myself to the music. Heartbeat."

"I put my heart into this," she tells People. "I want to become a galaxy star."

Whatever that is, we wouldn't recommend holding your breath, girlfriend.

As you may have heard (with the ear scars to prove it), Spencer Pratt has some tunes of his own floating around cyberspace. Of the rap variety.

His latest effort, which you can listen to after the jump, isn't quite as bad as the others. Of course, the bar was set preposterously low, so ...

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