by Free Britney at . Comments

Or anyone's. But at least the T.H. Gossip staff and most adult humans have the motor skills to turn that $h!t down when it comes on... and the intelligence not to buy it in the first place. But pity poor Sean Preston Federline. Pity him indeed.

Britney Spears and Jason Trawick Together

The first-born son of Britney Spears can't contain himself when his estranged dad's new album, Playing With Fire, pulsates through the speakers. This is partially due to the heartbreak of his loving mommy divorcing Kevin Federline, but mostly because the music is simply terrible. Seriously, earplug manufacturers cannot crank those things out fast enough.

Yes, his father is a disgrace, and Preston (as Brit calls him) can't help but let out a good cry. It tends to make him feel better during trying times. Aspiring rapper? Come on. Even lil' Sean P. knows K-Fed ain't no got game, b!tchez. Luckily, Sean's little bro, Jayden James, was at home in da crib, and not subjected to similar torture.

by Free Britney at . Comments

The Hollywood Gossip is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity world that you might never have considered. Because they are pointless, and above all, not real.

Our inaugural edition is a rare three-person showdown of Sean P's. Who will emerge victorious when Sean Preston (first spawn of Britney Spears), reggae / rap star Sean Paul and actor Sean Penn collide in a 10-category battle? Let's take a look:

Britney Spears, Family

1. COOLEST FULL NAME:

Sean Preston: Sean Preston Federline
Sean Paul: Sean Paul Ryan Francis Henriques
Sean Penn: Sean Justin Penn
Edge: Paul

2. ETHNIC BACKGROUND:

Sean Preston: Trailer park
Sean Paul: Mostly Jamaican, some Chinese/British
Sean Penn: European, Jewish/Roman Catholic mix
Edge: Even between Paul, Penn

3. TRADEMARK STYLE:

Sean Preston: Whatever Britney chooses
Sean Paul: Cool dreads, ill threads
Sean Penn: Porn mustache, circa 1986 shades, suits
Edge: Preston

4. SEXUAL PRIME:

Sean Preston: He just turned one!
Sean Paul: In full effect
Sean Penn: Long gone.
Edge: Paul

5. LITTLE-KNOWN FACT

Sean Preston: Is actually smarter than dad Kevin Federline
Sean Paul: Former member of Jamaican national water polo team
Sean Penn: Studied auto mechanics and speech at Santa Monica Coll.
Edge: Paul

6. SIBLINGS

Sean Preston: Sutton Pierce Federline (2006- )
Sean Paul: Only child
Sean Penn: Michael (1958- ), Chris (1965-2006)
Edge: Preston

7. SOCIAL CAUSES

Sean Preston: Needing to be changed
Sean Paul: Getting properly crunked
Sean Penn: Ending any and all wars
Edge: Penn

8. CAREER HIGHLIGHTS

Sean Preston: Esquire's Worst Dressed Man of the Year 2006
Sean Paul: 2004 Grammy for Best Reggae Album
Sean Penn: Married Madonna, won 2003 Academy Award for Best Actor in Mystic River
Edge: Penn

9. FUTURE PROSPECTS:

Sean Preston: God help him
Sean Paul: More platinum records
Sean Penn: Arrests for non-violent protests, smoking in public
Edge: Paul

10. MEMORABLE QUOTES

Sean Preston: "Waaaaaah!"
Sean Paul: "Legalize it"
Sean Penn: "F**k you"
Edge: Penn

THE SKINNY: Despite a late surge by Penn, Sean Paul takes it with 4.5. Sean Penn claims 3.5 and little Sean Preston brings up the rear with 2. Bet you he wants a rematch.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Apparently, she doesn't own one. First, little Sean Preston Federline was named the World's Worst Dressed Man by Esquire. Now, mother Britney Spears is frequently seen in public looking like she was dressed by a deaf, dumb and blind person. Or like she is a deaf, dumb and blind person. Forget it, that makes no sense.

This picture from People magazine really speaks for itself. Poor Sean P. has no idea how ridiculous he and his mother look. While T.H. Gossip would never go so far as to call Britney Spears ugly (as some hack rappers have), she certainly could use a fashion consultant at times. Otherwise, more and more people are going to be sticking their tongues out at her.

Britney's Body

by Free Britney at . Comments

As we've said before, just when you think the life of Britney Spears can't get any weirder, the bar is once again raised. Or, as is more frequently the case these days, lowered.

The September issue of Esquire has named little Sean Preston Federline the "Worst Dressed Man in the World" on its annual Best and Worst Dressed Men lists. Personally, we feel this less an indictment of Sean P. and more of a slap at his mother. She's the one in charge of outfitting the little pip squeak!

Sean Preston Federline Finds a Bargain

And to think she wants to start her own clothing line. For kids. God help us all. Regarding Britney's less than stellar wardrobe choices for her son, who turns 1 next month, the magazine says the following:

"Being the offspring of a hyper fertile backup dancer and prematurely wilted flower is no excuse, but being 12 months almost is... As soon as you gain some dexterity, straighten out your hat."

Hyper fertile backup dancer? Prematurely wilted flower? We can't even try to complete with that at this time. It is Friday afternoon, after all.

But seriously, Sean. Straighten out the hat, will ya?

by Free Britney at . Comments

Much as you would love to imagine the words "Britney," "Spears," and "experimentation" coming together in magical ways, don't get your hopes up.

Britney, Sean

Mother extraordinaire Britney Spears says she loves experimenting -- but she means playing the role of personal style coordinator for 10-month-old son Sean Preston. The pregnant pop princess loves picking out a wide and interesting variety of clothes for Sean P. So much so that she is planning on launching a new clothing line specifically for babies.

The star says she is putting her downtime during pregnancy to good use (when she's not writing poetry, of course), and has been amusing herself endlessly with Sean Preston's wardrobe.

"Because I'm pregnant, I'm big, and I don't really want to get out that much," she said. "I go into his closet and just bleach everything! Preston's just like a rocker kid. Hopefully next year we'll have a fashion show, maybe at Disney World or something like that We'll have them onstage, and they'll have mini-guitars. Everyone needs a mini-guitar!"

Somebody please kill me now, or take me back to the days of yore.

One would think that Britney could use some of that downtime to outfit husband Kevin Federline in some new clothes as well, but who knows. Maybe she digs the circa-1992-wigger look. As for her experimenting with Sean Preston's attire, we think she has some work to do. Please see:

Sean Preston Federline Biography

Family Love! Sean Preston Federline is the oldest son of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. He is two years old as of Sept., 2007. He is the brother... More »
Born
Full Name
Sean Preston Federline
× Close Ad