by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Bad news for Kourtney Kardashian this week: she's been stabbed in the heart.

Really bad news for celebrity gossip followers: this headline isn't meant in a literal sense.

For the second time in a month, Kourtney's relationship with Scott Disick is front and center on a supermarket tabloid. While previous reports of the pair's split were premature, this one seems REALLY serious!

After all, an anonymous source says the family agrees Scott "needs professional help" because he cheated on his baby mama with some chick in a bikini. OMG, people. OMG...

A stabbing, a surgical nightmare, a baby for Angelina Jolie and a honeymoon for Ian Ziering?!? At least one of these stories is true. Can you guess which?

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We've gotta give credit to the writers of Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami.

After season one of this "reality" show concluded, they clearly came to a realization: Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian have the combined personality of a piece of pocket lint. They're more boring than an episode of 90210.

That's why producers have told Khloe to get pregnant, at least a baby would spice things up. It's also also why season two of this E! series will focus on Scott Disick. Kourtney's baby daddy knows how to deliver the drama!

Case in point: the alcohol-fueld tirade he goes on in the preview below, which tabloids claim led to a split between Kourtney and Scott. There's just one problem: this footage was filmed months ago, meaning we already know the outcome: Kourt and Scott are just fine.

The same can't be said for people that actually tune in watch this entirely scripted nonsense...

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If supermarket tabloids are never to be believed, what do readers do when two of these trashy magazines publish opposite reports? One of them has to be correct, no?

Such is the dilemma now facing Kourtney Kardashians fans, a select group of individuals who should likely re-consider their priorities in life.

According to Us Weekly, Kourtney and Scott Disick are tighter than ever, as the former helped the latter celebrate his 27th birthday last week in Charlotte. At the party, Disick allegedly said: "The most important thing is family.”

AWWWW, right? Or... wrong?!?

Khloe Kardashian might be pregnant. Kourtney may have dumped an abusive Scott Disick. What will reality show writers come up next for these sisters?!?

As you can see above, Life & Style tells a very different story.

It claims to have gotten its hands on a scene from season two of Kourtney & Khloé Take Miami. In it, Scott goes on an alcohol-infused tirade, smashing bottles, punching walls and forcing Kourtney to lock herself in a room with five-month old Mason.

The incident ends with Disick rushed to the hospital and Kourtney in hysterics, eventually telling her douchey beau: "I can't do this anymore. I love Mason more than I love you."

(That's a great line. Props to the writer that jotted it down on Kourt's cue card.)

Kris Jenner, meanwhile, supposedly told the tabloid that she "had another girlfriend who allowed this kind of stuff in her life, and she ended up dead."

Yes, Kris is referring to Nicole Brown Simpson. Yes, she just compared Scott Disick to O.J. Simpson. Producers may have crossed the line with that one. Are they that desperate for ratings?!?

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Even though she's now stuck wearing a SCRAM bracelet, Lindsay Lohan doesn't believe she's in need of rehab.

Incredibly, this is only the second most ridiculous thing we've heard a D-list celebrity utter this week!

In an interview with Life & Style, Scott Disick refers to himself as a "role model" and adds that he's the epitome of the American Dream. As we try to stifle laughter over these comments, check out Disick's comments for yourself:

On his reputation as a jerk: I don't mind being portrayed as the villain on TV, but nobody knows the real me. I'm a great guy. All the haters are just jealous, so they're trying to bring me down. I'm young, handsome, successful, wealthy. You could say I'm a role model -- I'm the American dream!

A True Role Model

On sort of being a douche: I may be a douche to some people, but I actually do run companies. I make a lot of money, and I'm more than capable of supporting myself. I run multiple companies in the vitamin world: QuickTrim, Rejuvacare, Monte Carlo Perpetual Tan.

On being a father: Having a baby has made me a completely different person. It's opened my eyes to the sense that there's something out there bigger than myself. That's why every day since Mason's birth I've worked on bettering myself.

Still, Disick has a long way to go until he reaches the levels of success that baby mama Kourtney Kardashian and quasi sister-in-law Kim Kardashian have attained. At a Svedka Vodka party this weekend, these two did what they do best:

Stand on a red carpet and pocket thousands of dollars. To wit...

  • Simple Kim Pic
  • This is Her Job
  • Sisters
  • Kourt Photo
  • Hi, Kourt

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Look, Kardashian family: we understand you'll do and say anything for attention. We comprehend the concept of a publicist and of concocting your own feuds and rumors in order to remain relevant.

But can you please leave innocent children out of your self-serving games?!?

Kardashian Klothing Line

Yesterday, over the course of several painful hours, Kim Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick engaged in a pointless, fake public feud that centered around Kourtney and Scott's son, Mason Dash. It started when Kim posted the following photo of her nephew and Tweeted:

Please nobody tell Kourtney I just twittered a pic of Mase, she just might kill me! I just couldn't resist!

On cue, Disick called his quasi sister-in-law out, writing about his baby mama: "She's not going to be pleased."

From there, Kourtney chimed in, clearly being nothing but pleased: "Everyone told on u kim for showing a pic of Mason! At least u r an incredible auntie," she wrote.

Yes, how dare everyone tell on Kim... for posting a photo that went out to her giant base of Twitter followers, including Scott and Kourtney?!?

Let's hope that Mason skips right past crawling and walking and just learns how to sprint. The kid has to make a run for it before it's too late.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Kris Jenner doesn't seem to think Scott Disick is a good boyfriend because he's a lazy, aimless individual.

Celebrity gossip tabloids claim that Kourtney Kardashian and her baby's father barely even speak, faking their relationship for the camera.

So, what does Kim Kardashian think of her sister's man?

"He's always at home helping Kourtney," she says to Us Weekly in the latest issue. "[The baby] has for sure brought them closer... Scott is so attentive to him. Mason has contributed to Scott growing up a lot."

Family at Play

While not exactly offering effusive praise, Bruce Jenner seems to be a bigger fan of Scott than his wife at least. He tells the magazine:

"Scott is still a work in a progress, don't get me wrong. But he's coming through."

That's reflected above. Disick has learned from the Kardashians how to pretend as though a photographer just happened to catch you in the act of living your life. We're guessing he's also learned how to cash the check written out for this photo.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

When two trusted sources of journalistic integrity - such as Life & Style and In Touch Weekly - publish contrasting stories, it's a bit like watching parents fight.

Whose side do you take? Who in this world can you trust? Where does the truth lie?

Such is our reaction today, as Kourtney tells Life & Style that she loves Scott Disick and really wants "to make it work."

"Everything between us is amazing," she said. "It's definitely been hard. But I just reached a point where I needed everyone to get over it. This is the father of my baby.

HOWEVER, this cover of In Touch Weekly paints a very different picture... literally!

In breaking, truly startling news, the tabloid states that Kourtney and Scott actually don't get along. They are - gasp!!! - faking their relationship for the camera. It also begs the question:

Is E! the "Devil?" We always thought that was Spencer Pratt, or the Smoke Monster from Lost, but we're open to it being any network that airs a show dedicated to the life of Bill and Giuliana Rancic.

You tell us: Has Kourtney made a deal with the devil?

 

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The day after Keeping Up with the Kardashians set an E! ratings record with 4.8 million viewers, Kris Jenner spoke to the network that made her family famous and focused on the unit's most obvious black sheep:

Scott Disick.

The mother of Khloe and Kim Kardashian has made her feelings on Kourtney's baby daddy clear, often mocking his status as an "entrepreneur" and urging Scott to find something he's "passionate about."

You know, like feeding your children unhealthy weight loss supplements.

"I want someone who's dedicated to Kourtney and the baby, who has something to get up for every day - not just get up and go get a tan in the backyard," Kris told E! News."It's not just success monetarily. It's finding something you love to do. I'm as hard on Rob as I am on Scott. I set the bar really high and expect a lot out of my kids."

The show finished filming over nine months ago and Jenner says "a lot's happened since." This would include the raising of Mason Dash, Scott and Kourtney's adorable son.

Kris adds that "when you date one of my kids, you date all of us" and she means that literally: no way you're courting anyone in that family without signing an E! contract.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Appearing today on Ryan Seacrest's radio show, Scott Disick aimed to clear up a few misconceptions about him. Namely, that he isn't the Boyfriend from Hell.

He wants Kris Jenner to know that because Kourtney Kardashian's mother is full of "anger at all times" when the pair talk, he told Ryan. But there's hope for the relationship!

"Honestly, deep down, I think we both love each other a little bit, and I think that will come to the surface in due time. We already are getting along better these days," Scott said.

Scott and Kourtney

Disick told the American Idol host that Jenner constantly compares him to Reggie Bush and Lamar Odom, the football and basketball stars that are doing Kim and Khloe Kardashian, respectively.

"Kris thinks that if you're an athlete you tend to be a better person, when that's not always the case," Disick said.

It's true. Sometimes unemployed deadbeats make the best son-in-laws. You just gotta give them a chance.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Shocking news out of the tabloid world today: Scott Disick, the unemployed bum that is only known for knocking up Kourtney Kardashian, is a bad boyfriend.

With rumors of his infidelity floating around the blogosphere, a friend told In Touch Weekly that “Kourtney resents Scott for his behavior. They fight about almost everything whenever the script calls for it they’re together."

Of course, Scott is the father of Mason Dash, so Kourtney is stuck with the "boyfriend from Hell" forever, as the same tabloid touts on its latest cover:

According to this cover story, Scott Disick is a "serial cheater" and.. wait, Jake Pavelka is gay?!?

Despite being referred to as "maternal" by Khloe Kardashian a few months ago, witnesses close to the couple report otherwise.

“From what I’ve seen, Scott doesn’t really hold the baby,” a totally real source said. “When Kourtney has needed help, she has had to ask, and Scott appeared to give her crap about it. He acts like it is a huge hassle if he has to do anything like put down his phone to hold the baby.”

Insiders also say Disick often refers to Kourtney as "fat" and is "not attracted to her because she’s fatter than she was when they were dating.”

How will all this play out? No doubt E! writers are locked in a room at this very moment, trying to figure it out.