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Silly us. We will never again doubt Jersey Shore's ability to lower the bar. Just when you think it cannot get more tasteless or hilarious, you are proven wrong.

Not one week goes by that we, as viewers, aren't introduced to fist fights, terrible grammar, pseudonyms for bodily functions and thoroughly revolting situations.

As always, THG's here to break down all the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from last night's installment of the show in its patented +/- recap below ...

JWOWW and Tom

JWoww and her Guido Du Jour have it out.

Plus 9 for the stomach-churning double entendre of the episode title, "Dirty Pad."

JWoww and her man solve arguments by picking each other’s noses. Minus 2.

Angelina, Ron and Sam take Jose out for his birthday. Ron: "Jose is definitely getting played. (pause) Like a piano. He's getting cheated on by a dirty piano." Plus 11.

Angelina takes Jose into the Smush Room but refuses to hook up with him. Minus 3. Then she lies about hooking up with him in the Smush Room. Minus 4 more.

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We profiled the men of Jersey Shore and their collective abundance of hair gel earlier today. Now it's a style showdown featuring a pair of their female co-stars.

Looking like an extra from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi showed us why she doesn't check off "white" on job applications.

Sammi Giancola, meanwhile, may not live up to her "Sweetheart" nickname on the show, but she looks sweet in the photo below. Who looked better? Vote!

  • Oompa Loompa Picture
  • Sammi G. Pic

[Photos: Splash News Online]

Who looked better at the MTV VMAs?

 

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Despite Ronnie Ortiz-Magro being the worst boyfriend in human history, Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola simply cannot let the Jersey Shore meathead go.

She's said "I'm DONE" so many times it's become a favorite drinking game of ours, but clearly isn't really. It's like he's trying to get dumped and can't.

Jersey Shore Cast in the House

He's not even sorry for creepin' all over South Beach in Season Two and blatantly hooking up with so many girls behind his on-and-off girlfriend's back.

BACK ON: At least until close of business today.

"I regret getting caught," he said on MTV's after-show. "I don't regret having a good time. I regret getting into bed with Sammi after I got home."

"That was my downside."

Giancola says Ron was "sickening" and "disgusting," but didn't want to believe it when JWoww and Snooki slipped her a note detailing his wild ways.

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"I don't even know. Who knows, dog. That's the first time. That's the first time that has happened. But I'm a trooper! I'm The Situation, man!" - The Situation

What was Mike referring to in one of our favorite Jersey Shore quotes from last night? Hooking up with a chick at the club that was probably a dude, of course.

These things happen down at the shore. What else happened on Thursday's episode? Let's find out in THG's exclusive point-system recap of "Not So Shore" ...

The Situation and a Transvestie

The Situation works his game. With a man.

After hooking up with Vinny, Snooki says it was like "putting a watermelon in a pinhole." Umm. Minus 12 for the imagery of a watermelon and Snooki's pinhole.

Vinny likely contracts pink eye (again). Pauly D's diagnosis: "Your eyebrows are so bushy, they collect so much more bacteria than normal eyes would." Plus 9.

Speaking of Pauly D, dude got so freaking hammered he had to be helped into bed. Who does this guy think he is, Ronnie? Wash, because we still love Pauly.

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"I'm definitely not a saint. If I walked into a church, I'd probably burst into flames to be honest with you ... But I think that I can probably talk my way out of the hole I dug. I mean, how deep is a grave?" - Ronnie Magro

The great thing about this line, one of many great Jersey Shore quotes from last night's episode, is that Ron probably really believed it. Sammi is that pathetic.

Did he succeed? Let's find out in THG's Jersey Shore point-system recap ...

Situation Creepin'

The Situation works his game during an MVP night.

During Gay Pride Week in Miami, JWoww and Snooki were down to celebrate: "Gay Pride, yay!" exclaimed Snooki. Plus 2 for not seriously offending anyone there!

After defending her evening out by saying those guys are not attracted to vagina, Snook dispatched Emilio Masella for good. JWoww clapped, as did we. Plus 7.

The Situation brings home two girls, but had invited two others over earlier. Now it's a 4-on-3 Situation in this MVP night ... with one grenade! Boom! Minus 5.

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Creepin' is bad news, but money talks. Despite storming off the set this week, Sammi Giancola will be returning to MTV's Jersey Shore, don't you worry.

Sam was PISSED when the cast watched the second season and she saw just how bad Ronnie Magro was creepin' on South Beach while they were "together."

Giancola was reportedly livid not just at Ronnie for acting like a complete jackass, but at her co-stars for not blowing the whistle on his cheating ways.

Sammi, Ronnie, Situation

The Sammi and Ronnie situation? Not a good situation.

“She absolutely couldn't believe that Ronnie would do this and the girls hadn't really told her,” a source close to the Jersey Shore star (and native) said.

After several days away, however, Sammi came back, and the reason was simple: “She wants the money. She can’t walk away from all that money.”

Sammi and her guido/guidette brethren received substantial raises for Seasons 2-3 as Jersey Shore has exploded into surprise smash hit for MTV.

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The rest of us have known about it for weeks, but Jersey Shore star Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola reportedly left the show late last week after watching some early Season Two episodes that reveal Ronnie Magro creepin' on random hoes.

As we've seen pretty much all season so far, Ron has been getting absolutely rip$h!t drunk, mauling any grenade or land mine in sight, then crawling back in bed with Sammi. It's an ugly situation. He's extremely dirty and she's pretty naive.

At least until the cast watched the complete second season while shooting the recap last week and Sammi finally saw just how hard Ronnie cheated on her.

Sammi somehow no idea Ronnie was cheating, despite the fact that a camera crew documents his every move and would obviously bust him eventually.

Ronnie Magro and Sammi Giancola

I'M DONE: We've heard that 406 times before, but now ...

“Sammi was angry and hurt by everyone,” a source close to the Jersey Shore cast said. “She couldn't believe Ronnie did this and the girls hadn't really told her. She just couldn't stay living with the person who did this to her, so she moved out.”

Hard to blame her. The South Beach exploits of Ronnie Magro are epic.

Seriously, we've seen drunken debauchery before, but this guy gets so plowed he can't see straight, would hook up with a stray dog if it showed interest, drops f-bombs and c-bombs on his girl repeatedly, then goes to bed with her.

Pretty awesome, if you can get past how awful it is.

The current third season is being filmed back in Jersey with a few weeks to go. Will Sammi return or leave for good? It's unclear now, but she's really hurt.

“She had to find out in front of everyone that her boyfriend was lying to her and treating her like hell,” the source said. “If he didn't want to be with her, why do that on national TV? He embarrassed her in front of 5.5 million people.”

Pretty much.

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Last night's Jersey Shore paled in comparison to last week's for the simple fact that the tired act that is Ronnie and Sammi overshadowed everything else.

Don't get us wrong, there were plenty of absurd scenes and Jersey Shore quotes to make it worth our while, but these two need to get their act together.

If Sammi weren't so painful, maybe we'd be more sympathetic to how Ron treats her. Even her own friends seem to be somewhat on the fence about it.

What should have been the highlight of the week - Snooki and Emilio - took a back seat to played-out drama even their castmates are sick of by now.

How did it all go down in Season 2, Episode 4? THG's got it covered ...

When Snooki called boyfriend Emilio Masella in last week's episode, she and Vinny were up to no good. Now the gorilla juicehead turns the tables. Plus 5.

Guys Suck!

Snooki & Co. to all guys: You're douchebags and we hate you!

Drunk out of his mind, Emilio calls, mistakes JWoww for voicemail, tells Snooks he f*%ked some girl, then says he was kidding. Great joke man. Minus 6.

Snooki: "Guys are douchebags and I hate them all. They don't know how to treat women ... I feel like this is why the lesbian rate is going up in this country." Plus 3.

J-Woww to Emilio: "I will call the cops on you if you call again or I will take the next flight out to f*%kin' New York to beat your ass." She's probably serious. Plus 4.

The anti-Emilio tirade concludes with J-Woww calling him a "drunk skank with no job" (LOL) and Snooki telling out a Home Alone style scream. A tad much. Wash.

Enraged, the girls all break $h!t. Not cool, but we've been there, so Minus only 2. The female empowerment team now turns its attention from Emilio to Ronnie.

Will anyone in the house snitch on Ronnie? Does Sammi have a right to know? Does anyone care? Minus 18 because ... no. But Plus 4 for the use of "motorboat."

Awwww How Sweet

Ronnie and Sammi share a tender moment in between breakups.

We'll say this for Ronnie Magro: He is definitely going all in, cuddling with his lame girl and whispering sweet nothings one minute, dropping c- and f-bombs and flirting with alcohol poisoning the next. No in between. Plus 6.

Ron, in a rare moment of sobriety: "I don't like tests, that's why I didn't go to college... don't test me, 'cause I will fail a majority of the time." Yes you will. Minus 4

Angelina farts in Snooki's face. On television. Minus 3.

The Situation: "You need to on your tip-top game with your GTL to stay FTD to get the girls to DTF in MIA ... say that 5 times fast." Translation, anyone? Plus 9.

Gelato shop gems: Vinny asking if there's a butter face flavor, and this from Pauly D: "She had summer teeth. Some are like this... some are like that." Plus 8.

Snooki and J-Woww write an "anonymous" note to Sammi. On a reality show. Minus 12. They did think far enough ahead to write "breasts" in the note - Snooki and JWoww would say "t!ts" so she'll totally never suspect them - so Plus 5.

TOTAL: -1. SEASON: +62.

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Creepin': adj. 1. To sneak about unnoticed and in mysterious fashion; typically but not necessarily to convey the message that one is a sexual being. 2. To cheat.

Last night on Jersey Shore, Ronnie continued his sleazy, drunken antics, Angelina sort of made up with peeps and Vinny may have done the unthinkable.

How did it all play out in episode three of season two? THG's got it covered ...

Steamed over her "brother" being slapped in the face three times. JWoww threatens to beat up Angelina since Pauly can't. What are sisters for? Plus 3.

Angelina Pivarnick claims to not remember what she did to Pauly D. Sorry, but these people are clearly not blacked out drunk EVERY night. Minus 4.

Angeliner

Angelina wears her trademark sneer, and sunglasses indoors.

"I didn't know being drunk and people making mistakes was that bad..." - Angelina. Hmm. She has a point. That's pretty much the premise of the show. Plus 2.

Vinny gets his fade on ... a different kind of fade. He and Ronnie go to the 'hood for haircuts. Vin is thoroughly entertaining there and at the gelato shop. Plus 5.

Snooki rocks the "Old Snook Look" for a night out, catching Vinny's eye. The poof and cleave can only foreshadow bad things. Pauly D: "Who knows." Minus 7.

The Situation is usually The Instigation, but this week was The Mediation, convincing the girls to give Angelina a chance if she "mans up." What a uniter! Plus 6.

Vinny on J-Woww: "Albert Einstein should rewrite his laws of physics and rework them around Jennie's t!ts." Point taken, but they're kinda gross, so Minus 4.

Now, for the obligatory Ronnie-Sammi drama. Minus 12, since it's both predictable and pathetic that he was creepin' at the club, then crawled in bed with her.

Did I Bang Snooki Last Night?

Did Vinny do the unthinkable? He's about to wonder the same.

Late night, Snooki is plastered, tries to call boyfriend Emilio Masella and breaks a bunch of $h!t, then ends up in bed with Vinny. Plus 11, if only for the fact that Emilio just learned this happened from the show and wants to fight Vinny.

The following night, it's guys night out: MVP style. Mike, Vinny, Pauly. The MVPs of MIA, supporting the GFF (Grenade-Free Foundation). Acronym overkill, perhaps, but we gotta admire the creativity, and they are the MVPs tonight. Plus 19.

Pauly, on Angelina wanting to tag along: "It's not MVPA." Plus 3.

Their debauchery got off to a great start by ditching Angelina when she turned around for one second, but ended up with a jacuzzi full of grenades and a game of catch with a padded bra insert. How do we even evaluate that? Eh, Plus 11.

Ronnie ditches Sam once again, gets drunk and starts creepin' on random hoes. Minus 8. Snooki and JWoww want to put an end it. Do it, girls! Plus 4.

TOTAL: +29. SEASON: +63. Follow this link for the night's Jersey Shore quotes!

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As Jersey Shore goes, Season 2, Episode 2 ("The Hangover") was not among the greatest. How could it be with the primary focus on Sammi and Ronnie?

While Ronnie pretended not to remember what he did the night before, Sammi gave him the cold shoulder ... until she came around for the 293rd time.

Also heavily featured in this week's episode? Angelina Pivarnick. Like Sammi and Ronnie, she really needs an intervention, or a just ticket home ASAP.

At a certain point it's just boring and annoying. Meltdowns are supposed to be fun to watch, right? Though we suppose JWoww may still throw down.

Anyway, here's The Hollywood Gossip's scientific plus-minus recap ...

Season 2 Jersey Shore Cast

Ronnie, on hooking up with land mines and grenades in the premiere: "Yo, I was doin' mad work tonight bro! Mad work!" Yo, you're a douche, bro! Minus 8.

Vinny says one of Ronnie's hookups plays tight end for the Giants. Plus 4.

Pauly D coins another gem: "Ronnie's new nickname is IFF. The I'm F*%ked Foundation. He's a client and the president!" Plus 7, because it's funny and true.

For a girl nicknamed Sweetheart, Sammi really isn't that nice. Minus 16. We're just saying. These girls are all catty, but she's miserable and not even funny.

JWoww at the tranny store: "The sex shop is perfect. Perfect ... It's my scene. And when I get into my scene I get into my clothes." What clothes? Minus 6.

After buying a $395 pair of sunglasses, Snooki walks around blind, seeks pickles, ruins dinner, and does a half-ass job cleaning it up. Standard. Plus 9.

Delivery guy: What's the name? Mike: Situation. S-i-t-u-a-t-i-o-n. Plus 5.

Snooki and JWoww confront Angelina about smack-talk pertaining to their friends/boyfriends. JWoww threatens violence many, many times. Plus 13.

Sammi and Ronnie Pic

Give it a rest, you guys. Seriously.

Pauly D's new boss is concerned about his hair. His response: "This hair ain't movin' my dude. 150 miles per hour on the highway on a street bike. Doesn't move. What makes you think it's gonna move in a gelato shop?" Amen. Plus 14.

The Situation introduces the shirt-before-the-shirt concept: "We have an abundance of wife beaters ... we wear before we go out. Then it's T-shirt time. Right before we go out we take off the tank and then we put on our fresh shirt." Plus 11.

At the club, The Situation gets bitten while making out with a panty-less drunk girl. Happens to the best of us on Thursday nights. Hang in there. Minus 4.

Pauly D hooks up with a girl who, according to Angelina, is married. She confronts him about this, apparently unaware that 1. She used to date a married guy herself, and 2. Pauly D obviously doesn't care, girl! Chill! Plus 7.

After professing her love to Pauly D (seriously), Ange proceeds to SLAP HIM. Minus 19 for being generally insane, and Minus 12 more for this being the most pathetic slap ever. Everyone hates you anyway ... put your back into it!

Plus 3 for next week's promo. After this week, it should be hilariously awkward.

TOTAL: +8. SEASON: +34. Follow this link for the night's Jersey Shore quotes!

Sammi Giancola Biography

Sammi and Ronnie Sammi Giancola stars on Jersey Shore. She's kind of a ... well ... No one likes her. Not even Ronnie Magro, her boyfriend. She's just... More »
Birthplace
Hazlet, New Jersey
Full Name
Sammi Giancola
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