Last night on The City, Whitney Port decided it was time she started dating again. MTV apparently agreed and dug up some guy named Freddie Fackelmayer.
Below, our staffers review the latest episode of The Hills spinoff and quote-unquote workplace drama, awarding and deducting as many points as we see fit ...
Whitney and Samantha Swetra compare designer shoes to boroughs of New York City. Even Gossip Girl wouldn't try to fabricate those stereotypes, but Plus 4.
At Elle, Joe Zee totally loves Olivia Palermo. Erin Kaplan totally doesn't! This not only feels contrived, we've been over it about 375 times by now. Minus 5.
Roxy Olin hangs out with a guy named Zac and expresses that she's jealous of Whitney and her life. Refreshing honesty, and use of a bra as a top. Plus 3.
Whitney decides she's going to date again. Enter Harry Fackelmayer, Sam's cute friend, who totally has a hot older brother! What are the odds? Minus 2.
Whitney agrees to meet up with Freddie Fackelmeyer at a barbecue. One that happens to be held at the apartment of Adam Senn and Whit's ex, Jay Lyon (who's out of town). How downright Kristin Cavallari of Whitney Port to show. Plus 7.
Kelly Cutrone tells Whitney to pee on the wall of the apartment to mark her territory. Plus 5, because that's funny stuff to hear from your boss, although we would have preferred if she instructed Whitney to top shelf the bathroom.
Adam Senn is a moron, but no longer really on the show, so just Minus 1.
Speaking of people who need to get kicked off the show, when will MTV pull the plug on Olivia Palermo? She has no redeeming qualities, her life is boring and has nothing to do with Whitney. Break out the pink slip already! Minus 24.
Putting aside the fact that his name is Freddie Fackelmayer, this Freddie Fackelmayer seems like a fairly large douche. La dee freakin' da, he works on Wall Street, wears preppy clothes and talks about surfing. Are we supposed to care? Minus 17.
Throw in another Minus 10 for the fake tan. In the Northeast.
But Plus 16 because we heard that they broke up before we even knew they dated, which is both hilarious and slightly comforting. Whit is redeemed. A little.
TOTAL: -24. SEASON TOTAL: -17. This week's scores are skewed by the sleep-inducing awfulness that is Olivia, but still, mediocre overall. Step up, City!
Whitney Port and Freddie Fackelmeyer. Yes, that's really him.