by Hilton Hater at . Comments

We all know that text messages can sometimes be hilarious. Like when they're sent by mom.

Or if the the characters on Game of Thrones ever learned how to text.

But sometimes it's best to just put your phone away and think twice - nay, three times! - before picking it back up and hitting Send.

Like when you're slamming a famous ex-girlfriend and her untalented lady parts. Or when you're a married professional golfer and you wanna bang a porn star. Or when your name is Anthony Weiner.

Below, THG presents 13 of the most well-known celebrity text message scandals of all-time, with far too many involving penis photos and one too many involving a bloodied, beaten Rihanna:

Justin Bieber vs. Selena Gomez
They've gotten back together and broken up again since, but in January 2014, Justin Bieber allgedly texted Selena Gomez to keep her "talentless [lady part]" away from him.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Rachel Uchitel is single again!

Tiger Woods' #1 mistress is getting divorced after her husband, Matt Hahn, filed the paperwork earlier today. Matt's reason? "Cruel and inhumane treatment."

Seriously. He put that.

Matt Hahn Photo

The troubled couple frequently engaged in explosive, verbal arguments; Matt alleges that Rachel Uchitel slapped him after he repeatedly called her names. 

There's more. Rachel called 911 on Matt on May 16 after a particularly nasty verbal argument, asking officials for help getting him out of the house.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Who can ever forget Thanksgiving 2009.

On November 25 three years ago, The National Enquirer reported that Tiger Woods was having a secret, torrid affair with NYC nightclub manager Rachel Uchitel.

  • Hot Rachel Uchitel Picture
  • Tiger Woods, Goatee
  • Elin Woods Bikini Picture

Then, around 2:30 am on November 27, Woods peeled out of his home in his Cadillac SUV and crashed into a fire hydrant, a tree, and some hedges on his street.

He was treated for minor injuries and ticketed for careless driving. In a statement, he called it a "private matter" and credited his wife for helping him out of the car.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Rachel Uchitel has repaid much of the money Tiger Woods paid her to keep quiet in the aftermath of their affair, and may sue Gloria Allred as a result.

Huh? Relax. It's even more confusing than you think.

Derek Lowe Mug Shot

In early 2010, Allred negotiated a $10 million settlement for Rachel, who had planned to hold a news conference and detail her relationship with Tiger.

The mammoth payoff included a confidentiality agreement, which prohibited Rachel Uchitel from talking about Tiger. Ever. Here's where it gets dicey:

The confidentiality clause works the way you think it does. If Rachel spoke about Tiger, she'd have to pay back the money, as well as potential damages.

Several months ago, Tiger's lawyer, Jay Lavely, contacted Gloria regarding Rachel's appearance on Celebrity Rehab, saying they planned to sue over it.

While she never talked specifically about Tiger on the VH1 show, Uchitel's reality show treatment "addiction to love" royally pissed off Woods' camp.

Rachel felt strongly she had not violated the agreement, but Gloria convinced her she would lose if Tiger's attorney pursued the case against her.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

If you're married and a celebrity, Rachel Uchitel is available.

That much is true regardless of this story, which is based largely on hearsay, but come on. Would anyone put it past her to bone Jeremy London in Celebrity Rehab?

London's estranged wife Melissa says the Mallrats and Party of Five star is involved in a romantic relationship with the VIP Nightclub Hostess / professional mistress.

While he stopped short of denying a romance, London told Radar Online he had a strong relationship with Rachel Uchitel, an “amazing, intelligent, sensitive person.”

“I’m very protective of Rachel because of our friendship,” Jeremy London said.

“She’s been wrongfully persecuted by the media and because of what the media has done to me after I was nearly murdered, I relate to her.”

Jeremy London Photo

Jeremy and Melissa, who wed in 2006, have had a rocky relationship that escalated after he was recently kidnapped, robbed and forced to smoke drugs during an ordeal in Palm Springs. The pair recently entered rehab together.

London then joined the crew of Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab 4, while Melissa checked into Pasadena Recovery Center, to be treated for a prescription drug addiction.

Since completing treatment, however, the pair has separated but remain legally married to this day - a prerequisite for any sexual relationship with Rachel Uchitel.

Just the same, London recently denied it's anything physical.

“Rachel and I are good friends PERIOD,” London said of his wife's accusations. “Melissa is ridiculous... she has no idea what she’s talking about and is like a child."

Uchitel, whose affairs with Tiger Woods and David Boreanaz made her a household name and very, very rich, just checked into a sober living facility in Malibu, Calif. ... supposedly to stay close to London and other Rehab cast members.

The plot thickens ...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Before there was Tiger Woods, there was David Boreanaz.

Indeed, while Rachel Uchitel has made a name - and a lot of money - for herself by sleeping with the golfing great, she actually rose to infamy in October 2009 when THG reported Uchitel boned this Fox star.

Since then, Boreanaz has remained mum on the topic... until now. In a statement to People magazine this week, the Bones star writes about cheating on wife Jaime Bergman. Because he feels guilty and must repent? No.

Because he wants to get out in front of an alleged blackmail scheme. He says:

“Our marriage has been tainted with my infidelities. I was associated with a woman who I was involved with and had a relationship with. She asked for money. I felt as though I was being blackmailed or there was some sort of extortion.

“I just want to be open and honest. I was irresponsible. We’re working on our marriage. We’re working on repairing what has been damaged so badly.”

We don't know for a fact that Boreanaz is referring to Uchitel. Sources actually say he is NOT. But that just means the actor has more than one woman in his sordid past.

Consider this a Bones spoilers alert, readers: that show's star is a dog!

by Free Britney at . Comments

Lies. Ambien. Text message impersonation. Golf club-wielding insanity.

The Daily Beast cites close Elin Woods sources in piecing together the clearest picture yet of the Tiger Woods scandal, a.k.a. the most expensive car crash in history.

Derek Lowe Mug Shot

These sources' details mesh with the more credible accounts of the post-Thanksgiving altercation to date, and we've excerpted some scandalous details here:

During the run-up to Thanksgiving, Tiger gave Elin advance warning that the National Enquirer was about to run a story claiming he had an affair with Rachel Uchitel.

Woods swore the story was false and that he had only met Uchitel 1-2 times at social outings. The day before Thanksgiving, Tiger convinced Uchitel to talk to Elin.

Rachel Uchitel spoke to her for half an hour, and Elin believed that the relationship was platonic - until she read the Enquirer's specifics of the purported affair.

Sources say Elin Woods busted Rachel Uchitel via text message.

That evening, the two argued. Tiger decided to end the bickeringby taking Ambien and going to sleep (he often took Ambien to help him sleep - and bang Uchitel).

After Woods fell asleep, Elin looked through his phone, found texts to Uchitel (under her real name) and discovered one saying “You are the only one I’ve loved.”

Shortly after 1 a.m. in Florida, Elin began texting Rachel Uchitel, pretending to be Tiger, writing “I miss you,” and asking, “When are we seeing each other again?”

Uchitel texted back, surprised that Woods was awake. Elin felt this response indicated that the two of them spoke earlier that night, before Tiger took his Ambien.

At that point, Elin Woods called Uchitel, who answered thinking it was Tiger. Elin said something approximating, “I knew it was you.” Uchitel’s shocked reply: “Oh f--k.”

She immediately hung up.

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Rachel Uchitel is either a serial liar or a serial mistress.

In October, she claimed to be having an affair with Bones star David Boreanaz. The celebrity gossip world reported on the story and then shrugged.

No offense to Boreanaz, but he doesn't get our juice flowing.

If Uchitel's latest story is true, however, she'll receive the proper attention she clearly craves. The National Enquirer reports that Uchitel has been sleeping with Tiger Woods.

  • Eye of the Tiger Woods
  • Uchitel Pic

Forget the iconic Tiger Woods fist pump, Rachel Uchitel says the golfer has been pumping her full of his nine-inch iron.

A friend of Rachel's supposedly told the unreliable magazine:

"Rachel told me, ‘I’m having an affair with Tiger Woods. We’re in love!’ She even read me text messages Tiger sent her that said ‘I love you, babe.'"

"'It’s always going to be just you and me.' They were constantly sexting."

Tiger's lawyer denies the charges levied by the tabloid, but does actually tell the Enquirer's print edition that his client met Rachel Uchitel at a club.

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

David Boreanaz stars on the Fox hit Bones.

However, it's the act of inappropriate boning that has him in the news today.

According to Star magazine, the actor was carrying on an affair for months with Rachel Uchitel, even while wife Jaime Bergman was pregnant! She gave birth to daughter Bardot six weeks ago.

Uchitel reportedly ended the relationship two weeks later; which must have been difficult to do because sources say things were hot and very heavy between her and Boreanaz.

“David would walk in the door, and they’d have sex right away,” said an anonymous insider somehow privy to this information. “He told her, ‘Every time I have sex with you is like the first time.’”

Rachel Uchitel

Meanwhile, if you think the Brooke Hundley and Steve Phillips' affair was shady, you'll love the following tidbit.

The tabloid claims that Boreanaz was texting his girlfriend while wife Jaime was giving birth on August 31!

“He was on the phone with Rachel, giving updates,” said a source, who added that even Uchitel was turned off by this behavior. “That grossed [Rachel] out, because she felt that should have been private.”

We'd have to agree. Seriously. One must draw the line somewhere.