Phaedra Parks

The Real Housewives of Atlanta come back this week as we all recover from that fiasco of an anniversary party and move on to a birthday, an engagement, and a divorce.

Things happen fast in Atlanta. To keep up, here's THG official +/- review!

The anniversary party is over. That's the good news. Plus 8. Of course Peter lauds it as a great success. Idiot. Minus 10. That his wife was miserable seems to fly right past him.

Much as Mal badmouths Peter and she did make a scene, Peter basically made fun of her in public when he made his toast at the party. She had a right to be pissed but Peter and Cynthia don't seem to remember any of that. Minus 9.

Mal does come over and offer an apology to Cynthia who isn't very gracious. She doesn't seem to recognize that her husband is as much of a hater as Mal.

Maybe it's good that Mal's headed to Paris.  Hopefully Cynthia will see her husband for what he is without the distractions. Plus 7.

Kim and Kandi get together as Kim laments how stressful the move has been. Yes, moving is stressful but most of us don't have an entire entourage to help us get it done. Minus 8 and stop the whining already.

Without the silly yelling these two manage to put this orphanage nonsense behind them and it's about time. If I never have to see that clip again it will still be too soon. Plus 5.

Of course that doesn't stop Kandi from basically saying the entire incident was Cynthia's fault. Oye. Some things never change.

NeNe's lawyers call her in to tell her that all the paperwork for her divorce is ready. All she has to do is sign. It's time to make a decision. 

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Having returned from the motherland to haterville, The Real Housewives of Atlanta headed to a party this week, but instead of encountering a good time there, our fair ladies found only tears, feuding, and boredom. So it goes.

Come along as we recap it all, THG +/- style!

You can't kill 'em if they're already dead.

That's Phaedra's take away from her embalming training. Plus 15 for her overall excitement about diving into the more gruesome aspects of the job but I was relieved that we only had to watch her work on a dummy.

Seeing her learn on a person would have been a little creepy.

But Phaedra's enthusiasm makes the funeral arts look fun. She can't wait to get in there and make the dead look pretty with a hair and makeup makeover. Plus another 5 because I'm actually beginning to think she can pull this off.

Across town, Kim's trying to get the new house in order before Kroy comes home from training camp but it isn't going so well. Her dad keeps trying to throw things away. Minus 7. I hate that but I will agree that Kim's got way too much stuff but that's her decision not his.

Her bigger issue is Sweetie. Sweetie's always been a slacker but it's gotten worse and now she's complaining about being asked to do too much. Minus 20.

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta spent 10 days in South Africa, but did anything really change besides Cynthia's hairdos? We recap the homecoming in THG's +/- review.

First we have to leave South Africa which may take longer than you'd think given the amount of shoes that Marlo has to pack. Oh, but she has help. Some poor resort worker comes in so that Marlo can lounge on her bed and explain how each shoe must be packed in it's own separate little bag so that they don't rub together in flight.

Seriously? Minus 10.

Then "Blue Eyes" as NeNe calls their personal helper must run across to help NeNe close up her suitcases. There are several but at least NeNe packed them herself so Plus 5.

I want to believe Blue Eyes got a decent tip for this nonsense but somehow I doubt it.

When the ladies finally leave, there is singing and dancing. Yes, it's supposed to be some sort of ceremonial custom but honestly, can you imagine how relieved the staff must be to see these high maintenance, bossy women finally leave?   

Somehow Phaedra seems to think that all of their positive experiences at the orphanage will have this crew headed back to the States as better women. Ha! Minus 8. I didn't know they made rose colored glasses that strong.

Back home Cynthia brings back presents from South Africa for Noelle but nothing for Peter. Apparently she didn't speak to them much while she was gone. Minus 10. She was away from her husband and daughter for 10 days. You'd think she'd keep in touch.

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta continued their African adventure Sunday night, but can the crew hold on to their newfound peace? Don't bet on it.

We recap it all as the insults fly with our THG +/- review!

Back from the orphanage, everyone's talking about how much they have and how it felt to witness people so appreciative for towels and soap. For the first time the women seem to find something worthwhile to bond over. Plus 15. 

Well, all but Marlo. She's bitching about the shrimp in her salad. Minus 10. Apparently the trip to the orphanage affected some of the ladies more than others.

Has anyone else noticed that Cynthia's hair is gorgeous this entire trip? Plus 8. I think it's really stunning.

Phaedra invites the ladies to a museum to experience the local Xhosa culture. She says when you know better you do better. We'll agree with the sentiment. Plus 7.

Unfortunately, the sentiment and the reality are two different things. The Xhosa culture couldn't be more sexist. All a man has to do is find a lady he likes on the street, tell a family member to fetch her for his wife.

The woman involved has no choice in the matter. Minus 10. That's just scary.

Of course not everyone need worry. For instance, Sheree is too old. Yes, according to the herbalist/medicine man/witch doctor or whatever the hell he is, his reading of the "bones" tells him Sheree will never marry again because she is too old.

Plus 12 because we can't stop laughing.

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Picking up where we left off two weeks ago, The Real Housewives of Atlanta are still in Africa attempting to make peace, not war. Yeah, good luck with that.

We recap the brawling, bickering and stupid fashion in THG's +/- review.

So NeNe plays peacemaker. Who would have guessed that?

Plus 12 because she does take a moment of introspection to realize how stupid she must look when she's in the middle of one of these ridiculous brawls.

When Marlo and Sheree are finally off to their separate corners the night continues. Sheree, Phaedra, and Kandi are off to their private party.

Sheree's friend Kevin is a charming host who likes flaming entertainment. Literally, I thought the fire wielding dancers were going to set the back yard on fire. Minus 5 because those sparks got a little wild. I hope the house is insured.

Then Kevin introduces Kandi to his friend Vince and encourages him to ask Kandi questions about sex since she has an adult themed talk show.

Kandi looks like she'd like to crawl under the table.

Vince claims he's an actor / producer and everyone assumes Kandi and Vince might hook up tonight. Well, that is until Kandi starts asking questions.

What has he produced? He self produces and he's a natural actor which means he's never done it for money. What does he do for money? He's a bartender. Minus 10. The wannabes can find Kandi on any continent.

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After an episode of packing last week, The Real Housewives of Atlanta officially arrived in Cape Town, South Africa on Sunday and the country will never be the same.

We relive the etiquette lessons and unbelievable screeching in THG's +/- recap!

With Kroy off at training camp, Kim stays home with the new baby and we barely see her except for a family dinner with her parents. Have I mentioned I find her parents kind of creepy? Her mom says very little and her dad says far too much.

Add to it that they can't wait for Kim to finish feeding the baby to sit down to eat. Now that's just rude. Minus 9.

Back at the airport, our trip to Africa which starts off quietly enough. The ladies take a 16-hour flight where they remove their makeup and have some wine. Cynthia even laughs when NeNe removes an eyebrow and NeNe doesn't seem to mind.

Or at least she didn't hurt her. Plus 8 for a good beginning.

NeNe says the group is divided between the tall women (over 5'9") and the almost midgets. It seems like an exaggeration until you witness Phaedra and Kandi standing next to Cynthia and NeNe and realize she's almost not kidding. Plus 5.

How much luggage do these women need for a 10-day trip? Watching them haul it through the airport is just ridiculous. They can't even manage an elevator without help. And we wonder why other countries think Americans are dumb. Minus 10.

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta are headed to South Africa, but apparently not before an entire episode dedicated to prep and packing. We recap who's staying, who's going, and who's itching for a fight in our THG +/- review.

NeNe's spending more time with her new BFF Marlo.

NeNe admits that they're both label whores; they bond over shopping and shoes. Marlo gives NeNe a tour of her home and I have to say, if Marlo sleeps with men to make her money she's obviously very successful at it.

She even gives her new gal pal one of her many Chanel bags even after NeNe calls Chanel an old lady bag. What are friends for? Plus 8.

NeNe's still waffling about whether to go to Africa and Marlo says she'd love to go on the trip ... so NeNe invites her along. Minus 10. Can NeNe do that? Hasn't Phaedra organized this trip? Yup but that doesn't stop NeNe from telling Marlo to come along.

Across town we've got the shape up wars. Both Kandi and Kim have to lose a few pounds but their going about it in completely different ways.

Kandi gets her self a power trainer who put her on a scale and then runs her through a boot camp style obstacle course. Plus 12. If she can keep that kind of workout up she'll be in killer shape.

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta are back and the tension has never been higher. Can Kandi Burruss' momma bring these lovely ladies back together?

We break it all down in THG's patented +/- recap!

First, Kim and Kroy decide to spend some quality time together ... at the shooting range ... with the baby! Seriously? Minus 10. I'm not anti-gun but bringing an infant along as Kim fires off some rounds is just nonsense. 

As Kim learns the ins and out of becoming a "pistol packing momma" it be nice if someone would talk about gun safety around the kids. Minus 15. Kim's weapon of choice may be pink but that doesn't make it any less deadly.

After gun shopping they head off for a family psychic reading where Kim learns she'll have yet another child, this time a girl. Even little baby Kroy gets in on the act and gets his first official palm reading. As silly as it is, I've got to give Kroy and Kim a Plus 10. They just look too damn happy being together.

Then we move onto Peter and Cynthia who seem to have forgotten all about last week's fight where they were practically talking divorce. Minus 8 because they're making me a little ill as they hold hands and look all lovey dovey walking into lunch together. 

It's a peace summit of sorts as Peter and Cynthia lunch with Phaedra and Apollo. Minus 5 since it's kind of boring. The boys are civil; the girls talk about a trip to South Africa.

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta is back after a holiday hiatus and our hopes were high for some Housewives drama in 2012. Did we get our wish? 

Let's break down the night in THG's +/- review!

Phaedra's still gung ho over starting her own funeral home. "Fantasy Funerals by Phaedra." Seriously, hasn't everyone dreamed of their perfect funeral? Minus 10.

Apollo's still not on board with this plan so Phaedra takes him on a tour of friend Willy's establishment. You could almost see Phaedra's mind calculating the mark up to all of those caskets but Apollo looked pretty creeped out in the embalming room.

Someone has to do an apprenticeship and I can't picture Phaedra donning the rubber gloves and mask and Apollo might just pass out thinking about it.

As Apollo worries about messing around with departed souls, Phaedra woos him with stories of grieving sweet young things hanging onto his toned biceps looking for comfort. Suddenly the spirits aren't so scary anymore. Plus 7 for knowing how to convince her man.

Kandi makes her way down to Nashville to pitch her songs to country artist Jo Dee Messina. Kandi doesn't seem to get the country vibe just yet and it was hard to tell how well the collaboration really went. But Plus 5 for getting into the spirit with new boots and hat.

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Tonight, viewers were treated to an extra long version of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Why? Was it worth it? Hard to answer either question conclusively, but we've broken down "New Tricks" in our +/- recap just the same!

Picking up where we left off in last week's episode, Sheree and Phaedra have a sit down after their day in court. Sheree's upset because she feels things didn't go well.

Phaedra's unhappy after Sheree bad mouthed her abilities as an attorney to Kandi over lunch. Then there's some general bickering over money and when it was paid. 

Minus 10. I don't know what Sheree expected Phaedra to do. Stall tactics are a normal part of court. Sheree acts like she wants Phaedra to play hard ball but when Phaedra told her to throw her deadbeat ex in jail for not paying his child support for four years, Sheree balked.

Anyway, Phaedra gives Sheree her retainer back so Plus 8 for offering before she was asked. The two decide to end their bushiness relationship and remain friends. Sheree snarks that she's relieved because she couldn't figure out how to fire Phaedra. Problem is another attorney will probably charge her more and do the same damn thing Phaedra would do.  

Kim's all excited over the big move to the new house and I have to admit that watching her and girls pack up the townhouse was a little touching. Plus 7. They've spent five years in this home but now it's time to move on with new family members Kroy and KJ.

The move has all the stress those things normally have but at least Kim's wigs are well cared for. Plus 3. Each is named and has it's own seatbelt to secure it in the vehicle.

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