by Free Britney at . Comments

This week, the Jersey Shore house was in turmoil with possibly two men down. Could they turn it around by the end of the night and restore order to Seaside?!

It's been two episodes since Vinny Guadagnino peaced out, and it looked like The Situation - saddened by his lack of popularity - was about ready to follow suit.

He seemed to have a change of heart, though, after some joint birthday attention with Pauly. The question is whether the gang would also be Vinning again.

How did it play out? Come along as we recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

Vinny and Pauly D Photo

Mike was never really leaving, despite last week's birthday blues. He was sad, yes, but it was his own fault and even he knew it, and can you see Sitch turning down attention and sitting at home? Vinny, yes. Mike, no. Plus 6.

He's also sensitive deep down. Cancer, obvi. Plus 4.

"This is my family," insists Snooki. True, girl. Plus 2.

Shore Store boss / house owner Danny pretended to be upset about them not putting in effort at work and threatened to bring in some replacements. Right. Minus 10.

He says "the deal" was eight people under his roof and working for him, so, time to put up a fake Help Wanted sign. Can we just drop the pretense of work? Minus 17.

Jersey Shore thrives on authenticity - Team Meatball may be repulsive, but it is the real deal - so why stir up fake Shore Store drama? Oh yeah, to fill time. Plus 3.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

You knew there would be some drama this week on Jersey Shore.

After all, Vinny Guadagnino peaced out of the house and half the crew didn't even know yet, so the reality of their "soul" returning to Staten Island was yet to sink in.

There were also two birthdays and two fools celebrating Meatball Day, which should really become some sort of holiday from now on, at least at The Hollywood Gossip.

How did it all play out? Come along as we recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

Deena Cries

Deena breaks down when she hears about Vinny. "He was like, my soul," she says. Really? Your soul? Do you even know what that is? We love Vin but Minus 7.

"I'm going to smash this tattoo chick in my man Vinny's bed tonight, in honor of him leaving the house." - Pauly D with one of the best Jersey Shore quotes to date. Plus 30.

"It is what it is, I'm used to it," says a mature Jenni, who HAS to be the one that implodes at some point, right? She's been way too stable of late. Still, Plus 15.

The Situation speaks Italian with Pauly D's girl. Impressive? Sleazy? Eh, Wash.

Vinny returns home to his family. His mom greets him not with joy and warmth, but by telling him to go to bed. Wasn't expecting the cameras, probably. Plus 5.

Isn't that why he came back, too? To be told what to do by his mom? Minus 5.

"Meatball Day" ends badly for Deena and Snooki. Plus 20, because with those two, it can't possibly end "well" in the conventional sense. They go hard. Respect.

Deena rips out her hair extensions. You mean she's not all-natural?! Minus 10.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Despite being back in the Garden State, and not even two hours away from his beloved family, and despite having reunited with them during last week's Jersey Shore Season 5 premiere, Vinny Guadagnino just could not snap out of his "funk."

We feel for Vin in a sense. Sure, he is a total mama's boy. But coming home after filming Season 4 in the mother land, the cast was given NO time off to decompress. Thrown immediately back into the cesspool that is Seaside, anyone might lose their mind.

Come along as we break down last night's Jersey Shore, THG style!

Vinny Guadagnino of Jersey Shore Pic

The Situation reunites with an old flame. Who is actually pretty good looking. We really thought Sitch only threw himself on land mines and grenades. And Snook, who may be hydrogen bomb material by the gang's metrics. Plus 10.

Snooki and Ryder get caught in the rain. They do not like it. We're impressed they can even feel such things with a BAC perpetually over .20. Plus 5.

Unlikeliest bromance ever: The Situation loans Jionni some dry clothes, and in return, Snooki's BF cooks him late-night breakfast. LOL. Plus 13.

“We share a girl, we can share underwear,” he says. Revolting. Minus 5.

Vinny opens up to his boss about his struggles with anxiety. Aww. Jersey Shore after school special anyone? Mental health issues are important! Plus 7.

Please, though, can we drop the pretense that Danny is an actual boss and working at the Shore Store is a real job? These are celebrities now. Minus 18.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Booze. Smooshing. Fights. More Booze. Grenades. Kooka.

They get on our nerves at times, but like family members, we're not ashamed to admit we the Jersey Shore crew and their unique brand of crazineess, even if the fourth season concluded a mere two months ago. Welcome back to America, brah.

Throughout much of last season in Italy, Mike was trying to insert himself in Snooki, and Snooki's relationship with Jionni. That was pretty much the case again in the Season 5 premiere Thursday night, at least the latter part. So what went down?

Come along for THG's official recap, +/- style!!

The Situation, No Pants

The roommates head back home and begin filming Season 5 in N.J. immediately, a move MTV said was to "preserve chemistry." More like not allow the ticking time bomb any opportunity to reset. Plus 10 for the viewers who benefit.

As they run up the stairs to the Seaside house, it's like they never left. We feel strangely at home there too by now, even if we feel the need to bathe in hand sanitizer and rubbing alcohol after watching each episode. Plus 5.

The first hours back at the Shore are spent: Downing pickle juice (Snook, Plus 5), downing Ron Ron Juice (All, Plus 5), dry humping (Vinny and Pauly, a little over the top, but Plus 1) and a strollin' on the boardwalk (Plus 4). Like old times.

"I'm tanorexic, bro." - Pauly D, about to get his GTL on. Plus 3.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

And like that, another season of Jersey Shore is behind us.

With pranks galore, cheating scandals, Mike being KO'd, Deena saying "do sex" a lot and more shots of Snooki's kooka than we care to remember, it's been epic.

The fourth season finale was a bit anticlimactic, however. You can't force insane fights or girl-on-girl maulings, we realize, but not a whole lot went on Thursday.

Most of the episode revolved around Mike whining and claiming he was about to quit the show for good. Did he make good on that? Will he return for Season 5?

As always, we break down all of the top Jersey Shore quotes and moments for you as we the Season 4 finale of the MTV reality smush, THG +/- style!

Jersey Shore Cast Pic in Italy

The season finale opened up with another confrontation about Mike. Ronnie tells The Situation to either apologize for causing drama or GTF outta here. Plus 10.

He even drops the A-bomb (Angelina) on Mike. Ouch! Plus 5.

Sam was totally turned on by that conversation. Lucky for Ron, who got to vent his frustrations against Mike by smushing that so good. Delightful. Plus 3.

Pauly D with the commentary: "Everyone knows it took five minutes for them to get their smush on. No wonder why Sam never smiles." LOL, and Plus 4.

Sammi Giancola and Ronnie Magro really have been so drama free this fall by their standards, which is nice ... but Minus 5 since they broke up this week.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Last week's Jersey Shore ended with a cliffhanger of sorts. After the realization that Snooki's kooka cuddled with Vinny's junk,she spilled the beans to Jionni.

In this episode, we saw the conclusion of this epic saga, which went about as you'd expect. Meanwhile, a lot of people are really not big fans of Situation.

We've always liked Mike in spite of his significant flaws. But his failure to see that he has such flaws - and thus feel sorry for himself - is beyond baffling.

As always, we break down all of the top Jersey Shore quotes and moments for you as we analyze Thursday's gripping installment, THG +/- recap style!

HOT Deena Nicole Cortese

Jionni clearly was not happy, but he merely sounded disappointed ... that low tone of voice designed to make the other party feel guilty and like a useless human being. Plus 14 for not screaming and thus making Snooki look sympathetic.

He told Snook that he "can't call her his girlfriend." Same here man. Plus 7.

Minus 11 because clearly they're back together, rendering this pointless.

Elsewhere on the aspiring roommate hookup front, wannabe Snooki Deena really wants her kooka to cuddle up to Pauly D. Minus 5 for not taking a hint.

Minus 20 more for how she says "do sex." NO ONE SAYS THAT.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

This has, without a doubt, been the best season of Jersey Shore yet.

There have been laughs. There have been tears. There have been fights culminating in walls knocking out Mike. There have been gratuitous displays of Snooki's kooka.

Could last night's installment meet these increasingly high standards set by the N.J. crew? Between meeting Vinny's family and another insane melee, it came close.

As always, we break down all of the top Jersey Shore quotes and moments for you as we analyze Thursday's gripping installment, THG +/- recap style!

Ronnie is Shocked

Tension was already high after Snooki's breakup with Jionni and getting it in (or at least hooking up) with Vinny. Then Mike had to make it worse. Effing Mike. Minus 11.

JWoww tells Snooks about Mike's comments about what she supposedly did with him. Snooki flips out, justifiably. Plus 3. Mike then decides to apologize. Just kidding.

Sitch tells all the roommates that he gave his boy Unit Jionni's number so that he can tell him what really went down between the two. Yes, his name is Unit. Plus 4.

Since Mike is really the rat, and hardly for the first time, this prank did not exactly go over well. Minus 16 for lack of tact. Wrong time to punk your supposed friend. Of all people who don't need to stage a fake mole hunt, it's Mike.

Plus 29 for absolute eruption that inevitably followed, however.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

If you thought last week's display of Snooki's kooka would turn the men of Jersey Shore away forever, you thought wrong. Apparently it did the opposite.

Seriously, what is it about this girl? After her antics caused a rift with Jionni (at least temporarily), TWO of the roommates immediately make their move?

Baffling. As is the concept of Deena raising a child. When she missed her period, let's just say all of humanity was hoping for a false alarm. Did we get it?

As always, we break down all of the top Jersey Shore quotes and moments for you as we analyze Thursday's gripping installment, THG +/- recap style!

Getting. It. In.

Snooki dances away the pain alone at the bar. Fortunately, no straight vagine. Plus 7.

Forced to pretend she has a job, Deena cleans the bathrooms at work. Pretty gross, we have to say. The bathrooms look respectable, however. Plus 4.

JWoww apologizes to Snooki for blowing her off, but soon enough, warns Snooki to not act like Sammi over Jionni. Sage advice from our girl J. Plus 5.

Plus 12 for Sam telling JWoww that she'd prefer to be mocked as "the old Sam" because Sam 2.0 is so much better at relationships. Self-deprecating!

Ronnie and Sammi actually do seem stable lately. Relatively. Plus 5.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Effing Snooki.

Last night was all about the pint-sized princess, but surprisingly, the car crash that ended last week's episode paled in comparison to what followed.

Jionni came to visit, and even if the producers weren't hinting at this all season, it seemed inevitable that her conduct would mortify him. And it did.

Don't ask us how it would come as a surprise to Jionni, given that he's dating SNOOKI FROM JERSEY SHORE. It's the nature of the beast, dude.

As always, we break down all of the top Jersey Shore quotes and moments for you as we recap Thursday's gripping installment, THG +/- style!

Snooki, Kooka

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, Snooki and Deena avoided jail time for the police car mashup and the gang was allowed to stay in Florence. Fist-pump. Plus 3.

Snooki is no longer allowed to drive. Double fist-pump. Plus 4.

JWoww finds out that her boyfriend can't come out to visit. Minus 5, because we like Roger, and we felt bad for Jenni, tears welling on her fake eyelashes.

Snooki decides to use one of the twins to prank Sitch. This is at least the second time the twins have been used as sexual practical joke fodder. Plus 4.

The goal? To bust Mike bringing another girl home. Which happened as predicted ... but somehow only helped him get it in. Call it a Wash all around!

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Last week, Jersey Shore focused on the aftermath of Mike getting his ass kicked by a wall, and on Snooki's ongoing relationship issues with Jionni.

Amazingly, it was Ron who helped both his co-stars work through their issues. Elsewhere, Pauly and Vinny introduced us to the glory that is FPC.

Now that everything is back to normal (sort of), the gang reverted to vintage skanky, drunken, hilarious form at the (Italian) shore last night.

As always, we break down all of the top Jersey Shore quotes and moments for you as we recap Thursday's gripping installment, THG +/- style!

Deena and Snooki Kissing

The roommates/producers decide to take a weekend trip to visit the beaches in Riccione. How on earth did they ever get time off from "work"?? Minus 4.

"It looks like Hawaii, so it's like an island, or maybe on a border of a continent, you know what I mean, so it's like by ocean." - Effing Snooki. Minus 11.

So many suitcases, so few days, so little room atop Italian cars. Plus 2.

The guys met Mike's Italian "twin." Now THERE'S a situation! Plus 2.

At least he's neck brace-free now. Although that was hilarious. Wash.

The girls proceeded to get sloshed and learn how to say vagina in Italian. Plus 3, because that body part was certainly on the minds of two of them.

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Pauly D Biography

Paul DelVecchio Pic Paul DelVecchio, a.k.a. DJ Pauly D, is a cast member on Jersey Shore. As his nickname suggests, he is a DJ and hails from Johnston, R.I.,... More »
Birthplace
Johnston, Rhode Island
Full Name
Pauly D
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