by Mischalova at . Comments

Good riddance, Heather Mills!

No, we're not referring to Dancing with the Stars. The one-legged former call girl is still a contestant on that show ... for now.

Nancy and Paul Picture

But it looks as though her ex-husband - some former Beatles member named Paul McCartney - is moving on from his psychotic divorced wife.

The singer has been spotted a lot lately with Sabrina Guinness, of, of course, the Guinness Stout beer empire. Guinness, 52, was seen recently with McCartney, his daughter Stella and her husband Alasdhair Willis.

"I realize everyone wants to see me with a new bird right now and that's very flattering," Sir Paul said. "We enjoy each other's company."

The politically progressive McCartney then added that he and Guinness woo each other by talking about "stuff like the environment and Al Gore, things like that."

In related news: Jason Filyaw and Britney Spears talk about stuff like how hot she used to be.

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It's still unclear if Heather Mills has received the divorce settlement we previously reported on.

But this much is apparent: Her sister may be as crazy as she is.

Heather M.

Indeed, Fiona Mills has launched a scathing attack on Paul McCartney and his alleged refusal to provide personal protection to his estranged wife and their daughter.

Fiona - who puts the good name of the princess in Shrek to shame - released a statement in which she claims her 39-year-old sister and niece Beatrice, 3, have received death threats - but have not been cared for like other members of the McCartney clan.

"The main reason that I am responding is that I am deeply concerned for the safety of my sister and her daughter," Fiona Mills writes on www.heathermills.org.

We assume she is yet to open a MySpace account is all.

"They are receiving death threats, not because she is getting a divorce, but because some of the British tabloids decided from day one that they wish to destroy her. ... Heather and Beatrice no longer receive the protection that would be afforded to any other member of the McCartney family facing such threats."

Maybe that's because Heather sucks. Or maybe the accusations toward Sir Paul aren't even true.

All we know is this: McCartney and Fiona should settle their differences like Anna Nicole Smith and Larry Birkhead. We'll even give the Beatles legend our Instant Messenger password if it'll help.

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Heather Mills can finally rest easy: she's a very rich, one-legged woman.

Sir Paul McCartney has reportedly agreed to a $63 million divorce settlement with his estranged wife, ending a bitter six month battle over the former Beatle's vast fortune that kept us amused and enraged.

Ugly Hair

Mills can now return to milking more money out of other innocent souls. Milos Pogacar, you're next.

The singing legend has allegedly agreed to hand over his $7.8 million home in St John's Wood, London to the former model, as well as his $11.8 million mansion in Beverly Hills.

It's unclear who keeps the Heather Mills sex photos.

The out-of-court settlement means McCartney will never have to publicly defend himself against Mills' claims of physical abuse while she was pregnant with their daughter Beatrice in 2003.

We just hope the Kara Janx wedding has a happier ending than this.

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Now that the mystery of nude Heather Mills photos has been solved, the next issue on the docket for Britain's favorite divorced couple involves a few pricier pictures.

Police were called to the country estate of Paul McCartney after his one-leggeed ex-wife reported the theft of paintings - including a Picasso and a Renoir - from the lodge they once shared.

Heather Mills' Bad Hair

"We checked the premises, and spoke to Heather Mills (McCartney), and as a result it was found to be a civil matter between her and her husband," Sussex Police spokesman Paddy Rea said. "There's been no theft."

Mills called police Thursday night after discovering that paintings valued at an estimated $19.5 million had gone missing, The Sun newspaper reported Friday.

Turns out, however, that McCartney had taken the art work and reprogrammed the estate's alarm codes, informed his crazy ex Thursday night by text message.

Yes, apparently a former Beatle uses text messages. Maybe he couldn't log-in to his MySpace account.

Mills should be grateful Sir Paul didn't use Victoria Beckham's boobs as a weapon at least.

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We warned the public a couple months ago. Now, one of our worst fears has sort of come true: nude Heather Mills pictures have been found.

Fortunately, they've also been returned to Paul McCartney, who we're guessing was hoping to never see such a bare sight ever again.

Heather Mills' Bad Hair

Private photos of the former Beatle and Mills - including one of Mills in a bath wearing nothing but diamond earrings - were found dumped in a British garbage can.

The bizarre find also included pictures of Mills draped in a sheet in bed, with her artificial leg standing in a black stiletto nearby. That's about as hot as anything involving Anna Nicole Smith.

There are also pictures of McCartney's special moments with his and Mills' daughter Beatrice, causing us to wonder what the heck sort of photo album these all emanated from.

Tender photos of McCartney's first wife, Linda, on holiday in Australia were also in the bags.

"I'm very grateful to [British newspaper] The Sun for getting these pictures back to me," McCartney said.

So are we. The only thing we wish to see less than Heather Mills naked would be Paris Hilton's pussy.

Oh, wait. Too late for that.

by Mischalova at . Comments

We could all learn a thing or two from Paul McCartney - and we're not even talking about making beautiful music that affects multiple generations.

The legendary former Beatle said Saturday he bears no grudge against Heather Mills - despite acrimonious divorce proceedings that have seen lurid allegations about their marriage reported across the world.

Nancy and Paul Picture

The 64-year-old said it left him saddened, but determined to act with dignity.

"There are certain things in life that are personal, and I think a relationship with a partner is intensely personal, and I prefer to keep it that way," McCartney told British Broadcasting Corp. radio in an interview over the weekend.

Not everyone named Shanna Moakler or Travis Barker agrees, however. But McCartney carried on bravely.

"When you are going through difficulties, I think the thing to do for the sake of all the people concerned is to keep a certain dignity and remember that it is a private affair, and that way, you will probably get through it better," he said.

McCartney said keeping details of the divorce private would "put less noses out of joint, and I think it is a more dignified way to go about it."

He's certainly correct. It's just rare to see a celebrity act dignified. Have you seen this Anna Nicole Smith picture recently?

McCartney's lawyers said he would vigorously defend himself against the allegations that he had physically abused his second wife.

"Life goes on, I do not hold grudges against anyone, I don't blame anyone for the sadnesses that have happened to me. I am sad about them because it would stupid to be otherwise," McCartney said. "I think life goes on, and it is what you make of it, so I am pretty optimistic."

Amen, Sir Paul. We hope Sara Evans and others going through messy divorces read this.

by Mischalova at . Comments

Paul McCartney has four children. One daughter turned three years old over the weekend.

The other wants to kill her ex-step mother, Heather Mills.

Heather Mills' Bad Hair

We'll start with the non-homicidal news: At the third birthday of their daughter Beatrice in East Sussex, England, the feuding couple played nicely together, according to published accounts.

It was like they were Sara Evans and Craig Schelske in court.

However, McCartney and Mills left separately, with Paul taking away Beatrice in a chauffeur-driven car around 10 minutes before Heather took off with some leftover birthday cake, Britai's Hello! magazine states.

One mother, whose son happened to be at the children's center as the party was wrapping up, told Australia's Melbourne Herald Sun newspaper:

"Bea looked lovely and seemed to be having a wonderful time. If I did not know what had been going on in their marriage in the last few months, I would never have guessed."

Not having as wonderful a time as McCartney and Mills go through a divorce? Sir Paul's adult daughter, Stella. In response to Heather's accusation that the former Beatle choked his late wife (and Stella's mother), Linda, the older McCartney said:

"I can't believe what she's doing, I'm going to kill her ... She's been a manipulative cow from day one. The cow won't be happy until she destroys all of us - and our memories of our mother."

It's hard to argue with any of that. Or not to assume the ears of Anna Nicole Smith were burning when she heard the words "manipulative cow."

by Mischalova at . Comments

And this all took place at the same event! A gala at New York City's Whitney Museum, naturally.

Michelle Williams at the Spirit Awards

Let's start with everyone's favorite Uma. Thurman wouldn't leave hotelier beau Andre Balazs's side while posing for photos throughout the evening. The couple got cuddly for photographers, and when Thurman was asked to pose alone, she said: "I'm not solo so I'm not standing solo."

Yup, Uma and Andre were more attached than Rumer Willis to Lindsay Lohan.

Meanwhile, Michelle Williams was interview by People magazine at the afterparty. She was asked if her and Heath Ledger planned to instill an appreciation for at in baby Matilda.

"Well, where we live we have a lot of art on the wall, and we have a lot of sophisticated things in the nursery," Williams said. "But we try to keep it real and child-friendly, but with stuff that will last a lifetime."

Finally, the Idiot of the Night award went to ex-Saturday Night Live star and unfunny man, Jimmy Fallon.

He actually showed up wearing a Paul McCartney button and touting: He's the best. He's the one and only. "He's my man. He's my favorite. Yeah, I love Paul. I've got to support him."

That's like supporting Brangelina in its fight against gay marriage critics. Which other side would you take, Jimmy?!?

McCartney is filing from a divorce from a money hungry former call girl. There's a reason you haven't seen any Heather Mills buttons around.

Instead of treating the revered ex-Beatle like a charity case and exploiting his situation for personal attention, try not laughing at your own jokes for a change, Fallon.

by Mischalova at . Comments

The spotlight can be blinding. Once relationships get caught in its glare, look out! Granted, it can make for some funny stories, such as the apparent break up of Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConaughey.

Nancy Shevell, Paul McCartney

Other times, it's just sad.

Take the case of Sara Evans. She filed for divorce from her husband because he may or may not be a porn addict that also shagged their nanny. That's embarrassing.

But is the best way to handle it to spread such adulterating gospel across national television? After sharing her story on Dancing with the Stars, Evans should have expected her former nanny and husband to fire back.

First, Alison Clinton went on Extra and called Evans a liar.

Now, Craig Schelske is accusing his wife of having affairs with country singer Kenny Chesney and other unnamed "associates in the music business."

These people really need to stop the madness. Take a look at Sir Paul McCartney, for instance. You can't be embroiled in any more of a public divorce than he's going through.

But how does the former Beatle respond to allegations by Heather Mills that he choked her? Shockingly, by not continuing the fight through the media.

In a statement, McCartney's legal reps said:

"Our client would very much like to respond in public and in detail to the allegations made recently against him by his wife and published in the press but he recognizes, on advice, that the only correct forum for his response to the allegations made against him is in the current divorce proceedings."

Simple. Straightforward. Respectable.

We hope Nicole Richie takes the same high road once she's done using Samuel Plouchart.

by Mischalova at . Comments

No, Paul McCartney didn't miss any key free throws at the end of a basketball game or forget the lyrics to "Hey Jude."

Instead, the chock job he's being accused of has to do with his hands around the neck of Heather Mills, according to the gold digger herself.

Heather Mills' Bad Hair

London newspapers claim a divorce document filed by Mills alleges that the former Beatle attacked her during their marriage. The legal papers also allegedly say McCartney was often drunk or high on drugs during the four-year union.

There's no truth to the rumor that Pete Doherty sent Sir Paul a bottle of champagne when he heard this.

The Evening Standard reports Mills filed a 13-page petition with the court in London, alleging, among other things, that McCartney "would not let her have an antique bedpan under their bed to save her crawling to the bathroom at night."

The nerve of that sick, torturous ex-Beatle!

There's also an allegation that McCartney "stabbed her with a wine bottle." Which we didn't even know was possible; but will soon experiment with the next time we see Brooke Hogan.
Geoff Baker, McCartney's former publicist, responded to the allegations by saying "Heather Mills is a complete fantasist and I would not believe her if she told me the sun set in the West."

Meanwhile, The Daily Mail reports that Mills claims in the documents that McCartney attacked her four times during their four-year marriage.

Allegedly, Paul also choked Mills and "forbade her from having an operation because it clashed with his holiday plans and called her an 'ungrateful bitch.'"

We'll refrain from taking sides, except to say this: take a look at the Heather Mills picture in this post. And ask yourself: Would you trust this woman over a Beatle?

Paul McCartney Biography

Paul McCartney, Nancy Shevell Paul McCartney: The former Beatle is now dealing with Heather Mills. We feel very sorry for him because of that. More »
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