Paul McCartney

Paul McCartney used to sing that you can't buy him love.

The Beatles' star's ex-wife, however, doesn't seem to agree.

For months now, Heather Mills has been limping around on one real leg. She's also been trying to milk McCartney for all he's worth.

And Sir Paul has finally had enough. He recently told London's The Radio Times that "going through a divorce is a very painful thing." The statement follows a report that Mills rejected a $100 million settlement offer because she refused to sign the accompanying gag order that banned her from speaking about the failed marriage.

This woman redefines the term "gold digger" the way Britney Spears redefines "train wreck."

Meanwhile, Us Weekly reported that McCartney hinted to The Radio Times that he will persevere until the end of this ugly, drawn out drama.

"As Winston Churchill once said, 'If you're going through hell, keep going! The only solution is to remain dignified. If I don't keep a silence about it, I lose this idea of being dignified."

Furthermore, the icon said there was "no truth" to rumors linking him to Renée Zellweger.

He also isn't dating Tila Tequila.

From Britney and Kevin to the Tommy Lee-Kid Rock fight to that crazy lesbian Anne Heche, the spectacle of a public, bitter celebrity divorces sure is certainly one to behold. Here's The Hollywood Gossip's field guide to some of the major celebrities whose nuptials have unraveled before our eyes.

KEVIN FEDERLINE vs. BRITNEY SPEARS

He says: Not a lot. Because he has a good lawyer, and she says it all for him by parading around Hollywood clubs in no pants.
She says: He's "the biggest mistake she ever made" (and a stoner with no income).
Custody (of the kids): Currently 50-50, though FedEx is seeking a higher ratio of time with Sean and Jayden. Britney Spears' antics make that a distinct possibility.
Custody (of the fans): Kevin, we think. But only by attrition.

PAUL McCARTNEY vs. HEATHER MILLS

He says: She's got "personality issues," possibly code for "she used to be a high-priced call girl who serviced Arab arms dealers.
She says: The Beatles legend used to slap her around a little.
Custody (of the kids): Amicably shared, of daughter Beatrice.
Custody (of the fans): Paul by a wide margin across the Atlantic, but Mills won millions of fans stateside with her turn on Dancing with the Stars. A one-legged former hooker and "instructional sex tape" star, what's not to love?

COLEY LAFFOON vs. ANNE HECHE

He says: Anne Heche a frickin' nut!
She says: Coley Laffoon is a deadbeat who is addicted to porn, strippers and poker, as well as downloading sexual photos online.
Custody (of the kids): Bitterly contested, but split evenly, of son Homer.
Custody (of the fans): We gotta side with Laffoon, if only because he has no money and Heche had an affair with the equally-married James Tupper.

EMINEM vs. KIM MATHERS

He says: "I'd rather have a baby through my penis than get married again," Eminem said in 2002, after getting a divorce from Kim, who he was married to from 1999-2001. Note: He got married again. To Kim. In 2006. That's over too.
She says: His penis is small, doesn't work.
Custody (of the kids): Changes frequently.
Custody (of the fans): Eminem. Bitch crazy!

TOMMY LEE vs. KID ROCK

Lee (Pamela Anderson's husband for several years) says: Kid Rock is a wuss.
Kid (married to Pamela Anderson for three months in 2006) says: "Tommy Lee said some things that were extremely disrespectful to me."
Custody (of the kids): Tommy and Pam share custody of theirs 50-50. Thank goodness Kid Rock and Anderson did not procreate.
Custody (of the fans): Kid... but talk about a Rock and a head case!

ALEC BALDWIN vs. KIM BASINGER

He says: Kim is a manipulative liar who dedicates most of her live to making him miserable and not allowing him to see daughter Ireland.
She says: Alec and Saddam Hussein are pretty similar.
Custody (of the kids): Almost all Kim, especially after Alec infamously tore Ireland a new one on that gotta-hear-it-to-believe it voicemail.
Custody (of the fans): Alec Baldwin. Sure, he's got some personal issues. But watch this guy on 30 Rock and you just can't stay mad.

The Hollywood Gossip has learned to never say never when it comes to celebrity couples reuniting.

Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker taught us that lesson.

Now, the supposedly selfish, definitively handicapped Heather Mills is telling friends she'd actually like a second chance with Paul McCartney. Even - gasp! - if it costs her millions of dollars.

Such an admission came in a heart-to-heart with a close pal at the American Idol after show party in Los Angeles last week. The friend revealed: "She said she'd been devastated by the divorce and has become an emotional wreck.

"Heather doesn't care about the huge load of money coming her way. She'd much rather be happily married than rich and miserable."

This comes as a shock to us. It's like hearing that Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag would rather enjoy a quiet night alone than pose for every camera they see.

"She said she would gladly give back every penny for another shot at happiness with Paul," the source continued."She loved being married to him and it was the biggest regret of her life that things became so awful between them that divorce was the only option."

It looks like Dancing with the Stars may have truly changed Mills, as it has for so many celebs before her.

At one point during the bash at the Mondrian Skybar, one of LA's hottest nightspots, Heather was seen gazing mournfully out over the glittering skyline.

One surprised guest said: "She didn't sound like the total money-grabber we all thought she was. It's clear she still cares for Paul."

Wow. Next thing you know, word will spread that Paris Hilton's pussy is actually well taken care of.

Heather Mills is no longer Dancing with the Stars.

But she is loaded with cash.

Reports are coming in that Paul McCartney and his gold-digging ex-wife have buried what had been a very sharp hatchet, even going so far as to make plans - along with daughter Beatrice - for Sir Paul's 65th birthday in June.

The fact that Mills will be receiving $200 million in the couple's final divorce settlement may have helped matters along. This woman is more greedy than Dustin Diamond is horny.

Celebrity gossip photographers actually spotted the former couple smiling in each other's presence with little Beatrice around recently, a far cry from the rancor and bitter name-calling that had been the norm in months past.

The Hollywood Gossip is very disappointed by this development. Our news department relied on Mills/McCartney dustups like we relied on Britney Spears going insane.

We can only hope that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt don't stop staging loving pictures any time soon.

Good riddance, Heather Mills!

No, we're not referring to Dancing with the Stars. The one-legged former call girl is still a contestant on that show ... for now.

But it looks as though her ex-husband - some former Beatles member named Paul McCartney - is moving on from his psychotic divorced wife.

The singer has been spotted a lot lately with Sabrina Guinness, of, of course, the Guinness Stout beer empire. Guinness, 52, was seen recently with McCartney, his daughter Stella and her husband Alasdhair Willis.

"I realize everyone wants to see me with a new bird right now and that's very flattering," Sir Paul said. "We enjoy each other's company."

The politically progressive McCartney then added that he and Guinness woo each other by talking about "stuff like the environment and Al Gore, things like that."

In related news: Jason Filyaw and Britney Spears talk about stuff like how hot she used to be.

It's still unclear if Heather Mills has received the divorce settlement we previously reported on.

But this much is apparent: Her sister may be as crazy as she is.

Indeed, Fiona Mills has launched a scathing attack on Paul McCartney and his alleged refusal to provide personal protection to his estranged wife and their daughter.

Fiona - who puts the good name of the princess in Shrek to shame - released a statement in which she claims her 39-year-old sister and niece Beatrice, 3, have received death threats - but have not been cared for like other members of the McCartney clan.

"The main reason that I am responding is that I am deeply concerned for the safety of my sister and her daughter," Fiona Mills writes on www.heathermills.org.

We assume she is yet to open a MySpace account is all.

"They are receiving death threats, not because she is getting a divorce, but because some of the British tabloids decided from day one that they wish to destroy her. ... Heather and Beatrice no longer receive the protection that would be afforded to any other member of the McCartney family facing such threats."

Maybe that's because Heather sucks. Or maybe the accusations toward Sir Paul aren't even true.

All we know is this: McCartney and Fiona should settle their differences like Anna Nicole Smith and Larry Birkhead. We'll even give the Beatles legend our Instant Messenger password if it'll help.

Heather Mills can finally rest easy: she's a very rich, one-legged woman.

Sir Paul McCartney has reportedly agreed to a $63 million divorce settlement with his estranged wife, ending a bitter six month battle over the former Beatle's vast fortune that kept us amused and enraged.

Mills can now return to milking more money out of other innocent souls. Milos Pogacar, you're next.

The singing legend has allegedly agreed to hand over his $7.8 million home in St John's Wood, London to the former model, as well as his $11.8 million mansion in Beverly Hills.

It's unclear who keeps the Heather Mills sex photos.

The out-of-court settlement means McCartney will never have to publicly defend himself against Mills' claims of physical abuse while she was pregnant with their daughter Beatrice in 2003.

We just hope the Kara Janx wedding has a happier ending than this.

Now that the mystery of nude Heather Mills photos has been solved, the next issue on the docket for Britain's favorite divorced couple involves a few pricier pictures.

Police were called to the country estate of Paul McCartney after his one-leggeed ex-wife reported the theft of paintings - including a Picasso and a Renoir - from the lodge they once shared.

"We checked the premises, and spoke to Heather Mills (McCartney), and as a result it was found to be a civil matter between her and her husband," Sussex Police spokesman Paddy Rea said. "There's been no theft."

Mills called police Thursday night after discovering that paintings valued at an estimated $19.5 million had gone missing, The Sun newspaper reported Friday.

Turns out, however, that McCartney had taken the art work and reprogrammed the estate's alarm codes, informed his crazy ex Thursday night by text message.

Yes, apparently a former Beatle uses text messages. Maybe he couldn't log-in to his MySpace account.

Mills should be grateful Sir Paul didn't use Victoria Beckham's boobs as a weapon at least.

We warned the public a couple months ago. Now, one of our worst fears has sort of come true: nude Heather Mills pictures have been found.

Fortunately, they've also been returned to Paul McCartney, who we're guessing was hoping to never see such a bare sight ever again.

Private photos of the former Beatle and Mills - including one of Mills in a bath wearing nothing but diamond earrings - were found dumped in a British garbage can.

The bizarre find also included pictures of Mills draped in a sheet in bed, with her artificial leg standing in a black stiletto nearby. That's about as hot as anything involving Anna Nicole Smith.

There are also pictures of McCartney's special moments with his and Mills' daughter Beatrice, causing us to wonder what the heck sort of photo album these all emanated from.

Tender photos of McCartney's first wife, Linda, on holiday in Australia were also in the bags.

"I'm very grateful to [British newspaper] The Sun for getting these pictures back to me," McCartney said.

So are we. The only thing we wish to see less than Heather Mills naked would be Paris Hilton's pussy.

Oh, wait. Too late for that.

We could all learn a thing or two from Paul McCartney - and we're not even talking about making beautiful music that affects multiple generations.

The legendary former Beatle said Saturday he bears no grudge against Heather Mills - despite acrimonious divorce proceedings that have seen lurid allegations about their marriage reported across the world.

The 64-year-old said it left him saddened, but determined to act with dignity.

"There are certain things in life that are personal, and I think a relationship with a partner is intensely personal, and I prefer to keep it that way," McCartney told British Broadcasting Corp. radio in an interview over the weekend.

Not everyone named Shanna Moakler or Travis Barker agrees, however. But McCartney carried on bravely.

"When you are going through difficulties, I think the thing to do for the sake of all the people concerned is to keep a certain dignity and remember that it is a private affair, and that way, you will probably get through it better," he said.

McCartney said keeping details of the divorce private would "put less noses out of joint, and I think it is a more dignified way to go about it."

He's certainly correct. It's just rare to see a celebrity act dignified. Have you seen this Anna Nicole Smith picture recently?

McCartney's lawyers said he would vigorously defend himself against the allegations that he had physically abused his second wife.

"Life goes on, I do not hold grudges against anyone, I don't blame anyone for the sadnesses that have happened to me. I am sad about them because it would stupid to be otherwise," McCartney said. "I think life goes on, and it is what you make of it, so I am pretty optimistic."

Amen, Sir Paul. We hope Sara Evans and others going through messy divorces read this.