by Mischalova at . Comments

Here's a question to ponder: if a show stars a spec of an actress so tiny, it takes NASA telescopes to see her, does it actually exist? Viewers will have a chance to play "Find Nicole!" next year, as the horrific news of another The Simple Life season is spreading.

Apparently, ratings trump common decency and bad blood, as E! announced it will bring Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie back for a fifth season of this mean-spirited show.

Nic Rich Pic

It's unclear under what settling the spoiled pair will make people feel stupid for having family, jobs and an education - but the success of The Simple Life: 'Til Death Do Us Part is enough to warrant another year of waif-like antics across the country.

This season's version tripled E!'s primetime ratings when it debuted on June 6. In other words, people: you only have yourselves to blame.

by Mischalova at . Comments

Paris Hilton says she'd make a great mother because she's very good with animals. As if to prove her point - and cause Captain Kangaroo to turn in his grave - the nitwit purchased a parrot and kitten from Bird Kingdom & Pet Shop in Santa Monica this week.

Hilton, of course, made her chihuahua famous during seasons of The Simple Life; although many viewers had difficulty telling the tiny dog apart from Nicole Richie.

Paris and Pup

Us Weekly has provided the following image for fans to decide the real issue at stake here: what the heck did these animals do to deserve such a fate?

by Mischalova at . Comments

How does Paris Hilton celebrate America's birthday? But strutting her white girl dancing stuff!

At Pure nightclub in Las Vegas, the hopeful mother boogied down to Britney Spears' "Toxic." The song's title, ironically, also described the effect Paris has on most human beings. Sources, moreover, say she enjoyed the stylings of The Pussycat Dolls and Christina Aguilera.

Paris at Playboy Party

Hilton must have done Britney proud by performing her patented "clutch my breast move/seizure."

That somehow implies that Hilton has visible breasts, however.

So hopefully it was an actual seizure.

by Mischalova at . Comments

This century's sign of the apocalypse? Paris Hilton wants to be a mother.

The 25-year old nymphy nitwit said she wants to reproduce quite soon, hopefully causing all future bedmates to recoil in horror.

Happy Bday, Paris

"I know in my heart of hearts I would be a great mother," Hilton told The London Mirror. "I have a lot of beautiful animals that I look after and I feel that I would have a lot to give to my children ... And I don't want to be an old mom - hopefully it'll happen soon, within the next five years."

Get your jaw off the floor, though, people, Paris wasn't finished! Despite her reputation for being a skinny tramp, Hilton insists she's cautious when it comes to men.

"One-night stands are not for me," she said. "I think it's gross when you just give it up. Guys want you more if you don't just hand it to them on a platter. If they want you, then they will wait. You have to make them work for it."

Brian Urlacher may have something to say about that. And Matt Leinart. And Jose Theodore. And those two guys named Paris she dated.

Meanwhile, Paris lashed out at former best friend, Nicole Ritchie.

"I only want friends who are there for me just like I'm there for them. Otherwise it's too painful," she said about her Simple Life co-star. "I brought Nicole on to [the show] and all of a sudden she became this different person. She dropped her old friends and she's someone else."

If only Hilton would follow that lead. Then maybe she wouldn't suck so much.

by Mischalova at . Comments

The Gossip was hoping this was a typo. We double and tripled checked our sources. But apparently Paris Hilton really did top the VH-1 poll of Most Searched for Artist on the station's website this week.

Poor Paris

Rumors are swiring that the bimbo's single, "Stars Are Blind", doesn't completely suck. We figure this can only be valid if listeners are deaf.

Meanwhile, here's the rest of that VH-1 list, the artists that were somehow less commonly searched for than a talentless hotel heiress who refuses to be run over by a bulldozer:

  1. Paris Hilton
  2. Nelly Furtado
  3. Rihanna
  4. Red Hot Chili Peppers
  5. Black Eyed Peas
  6. Britney Spears
  7. T.I.
  8. Pink
  9. Christina Aguilera
  10. The Pussycat Dolls

by Free Britney at . Comments

Paris Hilton, meet Heather Mills. Animals everywhere are already grateful for this acquaintance.

Sources claim that Hilton - who has been known to wear fur in the past - became alarmed after watching a gruesome PETA video at the home of Paul McCartney ex, lewd wife. The footage showed dogs being skinned alive for their fur.

Mills told Hilton that going the "fake fur route wasn't foolproof, because some high-end department stores labeled certain garments "artificial fur" when in fact they were the real deal. Say it ain't so!

  • Paris Hilton, Dog
  • Heather M.

Hilton reportedly vowed on the spot never to wear fur again. She also asked Mills just wear she could purchase a riding crop and nipple tassles.

According to Paris' rep, Elliot Mint, "Paris does not wear fur, nor will she wear fur described as artificial fur knowing it came off the backs of animals."

Mintz say he and Hilton are "greatful to Heather for educating us on this terrible subject." See, Beyonce? We could all learn a thing or two from these loose women.

by Free Britney at . Comments

That lasted awhile.

Days after explaining to Regis and Kelly that she loves being single, Paris Hilton was spotted on the arm of a certain hockey player in Canada.

Stavros and Paris, Take 17!

In town for the Much Music Awards (naturally) over the weekend, Paris was seen partying and holding hands with hockey player Jose Theodore, goalie for the Colorado Avalanche. One might say this ho-bag has a snowball's chance in Hell of remaining on her own for more than 24 hours.

The two left Club Ultra in Toronto together, destination Paris' hotel room and the nasty vixen's five-hole. There's a sordid twist, however, as this could be more than a typical tanging of the first red-blooded male Hilton comes across.

Theodore has a girlfriend, Stéphanie Cloutier. She gave birth to couple's first child, a daughter named Romy, on Saturday, March 18. The pair were expected to marry in the near future.

Then Paris stepped in. While she may have avoided a traffic accident this time, the same can't be said for a bedroom violation of the worst kind.

by Mischalova at . Comments

Screw being simple - and she probably would if that word had a lot of money - Paris Hilton loves the single life.

Hilton told Regis and Kelly she's currently without a boyfriend for the first time in her life. And she's doing fine with it. Or as fine as an emaciated, spoiled ditz can be doing with anything.

A Hilton Pic

"I always have a boyfriend all the time, so I've never really got to know me and, like, have time for myself because I spend all my energy on the boyfriend," the 25-year-old said.

In the past couple years, Hilton has ended her engagement to Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis and recently broke up with Stavros Niarchos (pictured), another Greek shipping heir.

She hasn't learned how to drive from those experiences, but has Hilton realized anything about herself as a result of the break-ups?

"I'm a very strong woman. I don't need a man. I can be on my own," she said.

As for her rivalry with Simple Life co-star and occasional best friend, Nicole Richie, Hilton said she hopes they'll patch things up.

"I've known her 20 years," Hilton said. "I look at baby pictures. It makes me sad that she's, you know - we're going through something right now and we'll make up one day."

A world awaits their fate.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Paris Hilton hits cars, she flees scenes ... and now she faces a lawsuit for an accident that she wasn't even involved in.

A Los Angeles couple has filed a lawsuit against the airhead claiming she's legally responsible for a May 2004 accident allegedly caused by a friend driving Hilton's Mercedes, according to court documents obtained by E! Online. For once, Paris was not directly involved in the mess.

Paris Hilton, Pink Bentley

Plaintiffs Ivan Alvarez and Monica Delgado claim that they were rear-ended in a four-car collision set off by Hilton's pal, Brooke Ashley Brinson, who supposedly hit the car in front of her, setting off a domino effect.

According to the complaint, filed May 30 in Los Angeles Superior Court, Alvarez and Delgado are seeking damages to compensate for emotional distress, loss of wages, medical bills, loss of earning capacity and property damage.

Indeed, the last few days have been anything but a simple life for our favorite blonde bimbo.