by Mischalova at . Comments

What's a slutty hotel heiress to do in order to celebrate her awful debut CD other than throw herself a party? So was the thinking of Paris Hilton, seen here cutting up the dance floor in South Beach.

Joining the tone deaf blonde are sister Nicky and the creator of the term, "Firecrotch," Brandon Davis. Those unfamiliar with this moniker just need to look at the hair color of Lindsay Lohan.

Paris And Nicky Hilton Dance

Yup, you get it now.

by Mischalova at . Comments

You know, continue to earn money for waving at people and sleep with every guy on two feet.

So recommends the music critic for the London Guardian, after listening to the debut album from Paris Hilton.

Paris Does Tokyo

"She sounds both distracted and bored stiff, as if making an album is keeping her from the more serious business of standing around a nightclub in a pair of really enormous sunglasses," said the top critic in all the land. "Listening to her sing Rod Stewart's "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy," you are gripped by the fear that civilization as we know it is doomed and that brimstone is going to start raining from the sky any minute.

It doesn't, but a sense of terrible foreboding is further stoked by the sleeve notes, which make reference to ‘all my albums to come.'"

Yikes. One can only hope Paris catches an STD from new pal, Jenna Jameson; preferable, one that renders her vocal chords useless.

One song on the album, meanwhile, addresses one of the many woes facing a rich, lazy, skeleton of an heiress : how guys battle for her affections.

In "Fightin' Over Me," Hilton sings about the numerous gentlemen callers that wish to visit the main attractions in Paris, if you know what we're saying.

We're saying A LOT of guys have sex with Paris Hilton.

by Mischalova at . Comments

You know, for someone who's giving up sex for a year, Paris Hilton is hanging out with the individual that may know more about knocking boots thann anyone else on the planet.

Yes, folks, that is Jenna Jameson alongside the HO-tel heiress. Leave a comment now and let us know how many men you think each one bedded during this evening out ...

  • Seeking New BFF
  • Jenna Jameson Red Dress

by Mischalova at . Comments

Just when you thought a feud between Paris Hilton and her dog would overtake the heiress' rivalry with Lindsay Lohan, Hilton's posse was seen lashing out at everyone least favorite red head.

  • Butter Time!
  • Lindsay Lohan Crotch Shot

Following a Justin Timberlake concert at the House of Blues on Friday night, Paris, sister Nicky, Hollywood bad boy Brandon Davis and Scott Storch, the producer of Paris' new CD, found themselves at In-N-Out Burger at 2 a.m. in Hollywood.

Wait, Paris was at an In-N-Out joint despite swearing off sex for a year? That liar!

Anyway. As the group left, a photographer heard someone in the party of four use the word "firecrotch." This, of course, was the infamous way in which Davis referred to Lohan in a taped rant a few months ago.

The photographer, God bless his curious heard, heard the reference and asked, "What did you say about firecrotch?" Storch replied, "We're actually celebrating firecrotch day."

As Storch and Paris got in the vehicle - which sported bright red interior - the music producer added, "We even have firecrotch interior for the occasion ... in special honor of her freckled puss."

That's a lovely image. It's one the troops in Iraq can't wait to see.

Hilton was smiling during the exchange, obviously proud of Storch for landing such a parting shot. We imagine the posse then sped off and left numerous voice mails on Lindsay's cell phone, freckling that puss with insult after insult.

by Mischalova at . Comments

It's a good thing Paris Hilton is making friends with a certain famous kitty - because he dog frickin hates her!

We don't know if she was bribed by Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, or simply expressing the sentiments shared by human beings around the universe, but Hilton's pet kinkajou, Baby Luv, bit Paris on the arm early Tuesday morning.

Paris Hilton Shopping Dog

This news made our morning decade.

The wound was superficial (damn!) and Paris spent a few hours at the hospital receiving a tetanus shot.

Hilton called the guy with the worst job on the planet, publicist Elliot Mintz, at about 3 a.m. Tuesday after the incident occurred. Mintz drove her to the emergency room where she was seen by a doctor, treated and released. The whole ordeal took just a few hours.

But we'll be basking in the enjoyment of its for weeks.

by Mischalova at . Comments

Someone is gonna feel sorry for Lindsay Lohan dammit! She doesn't care what she has to do to draw it out of people.

You don't care that she almost witnessed a paparazzi accident? Almost, people! What about the fact that she was downright exhausted?

  • Cannes Babe
  • Lindsay Lohan Crotch Shot
  • Placing a Call

Ok, try this one, readers: Lohan has revealed that Paris Hilton and Brandon Davis went through a phase of prank calling her around the time they appeared on a video insulting her.

That's like, a few minutes of wasted cell phone minutes at a time!

Lindsay told Elle magazine: "I started getting prank calls from them on my voicemail. They'd be screaming and saying stuff that was said in the video."

But don't worry, Lohan spent hours thinking of a witty comeback. In regard to the Paris/Brandon conversation that was filmed, the Mean Girls actress proved she could star in a sequel, REALLY Mean Girls:

"Obviously, [Paris is] very comfortable making videos."

Oh. No. She. Didn't. If Lindsay uses such wrath on Al-Qaeda, consider the war on terror over.

The last time these two man soup repositories met was at Butter nightclub in New York. Oddly enough, that was the same thing each had had for dinner the night before.

Paris accused Lindsay of trying to "steal" Paris' on-and-off-again boyfriend Stavros Niarchos:

"She went off on this Stavros thing, grabbing my arm, saying, ‘I can't believe you f**king called Stavros.'"

Here's what The Gossip calls: President Bush needs to start a war on spoiled skanks. At least this one would be justified.

by Mischalova at . Comments

So, let us get this straight:

In Austria, they pay Paris Hilton $1 million to show up and wave at a crowd?

And in Japan, they base a signature children's line after this waste of oxygen?

The latter piece of news stems from Sanrio, the company behind Hello Kitty apparel. It seems folks across the Atlantic have some sort of Hilton hankering, so much so that they want their kids adorned with backpacks bearing her liking.

Paris Hilton Waves

We can only imagine the line's motto: Paris Hilton - Take an overused human condom to school today!

by Mischalova at . Comments

Don't worry, Gossip-ites, we've got the news you've been waiting for: yes, Paris Hilton did indeed make more money than Jennifer Lopez last year.

Why the blonde piece of human excrement was comparing herself to J-Lo, we have no idea. But apparently felt she need to set the financial record straight between herself and Marc Anthony's wife.

Hard Core Shopper

Both women have perfume and fashion lines, but Paris earns the bulk of her money through personal appearances. If one could refer to that as "earning."

"I've made, like, $200 million in the last year, while J-Lo's only made $150 million," Paris said. "I get paid $500,000 to go to Las Vegas or Japan and wave at crowds or go to a party. All the time."

It really is a simple life, huh? It's also a pathetic, spoiled, lazy, skanky one. Hilton also shared the story of an equally pampered family.

"Only this week I met a family at the airport who wanted me to drop in to their daughter's 16th birthday party for $100,000 because I'm her idol. So I will."

That's sweet. Everyone in attendance can compare bank rolls, servants and eating disorders.

by Mischalova at . Comments

Here's the question, readers: How much do we believe Paris Hilton? She claims to hate skinny people, but she is skinny ... she claims she isn't an overused human condom, but she obviously is ...

Taking a Bow

And now? Paris says she was actually passed over the role of Lucy Ewing in the movie remake of Dallas. Eventually, the part went to Katie Cassidy, but Jessica Simpson appeared to be the only other actress in the running.

According to Hilton, she was a top choice for Lucy and found it difficult to turn down:

"I was a huge fan of the show and never missed it when I was a kid - more for the hair and fashions than the storylines," Paris piped.

"But the truth is the role is too demanding for me. I told them I need to make a few more smaller movies first, then take it from there."

Sounds just like Hilton, right? Not wanting to be in too bright of a spotlight?

But, wait, there are more Paris lies to be told ...

Continue Reading...

by Mischalova at . Comments

Say this about Paris Hilton: she sucks. Oh, also say this: her actions don't exactly stand by her words.

A few weeks after claiming she was single and loving it, everyone's least favorite hotel heiress human being is back together with her ex-boyfriend, Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos â€" at least for now.

Stavros and Paris, Take 17!

"We're together now here. We love each other," Hilton told People magazine on Monday at Diddy's Unforgettable 50 party aboard a rented yacht.

ome profound, long-lasting words of affection. The Gossip isn't sure, however, if Paris maintained such love once Stavros got off her.

On Saturday night, Hilton was seen partying with Niarchos at the VIP Room nightclub, where she treated him to a pole dance. Viewers said it was difficult to differentiate between Hilton and the pole. The following night they kissed at the nearby club Les Caves du Roy.

Continue Reading...

Paris Hilton Biography

Ho Train On Us Weekly Cover Paris Hilton is a party host, bad actress, singer, model and painfully annoying skank based in Southern California. This former A-list... More »
Born
Birthplace
New York, New York
Full Name
Paris Whitney Hilton

Paris Hilton Quotes

We want to stay together forever. I wouldn't do a Vegas [wedding]. I don't know where or when but I do want it to be romantic.

Paris Hilton [on Benji Madden]

He's my best friend. He's just different from any guy that I've ever been with. I just trust him completely, and I know that he'd be there for me, no matter what.

Paris Hilton [on Benji Madden]
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