by Mischalova at . Comments

We know, we know, what's next? Mary-Kate Olsen stating she's not, like, fat?

Pig Buyer

Here's how this Paris Hilton revelation came about:

In police investigations related to a robbery of "Girls Gone Wild" producer Joe Francis, the lodging heiress says she's not an entirely reliable witness, but reveals that "private tapes" were taken from her home and that mystery callers have been trying to get her to pay up for them.

Some mystery. Yes, Nicole Richie, we're looking at you.

Hilton admitted to possessing some knowledge of what happened to Francis' house in 2004 (though nothing self-implicating) and Los Angeles Police Department detectives are heard trying to extract it from her in the tapes, which will air on Friday night on "Dateline NBC."

According to Page Six, the annoyed air head says, when interrogated:

"Like I really ... I don't remember. I'm not like that smart. I like forget stuff all the time."

Hilton did admit that she refused to give it to blackmailers that have threatned to release the aforementioned personal sex tapes. We don't know why. That's the only reason she got famous in the first place.

We're not, like, kidding.

by Free Britney at . Comments

The season premiere of The Oprah Winfrey Show started out with a bang... or at least a rich, non-gay talk show host having a hard time doing a simple everyday task.

To open the show, Oprah and BFF Gayle King embarked on a cross-country road trip, surprising unsuspecting Americans by dropping in unannounced at their weddings and other events. The toughest part of the trip for Oprah wasn't the rising price of gas... just the act of dispensing it into her vehicle.

Paris Hilton, Boy Toy

The Big O had to be helped out as she fumbled with the pump, saying "I haven't pumped gas since 1983."

Lucky for her, a good samaritan came to her rescue, demonstrating the right technique for fueling a car. It proved surprisingly easy.

Winfrey joined us in laughing at her expense, saying "I feel kind of stupid not being able to pump gas, but I thought, well maybe they've changed the pumps since I've last pumped."

Well, Oprah, we thought that our girlfriends weren't home when we were posting some pictures from Kristin Cavallari's MySpace page on our site yesterday. Sometimes, you're just dead wrong. It can get pretty ugly.

At the same time Oprah was bungling this simple task, on other side of this great country of ours, the awesome Paris Hilton unknowingly showed that hack how it's done.

Paris proved she's the pro at the pump -- one-handed, in high-heels and talking on the phone. What skillz!

And for her next trick, Paris will demonstrate tonight that she's also a pro at getting pumped by guys.

by Mischalova at . Comments

We don't make things up, readers. When we say that Paris Hilton is a no-good socialite that isn't worth the cocktail napkins her hotels pay for, we mean it.

As for the skank factor, just take a look at her engulfing Travis Barker in this picture, the instant the Blink 182 singer isn't married:

I Heart Paris Hilton

When asked about Barker, Hilton replied: "He's one of my dear friends. I'm single, he's my friend."

She then said the same thing about 37 other guys in the club that night. And a lonely looking bar stool.

by Mischalova at . Comments

All of a sudden, a drunk driving charge may not be the biggest problem Paris Hilton faces this week.

After all, you do NOT wanna get on the bad side of Shanna Moakler.

Criss Angel and Paris Hilton

The Dancing with the Stars contestant spoke about reports that ex-husband, Travis Barker, and constant ho bag, Paris, made out in front of clubgoers in New York. Shanna said she feels "betrayed."

Barker, however, may feel like he has a burning sensation when he urinates.

Hilton and the rocker were spotted at the New York club, Butter, Monday night at a party hosted by Kanye West. Hilton's rep told People magazine:

"They like each other. Paris really likes him. Beyond that, I cannot comment."

Moakler didn't take too kindly to the incident. She's been trying to deal with her and Barker's divorce calmly.

"When I first heard of the situation I felt betrayed, but in order to maintain a positive atmosphere for my children I've decided that not to exacerbate the situation by commenting on each new aspect of Travis Barker's personal life," Shanna said.

As for Hilton and Barker's night out, the pair snuggled and whispered in a corner banquette in the back of the club. When West's song "Diamonds from Sierra Leone" began playing, Hilton stood up and started dancing near Barker.

Hilton's rep added: "Paris is single right now. You may in the future see her in the company of other men."

Or women. Or lonely lamp posts.

by Mischalova at . Comments

We'd never defend Paris Hilton. She's a drunk driving, immoral, spoiled wench of an ugly human being.

However, if the following story is at all valid, Paris does know how to pull a prank or two.

Nic Richie

Word is circulating that Nicole Richie has been receiving certain, surprise treats in the form of pizza deliveries for weeks now. A prankster has been ordering the pies and having them delivered late at night to Lionel's frail step-daughter.

"The stunt has Paris written all over it," says one insider. "She can't stand Nicole and loves that her former best friend is being ridiculed by people for her appearance. Sending pizzas is the kind of thing (Paris would) think was funny."

We're pretty sure sending pizzas is the sort of thing anyone would think was funny. Except Peter Sarsgaard, perhaps. He takes stuff like this really seriously.

by Mischalova at . Comments

When you name yourself after a promiscuous waste of space celebrity, what happens when that individual breaks the law and endangers fellow motorists?

You ignore morality and defend her, of course.

Reinhardt, Hilton Pic

So is the case of gossip-monger, attention-starved Perez Hilton.

The man (pictured with the felon, left) and his website came to the aid of Paris Hilton by backing up the drunkard's story that she only had a single margarita before being pulled over for drunk driving this week.

What Paris and close pal, Perez, fail to point out, however, is this: who cares?!? She registered a .08 blood-alcohol level, above the legal limit in California. That figure exists because it's proven that people reaching it are intoxicated and display poor reflexes/judgment while driving.

Reiterating that Hilton had a single drink proves only one thing: she's a harlot AND a light weight.

Don't get us wrong, Perez, we're all for the Firecrotch shirt and anti-Lindsay Lohan sentiment, but show an ounce of journalistic integrity please. Call out your idol when she messes up.

We'll be the first to do so if Britney Spears ever stops looking ugly.

by Mischalova at . Comments

It's too easy, but has to be said: Paris Hilton enjoys being in handcuffs, but not under these circumstances.

After being arrested for drunk driving, Hilton almost immediately called On Air with Ryan Seacrest to explain the complete and utter misunderstanding.

Hilton Pic

See, Paris may have been going little fast in her Mercedes McLaren SLR. And her blood-alcohol level may have been illegal. But the girl was hungry for the first time in her life, okay?!?

She told Ryan she had an long day on Wednesday filming the video for her new single "Nothing in This World." From there, she went to dinner with sister Nicky - but didn't eat anything, apparently. Then it was off to charity event hosted by Dave Navarro and just one tiny margarita.

When Hilton left to drive the few blocks home, she was "starving" and yearned for an In-N-Out Burger.

So give the blonde a break, alright? She hadn't eaten in over 17 years ... and can't resist hurrying up for anything that involves going in and out. It's the one thing her and Lindsay Lohan can agree on.

by Mischalova at . Comments

Thank you, Paris Hilton. From the bottom of our gossip-hungry hearts, thank you so very much.

Just as it seemed like our favorite targets were changing their ways - come on, Suri Cruise, what are you doing actually existing? - jumped drunkenly wobbled back into the spotlight last night when she was arrested in Hollywood and charged with driving under the influence.

Paris, Doug Pic


TMZ reported that LAPD officers noticed Paris driving her Mercedes McLaren SLR erratically at 12:31 AM. They pulled her over, believing she exhibited signs of intoxication. During a field sobriety test, Hilton blew a .08.

After Officer .08 zipped back up, Paris' blood-alcohol level was also measured at that amount, the minimum level for DUI in California.

Paris was arrested and booked at the LAPD Hollywood division. Police sources say Hilton didn't pull a Mel Gibson; she was cooperative. Kimberly Stewart, Rod Stewart's daughter, was also in the vehicle.

Nicky Hilton, Entourage star Kevin Connolly (her boyfriend) and Paris' publicist Elliot Mintz arrived at the Hollywood police station just before 2 AM PST. A short time later, Paris was released on her own recognizance and allowed to leave.

Cops took a booking photo, which and LAPD spokesperson says will not be released. An LAPD source would not confirm it Paris glammed it up for the camera, but revealed "It doesn't look like Nick Nolte."

Mintz and Hilton already have an excuse prepared: the tiny blonde was exhausted from filming a movie all day. And, therefore, her blood-alcohol level was high. Obviously.

by Free Britney at . Comments

What does Paris Hilton's bed look like? Only a few thousand men have ever been lucky enough to find out... but any remaining mystery is about to be put to rest. In case you haven't had the honor (or the lights were off when you were doing her) you can see -- and own the thing!

That's right, it's being auctioned off, and is currently up for sale online. Opening bid: $1,500. Unfortunately (wait, check that... very fortunately), the singer and party-animal heiress isn't part of the deal.

World According to Paris Still

Paris' scuffed up, king-size bed is being hawked, complete with a quite-used and probably very disease-ridden mattress, in an online auction.

That nasty object and dozens of other items from Hilton's house are up for sale, such as her old pillows, couches, and lamps. Personally, we have no clue why you'd bid on something you've already seen -- and defaced -- from just about every angle. But hey, that's just us.

The auctioneer, StarStyle.com, assures the Gossip that 10 percent of each sale goes to charity. If only Paris herself were up for sale. Then again, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free, no?

by Free Britney at . Comments

Has Lance Armstrong has taken a break from incessantly working out with his new best friend, Matthew McConaughey, to spend time with... Paris Hilton?

It sounds completely made up, and we really hope it is, but sources say the two showed up to the Key Club in L.A. Tuesday night to catch the band Vacation.

  • Lance Armstrong Premiere Photo
  • P-Hilt

"They came together, they hung out and left together," a spy dished.

What happened to the man love, Lance? Or the whole thing about you being a cool guy, not someone who parties slums it with a walking spent condom? No respect. Good luck seeking elected office now. As long as you're on this kick, though, you might as well hit Ashlee Simpson.

Paris Hilton Biography

Ho Train On Us Weekly Cover Paris Hilton is a party host, bad actress, singer, model and painfully annoying skank based in Southern California. This former A-list... More »
Born
Birthplace
New York, New York
Full Name
Paris Whitney Hilton

Paris Hilton Quotes

We want to stay together forever. I wouldn't do a Vegas [wedding]. I don't know where or when but I do want it to be romantic.

Paris Hilton [on Benji Madden]

He's my best friend. He's just different from any guy that I've ever been with. I just trust him completely, and I know that he'd be there for me, no matter what.

Paris Hilton [on Benji Madden]
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