Paris Hilton

That lasted awhile.

Days after explaining to Regis and Kelly that she loves being single, Paris Hilton was spotted on the arm of a certain hockey player in Canada.

In town for the Much Music Awards (naturally) over the weekend, Paris was seen partying and holding hands with hockey player Jose Theodore, goalie for the Colorado Avalanche. One might say this ho-bag has a snowball's chance in Hell of remaining on her own for more than 24 hours.

The two left Club Ultra in Toronto together, destination Paris' hotel room and the nasty vixen's five-hole. There's a sordid twist, however, as this could be more than a typical tanging of the first red-blooded male Hilton comes across.

Theodore has a girlfriend, Stéphanie Cloutier. She gave birth to couple's first child, a daughter named Romy, on Saturday, March 18. The pair were expected to marry in the near future.

Then Paris stepped in. While she may have avoided a traffic accident this time, the same can't be said for a bedroom violation of the worst kind.

Screw being simple - and she probably would if that word had a lot of money - Paris Hilton loves the single life.

Hilton told Regis and Kelly she's currently without a boyfriend for the first time in her life. And she's doing fine with it. Or as fine as an emaciated, spoiled ditz can be doing with anything.

"I always have a boyfriend all the time, so I've never really got to know me and, like, have time for myself because I spend all my energy on the boyfriend," the 25-year-old said.

In the past couple years, Hilton has ended her engagement to Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis and recently broke up with Stavros Niarchos (pictured), another Greek shipping heir.

She hasn't learned how to drive from those experiences, but has Hilton realized anything about herself as a result of the break-ups?

"I'm a very strong woman. I don't need a man. I can be on my own," she said.

As for her rivalry with Simple Life co-star and occasional best friend, Nicole Richie, Hilton said she hopes they'll patch things up.

"I've known her 20 years," Hilton said. "I look at baby pictures. It makes me sad that she's, you know - we're going through something right now and we'll make up one day."

A world awaits their fate.

Paris Hilton hits cars, she flees scenes ... and now she faces a lawsuit for an accident that she wasn't even involved in.

A Los Angeles couple has filed a lawsuit against the airhead claiming she's legally responsible for a May 2004 accident allegedly caused by a friend driving Hilton's Mercedes, according to court documents obtained by E! Online. For once, Paris was not directly involved in the mess.

Plaintiffs Ivan Alvarez and Monica Delgado claim that they were rear-ended in a four-car collision set off by Hilton's pal, Brooke Ashley Brinson, who supposedly hit the car in front of her, setting off a domino effect.

According to the complaint, filed May 30 in Los Angeles Superior Court, Alvarez and Delgado are seeking damages to compensate for emotional distress, loss of wages, medical bills, loss of earning capacity and property damage.

Indeed, the last few days have been anything but a simple life for our favorite blonde bimbo.

We're sorry, Paris. Apparently you actually are a handicapped driver.

The whisphy waste of space hit a parked car last week ... and then left without leaving a note, a violation of California law. TMZ.com even has it all on video. Of course, Hilton is used to videos of her surfacing on the Internet.

Here's what reportedly transpired: Paris was returning from a shopping spree in L.A. with gal pal and Nick Lachey bed mate, Kim Kardashian, when she hopped in her Range Rover. Hilton proceeded to back out of the parking spot without a seat belt on, yet another. A Honda Civic was the victim of this dimwitted driving, with damage caused to both vehicles' fenders.

According to reports, Hilton has been cited for various violations six times in as many months. Failing to leave a note after damaging another car is a misdemeanor under California law, punishable by as much as six months in jail. H

Hey, there's an idea for the next edition of The Simple Life!

This is terrible. Not only has The Simple Life 4 found a new home on E!, it's evidently a very popular location. The wretched Paris Hilton/Nicole Ritchie reality show debuted to 1.3 million viewers last Sunday.

This figure represented a 400% increase over the channel's typical prime time numbers. In key demographics, such as 18-35 year-old males, the boost was more than three times the network's average.

We have one word for whomever is comprising this viewership: STOP! What's next, will you purchase Paris' first single? How will this attention-hungry, food-starved waste of space ever go away if we continue to pay her attention?!?

Quick note to Matt Leinart, rookie quarterback for the Arizona Cardinals and occasional boy toy: get out of Paris while you still can!

Hilton, that is. The hotel heiress and new pop artist may sing about stars being blind ... but that doesn't mean she can act as though she is afflicated with this or any other handicap while driving! That's just nonsense.

To sum up the latest controversy surrounding this nitwit: Residents of the exclusive L.A. apartment complex in which Leinart resides told the New York Post that the blonde bimbo actually pulls into a handicapped space every time she visits.

"I find the reports surprising," said Paris' long-suffering spokesman Elliot Mintz.

Because she's shocked that Hilton would pull such a stint? Has she ever met her client?

Paris Hilton really needs to be more careful. Somehow, information and videos about her continue to be leaked to the public.

The latest sneak peak into the wonderful world of Paris is the hotel heiress' first single, "Stars Are Blind." If the tune is meant to be autobiographical, she forgot to add "thin, useless and ugly" to the title.

According to the New York Post, however, the song could be a lot worse. Singing to a pop reggae beat, Hilton waxes about her qualifications to be somebody's girlfriend to a pop reggae beat. The newspaper reported her voice on the track is reminiscent of Gwen Stefani. It's amazing what technology can accomplish.
Dan Aquilante of the Post quipped: "We can only hope the video is half as good as her last one."