by Mischalova at

Sometimes, here at The Hollywood Gossip, we need to make stories seem a bit more interesting. You know, throw in jokes or tangents every now and then to enterain our readers.

Other times, however, the blogs write themselves. This is often the case when it comes to Paris Hilton. She's just that slutty, spoiled, insane humorous.

Just Paris

The latest on everyone's least favorite hotel heiress comes from former boyfriend, Nick Carter. The Backstreet Boy She claims Paris relied heavily on drugs and alcohol to give her confidence in the bedroom and was more often than not too wasted to even perform.

Let's listen to him tell it:

I lost count of the nights I had to pick her off the floor and drag her to bed passed out.

If she was going overseas she'd cut a hole in her teddy and stuff it with cannabis. She had to have her own private stash with her at all times regardless of the consequences.

So, to review: Paris Hilton was often too drugged out to have sex and snuck drugs on board airplanes in a stuffed animal. This is coming from the same guy that says he slept with Ashlee Simpson when Paris was away. Seems like a reputable source to us.

He's also recently been involved, along with his brother, Aaron Cater, with WWE events. Yes, that's staged professional wrestlings.

Nevertheless, a random accusation from a bitter ex is all we need to believe that Paris is an impotent lover and druggie. Feels nice just saying that.

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by Mischalova at

Apparently, Paris Hilton wants to make up for the fact that her dog hates her almost as much as most human beings.

Pledge This!

Despite being mauled by her pet last week, Hilton took Tinkerbell to Pet Headquarters in Malibu yesterday for a little pampering. The chic pet shop features pet food, fashions, bags and carriers.

Paris is obviously trying to boost Tink up in the In Touch Weekly rankings of most pampered pets. As of now, she ranks second behind the Maltipoo Daisy of Jessica Simpson.

Really, we're not making this up.

In this place is the Parson Russel terrier of Mariah Carey; followed by Diddy Maltese, Sophie; and Oprah Winfrey's cocker spaniel, also named Sophie.

We're not entirely sure why Nicole Richie wasn't on the list. Probably because you can't keep aliens as pets.

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by Free Britney at

Apparently, Stavros Niarchos didn't answer his phone, forcing a lonely Paris Hilton to feel up this poor, innocent pug.

Unfortunately, said pug's plea fell upon deaf ears as onlookers (presumably ones who have heard Paris' album) failed to rescue it.

Doug Reinhardt, Paris Hilton Pic

The look on the canine's face really says it all. But in case that wasn't enough for you, we've taken the liberty of translating his expression into words. Or one word.

You get the idea -- this celebrity dog would like nothing more than to get the f*%k out of there immediately. Or play fetch. Dogs love attention, but come on, Paris. He's as terrified of you as we are.

We certainly sympathize with the poor critter. We would be mightily concerned ourselves if we were in the clutches of the talentless, STD-ridden waste that is Paris Hilton.

Yech. That is some nasty $h!t.

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by Mischalova at

Shanna Moakler is so lucky.

She gets to never go near Paris Hilton again.

Wet BJ

After the fracas between these two ladies last week, Hilton is seeking a restraining order against the former Dancing with the Stars contestant. And all because Moakler punched Paris in the face on October 4 at Hyde night club.

We figured Hilton was used to getting punched; donkey punched, at least. We could be thinking of Dustin Diamond sex slaves, however.

"I'm scared of her. I feel like I have to do something to protect myself," Paris whined.

According to Hilton says, good pal Stavros Niarchos threw his drink in Moakler's face, "he never touched her. She was never touched by anyone."

Except Travis Barker, of course. Which is what led to this mess in the first place.

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by Free Britney at

In possibly putting an end to their long-running feud, former Simple Life BFFs Paris Hilton (taking a rare break from getting pumped) and the embattled Nicole Richie reunited over a lovely dinner at Dan Tana's restaurant in West Hollywood on Sunday (left). Very little food was eaten, in all likelihood.

A Nicole Richie, Joel Madden Photo

The day before, Richie, who recently split from Brody Jenner, showed off a new look and a new mystery guy in Los Angeles (right). Man, this girl is a real man-eater. Too bad she's not an eater of anything else. Like food. If you know what we're talking about. We're saying she has an eating disorder. Oh. Snap.

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by Mischalova at

Recently, Ashlee Simpson turned 22. We assume the neophyte celebrated by getting more plastic surgery. That's nice.

Ho-Cialite

Along similar lines, what's Nicky Hilton gonna do for her 23rd birthday than hit the clubs for a change, right?

The spoiled one arrived at LA club, Area, Thursday night with Brandon Davis and sister, Paris Hilton. Reports state they pulled up in a black SUV with the "Firecrotch" song blaring from the car stereo.

The laughing group then piled out "like clowns from a clown car," TMZ stated in an accurate analogy.

Things got awkward quikcly, however, as Lindsay Lohan showed up and fisticuffs were narrowly avoided.

At the end of the evening, Paris departed in a taxi because her "sister has the limo." Now that's what we call sharing. The Hiltons should be commended.

And the Olsen Twins should be feared. What the heck are they always wearing?!?

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by Free Britney at

Sex tape star Dustin Diamond, a.k.a. Screech, is a dirty, dirty son of a b!tch. But when it comes to housecleaning, well, the man who doled out the Dirty Sanchez on film didn't fare as poorly as some other celebrities.

In a national survey commissioned by Cascade dishwashing detergent, people were asked which famous couple they imagined would be the best -- and worst -- at taking care of their own homes.

Off with the Shorts

Nice, but kinda boring Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick were voted the cleanest celebrity couple and received 69 percent of the votes.

TomKat was a distant second with nearly 9 percent, with Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore behind them with 7.5%.

On the other end of the spectrum, we have the amazing Britney Spears and Mr. Britney Spears, a.k.a. K-Fed. They finished dead last, as fans apparently believe they live in a sty. We can't verify that, but it wouldn't surprise us.

K-Fed is essentially a walking sty. Can you see that douche contributing anything as far as chores? Or to society in general? T.H. Gossip cannot.

Really, though, who the hell knows what f*%ked up $h!t goes down behind those Malibu walls. Oh, if little Sutton Pierce could talk...

The survey didn't bode well for the Hilton sisters either. When asked which celeb duo they would enlist to clean their homes, respondents chose skanky Paris and Nicky Hilton -- dead last.

Unfortunately for the heiresses, top-notch maid services (or other kinds of intimate "servicing") weren't taken into account. Which is too bad, because they'd surely do better in that poll.

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by Mischalova at

Good news, Nick Carter:

You're no longer the only person to have beat up on Paris Hilton. At least according to a police report filed last night.

Pretty Paris Pic

TMZ has learned that Hilton and Shanna Moakler both filed police reports early Wednesday morning, alleging each was attacked. Paris says Moakler socked her in the jaw. Moakler claims Paris' ex shoved her down some stairs.

And The Gossip claims this news was a great way to start our morning.

Elliot Mintz, Paris' publicist, tells TMZ.com that his client was at Hyde nightclub Wednesday night. At approximately 1:10 a.m. she says she was approached by Shanna, who allegedly began screaming obscenities at her and then struck her with a closed fist.

Of course, being fisted isn't anything new for Hilton.

Mintz says Hilton never touched Moakler. She did, of course, touch Shanna's ex-husband, Travis Barker.

Mintz and Paris then went to the LAPD's Hollywood Division where she filed a police report, alleging battery.

But that's not all!

Continue Reading...

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by Mischalova at

… to mock the living, ghastly daylights out of her.

That's right, you can move over, Jessica Simpson, you no longer have the privilege of representing the ugliest celebrity photo of the day.

Paris Hilton Image

That dishonor would fall to Paris Hilton and her recent evening spent exposing her rancid self dancing at TAO night club in Las Vegas.

You can see the numbers turning in this onlooker's head. How many guys will see a lot more than this pair of underwear tonight?

Gosh, she's a hottie. Travis Barker, you're so lucky. And you, Lance Armstrong. And Stavros Niarchos. And the valets for the evening. As well as the coat check guys …

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by Mischalova at

We know you were yearning to hear more about the sex life of Nick Carter. Especially when it involves juicy details such as this.

According to the reality show pimp and lame singer man himself, when Carter learned that Paris Hilton was cheating on him with Sophia Bush's fiancé, Chad Michael Murray, he reciprocated with a new bedmate.

Scuba Diving Diva

He waited until his then-girlfriend jetted off to Australia and then hooked up with Ashlee Simpson.

"I'd fallen head over heels with this chick. Then, all of a sudden, three months go by and I got people telling me, 'Nick, you know what Paris is doing to you,' and I got a little upset," Carter said. "So then I just decided to fight back a little bit and started doing my own thing again.

The result is I hooked up with Ashlee Simpson. When Paris came back from Australia, they talked to each other and she found out about it."

Nick doesn't seem too remorseful. Or talented.

"So I brought it up to her and said, 'You know what I did, and now it's your turn. Why don't you tell me what you did.' And she goes, 'I never did anything! I never cheated on you.' I had kind of started to really like Ashlee and I was thinking about the dating stage, then before you know it, f--king b-tch-face comes back."

Ah yes, the pet name all of Paris' boyfriends refer to her as. Somewhere, Stavros Niarchos is smiling.

The former Backstreet Boys member told the New York Post he has no regrets, but still has a bitter taste in his mouth over how much Paris Hilton sucks.

"I got so burnt over that whole Paris [bleep] with all this swinging and switching. Whatever happened to morals and values?"

Good question, Nick. Maybe you and brother, Aaron Carter, can tell us on your new reality show, House of Carters.

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