Yesterday, the world witnessed a conflict that made the situation in Gaza look like a day at Disneyland.
We're talking, of course, about the Justin Bieber-Orlando Bloom fight.
With all the conflicting stories from witnesses, and Bieber's trash talk on Instagram, it can be hard to sort out what actually took place on that fateful night in Ibiza. Fortunately, Stephen Colbert is here to break it all down:
"I do not condone this kind of violence," Colbert told his audience last night. "Because Bloom missed Bieber's face." Comedy Central's foremost faux-conservative then pointed out that if Bloom had connected, Bieber would've had "his first hit in years."
But Colbert didn't just provide a ringside blow-by-blow. (Okay, so it was just the one blow.) Like the serious journalist that he is, he went deeper and analyzed the causes of the whiff heard round the world: