by Free Britney at

"I'm definitely not a saint. If I walked into a church, I'd probably burst into flames to be honest with you ... But I think that I can probably talk my way out of the hole I dug. I mean, how deep is a grave?" - Ronnie Magro

The great thing about this line, one of many great Jersey Shore quotes from last night's episode, is that Ron probably really believed it. Sammi is that pathetic.

Did he succeed? Let's find out in THG's Jersey Shore point-system recap ...

Situation Creepin'

The Situation works his game during an MVP night.

During Gay Pride Week in Miami, JWoww and Snooki were down to celebrate: "Gay Pride, yay!" exclaimed Snooki. Plus 2 for not seriously offending anyone there!

After defending her evening out by saying those guys are not attracted to vagina, Snook dispatched Emilio Masella for good. JWoww clapped, as did we. Plus 7.

The Situation brings home two girls, but had invited two others over earlier. Now it's a 4-on-3 Situation in this MVP night ... with one grenade! Boom! Minus 5.

Continue Reading...

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by Free Britney at

Last night's Jersey Shore paled in comparison to last week's for the simple fact that the tired act that is Ronnie and Sammi overshadowed everything else.

Don't get us wrong, there were plenty of absurd scenes and Jersey Shore quotes to make it worth our while, but these two need to get their act together.

If Sammi weren't so painful, maybe we'd be more sympathetic to how Ron treats her. Even her own friends seem to be somewhat on the fence about it.

What should have been the highlight of the week - Snooki and Emilio - took a back seat to played-out drama even their castmates are sick of by now.

How did it all go down in Season 2, Episode 4? THG's got it covered ...

When Snooki called boyfriend Emilio Masella in last week's episode, she and Vinny were up to no good. Now the gorilla juicehead turns the tables. Plus 5.

Guys Suck!

Snooki & Co. to all guys: You're douchebags and we hate you!

Drunk out of his mind, Emilio calls, mistakes JWoww for voicemail, tells Snooks he f*%ked some girl, then says he was kidding. Great joke man. Minus 6.

Snooki: "Guys are douchebags and I hate them all. They don't know how to treat women ... I feel like this is why the lesbian rate is going up in this country." Plus 3.

J-Woww to Emilio: "I will call the cops on you if you call again or I will take the next flight out to f*%kin' New York to beat your ass." She's probably serious. Plus 4.

The anti-Emilio tirade concludes with J-Woww calling him a "drunk skank with no job" (LOL) and Snooki telling out a Home Alone style scream. A tad much. Wash.

Enraged, the girls all break $h!t. Not cool, but we've been there, so Minus only 2. The female empowerment team now turns its attention from Emilio to Ronnie.

Will anyone in the house snitch on Ronnie? Does Sammi have a right to know? Does anyone care? Minus 18 because ... no. But Plus 4 for the use of "motorboat."

Awwww How Sweet

Ronnie and Sammi share a tender moment in between breakups.

We'll say this for Ronnie Magro: He is definitely going all in, cuddling with his lame girl and whispering sweet nothings one minute, dropping c- and f-bombs and flirting with alcohol poisoning the next. No in between. Plus 6.

Ron, in a rare moment of sobriety: "I don't like tests, that's why I didn't go to college... don't test me, 'cause I will fail a majority of the time." Yes you will. Minus 4

Angelina farts in Snooki's face. On television. Minus 3.

The Situation: "You need to on your tip-top game with your GTL to stay FTD to get the girls to DTF in MIA ... say that 5 times fast." Translation, anyone? Plus 9.

Gelato shop gems: Vinny asking if there's a butter face flavor, and this from Pauly D: "She had summer teeth. Some are like this... some are like that." Plus 8.

Snooki and J-Woww write an "anonymous" note to Sammi. On a reality show. Minus 12. They did think far enough ahead to write "breasts" in the note - Snooki and JWoww would say "t!ts" so she'll totally never suspect them - so Plus 5.

TOTAL: -1. SEASON: +62.

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by Free Britney at

Creepin': adj. 1. To sneak about unnoticed and in mysterious fashion; typically but not necessarily to convey the message that one is a sexual being. 2. To cheat.

Last night on Jersey Shore, Ronnie continued his sleazy, drunken antics, Angelina sort of made up with peeps and Vinny may have done the unthinkable.

How did it all play out in episode three of season two? THG's got it covered ...

Steamed over her "brother" being slapped in the face three times. JWoww threatens to beat up Angelina since Pauly can't. What are sisters for? Plus 3.

Angelina Pivarnick claims to not remember what she did to Pauly D. Sorry, but these people are clearly not blacked out drunk EVERY night. Minus 4.

Angeliner

Angelina wears her trademark sneer, and sunglasses indoors.

"I didn't know being drunk and people making mistakes was that bad..." - Angelina. Hmm. She has a point. That's pretty much the premise of the show. Plus 2.

Vinny gets his fade on ... a different kind of fade. He and Ronnie go to the 'hood for haircuts. Vin is thoroughly entertaining there and at the gelato shop. Plus 5.

Snooki rocks the "Old Snook Look" for a night out, catching Vinny's eye. The poof and cleave can only foreshadow bad things. Pauly D: "Who knows." Minus 7.

The Situation is usually The Instigation, but this week was The Mediation, convincing the girls to give Angelina a chance if she "mans up." What a uniter! Plus 6.

Vinny on J-Woww: "Albert Einstein should rewrite his laws of physics and rework them around Jennie's t!ts." Point taken, but they're kinda gross, so Minus 4.

Now, for the obligatory Ronnie-Sammi drama. Minus 12, since it's both predictable and pathetic that he was creepin' at the club, then crawled in bed with her.

Did I Bang Snooki Last Night?

Did Vinny do the unthinkable? He's about to wonder the same.

Late night, Snooki is plastered, tries to call boyfriend Emilio Masella and breaks a bunch of $h!t, then ends up in bed with Vinny. Plus 11, if only for the fact that Emilio just learned this happened from the show and wants to fight Vinny.

The following night, it's guys night out: MVP style. Mike, Vinny, Pauly. The MVPs of MIA, supporting the GFF (Grenade-Free Foundation). Acronym overkill, perhaps, but we gotta admire the creativity, and they are the MVPs tonight. Plus 19.

Pauly, on Angelina wanting to tag along: "It's not MVPA." Plus 3.

Their debauchery got off to a great start by ditching Angelina when she turned around for one second, but ended up with a jacuzzi full of grenades and a game of catch with a padded bra insert. How do we even evaluate that? Eh, Plus 11.

Ronnie ditches Sam once again, gets drunk and starts creepin' on random hoes. Minus 8. Snooki and JWoww want to put an end it. Do it, girls! Plus 4.

TOTAL: +29. SEASON: +63. Follow this link for the night's Jersey Shore quotes!

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by Free Britney at

Early in Season One of Jersey Shore, Angelina Pivarnick got fired from the boardwalk T-shirt shop, tossed her belongings in the trash and fled Seaside Heights.

None of the other cast members cared.

In fact, they were so apathetic about the "Kim Kardashian of Staten Island" that seeing her in South Beach during the Season 2 premiere led to double-takes.

People were far from pleased. Girls in particular.

"I just feel like she didn't fit into the family," Snooki (Nicole Polizzi) told MTV News. "When I saw her in the house, when I walked into Miami, I was like, 'What is this girl doing here? Why are you here? We could have brought [Deena] in.'"

  • A Snooki Pic
  • Angelina Pivarnick Pic

There's no love lost between Snooki and Angelina.

That would be Deena Nicole Cortese, Snooki's BFF who joined the show for Season 3. The South Beach antics are considered Season 2, before the N.J. return.

"I'm different because I'm just a personable person," Deena, Ms. Class in a Glass, said. "I don't take things to heart. People can make fun of me 'til the day I die, and I will just take it in and be like, 'Yeah, you know what? Whatever.'"

Whatever indeed. But before Deena Nicole comes aboard, we're going to have to watch the crew run Angelina Pivarnick out, and it's not gonna be pretty.

"You're a f*%king white rat and you're f*%king pale and you're nasty" was one of our favorite Snooki quotes from the Season 2 premiere a few weeks back.

"Angelina, she just didn't fit in with anybody, she didn't really open up to anybody," Snook says. "I feel that's why nobody could really connect with her. We gave her a second chance. And she did what she did with it. You're going to have to see."

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by Free Britney at

Vinny Guadagnino allegedly hooked up with Snooki on Jersey Shore this season. Now her gorilla juicehead ex, Emilio Masella, is allegedly ready to throw down.

After learning that a drunk Snooki (Nicole Polizzi) climbs into bed with castmate Vinny, Emilio, who was dating the reality star at the time, vows revenge.

Sombrero Style

"I am pissed, we were friends and he was messing with my girl when I was with her, it's not cool.” Emilio Masella said. “I'm so angry I want to fight him."

"I mean I just said goodbye to her a couple of days before it was shot and she climbed into his bed,” the New Jersey native reflects. “I was devastated."

Emilio met Snooki in January after the first season of the hit reality show and the pair were insperable. In April, Snooki accused him of being unfaithful.

Vinny Guadagnino recently snuggled up to his Jersey Shore co-star Snooki Polizzi. Emilio Masella, who briefly dated the reality star this year, took exception.

Back in April, Emilio got dumped via voicemail by the Snook. The indignity.

"She always accused me of cheating and I never did,” he said. “And now I had to watch her on national TV doing it. I don't deserve this, I'm a sweet guy."

Sweet he may be, but Emilio wants a piece of Vinny – for charity of course.

"I want to box him, for a charity,” said the scorned non-star. “I'm going challenge him to a charity boxing match. I want to raise money for the Chile Earthquake relief fund. I am so in love with her I want to do something for Snooki."

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by Free Britney at

Having reflected upon her recent arrest for public drunkenness, Jersey Shore star Nicole Polizzi, a.k.a. Snooki, is downplaying it, but is still taking it seriously.

Her father's reaction to Snooki getting arrested has caused her to dial back her alcohol consumption. We don't believe that for one second, but here's hoping!

Snooki Polizzi Pic

"I didn't hurt anybody – stuff like that happens in Jersey," she said. "I was in the drunk tank for a little bit, I had too many tequilas. What are you gonna do?"

Indeed.

Later in an interview with People, she expressed a bit of remorse: "My dad was very, very pissed," she revealed. "He's like, 'I didn't raise you like this.'"

"I just felt really bad, so I'm definitely going to stop drinking during the daytime. And now when I go out, I'm only going to have a couple drinks."

Snooki: A model citizen, making Poughkeepsie, N.Y., so proud.

She admitted she'd been drinking since about noon the day she passed out drunk, saying "It was a good wakeup call for me. I learned that I need to calm down with drinking. It definitely embarrassed my family and that's just not good."

We can't imagine this was the first time (this week's episode or virtually any Jersey Shore quote would have that effect), but that's beside the point.

Snooki also revealed that she doesn't really remember most of her arrest experience, and is nervous about her court appearance set for August 18.

"I'm scared to go because I feel like a criminal," she said. "I'm not a criminal. It's just a drunken mistake. Obviously I like to party. I like to have a good time but may be overdoing it a little. So right now I'm just watching myself."

"When I see 7-year-olds, they're like, 'Oh, I envy you.' I'm like, 'Why? You're seeing me party,'" she said. "'That's not something you should envy.'"

Seven-year-olds watch Jersey Shore? So troubling on so many levels.

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by Free Britney at

As Jersey Shore goes, Season 2, Episode 2 ("The Hangover") was not among the greatest. How could it be with the primary focus on Sammi and Ronnie?

While Ronnie pretended not to remember what he did the night before, Sammi gave him the cold shoulder ... until she came around for the 293rd time.

Also heavily featured in this week's episode? Angelina Pivarnick. Like Sammi and Ronnie, she really needs an intervention, or a just ticket home ASAP.

At a certain point it's just boring and annoying. Meltdowns are supposed to be fun to watch, right? Though we suppose JWoww may still throw down.

Anyway, here's The Hollywood Gossip's scientific plus-minus recap ...

Season 2 Jersey Shore Cast

Ronnie, on hooking up with land mines and grenades in the premiere: "Yo, I was doin' mad work tonight bro! Mad work!" Yo, you're a douche, bro! Minus 8.

Vinny says one of Ronnie's hookups plays tight end for the Giants. Plus 4.

Pauly D coins another gem: "Ronnie's new nickname is IFF. The I'm F*%ked Foundation. He's a client and the president!" Plus 7, because it's funny and true.

For a girl nicknamed Sweetheart, Sammi really isn't that nice. Minus 16. We're just saying. These girls are all catty, but she's miserable and not even funny.

JWoww at the tranny store: "The sex shop is perfect. Perfect ... It's my scene. And when I get into my scene I get into my clothes." What clothes? Minus 6.

After buying a $395 pair of sunglasses, Snooki walks around blind, seeks pickles, ruins dinner, and does a half-ass job cleaning it up. Standard. Plus 9.

Delivery guy: What's the name? Mike: Situation. S-i-t-u-a-t-i-o-n. Plus 5.

Snooki and JWoww confront Angelina about smack-talk pertaining to their friends/boyfriends. JWoww threatens violence many, many times. Plus 13.

Sammi and Ronnie Pic

Give it a rest, you guys. Seriously.

Pauly D's new boss is concerned about his hair. His response: "This hair ain't movin' my dude. 150 miles per hour on the highway on a street bike. Doesn't move. What makes you think it's gonna move in a gelato shop?" Amen. Plus 14.

The Situation introduces the shirt-before-the-shirt concept: "We have an abundance of wife beaters ... we wear before we go out. Then it's T-shirt time. Right before we go out we take off the tank and then we put on our fresh shirt." Plus 11.

At the club, The Situation gets bitten while making out with a panty-less drunk girl. Happens to the best of us on Thursday nights. Hang in there. Minus 4.

Pauly D hooks up with a girl who, according to Angelina, is married. She confronts him about this, apparently unaware that 1. She used to date a married guy herself, and 2. Pauly D obviously doesn't care, girl! Chill! Plus 7.

After professing her love to Pauly D (seriously), Ange proceeds to SLAP HIM. Minus 19 for being generally insane, and Minus 12 more for this being the most pathetic slap ever. Everyone hates you anyway ... put your back into it!

Plus 3 for next week's promo. After this week, it should be hilariously awkward.

TOTAL: +8. SEASON: +34. Follow this link for the night's Jersey Shore quotes!

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by Free Britney at

We know you'll be shocked to hear this, but Jersey Shore star Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi was arrested in Seaside Heights, N.J., after an epic bender.

We're talking Thursday night into mid-afternoon Friday.

Disheveled in a garish miniskirt that left disgustingly little to the imagination, she was hauled off in cuffs wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with "SLUT."

Nice.

"Nicole Polizzi was acting in a disorderly manner while located on the beach," Seaside Heights Police Chief Thomas Boyd told the N.Y. Daily News.

She was later released with a summons and when Snooki emerged from the station about 7:30 p.m., she was greeted by 100 screaming fans.

She was accompanied by fellow cast members Jenni (JWoww) Farley, Pauly D, Vinny Guadagnino and their newest housemate, Deena Nicole.

Nicole 'Snooki' Pic

Snooki knows how to party. And resemble an Oompa Loompa.

A bartender at Aztec Ocean Resort told The News Snooki was there and consumed "three shots of Patron Tequila and a Long Island Iced Tea."

"She didn't tip!" said the barman, who would not give his name.

A bartender at EJ's Ocean Lounge next door said Snooki and friends were there around lunchtime and "were plastered when they walked in."

"I saw her by the beach, falling around, wobbling. No one could control her. She was so drunk. Too drunk," said witness Kwame Achampong.

Several celebrity gossip websites said Snooki went out drinking Thursday and didn't stop until she passed out on the beach Friday afternoon.

"She was passed out face down in the sand," a source told E! Online. "She couldn't even stand up. She was on her knees and kept falling."

The Season 2 premiere of Jersey Shore, set in Miami, aired Thursday night. The cast is now back in the Garden State filming Season 3.

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by Free Britney at

The greatness/awfulness that is Jersey Shore is back. As advertised, Season 2 features a new shore (pity Miami Beach), but the same crazy. And then some.

We were concerned that the cast's celebrity status would diminish the show's luster, but the genuineness of these characters (for better or worse) was there.

So was the entertainment. While predictable, it was great to have The Situation, Snooki, Pauly D, J-Woww, Ronnie, Sammi, Vinny and that other girl back.

Here's The Hollywood Gossip's scientific plus-minus recap ...

En route to pick up the Sitch, Pauly D sums up Northeast winters: "Can't do nothin' in this weather. Can't tan, can't creep ... Girls stay in the house." Plus 5.

A dark brown Snooki laments that she no longer tans since "Obama put a 10% tax on tanning." Pretty sure that doesn't take effect until like 2014. Minus 4.

Jersey Shore Season 2 Cast

JWoww and Snooki ridicule Angelina's self-proclaimed "Kim Kardashian of Staten Island" moniker. "With what ass?" JWoww muses. A valid point. Plus 3.

No one expected Angelina Pivarnick back this season. She awkwardly greets Pauly D and The Situation, who reluctantly let her bunk with them. Minus 1.

Down south, Snooki discovers "life-changing" fried pickles. They did look good. Plus 2. That dude in the restaurant gets a Plus 1 for his fist-pump, too.

Ronnie and Sammi reunite. The tension is thick, lame and boring. This is totally going to be a drawn-out, painful Audrina-Justin kind of thing. Minus 7.

Pauly D does a quick pro-con on the Angelina situation: She's annoying and causes drama, but there could be a slow night with no chicks, so ... Plus 18.

While the guys are awkward but mostly tolerant of Angelina, the girls are ready to full-on brawl. Holy crap, JWoww needs to lay off the steroids. Minus 5.

As a general rule, it's hard not to smile at what a blast the guys are having with this show. The girls, meanwhile, just come off miserable and catty. Even.

One of the Boys

Cons: Annoying drama queen. Pros: Easily accessible.

Lending a hand scrubbing in the sink after a DISASTER involving Sammi’s FAVORITE white shorts, Snooki says "I feel like a pilgrim from the freakin' '20s." Plus 6.

An intoxicated Ronnie calls Sammi an "ungrateful c**t" and says she will "never f*%king win." Win what, you effing moron? Get over yourself. Minus 13.

Vinny sums up the night: "Ronnie's obliviated at this point." Plus 6.

The Situation: "Ron is at the club hooking up with grenades, which is a bigger ugly chick, and land mines, which is a thinner ugly chick, and ... loving life." Plus 11.

Sure enough, Ronnie mauls one of each. Minus 8 for the nasty close-up.

An additional Plus 12 for the previews of future episodes. Wow.

TOTAL: +26. Follow this link for the night's best Jersey Shore quotes!

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by Free Britney at

Jersey Shore star Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi is seen as a diva by many.

She says it's not true, but other cast members may still be jealous.

"Myself, Pauly, Vinny and Jenny [J-Woww], we've all stayed the same," Snooki says in the new issue of Steppin' Out. "We're the closest friends in the house."

"I trust them with my life... It hasn't gotten to our heads."

But Snook points out that herself and The Situation have become more in demand as celebs, which might foster resentment with the Sammis of the world.

SNOOKIMANIA: It's no Bieber Fever, but it's pretty big.

"I know the others want the same opportunities that Mike and I get, but we don’t control those things," she says. "I can understand why the others might be jealous. They aren't doing anything, but they should still be happy for me."

Snooki does lament her newfound fame to a degree.

"I miss my old life," she sighs. "I miss being able to be around my family and at home. I miss going out with my friends and going out to a bar. I can't do that anymore. When I try to do that, I get attacked by the fans."

Sometimes literally.

"I won't open up to anyone," she says, "except my best friend who I've known since I was 2 years old and my family and management team. That's it."

Production on Seasons 2-3 of Jersey Shore came screeching to a halt as Snooki and her pals threatened to go on strike, but it's all good now. Fist-pump!

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