by Free Britney at . Comments

Last night's Jersey Shore paled in comparison to last week's for the simple fact that the tired act that is Ronnie and Sammi overshadowed everything else.

Don't get us wrong, there were plenty of absurd scenes and Jersey Shore quotes to make it worth our while, but these two need to get their act together.

If Sammi weren't so painful, maybe we'd be more sympathetic to how Ron treats her. Even her own friends seem to be somewhat on the fence about it.

What should have been the highlight of the week - Snooki and Emilio - took a back seat to played-out drama even their castmates are sick of by now.

How did it all go down in Season 2, Episode 4? THG's got it covered ...

When Snooki called boyfriend Emilio Masella in last week's episode, she and Vinny were up to no good. Now the gorilla juicehead turns the tables. Plus 5.

Guys Suck!

Snooki & Co. to all guys: You're douchebags and we hate you!

Drunk out of his mind, Emilio calls, mistakes JWoww for voicemail, tells Snooks he f*%ked some girl, then says he was kidding. Great joke man. Minus 6.

Snooki: "Guys are douchebags and I hate them all. They don't know how to treat women ... I feel like this is why the lesbian rate is going up in this country." Plus 3.

J-Woww to Emilio: "I will call the cops on you if you call again or I will take the next flight out to f*%kin' New York to beat your ass." She's probably serious. Plus 4.

The anti-Emilio tirade concludes with J-Woww calling him a "drunk skank with no job" (LOL) and Snooki telling out a Home Alone style scream. A tad much. Wash.

Enraged, the girls all break $h!t. Not cool, but we've been there, so Minus only 2. The female empowerment team now turns its attention from Emilio to Ronnie.

Will anyone in the house snitch on Ronnie? Does Sammi have a right to know? Does anyone care? Minus 18 because ... no. But Plus 4 for the use of "motorboat."

Awwww How Sweet

Ronnie and Sammi share a tender moment in between breakups.

We'll say this for Ronnie Magro: He is definitely going all in, cuddling with his lame girl and whispering sweet nothings one minute, dropping c- and f-bombs and flirting with alcohol poisoning the next. No in between. Plus 6.

Ron, in a rare moment of sobriety: "I don't like tests, that's why I didn't go to college... don't test me, 'cause I will fail a majority of the time." Yes you will. Minus 4

Angelina farts in Snooki's face. On television. Minus 3.

The Situation: "You need to on your tip-top game with your GTL to stay FTD to get the girls to DTF in MIA ... say that 5 times fast." Translation, anyone? Plus 9.

Gelato shop gems: Vinny asking if there's a butter face flavor, and this from Pauly D: "She had summer teeth. Some are like this... some are like that." Plus 8.

Snooki and J-Woww write an "anonymous" note to Sammi. On a reality show. Minus 12. They did think far enough ahead to write "breasts" in the note - Snooki and JWoww would say "t!ts" so she'll totally never suspect them - so Plus 5.

TOTAL: -1. SEASON: +62.

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We realize the headline above sounds obvious, but it's not just an opinion this time!

New Jersey prosecutors have hit Jersey Shore's most recognizable guidette with the hilariously real and appropriate charge of being a criminal annoyance.

Snooki, a.k.a. Nicole Polizzi, was also charged with disorderly conduct and creating a public nuisance as a result of her drunken, daytime arrest in July.

An attorney for the reality diva today entered a not guilty plea on Snooki's behalf for all three charges, stemming from a rowdy day of filming in N.J.

Snooki Mug Shot

A mug shot fitting of our girl Snooks.

After doing a face plant in the sand, causing a ruckus and being generally plastered in broad daylight, she was hauled off to the drunk tank to sober up.

She's due back in a Seaside Heights court for trial on September 8.

Snooks, who is now dating Jeff Miranda, has said the experience has taught her a valuable lesson and she will cut down on drinking ... during the day.

Phew. She had us scared for a minute there. After last week's Jersey Shore, we definitely need her hitting the town at night still. It's just too funny.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Snooki from Jersey Shore has a new boyfriend: Jeff Miranda of Millstone, N.J.

It was love at first boardwalk: The reality star was spotted smooching her new man this weekend by the shore in her home away from home, Seaside Heights.

The Iraq War veteran confirms the relationship, and is already standing up for his girl online, too: “People no more Snookie (sic) talk,” Jeff wrote on Facebook.

“Her name is Nicole Polizzi by the way. All I’m saying is we have a great time together. She is an amazing girl and couldn’t ask for any more. I am not making further any comments about Nicole and myself. When the time is right you will be updated.”

Jeff Miranda is "getting to know" Snooki. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

The couple spent the entire weekend together getting to "know each other" according to one of Jeff’s pals, and while he wants to keep their relationship on the DL, his friends thinks differently and says he could have other motives.

"I've known Jeff for a long time. The guy is a player," a source says. "This whole Guido thing is something totally new. He's become a gym rat and hooked-up with Snooki to get popularity and fame. Let's face it, the guy wants to be a star."

Jeff Miranda resents the accusation, telling People "If they offered me to be on the show over [dating] Nicole, I’d say no. I said, ‘F— the cameras, let’s run away.’ I want people to stop hating. It’s not about fame, it’s about me being happy.”

In any case, on Facebook, Jeff describes himself to be "crazyyy as motha f*****!!!" and posits that "you only live once so gotta make the best of it."

Profound stuff.

Snooki recently broke up with Emilio Masella after suspecting he was cheating on her and using her to be famous, both of which he's denied repeatedly.

Emilio, who learned she may have smooshed Vinny Guadagnino while they were dating from last week's classic episode of Jersey Shore, is not pleased.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Creepin': adj. 1. To sneak about unnoticed and in mysterious fashion; typically but not necessarily to convey the message that one is a sexual being. 2. To cheat.

Last night on Jersey Shore, Ronnie continued his sleazy, drunken antics, Angelina sort of made up with peeps and Vinny may have done the unthinkable.

How did it all play out in episode three of season two? THG's got it covered ...

Steamed over her "brother" being slapped in the face three times. JWoww threatens to beat up Angelina since Pauly can't. What are sisters for? Plus 3.

Angelina Pivarnick claims to not remember what she did to Pauly D. Sorry, but these people are clearly not blacked out drunk EVERY night. Minus 4.

Angeliner

Angelina wears her trademark sneer, and sunglasses indoors.

"I didn't know being drunk and people making mistakes was that bad..." - Angelina. Hmm. She has a point. That's pretty much the premise of the show. Plus 2.

Vinny gets his fade on ... a different kind of fade. He and Ronnie go to the 'hood for haircuts. Vin is thoroughly entertaining there and at the gelato shop. Plus 5.

Snooki rocks the "Old Snook Look" for a night out, catching Vinny's eye. The poof and cleave can only foreshadow bad things. Pauly D: "Who knows." Minus 7.

The Situation is usually The Instigation, but this week was The Mediation, convincing the girls to give Angelina a chance if she "mans up." What a uniter! Plus 6.

Vinny on J-Woww: "Albert Einstein should rewrite his laws of physics and rework them around Jennie's t!ts." Point taken, but they're kinda gross, so Minus 4.

Now, for the obligatory Ronnie-Sammi drama. Minus 12, since it's both predictable and pathetic that he was creepin' at the club, then crawled in bed with her.

Did I Bang Snooki Last Night?

Did Vinny do the unthinkable? He's about to wonder the same.

Late night, Snooki is plastered, tries to call boyfriend Emilio Masella and breaks a bunch of $h!t, then ends up in bed with Vinny. Plus 11, if only for the fact that Emilio just learned this happened from the show and wants to fight Vinny.

The following night, it's guys night out: MVP style. Mike, Vinny, Pauly. The MVPs of MIA, supporting the GFF (Grenade-Free Foundation). Acronym overkill, perhaps, but we gotta admire the creativity, and they are the MVPs tonight. Plus 19.

Pauly, on Angelina wanting to tag along: "It's not MVPA." Plus 3.

Their debauchery got off to a great start by ditching Angelina when she turned around for one second, but ended up with a jacuzzi full of grenades and a game of catch with a padded bra insert. How do we even evaluate that? Eh, Plus 11.

Ronnie ditches Sam once again, gets drunk and starts creepin' on random hoes. Minus 8. Snooki and JWoww want to put an end it. Do it, girls! Plus 4.

TOTAL: +29. SEASON: +63. Follow this link for the night's Jersey Shore quotes!

by Free Britney at . Comments

Nicole Polizzi, a.k.a. Snooki from Jersey Shore, has found an unlikely ally in U.S. Sen. John McCain. Ally for what? Nothing really. But he's on Team Snooki!

In a radio interview yesterday, the former GOP Presidential candidate offered his opinion on the July 30 disorderly conduct arrest of the MTV reality star.

"I kind of think she might be too good looking to go to jail," said McCain, seeking reelection to the Senate this year at the age of 73, on Phoenix's KMLE.

Snooki, who spent a few hours behind bars for being drunk in broad daylight before posting bail, agrees. Monday, she told MTV succinctly, and humbly:

"I'm too pretty to be in jail... I'm not a criminal."

Start printing the McCain/Snooki 2012 presidential campaign signs now. She may actually be an intellectual step up from his previous choice of running mate.

Amazingly, this isn't the first McCain shout-out to the pint-sized party girl.

After the Oompa Loompa lodged a complaint about proposed taxes on tanning beds in the Jersey Shore premiere, the veteran politician Tweeted in kind.

McCain, or an intern who watches Jersey Shore and worked in a quality play on words, Tweeted at Ms. Polizzi: "@Sn00ki ur right, I would never tax ur tanning bed! O's tax policy is quite The Situation. but I do rec wearing sunscreen!"

EDITOR'S NOTE: In referencing this line - one of our favorite Jersey Shore quotes of the new season - we chided Snooki on the grounds that the law doesn't take effect for years. The law has, in fact, taken effect already. We regret the error!

Snook bashed President Obama for his "tax on tanning." Obama, too, referenced her in a recent interview, although somewhat less flatteringly. He claimed he didn't know who Snooki was during his controversial appearance on The View.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Early in Season One of Jersey Shore, Angelina Pivarnick got fired from the boardwalk T-shirt shop, tossed her belongings in the trash and fled Seaside Heights.

None of the other cast members cared.

In fact, they were so apathetic about the "Kim Kardashian of Staten Island" that seeing her in South Beach during the Season 2 premiere led to double-takes.

People were far from pleased. Girls in particular.

"I just feel like she didn't fit into the family," Snooki (Nicole Polizzi) told MTV News. "When I saw her in the house, when I walked into Miami, I was like, 'What is this girl doing here? Why are you here? We could have brought [Deena] in.'"

  • A Snooki Pic
  • Angelina Pivarnick Pic

There's no love lost between Snooki and Angelina.

That would be Deena Nicole Cortese, Snooki's BFF who joined the show for Season 3. The South Beach antics are considered Season 2, before the N.J. return.

"I'm different because I'm just a personable person," Deena, Ms. Class in a Glass, said. "I don't take things to heart. People can make fun of me 'til the day I die, and I will just take it in and be like, 'Yeah, you know what? Whatever.'"

Whatever indeed. But before Deena Nicole comes aboard, we're going to have to watch the crew run Angelina Pivarnick out, and it's not gonna be pretty.

"You're a f*%king white rat and you're f*%king pale and you're nasty" was one of our favorite Snooki quotes from the Season 2 premiere a few weeks back.

"Angelina, she just didn't fit in with anybody, she didn't really open up to anybody," Snook says. "I feel that's why nobody could really connect with her. We gave her a second chance. And she did what she did with it. You're going to have to see."

by Free Britney at . Comments

Can't a troll walk down the boardwalk in peace just once? Yeesh.

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and BFF Deena Nicole Cortese were just minding their own business in Seaside Heights, N.J., when Snooki was encountered by a native.

Proving that everyone wants a piece of the Jersey Shore stars, or that when you see an oompa loompa in person, you can't help but try to communicate with it, the older gentleman followed her around in hopes of getting on camera.

Maybe he heard about her breakup with Emilio Masella ...

Creepin' on Snooki

JUST KIDDING! It's actually just Snooki's dad, visiting his pride and joy down in the Garden State! Come on, it was a lot funnier before you knew that, right?

Everyone gets a little homesick now and then. It's nice to see he made the trip down from Poughkeepsie. Also nice to see he's got the shirt-before-the-shirt thing goin' ...

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Vinny Guadagnino allegedly hooked up with Snooki on Jersey Shore this season. Now her gorilla juicehead ex, Emilio Masella, is allegedly ready to throw down.

After learning that a drunk Snooki (Nicole Polizzi) climbs into bed with castmate Vinny, Emilio, who was dating the reality star at the time, vows revenge.

Sombrero Style

"I am pissed, we were friends and he was messing with my girl when I was with her, it's not cool.” Emilio Masella said. “I'm so angry I want to fight him."

"I mean I just said goodbye to her a couple of days before it was shot and she climbed into his bed,” the New Jersey native reflects. “I was devastated."

Emilio met Snooki in January after the first season of the hit reality show and the pair were insperable. In April, Snooki accused him of being unfaithful.

Vinny Guadagnino recently snuggled up to his Jersey Shore co-star Snooki Polizzi. Emilio Masella, who briefly dated the reality star this year, took exception.

Back in April, Emilio got dumped via voicemail by the Snook. The indignity.

"She always accused me of cheating and I never did,” he said. “And now I had to watch her on national TV doing it. I don't deserve this, I'm a sweet guy."

Sweet he may be, but Emilio wants a piece of Vinny – for charity of course.

"I want to box him, for a charity,” said the scorned non-star. “I'm going challenge him to a charity boxing match. I want to raise money for the Chile Earthquake relief fund. I am so in love with her I want to do something for Snooki."

by Free Britney at . Comments

Snooki is upset with President Obama, and not because of foreign policy, health care reform or even the tanning tax she whined about in the Jersey Shore premiere.

She thinks he dissed her on TV.

During Obama's visit to The View, he said he didn't know who Snooki was. Hard to blame him for trying to dodge that one, but in May, POTUS joked that the Jersey Shore star and her cohorts should be excluded from that very tanning tax.

"I know he knows who I am," Snooki told E! Online this weekend. "Why did he have to lie and say he didn't know me? He did say Snooki and JWoww about the tanning stuff and now he doesn't know who I am? He has to stop lying."

Looks like Barack's down one voter in 2012.

President Obama Photo

KISS OFF: Snooki wants the President to stop the lies.

As for New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie slamming the MTV series for tarnishing the Garden's State's image, Snooki, who is actually from N.Y. State, simply said:

"He needs to come over and have a hot dog and a Corona and just chill."

But not too many Coronas. Otherwise he could end up arrested like Snooki on July 30. "I learned not to drink during the day and save it for the clubs. Have you ever been in jail? It's not fun. I never want to go there again."

We have, and can vouch for her on that one. Better to wait until at least 4 p.m. before cracking open that first cold one. Maybe she'll write this newfound wisdom down in one of her new books. Yes, that was books, plural.

"One is the Snooktionary with all my sayings," Snooki said. "The other is the story of somebody going to Seaside Heights and everything that could happen to them."

Could make a nice stocking stuffer, Barack.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Having reflected upon her recent arrest for public drunkenness, Jersey Shore star Nicole Polizzi, a.k.a. Snooki, is downplaying it, but is still taking it seriously.

Her father's reaction to Snooki getting arrested has caused her to dial back her alcohol consumption. We don't believe that for one second, but here's hoping!

Snooki Polizzi Pic

"I didn't hurt anybody – stuff like that happens in Jersey," she said. "I was in the drunk tank for a little bit, I had too many tequilas. What are you gonna do?"

Indeed.

Later in an interview with People, she expressed a bit of remorse: "My dad was very, very pissed," she revealed. "He's like, 'I didn't raise you like this.'"

"I just felt really bad, so I'm definitely going to stop drinking during the daytime. And now when I go out, I'm only going to have a couple drinks."

Snooki: A model citizen, making Poughkeepsie, N.Y., so proud.

She admitted she'd been drinking since about noon the day she passed out drunk, saying "It was a good wakeup call for me. I learned that I need to calm down with drinking. It definitely embarrassed my family and that's just not good."

We can't imagine this was the first time (this week's episode or virtually any Jersey Shore quote would have that effect), but that's beside the point.

Snooki also revealed that she doesn't really remember most of her arrest experience, and is nervous about her court appearance set for August 18.

"I'm scared to go because I feel like a criminal," she said. "I'm not a criminal. It's just a drunken mistake. Obviously I like to party. I like to have a good time but may be overdoing it a little. So right now I'm just watching myself."

"When I see 7-year-olds, they're like, 'Oh, I envy you.' I'm like, 'Why? You're seeing me party,'" she said. "'That's not something you should envy.'"

Seven-year-olds watch Jersey Shore? So troubling on so many levels.