by Hilton Hater at . Comments

What's more humiliating than drunkenly falling head first into the sand? Being compared to Lindsay Lohan. That's a lesson Snooki learned in court today.

The Jersey Shore star appeared before a judge to face charges of disorderly conduct, stemming from her July arrest for getting too wasted during filming.

  • Snooki Mug Shot
  • Lindsay Lohan Mug Shot 2010

Snooki vs. Lindsay: Who is the biggest public embarrassment? Weigh in NOW!

Addressing the reality star, Damian G. Murray hilariously referred to her as a "Lindsay Lohan wannabe" and added:

"Going through life rude, profane, obnoxious and self-indulgent – that's not the way you want to live your life. Hopefully this incident will impress upon you that there are consequences to your actions."

Those consequences? A whole two days of community service and a $533 fine.

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"I don't even know. Who knows, dog. That's the first time. That's the first time that has happened. But I'm a trooper! I'm The Situation, man!" - The Situation

What was Mike referring to in one of our favorite Jersey Shore quotes from last night? Hooking up with a chick at the club that was probably a dude, of course.

These things happen down at the shore. What else happened on Thursday's episode? Let's find out in THG's exclusive point-system recap of "Not So Shore" ...

The Situation and a Transvestie

The Situation works his game. With a man.

After hooking up with Vinny, Snooki says it was like "putting a watermelon in a pinhole." Umm. Minus 12 for the imagery of a watermelon and Snooki's pinhole.

Vinny likely contracts pink eye (again). Pauly D's diagnosis: "Your eyebrows are so bushy, they collect so much more bacteria than normal eyes would." Plus 9.

Speaking of Pauly D, dude got so freaking hammered he had to be helped into bed. Who does this guy think he is, Ronnie? Wash, because we still love Pauly.

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The mercurial Angelina Pivarnick apparently smashed a microphone in the face of Snooki’s boyfriend and threw drinks at him in a strip club brawl last night.

Just another day at the Jersey Shore ... or Manhattan, as it were.

Angelina was filming some web broadcast for Shovio at the Sapphire Gentlemen’s Club when Snooki’s boyfriend, Jeff Miranda showed up unannounced.

  • Miranda Warning
  • A. Pivarnick Pic

Angelina had words for - and threw drinks at - of Jeff Miranda. Snooki's boyfriend apparently bore the brunt of a meltdown. [Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

The Iraq War veteran, who proposed to Snooki on the cover of Steppin' Out magazine, began loudly accusing her co-star of trashing his reputation.

The pair has attacked each other publicly in the past, with Angelina questioning Jeff's motives and claiming he tried to date her as well as Snooki.

Miranda told the show’s host, Chaunce Hayden, that he had text messages from Angelina Pivarnick that he said proved she was involved with him.

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Snooki is not the marrying type. At least not right now.

Sorry, Jeff Miranda. Her new boyfriend popped the question on the cover of Steppin' Out magazine, as we showed you, with a "Will You Marry Me?" headline.

The proposal prompted the 22-year-old Jersey Shore "guidette" to Twitter: "Just want to set the record straight. I'm single and I'm not going to get married!"

A Nicole Polizzi Pic

Rough! Not only a dismissal of the proposal, but their relationship? "Single" doesn't sound like she and Jeff are even dating. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

She has been "with" Jeff Miranda for two weeks after meeting at - where else? - a club. Previously, she dated gorilla juicehead extraordinaire Emilio Masella.

"We hit it off really good," he said. "Nicole is actually really cute and sweet and seems like a cool a$$ person, even though she's drunk most of the time."

Summed up so well. No comment yet on his proposal being nixed.

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Jeff Miranda wants to become Mr. Nicole Polizzi.

The romance between Jersey Shore star Snooki and her new boyfriend, an Iraq War veteran, has gotten so serious that he has decided to propose.

On the cover of Steppin' Out magazine, naturally ...

  • Jeff Miranda Picture
  • Jeff Miranda and Snooki

Jeff Miranda loves Snooki. Will she accept his proposal and keep him around for life, or discard him like guidos past? [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Featured on the cover of the September 10 issue of the publication, Jeff Miranda pops the question to Snooki with the headline “Will You Marry Me?”

With a body like that, how can she resist?

“I want us to be together forever," he says. "I could see us having children. I want to pop the question to her. If we got married we would be the best parents around. She's so loving and puts everyone else before her self. She'll be a great mother.”

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"I'm definitely not a saint. If I walked into a church, I'd probably burst into flames to be honest with you ... But I think that I can probably talk my way out of the hole I dug. I mean, how deep is a grave?" - Ronnie Magro

The great thing about this line, one of many great Jersey Shore quotes from last night's episode, is that Ron probably really believed it. Sammi is that pathetic.

Did he succeed? Let's find out in THG's Jersey Shore point-system recap ...

Situation Creepin'

The Situation works his game during an MVP night.

During Gay Pride Week in Miami, JWoww and Snooki were down to celebrate: "Gay Pride, yay!" exclaimed Snooki. Plus 2 for not seriously offending anyone there!

After defending her evening out by saying those guys are not attracted to vagina, Snook dispatched Emilio Masella for good. JWoww clapped, as did we. Plus 7.

The Situation brings home two girls, but had invited two others over earlier. Now it's a 4-on-3 Situation in this MVP night ... with one grenade! Boom! Minus 5.

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Last night's Jersey Shore paled in comparison to last week's for the simple fact that the tired act that is Ronnie and Sammi overshadowed everything else.

Don't get us wrong, there were plenty of absurd scenes and Jersey Shore quotes to make it worth our while, but these two need to get their act together.

If Sammi weren't so painful, maybe we'd be more sympathetic to how Ron treats her. Even her own friends seem to be somewhat on the fence about it.

What should have been the highlight of the week - Snooki and Emilio - took a back seat to played-out drama even their castmates are sick of by now.

How did it all go down in Season 2, Episode 4? THG's got it covered ...

When Snooki called boyfriend Emilio Masella in last week's episode, she and Vinny were up to no good. Now the gorilla juicehead turns the tables. Plus 5.

Guys Suck!

Snooki & Co. to all guys: You're douchebags and we hate you!

Drunk out of his mind, Emilio calls, mistakes JWoww for voicemail, tells Snooks he f*%ked some girl, then says he was kidding. Great joke man. Minus 6.

Snooki: "Guys are douchebags and I hate them all. They don't know how to treat women ... I feel like this is why the lesbian rate is going up in this country." Plus 3.

J-Woww to Emilio: "I will call the cops on you if you call again or I will take the next flight out to f*%kin' New York to beat your ass." She's probably serious. Plus 4.

The anti-Emilio tirade concludes with J-Woww calling him a "drunk skank with no job" (LOL) and Snooki telling out a Home Alone style scream. A tad much. Wash.

Enraged, the girls all break $h!t. Not cool, but we've been there, so Minus only 2. The female empowerment team now turns its attention from Emilio to Ronnie.

Will anyone in the house snitch on Ronnie? Does Sammi have a right to know? Does anyone care? Minus 18 because ... no. But Plus 4 for the use of "motorboat."

Awwww How Sweet

Ronnie and Sammi share a tender moment in between breakups.

We'll say this for Ronnie Magro: He is definitely going all in, cuddling with his lame girl and whispering sweet nothings one minute, dropping c- and f-bombs and flirting with alcohol poisoning the next. No in between. Plus 6.

Ron, in a rare moment of sobriety: "I don't like tests, that's why I didn't go to college... don't test me, 'cause I will fail a majority of the time." Yes you will. Minus 4

Angelina farts in Snooki's face. On television. Minus 3.

The Situation: "You need to on your tip-top game with your GTL to stay FTD to get the girls to DTF in MIA ... say that 5 times fast." Translation, anyone? Plus 9.

Gelato shop gems: Vinny asking if there's a butter face flavor, and this from Pauly D: "She had summer teeth. Some are like this... some are like that." Plus 8.

Snooki and J-Woww write an "anonymous" note to Sammi. On a reality show. Minus 12. They did think far enough ahead to write "breasts" in the note - Snooki and JWoww would say "t!ts" so she'll totally never suspect them - so Plus 5.

TOTAL: -1. SEASON: +62.

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We realize the headline above sounds obvious, but it's not just an opinion this time!

New Jersey prosecutors have hit Jersey Shore's most recognizable guidette with the hilariously real and appropriate charge of being a criminal annoyance.

Snooki, a.k.a. Nicole Polizzi, was also charged with disorderly conduct and creating a public nuisance as a result of her drunken, daytime arrest in July.

An attorney for the reality diva today entered a not guilty plea on Snooki's behalf for all three charges, stemming from a rowdy day of filming in N.J.

Snooki Mug Shot

A mug shot fitting of our girl Snooks.

After doing a face plant in the sand, causing a ruckus and being generally plastered in broad daylight, she was hauled off to the drunk tank to sober up.

She's due back in a Seaside Heights court for trial on September 8.

Snooks, who is now dating Jeff Miranda, has said the experience has taught her a valuable lesson and she will cut down on drinking ... during the day.

Phew. She had us scared for a minute there. After last week's Jersey Shore, we definitely need her hitting the town at night still. It's just too funny.

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Snooki from Jersey Shore has a new boyfriend: Jeff Miranda of Millstone, N.J.

It was love at first boardwalk: The reality star was spotted smooching her new man this weekend by the shore in her home away from home, Seaside Heights.

The Iraq War veteran confirms the relationship, and is already standing up for his girl online, too: “People no more Snookie (sic) talk,” Jeff wrote on Facebook.

“Her name is Nicole Polizzi by the way. All I’m saying is we have a great time together. She is an amazing girl and couldn’t ask for any more. I am not making further any comments about Nicole and myself. When the time is right you will be updated.”

Jeff Miranda is "getting to know" Snooki. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

The couple spent the entire weekend together getting to "know each other" according to one of Jeff’s pals, and while he wants to keep their relationship on the DL, his friends thinks differently and says he could have other motives.

"I've known Jeff for a long time. The guy is a player," a source says. "This whole Guido thing is something totally new. He's become a gym rat and hooked-up with Snooki to get popularity and fame. Let's face it, the guy wants to be a star."

Jeff Miranda resents the accusation, telling People "If they offered me to be on the show over [dating] Nicole, I’d say no. I said, ‘F— the cameras, let’s run away.’ I want people to stop hating. It’s not about fame, it’s about me being happy.”

In any case, on Facebook, Jeff describes himself to be "crazyyy as motha f*****!!!" and posits that "you only live once so gotta make the best of it."

Profound stuff.

Snooki recently broke up with Emilio Masella after suspecting he was cheating on her and using her to be famous, both of which he's denied repeatedly.

Emilio, who learned she may have smooshed Vinny Guadagnino while they were dating from last week's classic episode of Jersey Shore, is not pleased.

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Creepin': adj. 1. To sneak about unnoticed and in mysterious fashion; typically but not necessarily to convey the message that one is a sexual being. 2. To cheat.

Last night on Jersey Shore, Ronnie continued his sleazy, drunken antics, Angelina sort of made up with peeps and Vinny may have done the unthinkable.

How did it all play out in episode three of season two? THG's got it covered ...

Steamed over her "brother" being slapped in the face three times. JWoww threatens to beat up Angelina since Pauly can't. What are sisters for? Plus 3.

Angelina Pivarnick claims to not remember what she did to Pauly D. Sorry, but these people are clearly not blacked out drunk EVERY night. Minus 4.

Angeliner

Angelina wears her trademark sneer, and sunglasses indoors.

"I didn't know being drunk and people making mistakes was that bad..." - Angelina. Hmm. She has a point. That's pretty much the premise of the show. Plus 2.

Vinny gets his fade on ... a different kind of fade. He and Ronnie go to the 'hood for haircuts. Vin is thoroughly entertaining there and at the gelato shop. Plus 5.

Snooki rocks the "Old Snook Look" for a night out, catching Vinny's eye. The poof and cleave can only foreshadow bad things. Pauly D: "Who knows." Minus 7.

The Situation is usually The Instigation, but this week was The Mediation, convincing the girls to give Angelina a chance if she "mans up." What a uniter! Plus 6.

Vinny on J-Woww: "Albert Einstein should rewrite his laws of physics and rework them around Jennie's t!ts." Point taken, but they're kinda gross, so Minus 4.

Now, for the obligatory Ronnie-Sammi drama. Minus 12, since it's both predictable and pathetic that he was creepin' at the club, then crawled in bed with her.

Did I Bang Snooki Last Night?

Did Vinny do the unthinkable? He's about to wonder the same.

Late night, Snooki is plastered, tries to call boyfriend Emilio Masella and breaks a bunch of $h!t, then ends up in bed with Vinny. Plus 11, if only for the fact that Emilio just learned this happened from the show and wants to fight Vinny.

The following night, it's guys night out: MVP style. Mike, Vinny, Pauly. The MVPs of MIA, supporting the GFF (Grenade-Free Foundation). Acronym overkill, perhaps, but we gotta admire the creativity, and they are the MVPs tonight. Plus 19.

Pauly, on Angelina wanting to tag along: "It's not MVPA." Plus 3.

Their debauchery got off to a great start by ditching Angelina when she turned around for one second, but ended up with a jacuzzi full of grenades and a game of catch with a padded bra insert. How do we even evaluate that? Eh, Plus 11.

Ronnie ditches Sam once again, gets drunk and starts creepin' on random hoes. Minus 8. Snooki and JWoww want to put an end it. Do it, girls! Plus 4.

TOTAL: +29. SEASON: +63. Follow this link for the night's Jersey Shore quotes!

Snooki Biography

Snooki Polizzi Nicole Polizzi is a cast member on MTV's Jersey Shore. She fake-tans and acts like a bit of a skank. Then again that sums up the whole... More »
Birthplace
Poughkeepsie, New York
Full Name
Snooki
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