by Free Britney at . Comments

We love us some Jersey Shore, but this week let us down a little.

Last week's epic throwdown would have been a fitting end to the South Beach venture, wrapping up the sophomore season of the MTV hit at an even 10 episodes.

After that scintillating drama, this week felt like filler.

Still, THG's here as always to break down the best Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from last night's installment of the show in its patented +/- recap below ...

Ron and Sam Pic

Ronnie and Sammi scenes make for a Jersey Snore.

Angelina Pivarnick is gone, and we have to give that a Minus 15. Painful as she can be at times, that spark, that common enemy, was sorely lacking Thursday. Sigh.

JWoww: "I like my boobs." Money does buy nice things. Plus 4.

Totally random, but Plus 13 for last night's Bones. Follow the link to see why. If The Situation actually guest starred like they wanted, we might score it even higher.

Wanting to save a lobster, Snooki and JWoww thought lobsters ate insects and put it in a bowl of fresh water. Public schools, you get an EPIC FAIL. And a Minus 12.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Jersey Shore Snooki has reportedly been offered a three-year, $100,000 deal to be the face of a porn provider. Like Nadya Suleman, we're guessing she'll pass.

According to reports, Flesh Drive wants Snooki (Nicole Polizzi) to perform duties as the spokesperson for the company, which they specify is a non-sexual role ...

“Our company image is that we pack a big punch in a little package,” Vice President of Sales Michael Gruosso wrote in a letter to the Jersey Shore cast member.

Snooki P.

“Who better to endorse our product than the woman who does exactly that? We know that Snooki makes a big impression wherever she goes, and that is why both her tiny figure and incredible attitude will fit perfectly within our world."

The sales pitch concludes with a compelling argument: "By merging Snooki with the Flesh Drive, she will make a great amount of money by doing very little.”

Maybe so, but she'd still have to endorse ... porn. The specification that it's not a sexual role is great, too. As if the idea would be so offensive to ... porn fans.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Snooki has made it clear what sort of man she's after: a nice, tan, gorilla juicehead nympho.

In the near future, we'll get to watch the Jersey Shore star select just such a caller, as sources say she's signed on to anchor her very own dating show!

Regis Philbin Shirtless

"They are set to make the big announcement any day now," an insider told In Touch Weekly of the planned MTV series, which would feature cameos by JWoww and a few ex-boyfriends, the latter of whom would serve as consultants.

No premiere date has been announced, nor a title been given to the program. But allow THG to offer our assistance with the latter. Which of the following do you like best?

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Oh, Angeliner. We're sort of going to miss you.

The second-grade grammar, the lack of personal hygiene, the drama. The house won't be the same, even if it's better off without this classy Staten Island product.

Following many near-fights and one epic throwdown, Angelina Pivarnick bid farewell to Jersey Shore for the second straight year. Like we said, for the best.

As always, THG's here to break down all the best Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from last night's installment of the show in its patented +/- recap below ...

Eff Off

Angelina Pivarnick summed up in a single image.

Angelina Pivarnick deserves a Plus 10 right off the bat for getting every single cast member - most of whom are genuinely nice people despite their trashy antics - to despise her. A rare feat. Drama sometimes happens, but this girl just creates it.

"I think Angelina loves my sloppy seconds," Snooki stated. "She goes to Vinny and she's trying to go to what's-his-name. Like, what are you doing? If you wanna make out with me, just ask. I will say yes." Gross, really? Minus 8.

Pauly D is seriously wifing up his Cuban girl! Plus 5.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Snooki's list of criteria for a boyfriend is quite simple.

If you're hilariously fake-tanned, ridiculously ripped (possibly with the aid of HGH or other steroids) and like to "get it in" a lot, step right up, fellas.

Tonight on Jersey Shore, the future novelist (real name Nicole Polizzi) makes a list of 20 qualities she wants in a guy. He better be a nympho, for one.

Snooki Snickers

What HGH-using meathead guido could resist this?

A tan, guido "juicehead" who likes to party and "isn't a jerk-off" would also be ideal. Can she and JWoww track down such an upstanding character?

They're certainly gonna try, and the tanned twsome has already pinpointed the potential target locations: "The gym, the beach, Ed Hardy store."

Foolproof really. Follow the jump for a clip from tonight ...

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by Free Britney at . Comments

You've been clamoring for it for months, and now you're finally going to get it. Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi from Jersey Shore is about to become a published author.

What? You weren't thinking to yourself how cool it would be if Snooki wrote her own novel? Well, Simon and Schuster was. The publisher confirmed the book.

Tentative titled A Shore Thing, the tome will "revolve around a young girl looking for love on the boardwalk (one full of big hair, dark tans, and fights galore)."

Wonder what the inspiration for Snook's book was.

"I'm pumped to announce to my fans a project I've been working on for some time," she said. "This book will have you falling in love at the shore. It's A Shore Thing!"

Jennifer Bergstrom of Simon and Schuster Books says: "Who better than Snooki to write a fun, sexy novel about a single girl looking for love on the Jersey Shore?"

A fair question. We just hope said girl is 4'8", orange-skinned, often piss drunk in broad daylight, loves to devour pickles and uses classy terminology like "get it in."

by Free Britney at . Comments

Snooki. One name says it all. Combine the Jersey Shore star with the many Kardashian sisters and their mom and you've got a match made in Twitter pic heaven.

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom celebrated their anniversary Monday night, and Snook stopped by, as did The Spin Crowd's Jonathan Cheban and his bad hair.

Kris and Kim on Ellen

She was "taking shots and pictures," says an attendee. "Everyone was laughing." Kim Kardashian herself said "What a special night! Tonight was pure love!"

Snooki then posted the following photos. Enjoy.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Jersey Shore star Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi was hospitalized, likely for alcohol poisoning, during the filming of the show's second season in Miami's South Beach.

Snooki's scary incident occurred during a wild night at a club, Dream, after which she was so drunk, she had to be "carried out by the show's producers."

She was rushed to a local Miami hospital for suspected alcohol poisoning.

Drunk Snooki

DRUNK SNOOKI: We know. It's redundant. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

The incident had been kept a closely-guarded secret until it emerged that the show's top brass decided to cut it out of last Thursday's Jersey Shore episode.

Last week, a visibly drunk Snooki was seen playing with co-star JWoww and her boyfriend Tom Lippolis' feet as they were attempted to get their smush on.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Silly us. We will never again doubt Jersey Shore's ability to lower the bar. Just when you think it cannot get more tasteless or hilarious, you are proven wrong.

Not one week goes by that we, as viewers, aren't introduced to fist fights, terrible grammar, pseudonyms for bodily functions and thoroughly revolting situations.

As always, THG's here to break down all the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from last night's installment of the show in its patented +/- recap below ...

JWOWW and Tom

JWoww and her Guido Du Jour have it out.

Plus 9 for the stomach-churning double entendre of the episode title, "Dirty Pad."

JWoww and her man solve arguments by picking each other’s noses. Minus 2.

Angelina, Ron and Sam take Jose out for his birthday. Ron: "Jose is definitely getting played. (pause) Like a piano. He's getting cheated on by a dirty piano." Plus 11.

Angelina takes Jose into the Smush Room but refuses to hook up with him. Minus 3. Then she lies about hooking up with him in the Smush Room. Minus 4 more.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

We know Snooki was anorexic and has had to make big life changes to stay healthy. She's also cut down on daytime drinking, and even - gasp! - ditched the pouf.

"I want to look more mature," the petite Jersey Shore star says of abandoning her signature look, deflating the top and adding bangs to her hair. "The pouf."

  • Snooki Post-Weight Loss
  • Snooki Poof

"I’ve been wearing it since I was 16, why not switch it up?" Fair enough. But do you think it's a good change for the self-proclaimed guidette? Vote in our survey:

What's Snooki's best hairstyle?

 

Snooki Biography

Snooki Polizzi Nicole Polizzi is a cast member on MTV's Jersey Shore. She fake-tans and acts like a bit of a skank. Then again that sums up the whole... More »
Birthplace
Poughkeepsie, New York
Full Name
Snooki
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