Nicole Richie

Stunningly, we're not talking about her former gal pal, Paris Hilton! We know that Nicole Richie hates food -- that's been well documented as she's transformed into a freakish alien she-goblin -- but apparently, this worthless celebrity is not a fan of dogs either. Here, she's seen out and about with her new pet cat.

Now, we're sure this cat is a nice animal, and we don't mean to defame it by calling it stupid. Nor are we criticizing the concept of keeping cats as pets in general. They can be cool at times. But toting them around in public as if they were dogs? Retarded. News flash to the Celebs With Cats Crew -- they don't like being dragged around. They are cats. They do their own thing. You people are morons.

This creature needs to be put out of its misery. Then somebody needs to call PETA right now and make sure the cat gets a new home.

Here's a question to ponder: if a show stars a spec of an actress so tiny, it takes NASA telescopes to see her, does it actually exist? Viewers will have a chance to play "Find Nicole!" next year, as the horrific news of another The Simple Life season is spreading.

Apparently, ratings trump common decency and bad blood, as E! announced it will bring Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie back for a fifth season of this mean-spirited show.

It's unclear under what settling the spoiled pair will make people feel stupid for having family, jobs and an education - but the success of The Simple Life: 'Til Death Do Us Part is enough to warrant another year of waif-like antics across the country.

This season's version tripled E!'s primetime ratings when it debuted on June 6. In other words, people: you only have yourselves to blame.

According to Us Weekly, Nicole Richie has gained a few pounds, "by eating protein bars, drinking Progain energy shakes prescribed by a holistic physician and working out twice a week to build muscle."

Seriously. A magazine wrote that. Richie will be eating protein bars and working out right around the time Kevin Federline gets off his lazy, freeloading ass and gets a job. But she must have actually eaten something, because she now looks like a standard Hollywood anorexic, rather than an impoverished, freakish she-goblin from another galaxy. See below.