Nadya Suleman

The Kardashians know about krys for attention, but their Khristmas Kard can't even front on Octomom, the hardest-working unemployed baby pimp in Cali.

For a holiday-themed photo shoot with celebrity gossip magazine Life & Style, Nadya Suleman picked out her favorite holiday attire skanky Santa lingerie.

There may be a time and place for loose Santas if you're into role playing, but we're guessing whatever such fantasies you have don't include octuplets.

Check out this egregious display of child exploitation ...

OCTOMOM FOCUSES ON WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT: A tabloid editor actually printed that, and presumably not as an ironic joke. What a world we live in.

We have to say, those are cute kids, even if most/all are looking less than thrilled to be there. Maybe their taxpayer-funded Christmas gifts weren't satisfactory.

Apparently the other six kids Nadya Suleman has were with their babysitter, further draining the coffers of La Habra, California in the midst of a financial crisis.

Happy holidays!

If you listen to music today, you're bound to hear some if not most artists aided by Auto-Tune, a phase vocoder that corrects pitch in vocal performances.

Thus, it has enabled individuals with no ability to sing, such as Kanye West, Heidi Montag and Britney Spears, among many others, to pretend they can!

In addition to correcting inaccuracies, auto-tuning vocoders can also be used to amusingly distort a human voice if pitch is dramatically raised or lowered.

Using this technology, you can turn anything into a good song. That said, below is a video detailing the year that was: synched up and perfectly in tune!

Here's Spencer Pratt, Octomom, Lady Gaga, Balloon Boy, Jon Gosselin, Sully the airline pilot, Kanye himself and even the U.S. President recapping 2009 ...

2009: The Year in Review

When you already have 14 small children you can't support and are one of the biggest drains on society, what incentive do you have to stop there?

Such is the conundrum of the Octomom.

In a new interview for Good Morning America, Nadya Suleman doesn't dismiss the idea of having more children down the line. It's what she does.

"If I wanted to do it the traditional way and get married, that's like another chapter," Suleman says of getting pregnant again ... God help us all.

The mother, interviewed in her home in La Habra, Calif., as she gets her kids ready for bed, says that she typically sleeps 2-3 hours a night.

No clue how much meth she uses to counter the fatigue.

ALL SMILES: Life is good when you sponge off others.

She spends $1,000 in food and 700 diapers per week, goes through 4.5 gallons of milk and eight loads of laundry per day, and her team of five nannies funded entirely by California taxpayers costs her about $10,000 per month.

That is part of the reason why, Suleman says, she agreed to allow a film documentary crew to follow her around for a series of documentaries (not a "reality TV show"), including one that's already aired in the United Kingdom.

Her payment: approximately $250,000 in the first year.

"I'm dammed if I do and dammed if I don't," she says. "Because if I don't do what I need to do in the media to support the kids, I can't take care of them."

Here's the problem with the giant attention seeker's logic, though. If it weren't for the documentary, she'd have no money. She clearly didn't plan on it ahead of time, and what happens when people lose interest and the bills keep piling up?

As we reported Friday, the reality show starring Nadya Suleman, OctoMom: Me & My Fourteen Kids, just premiered on British TV. It will air in the U.S. at a later date.

Apparently, the Octomom documentary features a particularly frank assessment from the mom of 14 on why she had octuplets when she had six kids to start with.

"You don't understand," Nadya Suleman says. "You have these frozen embryos that are there, and they are writing you letters saying, We are charging you this much, and it's going up and up and up every month that they are stored.

"You can either use them or destroy them. You're like, O.K., I have six already. What's another? I decided to take the chance. I didn't want to destroy the embryos."

She's right. What's another kid - or eight - for taxpayers to support?

Seven percent of Octomom's brood. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Seemingly forgetting that she already had six freaking kids, she emphasizes that she only wanted child #7, not children #7-14. The drain on society says:

"It's not like I was sitting there saying, 'Oh, gosh! I really want eight!' People were thinking, 'Oh, she wanted so, so many.' No! That is not the case at all."

Suleman will receive $250,000 for allowing her ginormous family to be filmed for 11 days. Like the depressing disaster that was her two-hour special on Fox, Suleman's latest media appearance is the only way she can support her kids.

"I made these choices out of the midst of being in survivor mode," the nut job explained. "I think 99 percent of people would have made the same decision."

Nads also refutes rumors she had plastic surgery to resemble Angelina Jolie ... blaming "pregnancy weight." Which always impacts one's facial features.

Last night, a one-hour documentary called Octomom: Me and My 14 Kids premiered on British TV. It will air (as My Life As the Octomom) at a later date in the U.S.

In this low point for reality TV, the freak says "sometimes I think God is testing me," defending herself against her critics, adding: "I'm a competent, good mother."

Nadya Suleman, now a mom of 14, is open about her struggle to bond with each of her octuplets in the early stages of life, admitting that "it takes a while ... I found myself bonding with, like, three or four [more] than the others. It's so hard."

Also hard? Raising more than a dozen kids with no job. Oh wait, no it's not, taxpayers will gladly pick up the tab there. In fact, she should probably have more kids.

The show's producer and director, Luke Campbell, called Nadya "tenacious," as well as "completely approachable" with "a logical sense of the enormity of her situation."

This is the first time anyone has ever used "logical" and "Octomom" in the same sentence. Campbell did acknowledge that he worries about Suleman at times.

"She burst into tears for half an hour mid shoot," he recalled. "[Nadya Suleman] means well, but I don't think in the future she's really going to be able to really provide the necessary level of monitoring and mothering [that a child needs]."

YA THINK?!

Shooting for the documentary, and future installments to air at later dates, began in April. While distinguishing her show from Jon and Kate Plus 8, Nadya says:

"You live in my life one day and you'll see, you'll realize: it's ludicrous."

Indeed. Follow the jump to see a clip of this crap ...

We're not sure what humanity did to deserve this kind of punishment, but a higher power must think we deserve it if rumors of a new reality show starring both Jon Gosselin and Octomom Nadya Suleman are true.

The producers of Cheaters report that Nadya had an "insatiable desire to spend time with Jon and put their families together," and that in turn, they brainstormed a show entitled Jon Minus Kate = Jon Octomom.

We're guessing that's only a working title.

In any case, the show's producers certainly don't think lightly of their idea, or their two stars, who they call "two biggest media sensations of our generation."

We would have chosen other language. But it looks like a team effort between the emotionally abusive tool and human baby factory is at least being pushed.

A better title would be The Reality Show From Hell.

The pitch for Jon Minus Kate = Jon Octomom, obtained by one network it was pitched to, begins modestly: "Mohammed and the Mountain started a religion."

It gets better: "Mickey Mantle and Roger Maris started a Yankee dynasty. Lennon and McCartney started a music revolution." Then, the big kicker (pause) ...

"Jon and Octomom start a whole new reality in the world of Reality TV."

The pitch claims the show's so revolutionary it will rival American Idol in the ratings, but "there will be no rival in the shocking nature of this pairing."

If there's any silver lining to be found in this, it's that everyone can hate these two. Just put the Israelis and Palestinians together for a showing and they'll emerge best of friends, united in the hatred of a common enemy.

Who sucks more?

Just nine months after giving birth to eight freaking babies, single mother of 14 freaking babies overall Nadya Suleman is back into her pre-baby jeans.

Yup, Octomom lost 145 pounds. No trainer or plastic surgery required.

"I was eating everything in sight," the drain on society recalls.

"I topped 270 pounds while pregnant," the mother of Elijah, 8; Amerah, 7; Joshua, 6; Aidan, 4; Calyssa and Caleb, 3; and Josiah, Makai, Jeremiah, Nariyah, Jonah, Noah, Maliyah and Isaiah, 9 months, tells the new issue of Us Weekly.

While she easily bounced back after her other pregnancies, getting back into shape after welcoming eight babies wasn't as easy. Really, you're kidding.

Instantly erasing 40 pounds after delivering her octuplets, Nadya Suleman felt compelled to join the local gym after welcoming the bundles of joy.

Glad La Habra, Calif., taxpayers sprung for her membership.

BYE, BYE, WEIGHT: Hello, tabloids! Jobless media whore and mother of 14 Nadya Suleman, a.k.a. Octomom, shares weight loss tips and clamors for attention.

Nadya fits in thrice-weekly midnight workouts (while a taxpayer-funded nanny watches over her sleeping children) with strength training but no cardio.

"I get enough of that with the kids," Suleman said.

The 34-year-old Suleman also maintains a strict diet of five protein-packed meals or snacks a day normally consist of "anything the kids are eating."

Food staples in the Suleman household? Oatmeal, sushi, turkey, and even homemade baby food. "As long as it's nutritious, it's good to eat," she said.

The disgrace also loves to gorge herself on one particular indulgence every day and not even worry about any empty carbs as a result: Publicity.

Hey, if she can't exploit her kids for money, there's always her own body. Gotta give the hyper-fertile one credit for being versatile at least.

The Hollywood Gossip celebrated the return of its Caption Contest yesterday.

Our readers did not disappoint, writing over 100 potential captions for the photo of Nadya "Octomom" Suleman below. Your winner is Lickitysplit.

Congratulations on a job well done! The winning entry appears below the photo, and you can click here to read the full list of submissions we received.

Honorable mentions go out to Texasmom, KT, and Grandma B. Thanks to everybody for their efforts and best of luck in our next Caption Contest!

Mom, why is your uterus running away?

The Hollywood Gossip is pleased to announce the return of its Caption Contest, where readers try to write the funniest caption for the photo below!

The rules are simple. Look at the celebrity photo below. Click comments and send in your caption(s). Have fun. Tomorrow, we'll announce a winner.

It's that easy, and we have a feeling you have lots of material to work with here. Leave as many captions as you want and be as harsh as you like!

Give it your best shot(s) for picture of Octomom Nadya Suleman...

Forget Britney Spears. Heidi Montag has a new celebrity hero.

"She said she wanted to be the next Octomom!" her co-star Audrina Patridge said at the Surfrider's Gala on Friday in L.A. "I was like, 'Heidi, no you don't!'"

Octomom, a.k.a. Nadya Suleman, has 14 kids and no job. Or significant other. Oh yes, she was a single mother of six before giving birth to her octuplets.

Even she admits "it was a mistake" to have so many kids "without a father figure." Well, Heidi would pretty much be in the same boat with Spencer Pratt.

They've both got the plastic surgery thing down pat, too ...

Heidi Montag and the useless baby factory who's become her new idol.

Patridge said that Montag is "ready for kids." Spencer Pratt, though?

On The View, he smarmy one said he wasn't sleeping with his baby-crazy wife wants to get pregnant and might pull the goalie on him. On last week's episode of The Hills, he joked (semi-seriously) that he wanted to get his tubes tied.

Audrina isn't concerned that the clash might cause them to split. They are "bickering back and forth, like any married couple sometimes does," she said.

She said that marriage has made Speidi an even stronger couple.

"They're really close," Patridge told Us. "They're inseparable."