Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino

New England Patriots star Tom Brady is known for his shaggy mane, but how would he look with Brad Pitt's hair? Or The Situation's? Esquire decided to find out.

The publication's gallery of faux Brady haircuts is full of classics, but these two take the cake. Which look should the star QB emulate tonight against the Jets?

Brad's wavy, flowing locks are too much for any woman to resist, but the douche-tastical Situation haircut might psych out defenses due to sheer hilarity ...

 

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New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is known for his shaggy mane, but vote on which of these other two stars' hairstyles he should try to emulate!

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When Ne-Yo and The Situation clash in a celebrity style showdown ... actually, that's never happened before to our knowledge. All bets are off in this face-off.

Fresh off the birth of his first child with Monyetta Shaw, Ne-Yo performed (and looked dapper to say the very least) Sunday at the American Music Awards.

The Situation, fortunately for those with the ability to hear, did not perform any music, although after Angelina Pivarnick's debut single, the bar's set low.

Which of the two fellas looked better last night? Vote!

[Photos: Splash News Online]

Who was dressed better?

Proving that truth really is stranger than fiction, The Situation and Bristol Palin have teamed up for a safe sex PSA on behalf of the Candie's Foundation.

It goes without saying that Bristol Palin is only famous for getting pregnant as a teenager, and The Situation for railing dozens of girls on Jersey Shore.

One might say this makes them odd spokespersons for abstinence and/or safe sex, but on the flip side, they have experience with babies and STDs, so ...

The Situation and Bristol: Sex Talkin' PSA

These two, of course, met on the set of Dancing With the Stars this season. Sitch was ousted early, while Bristol has somehow advanced to the finals.

Overall, as absurd as this is, and despite the annoyance of hearing the word "situation" used 18 times in two minutes, it beats Willow Palin's Facebook rant.

That's all.

Angelina Pivarnick, that girl from Jersey Shore who left in the middle of both seasons because she's a grating b!tch no one likes, has words for The Situation.

Claiming he needs a full-on face transplant so he can stop looking like "Popeye on crack," Ange tore Sitch apart in an EPIC rant outside of a Hollywood club.

She also termed him "The Bitch-uation," which we admit is slightly clever. Oh, and she's dating Justin Rego from The Bachelorette. He was there with her ...

Angelina's rant was definitely Rated R last night. Or at least PG-13.

It's hard to feel much sympathy for a compulsive $h!t-talker who instigates like it's her job. No wonder Snooki whomped her on her last Jersey Shore episode.

Angelina was named "Villain You Love to Hate" at a reality TV show awards event earlier in the evening, and after watching this clip, no one's gonna argue.

The Situation (Mike Sorrentino from Jersey Shore) is revealing his diet secrets to Men's Fitness. In a word ... steroids. Massive amounts of steroids.

Just kidding. Probably. In all seriousness, he breaks it down for alla youse guidos out there in the December/January issue with his eight simple rules.

How does The Situation get that body?

With dedication, you too can look like this class act.

1. Drinking tons of water.
2. Eating six times a day – three meals and three protein shakes.
3. Choosing lean proteins, fruits and veggies whenever possible.
4. Getting 6-8 hours of sleep, so your “body grows and repairs itself.”
5. Avoiding simple carbs and junk calories, including condiments.
6. Approaching it as a long-term goal, not an instant transformation.
7. Making working out your #1 commitment, as it builds discipline.
8. Giving himself one “cheat day” a week when you can eat what you choose and shoot up as much HGH as you want recover from all the training.

What are you waiting for? Sitch has spoken. The ladies aren't gonna wanna smash it up unless you craft an eight-pack out of that gut, losers.

Those hoping for major fireworks or knock-down, drag-out brawls on the Jersey Shore Season 2 reunion special last night came away sorely disappointed.

On some reality shows, the reunion special is the best part. It's when Teresa Giudice flips tables and labels Danielle Staub a prostitution whores. Not here.

These people are all flirting with prostitution whore status, too. Anyway, here's THG's usual +/- recap of last night. Aww yeah, reunion show recap YEAH!!

There's no love lost between Ron and JWoww after The Note.

One could argue this show is depressing, and that its cast is a bunch of losers who reflect badly on our society. Or one could say It's T-shirt tiiiiiime!! Plus 7.

Could host Julissa Bermudez be more robotic? They should have gotten Angelina Pivarnick to host without the cast knowing. We'd pay to see that. Minus 5.

Speaking of Ange, Ronnie had one of the best Jersey Shore quotes last night: "How could you not smush if you get Fossil watch? And it was white!" Plus 9.

After some skirmishes but a lack of fireworks, the second season of Jersey Shore went out with a thud. Not really a bang. Pauly D didn't even try to get it in!

There was a trip to the swamp, a feud between friends, a last hurrah at the club, and a great line or two, but "Back Into the Fold" was more filler than finale.

Below, THG breaks down the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from last night's Season 2 finale in its patented +/- recap. Aww yeah, last recap YEAH!!

They really dragged this season of Jersey Shore out.

The gang heads to the Everglades. MTV is really milking the Florida thing. Minus 5.

Sitch scares JWoww with his frog legs. We mean actual dismembered frog parts, not his own legs, which are frog-like compared to that HGH-enhanced chest. Plus 4.

The restroom tryst starring the Situation during the last night at the club might have set the sanitary bar lower than ever. Not a small feat for Jersey Shore. Minus 6.

Bestseller list? Meet Mike Sorrentino.

The reality star has just released his book, Here's the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore.

Trumpeted as "the bible for Situation Nation," Here's the Situation is a guide to the guido lifestyle, from cooking pasta to beating up the beat and "getting it in."

You may vomit on cue.

Here's the Situation ... in book form!

Sayeth Sitch himself, "This book will take your game to a level thought unattainable, given your physical limitations. From there it's my guide to the Jersey Shore."

By that he means forging battle plans for the club, with a primer on grenades and wingmen, and tips for ridding yourself of all levels of clinger. Standard.

Okay, that's false advertising. Anyone who saw Jersey Shore last week knows he sucks as a wingman and is a grenade magnet. Avoiding them? Please.

With Jersey Shore trash, a Caption Contest can rarely go wrong.

Who won Friday's edition? That distinction goes out to otorious, with honorable mentions going out to Rita, beth and Brandy071880. Nice job by all.

The winning entry for this photo of a gruesome South Beach twosome. Thanks to everyone for playing and good luck in the next THG Caption Contest!

"Whaddya mean is it in yet? I finished 5 minutes ago."

Welcome to another edition of The Hollywood Gossip Caption Contest!

Thursday's Jersey Shore episode featured many memorable scenes with The Situation and Snooki. We want you to tell us what's being said in this one!

Just come up with the best caption(s) for this photo, click "Comments" and fire away. Leave one. Leave 10. Go to it! We'll announce a winner Monday.

That's it. Now put on your shirt before the shirt and get crackin' ...