by Free Britney at . Comments

Two episodes of Jersey Shore? Back to back? Double fist-pump! The Hollywood Gossip has all the action from Seaside Heights recapped below as only it can.

Last night's seventh and eighth episodes of the season took the trashiness to a new level. Below, we award and deduct points as we deem fit. Let's get to it:

As the first hour gets going, Snooki catches the eye of an attractive non-guido, "Cowboy." He seems to take a liking to her for reasons unknown. Minus 3.

Mike is tapping some trashy chick in the hot tub when Snooki and the Cowboy break it up. That's right, Snooki just cock-blocked The Situation. Plus 10.

We thought the trash bag's friend coming to collect her was a dude. Minus 2.

Sammi lets Ronnie out of his cage for once. The Situation decides to stir up trouble by ratting him out for talking to some girl. D!ck move, Mike. Minus 4.

Duck Phone in Effect

Vinny makes a booty call. Duck phone stizzyle.

The Situation doesn't like Vinny mackin' in on his sister. He also doesn't like Vinny ditching her for the boss' girl Tanya. It's a total Catch (Situation?) 22. Plus 6.

Later, Mike pulls a robbery on Vinny's fake-breasted butter face trash bag, leaving V stunned. What a c*ck, but Even, because you gotta respect the execution.

As if Mike hadn't alienated enough people in one night, he refuses to walk JWoww home from the club because he's workin' on the nightly trash bag. Minus 5.

Plus 10 for JWoww pimp-slapping his ass at home.

Pauly D must confront a Stage 5 Clinger in some Israeli girl that is stalking him. Minus 7, because deep down he was into it and this was kind of wasted time.

Plus 3 for the hilarious phone impression of The Situation in an attempt to throw her off the trail, though. This guy's got The Situation quotes down pat.

Situation and Pauly

The Situation was cruisin' for a bruisin' last night.

Bored and determined to become the most hated man in N.J., Mike plants pickles around Snooki's room. Minus only 1, because a pickle sucker might like that.

Ronnie confronts Mike about his crush on Sammi. Mike says it's obvious "Sammi has a crush on me... it goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten." Plus 12.

After some dudes make fun of Snooki (a recurring theme in New Jersey and across the world), Ronnie gets arrested after he takes exception and knocks one of 'em the f*%k out. Minus 15, because the 'roid rage is off the hook with this guy.

TOTAL: +4! SEASON: +46! We wonder if Mike is really just a caricature of Mike, and doing everything he can to act like a jackass. Either way, we'll totally buy it.

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Yesterday, THG readers were given the challenge of writing the funniest caption for the picture appearing below. Mike Tyson. Jersey Shore. Endless material.

Your winner for this edition of our Caption Contest is chrissy.

The winning caption entry appears below. Click here to read the full list of submissions. Thank you to everyone for playing and good luck again next time!

Jersey Shore Cast and Mike Tyson

"Two metros, one midget and one tranny. By god, it must be Christmas!"

by Free Britney at . Comments

Welcome to The Hollywood Gossip Caption Contest, where readers submit the funniest caption(s) for the photo below! Today's subjects should make it easy.

Yup, it's Pauly D, The Situation, Snooki and JWoww of Jersey Shore. With Mike Tyson, former boxing champ and current dude with a tattoo on his face. His face.

What could they be thinking or saying?

You tell us! Click "Comments" below and send in your very own Jersey Shore quotes for this pic. We'll announce a winner tomorrow. Have fun and go to it ...

Jersey Shore Cast and Mike Tyson

by Free Britney at . Comments

MTV's Jersey Shore was in effect last night and The Hollywood Gossip was watching when the grenade went off, we assure you. Below is our weekly rundown.

Just for you, we've broken down the drama in Seaside Heights, N.J., on last night's episode six, awarding and deducting points as we deem fit. Let's get to it:

Vinny does not actually get fired from work. Plus 1, because he didn't deserve to, but we expected drama after he hooked up with Danny's girl last week.

They roommates are annoyed by Sammi and Ronnie doing their thing and ruining group bonding time. Didn't they all just meet on this MTV show? Minus 5.

GTL = Gym, tanning and laundry. That's how The Situation and Pauly D roll. Plus 3. Vinny says he prefers basketball, pool and beach. Amen. Plus 2 more.

The Situation at the club: "It's like the Navy Seals. I get sent out first, do a little reconnaissance, bring girls back." Too bad he never goes MIA. Minus 1.

Vinny's family comes to visit and his mother cooks a big meal for the cast. Approximately 73 Italians rolled with her. We didn't even bat an eye. Plus 3.

Situation

GTL: Gym, tanning, laundry. That's how guidos roll.

Ronnie and Sammi get into one of the lamest fights in the history of reality TV, which is really saying something. She is becoming a real nightmare. Minus 17.

The Situation is doing his thing and meets up with some girl. Standard. Little does he know's bringing "The Grenade" back and a friend, "The Hippo." Plus 8.

Pauly D won't take "The Grenade" on again. Mike then asks Snooki if she'll "take out the trash." Minus 5, because that's a little low, even for this show.

Plus 10 for "The Hippo" charging Snooki, though. Plus 2 more for Pauly D's awesome quote: "Someone needs to teach her how to fight or duck."

Ronnie goes into "prime creep mode." Minus 2 for the overuse of "creepin'" this week, and Minus 2 more for the obvious attempt to rile Sammi up.

Big fight! Synopsis: Ronnie and Sammi are walking. Guy insults them. Sammi insults him back. Ronnie shoves Sammi, telling her stop. She storms off. Ronnie charges guy. Plus 5 because this isn't even the fight that got Ronnie Magro arrested.

TOTAL: +5! SEASON: +42! Such tools. And yet we watch.

by Free Britney at . Comments

MTV's Jersey Shore returned with an all-new, festive, New Year's Eve episode last night, and lucky for you, The Hollywood Gossip has its weekly rundown.

Below, we break down the drama in Seaside Heights, N.J., on last night's episode five, "Just Another Day at the Shore," awarding and deducting points.

Leave a comment with your own pluses, minuses, and feedback ...

Ronnie cannot believe that while the rest of the gang tends to Snooki, who got knocked out in the previous episode, Mike is still trolling for chicks out on the boardwalk. Or, as Ronnie put it, "The Situation's creepin'." Plus 8.

One last note on the fight. Brad Ferro is a moron who should never have hit Snooki. But when you scream explatives at someone and flick drinks in his face, well, you can't say it was totally unprovoked. We're just saying, Snook. Minus 4.

These guys swear. A lot. Even in situations that don't really require profane language. There was a 20-second stretch of basically one long bleep. Plus 3.

Nice pit stains, JWOWW. Minus 2.

Ronnie, the biggest, most juiced up guido of them all, is a softie at heart and a total mama's boy who just wants his family to like Sam. Who knew?! Plus 4.

Tending to Snooki

THE AFTERMATH: The gang tends to Schnookems.

Snooki doesn't eat lobster because "they're alive when you kill it." Plus 3.

The girls go tanning. At a salon. In the summer. At the beach. Minus 3.

On a warm day, the gang goes on a boat. Plus 2 for conjuring up images of Andy Samberg and T-Pain. Plus 4 more because the boat is named "Forgetaboutit."

Pauly D boasts that his hair is waterproof and windproof. Impressive, but we're calling it Even because no one, not even the great DJ Pauly D, needs that much gel.

JWOWW does not come across well in this episode. A territorial animal who goes out looking to start fights, she belongs on the National Geographic Channel. Minus 7.

Mike, Vinny and Pauly D put the moves on a group of three girls, who Pauly D notes (with a certain element of surprise, but also with respect) are nice girls who actually want to be treated like human beings and not whores. Plus 8.

Really, JWOWW's boyfriend? Flowers? You can do better man. Minus 4.

Plus 5 for Vinny hooking up with his boss' girlfriend. Vinny had done very little this season so far, and this all-out d!ck move should lead to some quality drama. Plus 1 more for Vinny christening Pauly D "the ultimate guido."

TOTAL: +18! SEASON: +37! This was probably our favorite episode so far, because it didn't stick to one overdramatic story. We got to see the guidos and guidettes do their thing and amuse us in many different scenarios. Until next week ...

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It's a question for the ages.

The Situation (Mike Sorrentino) and DJ Pauly D (Paul DelVecchio) are two prominent members of the Jersey Shore cast on MTV. They are also a couple of Italian-American stud muffins who may not pump gas, but definitely pump iron.

The only debate? Which of these Garden State guidos you would rather ... well, you know. Vote in our informal survey below and weigh in on this critical topic:

The Situation and Pauly D

Who would you rather ...

 

by Free Britney at . Comments

Mike Sorrentino is known as The Situation on Jersey Shore.

He is also known as the guy who refers to himself in the third person (by his nickname no less) and walks around with no shirt pretty much constantly.

Well, before The Situation became a Jersey Shore cast member, the dude was used to situations in which he wore no shirt ... or pants for that matter.

We're saying he was a stripper.

The Stripper Situation

Mike Sorrentino (left) entertains at a bachelorette party.

According to TMZ, which unearthed classic pics of The Sitch, he was a member of the "All American Male" exotic dancer crew back before MTV stardom.

Mike Sorrentino worked for the group, which gyrates from New York to New Jersey, back in 2004. He now manages a gym on Staten Island (of course).

Rumor has it The Situation gives a "great lap dance." Maybe he could use that as a selling point to woo Sammi away from the juicehead guido Ronnie.

by Free Britney at . Comments

After our review of last week's Jersey Shore received a positive response (well, mostly), The Hollywood Gossip is making reviews of the show a weekly thing.

Below, we break down all the drama in Seaside Heights, N.J., on last night's episode four, "Fade to Black," awarding and deducting points as we deem fit.

Leave a comment with your own pluses, minuses, and feedback ...

Ronnie reminds us of a high-strung Peter Andre on steroids. Plus 4.

When Sammi finds out Jenni and Ronnie went home together, she assumes they're hooking up and says she will "knock a b!tch up!" She's all talk. Minus 3.

After they make up, Ronnie confesses his love (sort of) for Sammi, and they get. It. On. We know because they admit it. Openly. Sammi says "of course" they had sex, and Ronnie says they totally "smooshed." Plus 4 for the use of "smooshed."

Pauly D on first impressions: "You got to stay fresh. Fresh haircut. Fresh outfit. Fresh tan. Just fresh." Plus 2 for that deodorant slogan waiting to happen.

A word on Mike's third-person use of his nickname, "The Situation." It was funny the first 12 times, but saying it like twice per sentence? Overkill. Minus 3.

Mike and Pauly D spend the episode trying to bag as many trash bags as possible. Plus 6 for Pauly taking "the grenade" for the team, and for being very polite when he discovered he couldn't score with that girl because of her period.

Pauly D and The Situation

THE SITUATION AND DJ PAULY D: Caption rendered unnecessary.

Jenni (JWOWW) and her boyfriend fight on the phone over her hookup with Pauly. Minus 2 for boredom and Minus 2 more for constant use of the weird duck phone.

Plus 3 for the best excuse ever, courtesy of Snooki. Jenni was not being a trash bag of her own free will that night: house music made her do it. We've all been there.

Speaking of Snooki, you know this night is gonna get ugly when she wears a belt as a skirt (censorship required!). Minus 5 for the skank factor (even for this show).

Snooki's reply to her mom's observation that the beach looks dirty? "It's the Jersey Shore." Plus 6 for the inevitable press release from N.J.'s tourism department.

You knew it was coming: A guido named Brad Ferro yoinks one of the housemates' drinks. Snooki confronts him. Her a$$ proceeds to get knocked the f*%k out by this lunatic. Minus 9 for punching a chick, even one as annoying as Snooki.

Plus 5 for MTV pulling the Snooki sucker punch. Given Snooki's personality and the over-the-top nature of the show, it might seem funny (at least to the type of person who cracks up during a preview for I Am Sam), but it's no laughing matter.

TOTAL: +6! SEASON: +19! Still entertaining, and the Snooki drama made it a must-see, but the shore-ites annoyed us more than charmed us this week. What do you think? Is the novelty wearing off already or are you hooked?

by Free Britney at . Comments

MTV’s Jersey Shore is rapidly becoming America’s latest guilty pleasure - and not just for the cast's liberal use of hair gel and use of borderline offensive terms.

For these addictively trashy twenty-somethings, it's all about lookin' good. Livin' La Vida Guido may look like a joyride, but believe Pauly D, it takes some work.

"A guy from [the] Jersey Shore is a guy that is looking good, feeling confident, taking care of himself,” DJ Pauly D said of his now-infamous attire and hair.

"It takes me 25 minutes to get it right. Greatness takes time, and this hair right here is greatness. I have it down to a tee, but this is a process right here.”

You heard it here, folks. Greatness takes time.

Jersey Shore's The Situation, J-WOWW, Snooki and Pauly D.

"At the end of the day, it’s not about Italians coming together, it’s about a lifestyle,” says Jenni Farley (aka "J-WOWW") “We all live by a certain lifestyle."

"It's all about the hair, the makeup, the tans, being fit. It’s all preparation for the summer." Seconds Snooki (aka "Nicole Pilozzi"): "I look good in anything!"

As for critics who bash the show's Italian-American stereotyping, Mike Sorrentino (aka "The Situation") asks that fans of Jersey Shore show a little patience.

"It’s only the first episode and we’re only seven days in, so you have to give us a chance," says the Staten Island native. "You can’t judge a book by its cover."

No but with this show, you can come pretty close. If you haven't seen it, it's exactly as bad as you think it is ... but that doesn't mean it's not entertaining!

by Free Britney at . Comments

Mike Sorrentino, who "unveiled" his new persona The Situation on last night's episode of Jersey Shore, did not impress Sammi with the new moniker.

But he's already a hit with the MTV show's viewers, though, and it should come as no surprise that he's looking at getting The Situation trademarked.

Jersey Shore Cast in Italy

Yes, really.

"I'm trying," Mike Sorrentino, the assistant manager of a gym (of course) when he's not tanning, boozing and pumping his fist on the Jersey beach.

"I'm in the process of it right now. I don't know if it's possible, but I'm trying ... They're actually selling 'I Love The Situation' panties on MTV.com!"

A 27-year-old native of Staten Island (of course) says he gets "bombarded all day long" with praise from friends and fans since the show debuted.

That's because Jersey Shore, with its self-described "guidos" and "guidettes" sharing a summer house in Seaside Heights, N.J., is a bona fide hit.

Negative stereotypes and offended Italian-Americans aside, Mike Sorrentino makes no apologies for bragging about living what he calls the Guido Lifestyle.

"I'm very confident in being Italian," he says. "I'm proud to have spiky hair and to have my six-pack. Whoever doesn't like it, I'm not really too worried about it because everybody should love themselves. If you don't love yourself, who will?"

Obviously not housemate Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancarlo.

After a heavy flirtation with Mike, Sammie ended up hooking up with the most muscled housemate, Ronnie Magro, on last night's Jersey Shore.

"I was a little upset," Mike admits. "I am a little bit of a wild kid but at the same time, I have that sensitive side. I would love to settle down."

Well, there are always gay guys to make him feel better: "I'll be honest, I definitely like the attention," he says of his appeal to the other team.

"I'm flattered if there are guys that have crushes on me."