by Mischalova at . Comments

Cue the violins for Michael Lohan.

A sorrowful voice mail left by the ex-convict to daughter Lindsay Lohan has hit the Web. In the audio clip, Michael apologizes to his daughter for constantly talking to the press about her life. His bad!

Here are excerpts from the message:

I know that you were annoyed that I gave an interview and my need to comment about the people you are around... Honey, I'm sorry. I am telling you, I just love you. And I promise you, I absolutely promise you, I will not mention your name in the press, at all, ever again.

Michael Lohan loves attention more than his family.

One of the reasons why I got so concerned is because we used to talk all the time. We were always texting, and then the texting was sporadic. You weren't returning phone calls, so I was concerned.

Look, I love you, honey. Please, please don't do this anymore. Pick up the phone and talk to me. Everything from now on is between you and me [with the exception of this voice mail, which I leaked to make me look sympathetic]. And I promise you, I will not go back on it, I will not break my word...

Will Lindsay take Michael up on his word? Do you even care if she does? And what does possibly illegitimate daughter Ashley Kaufmann think of all this?

We'll have more on As the Lohans Turn when news breaks!

by Mischalova at . Comments

Ashley Kaufmann, your worst nightmare might soon come true.

Celebrity gossip tabloid In Touch Weekly has published the first pictures of the 13-year-old girl who may be the spawn of Lindsay Lohan's father, Michael.

Ashley's mother, Kristi Kaufmann, has made just such a claim.

Is Ashley Kaufmann the half-sister of - gulp! - Lindsay Lohan?

At first, Michael Lohan admitted it. Now, he denies it. The ex-convict has submitted his DNA for a paternity test and has said that if Ashley is his, he' ll accept responsibility.

"I've seen pictures and, to tell the truth, there are similarities with Linds," Michael said.

There are? Really? We don't see cocaine residue anywhere on Ashley Kaufman, nor is she carrying around a bedpost on which she can carve a new notch every night.

We'll keep you updated on this story as news breaks.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Welcome, celebrity news readers, to The Hollywood Gossip Caption Contest, our fun Friday afternoon tradition.

Who won this week's Caption Contest? Let's take a look.

Kim Kardashian: Cheater?!?

It was a very difficult decision, as so many of your replies were great, but we ended up picking Dmazillion. Congratulations!

The winning reply appears beneath the photo. Thanks to all of you, readers, for playing and best of luck again in this week's!

Why is Lindsay kissing Samantha Ronson when she can have you, Kim?

by Mischalova at . Comments

Are Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson a couple?

Days after pics of these two nuzzling necks in Cannes surfaced, the man whose sperm is responsible for Lindsay's existence told Us Weekly that her relationship with Ronson "is evident to anyone with half a brain."

Michael Lohan in Action

In other words: Jessica Simpson has no idea it's going on.

But "just like the [topless] Marilyn Monroe spread, Linds is my daughter and there are just some things a father doesn't want to see or hear, regardless of whether they are true or false," Michael Lohan said

Michael added that Lindsay "is a big girl, and she can make her own life choices. Then it is between her and God." (And the latest person sharing her bed, of course.)

It's none of his business, and he'd never exploit his daughter to a celebrity gossip tabloid, but Michael Lohan says Lindsay is totally doing Samantha Ronson!

Meanwhile, Michael also had to take a swipe at his ex-wife, Dina Lohan.

"Maybe her mother's life revolves around the tabloids and reports, but mine doesn't," he said. "I am into setting a good example and doing good things that don't deceive or exploit my kids."

Well said, Michael! The tabloid you exploited your kid to wrote the quote down perfectly.

by Mischalova at . Comments

If you thought Living Lohan was a pathetic attempt for Dina Lohan to pretend like she was a decent mother... well, you were right.

But don't think for a moment that Michael Lohan, Lindsay's ex-con of a father and Dina ex-husband, is gonna sit around and let his former wife soak up every watt of the spotlight.

The man that almost makes Joe Simpson looks sane is being paid by OK! magazine to blog about every week's episode. Here's what he had to say about last night's season premiere:

For now, let's just say I'm still trying to figure out if this show is about managing Ali's career and being a "real" mother, or reading tabloids. I've had a sneak peek at some future episodes and I will say that some of the people Dina surrounds the kids with still concerns me... I just hope Dina takes the high road â€" like a Lohan would â€" and rights these wrongs.

Ah yes, like a Lohan would. The most recent wrong Lindsay has righted involved those that think butch-looking DJs named Samantha Ronson can't find love.

by Mischalova at . Comments

Well, maybe not you personally. Unless you've sold Lindsay Lohan drugs, that is.

But Michael Lohan - the Firecrotch Queen's father, who makes Joe Simpson appear relatively sane - is taking the law into his own hands:

Before Getting Hammered

"I've been looking for the people who've been selling my daughter and these other kids the drugs. And come hell or high water, one day I'm going to expose them. God is going to get even with this guy. God is going to get even with this guy. He's destroyed a lot of lives."

Hear that, Peter Doherty?