by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Lindsay Lohan didn't have a great Christmas.

On her latest MySpace blog, the actress went off on father Michael for his alleged affair years ago, one that produced likely daughter Ashley Kaufman.

i think that people go through a lot in life. and the things that we go through, whatever they may be, simply just make us stronger in the long run... that is, if we actually take what it is we have learned from our mistakes and teach ourselves what NOT to do in the future," Lohan wrote, adding:

My father just let my family and i know, amongst others that he had another child after my little sister Aliana, or maybe he had it before Aliana?? either way, he cheated on my mother and that really sucks... MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Lindsay Lohan hates her crazy father, whose affair produced Ashley Kaufman. What a family.

Michael Lohan's classy response?

"What real work has Lindsay done since [Samantha Ronson]? Maybe she should follow Britney or Drew's paths and get rid of the darkness and come into the light."

If Michael Lohan thinks Britney Spears has seen the light, then this guy is crazier than we thought.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Perennial Father of the Year candidate Michael Lohan has apologized for calling his daughter Lindsay's girlfriend Sam Ronson "a drug" earlier this summer.

"I regret all the things I said about Samantha," Michael told New York Magazine.

"I'm a Christian. I should not be passing judgment on anyone."

Agreed, Michael. Except Dina Lohan. That would be okay.

In September, LiLo's estranged dad went off on Samantha Ronson, calling her a "dark, hideous and a disgusting representation of humanity."

Lindsay Lohan snapped back, calling her dad a "coward" on - what else - her MySpace celebrity blog. Michael says he now knows better than this.

"In the past, I felt that the best way to get to her was to speak out publicly, though the media," Michael said. "And it was the wrong choice."

Good to see that Michael, for all his faults, has seen the light and is now more tolerant of his daughter's embracing of girl-on-girl action.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

It's official, folks:

Michael Lohan is engaged to Erin Muller.

Lindsay's ex-con of a father had pretty much made this announcement last month - but he's now announcing it to the world, via Star Magazine (the bigger gossip tabloids, like most of the world, obviously don't care very much).

“We’re thrilled to announce our engagement. We can’t wait to start our life together as a married couple,” the couple, who have been dating for over a year, said in a statement. “We haven’t set a date yet, but we hope it will be a family affair.”

And we hope tear gas is dropped onto said family affair.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Here's something more predictable than John McCain taking the far right stance most likely to get him votes on an issue.

Michael Lohan has inserted himself into the flap surrounding his daughter and the two political camps.

Responding to a Barack Obama spokesman that said Lohan was not the sort of celebrity the Presidential nominee would want public support from, Michael said:

"Everyone is entitled to an opinion and so is Obama and his staff. Then again, you know what they say about opinions. Unfortunately, for them, to make such a comment about my daughter was a big mistake ... Look at Angelina Jolie and the wonderful things she has done in her life, and now watch how Lindsay does the same."

Lindsay Lohan compared to Angelina Jolie? Only if he means that she'll be naked a lot in movies.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

You gotta hand it to Michael Lohan.

The awful father and terrible human being has managed to use an event such as his father passing away to garner publicity for himself and to bash his ex-wife.

Kate Major, Michael Lohan

Indeed, the grandfather of Lindsay and Ali Lohan died yesterday, and we'd like to express our sympathy to the family. But Michael wouldn't. He'd like to hate on Dina Lohan, as he did in the following statement, released to OK! immediately after the death of his own father:

My father just, literally, died in my arms. I notified all my kids and my lawyer notified Dina's attorney. Let's see if she has the decency and respect to bring my kids to the wake and funeral. THIS will show her true colors! She didn't even send a card or visit when he was sick.

Only Michael Lohan could swing public opinion in the direction of Dina Lohan. We hope he breaks both kneecaps.

Michael Lohan alerted celebrity gossip reporters to his so-called charity efforts.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Michael Lohan has said he's engaged to Erin Muller, but the arrangement won't be made official until certain family issues are resolved.

If the ex-convict is waiting for daughter Lindsay to forgive him, well, he'll never be officially engaged.

Lindsay Lohan Nip Slip

Here's what Lindsay wrote in her latest MySpace blog:

“If you have something to say to me, say it to my face. That’s what I have believed my whole life. Don’t be a coward and say it to others first, let alone all the media in the world. I think we know where the rest of this blog is going…

Congratulations, Michael Lohan. You've managed to make us feel sorry for Lindsay Lohan.

“If you guessed it had to do with my father–then you guessed right! It really hurts, because I have tried. After all that my mother and siblings have gone through, I really tried to make things work. For the hope of having a father again-wanting things to change- even though people have said, some people will forever remain the same.

"He has become a public embarrassment and a bully ...He has no idea what is going on in my life because I have chosen not to involve him in it- His recent attack on my life and my loved ones is simply for an ADDICTION THAT HE HAS- FAME.... If he really cared about me and my life, then he would learn to respect my wishes by staying out of it.

“[BFF Samantha Ronson] has not and would never sell me out. Nor has my mother, who is wonderful. This further proves that any information that my father has about me or the people in my life is internet based- and about as accurate as a page six item. I’m not going to engage any further, though i probably could go on…"

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Never one to shy away from a quote, Michael Lohan has confirmed that he's close to marrying long-time girlfriend Erin Muller.

"We picked out a ring, but it's not official," the father of Ali and Lindsay told E!, addiing that Muller has accepted his proposal, but the couple is waiting for "some family issues [to be] resolved" before the official announcement is made.

Begging For it

What family issues, you may be wondering?

Well, there's still the issue of whether or not Lohan is the father of Ashley Kaufmann, an allegation that surfaced earlier this year.

"We're waiting for the paternity test," Michael said, giving Muller just the tiniest glimpse of the life in store for her.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Erin Muller must not read celebrity gossip websites.

That's the only excuse this woman would have to marry Michael Lohan, which OK! reports is actually set to take place.

"Michael recently proposed to his girlfriend Erin Muller," a source told that tabloid. "But they're keeping it quiet for the moment."

Michael Lohan is engaged to Erin Muller.

The couple may not be saying anything out loud - until magazines shell out the big bucks, of course - but the ring Erin flashed last weekend at the Mercedez-Benz Bridgehampton Polo Tournament made it clear this pair is engaged.

It's a good thing Eric isn't a lesbian. Lohan hates those.

by Free Britney at . Comments

The war of words between Michael Lohan and CNN anchor Anderson Cooper doesn't appear to be going away - or getting any less funny.

While guest-hosting Live with Regis & Kelly, Anderson Cooper went off the Lohans, calling their reality show, Living Lohan, a "train wreck."

No argument here. But then he offered up this quote re: Ali Lohan:

"Allegedly a 14-year-old girl, who looks to be about 60, and I say that with concern and love," Anderson said of Lindsay's younger sister.

"She allegedly wants to be a singer and or actor-slash-performer of some sort ... striptease person, I don't even know."

Ali's mother, Dina Lohan, fired back at the CNN newsman, telling OK! Magazine, "People are just cruel! This is bad karma for him."

Rather than letting this fizzle out and moving on to something important, Anderson Cooper kept the war of words going on his show, AC360:

"Let me just reiterate, I feel bad for the 14-year-old daughter. She seems like a nice person, but she should be a kid, not in a [reality show]," he said.

That's when Ali Lohan's father, and Dina's ex, Michael Lohan, came to the teenager's defense, sounding off to Access Hollywood about the anchor:

"I think Anderson Cooper is an opinionated, hypocritical idiot who should be an adult and keep his opinion to himself. He is the last person to judge anyone, when he and his own family have their own issues."

Snap! Seems like AC is just calling it like he sees it - but did he go too far?

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Michael Lohan is a law-breaking lesbian hater.

The father of Lindsay Lohan, who spent time in prison, recently told MSNBC's The Scoop that he wants his daughter to "to be happy and healthy and stay on the right path."

But if that means rumors of her impending nuptials to Samantha Ronson are true, well, count Michael out.

“I haven’t heard anything from Lindsay, but if she was marrying Sam, I don’t think she’d ask me to walk her down the aisle. She knows about my (Christian) faith … she just wouldn’t ask," he said.

While Jesus may not believe in gay marriage, he does apparently believe in cell phones strapped to one's waist. After all, they may be calling you back to the loony bin any day now, right, Michael?