Michael Lohan

She's called him a lunatic deadbeat dad who uses her for publicity.

Now Lindsay Lohan has taken her crusade against her estranged father, Michael, a step further and asked her attorney to take legal action, pronto.

The reason? Three minutes of a recorded audio tape released by him today reveal the troubled star's heart-wrenching and desperate plea for help.

The Lohan tape is the first of several which were recorded from phone calls Lindsay and mom Dina made to Michael, who leaked it to "prove a point."

The tape reveals a tortured, inconsolable Lindsay who whimpers like a child as she complains about problems with family and ex Samantha Ronson.

At one point, she wails, “No one cares about me ... It’s about how they feel, not how I feel. It’s not about me. It’s never been, unless I fight for it.”

The alleged actress contacted her lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, Wednesday, to request an immediate restraining order against Michael Lohan.

B!TCH PLEASE: Train wreck Lindsay Lohan has had enough of her loudmouth dad and his so-called efforts to help her wreckalicious a$$, thankyouverymuch.

Don't ask us who records their daughter's phone calls on a routine basis, but whatever point he's trying to make, Michael is going about it all wrong.

Brutally embarrassing your little girl using the media as your personal mouthpiece? Not exactly the way to win her respect, guy. Just our two cents.

Michael has been selling his daughter out on TV, talking about her alleged drug use, calling her a sad, hollow person, saying she's gonna die, etc.

Chapman Holley is currently putting together a case against Michael and will decide in the near future which legal move makes the most sense.

Aside from getting a restraining order to get him to shut his damn yap, Chapman Holley could file a defamation lawsuit against Michael on Lindsay's behalf.

Chapman Holley is also getting in touch with authorities in New York, trying to find out if Michael Lohan may be in violation of a criminal protective order.

Yesterday, we chronicled the rise and fall of Lindsay Lohan, train wreck in the making. Lately, her estranged dad, Michael, has been discussing this deeply personal topic to anyone who will listen and pushing for her to get the help she needs.

To say she remains unmoved would be an understatement.

Lindsay Lohan has taken to Twitter to slam her dad, following reports that he is seeking a Britney Spears-style conservatorship over her, among other things:

"My father is a lunatic & doesn't even deserve such a title since he's never been around in my life other than when he'd threaten me & my family," she wrote.

Scathingly, the starlet continued: "He should be where he has always put himself after verbally abusing and physically abusing people all my life-behind bars."

Lindsay, 23, also wrote that sister Ali Lohan, 15 going on 45, is concerned about Michael, who recently accused their mom, Dina, of covering up her addictions.

"It's so sad to get a phone call from my baby sister asking, 'why is daddy doing this?' Through tears. He crossed the line & hurt me & my family 4 the last time."

The Lohans take the term family feud to new heights. Or depths.

Last week, Michael Lohan claimed that he would air on ET taped phone conversations between himself and Dina, in which they discuss Lindsay Lohan's well-being.

Dina Lohan says she and Lindsay plan to prevent the tapes from going public: "We're going to stop it from airing. He is in violation of my order of protection."

"My attorney sent a cease-and-desist letter, and a copy of my order of protection I have against him. He is now in violation of my criminal order of protection."

"He harasses me, calls my cell phone, which he is not allowed to."

In response to Dina's disdain for him, Michael said "Look, I know sometimes in the past I've said things I shouldn't have. [But right now] I have to help my child."

Be that as it may, Dina says Lindsay is planning to obtain a restraining order against her fatherr. Says Dina: "[Michael] is desperate and spiraling out of control."

In an epic battle for Worst Parent of All Time, Michael Lohan says he can prove that his ex-wife is covering up their daughter's myriad addiction problems.

He's got her on tape, he says!

"Dina is saying that I'm lying here - that Lindsay doesn't have a problem and that she's okay," Michael naturally lamented to the New York Daily News.

"But I have proof that Dina has told me Lindsay is on death's doorstep, that she doesn't have much time left. There have been frantic calls about this."

"And I'm going to prove that Dina is the liar, not me."

The whole world is about to hear it, too. Michael is set to air his ex's dirty laundry, via numerous voicemail messages, on Entertainment Tonight Monday.

Michael says he'll do "whatever it takes" to get Lindsay back on track. "I want her off prescription medication," he insisted. "I'm not going to stop until then."

"As the mother of my kids, I won't slam Dina personally," he said.

"But she has expressed to me that Lindsay is in dire, dire need of an intervention. And Lindsay needs to see that her mother is either lying to me or lying to her."

His recent public rant on Maury Povich and later on Access Hollywood in the past week alone - have left Lindsay quite unmoved. Will this stunt be any different?

We wouldn't expect it. Especially not with comments like this from pop:

"Dina says positive things about Samantha [Ronson] to Lindsay," says Lohan, "but then when Dina talks to me, she blames Lindsay's downfall on the Ronsons."

"If Dina and her cohorts want to keep lying, I could [keep exposing her] for a year - on many different subjects," Michael said, pulling his best Levi Johnston.

"My lawyers told me to keep every single conversation - and I did."

It takes a lot for us to be on the side of NeNe Leakes.

This is a reality star with no discernible skill set, who will clearly do anything for attention.

But NeNe has discovered the singular way to appeal to anyone with common sense: tell off Michael Lohan.

Featured on The Insider, The Real Housewives of Atlanta star didn't hold anything back during a video spat with Lindsay's destructive, diluted dad.

“You are a toxic parent!” she screamed at the man who recently admonished his daughter in public. “You are a manipulator.”

NeNe vs. Michael Lohan

Lohan, not known for his silence, tact or anything positive, replied:

“I’m not gonna see my daughter die! You have Michael Jackson, you had Heath Ledger, Adam Goldstein. You can go back to John Belushi, Anna Nicole Smith, and even Elvis Presley. It was prescription drugs that killed these people. I’m not gonna watch my daughter die.”

That's true. Instead, he's gonna profit from her dangerous spiral and milk every shot and snort for as much publicity as he can.

Lindsay Lohan may be a train wreck, but she's got a point here.

The alleged actress says she's tired of her dad, Michael Lohan, relentlessly slamming her in the press and using her for attention "as she tries to heal."

Okay, she's got half a point. Trying to heal? Not very hard, LL.

"I'm so hurt that this person who calls himself my father, needs to use the press to communicate with me," Lohan said in response to Michael's desired plan for a conservatorship over his daughter to protect her from destruction.

In an interview with Maury Povich that aired last Friday, the actress' father reached out to his daughter, claiming her health is rapidly deteriorating.

"There's nothing left of her," he said, noting that he "can't even look at her ... I just cry. When I hugged her, it's just this hollow, hollow person."

Lindsay Lohan says she's cut off all ties with her dad.

"I have not spoken to my father, nor have I responded to his threatening and erratic messages over the last several months," she tells Us Weekly.

"It's so sad that he needs to stay in the media spotlight by using my name and making up excessive lies. He should instead trying be a real father."

This concludes our latest installment of the Lohan family drama. We know where we stand at this point, but a couple of pressing questions linger:

• Will troubled Lindsay outlive Amy Winehouse?
• Is Michael the worst father of all time?

Stay tuned.

There are plenty of good fathers out there, and we laud their efforts. But unfortunately, some of the poorest ones have been dominating news cycles of late.

None garners headlines quite like Jon Gosselin. In the last six months, the Jon and Kate Plus 8 dad has gone through a ultimate midlife crisis like no other.

Before you just hand the Ed Hardy-wearing, mediocre skirt-chasing d-bag the title of Worst Father Ever, however, consider some of his recent competition.

There's Richard Heene, a.k.a. Balloon Boy's dad, who exploited his six-year-old, local law enforcement and the National Guard. All for his reality TV dream.

Then there's Michael Lohan, who's done time, failed to pay child support, and whose eldest train wreck is unlikely to survive too long the way she's going.

Who's the worst of the worst? There may be no right answer to that, but we leave it up to you to come as close as we can. Vote in the survey below!

Who's the worst dad?

Hello? Pot? Oh, hey! This is Kettle. Just wanted to let you know you're black.

This is basically what Dina Lohan, very likely the worst mother in human history, is saying in her recent message for her ex Michael about his recent interviews.

Michael has said that their troubled daughter Lindsay is abusing prescription pills and is a shell of a person. Dina says Mike should zip it and focus on himself.

Using a celebrity gossip mag as her personal voicemail, Dina lashed back at People Michael: "Michael Lohan needs to focus on paying child support, of which he is six months behind, and making up for all the years he was an absentee dad."

Moreover, the miserable excuse for a human being and parent says her counterpart "needs to stop going national television talking about his children publicly."

Right, because that's not what Dina's entire life is based on.

On Saturday, Michael told celebrity photo agency X17 that he is angling for a Britney Spears-style arrangement in which he can administer Lindsay's affairs.

What a mess. [Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

"I'm going to see the judge this week... If I can't get a conservatorship, then I'm going to take her to an undisclosed location and get her straight. But I know I'm gonna get charged [with] kidnapping," the absolute moron said.

During a taping of The Maury Povich Show last week, Michael looked into the camera and relayed this message to Lindsay: "I’m gonna do anything, everything I have to save your life, whether mom likes it, the public likes it, or anyone."

In response to Dina's comment, Michael tells People: "She says I'm not focusing on being a good parent, but is [Dina] focusing on being a good parent?"

You tell her, Mike.

Insisting he is only going public for the sake of Lindsay, he says, "Look, I know sometimes I've said things I shouldnt have, but I have to help my child."

Good luck with that. Lindsay, who got plastered twice over the weekend, plans to turn to the courts and seek a restraining order against her father.

"Lindsay is actively getting a restraining order, her lawyer have already been contacted," says a Lindsay source. "She's scared. This is really serious."

Today on the Maury Povich Show, which is apparently still on the air, Michael Lohan reached out to his daughter Lindsay, a.k.a. the walking obituary.

M-Lo, who like his BFF Jon Gosselin is a candidate for Worst Parent of the Year, says Lindsay is deteriorating rapidly due to prescription drug abuse.

"There's nothing left of her," he said. "I was out in L.A. with her about three weeks ago when her house got robbed. She called me up at 3:30 a.m."

"She said, 'Daddy, come out here.' I flew out and couldn't even look at her. I had to go outside and cry. I hugged her. it's just a hollow, hollow person."

He then looked at the camera and said: "Lindsay, I love you with all my heart. I am not going to bury you. You're going to bury me before this is over."

Just what everyone wants to envision. Their dad's death. Moving.

Michael Lohan just wants the best for Lindsay. Yeah, right.

"I will do anything and everything I have to to save your life. Whether mom likes it, or the public likes it, I am going to take all the steps I can to help you because I want you to have your life back. You're not in the right state of mind."

"You're my daughter, honey, and I can do this anymore."

The rumors and evidence of LiLo's slow, painful and inevitable demise have been rampant these days. We certainly know she sucks at fashion and life.

But on Thursday, Lindsay said that "Everything is good. I am in a really good place. I've been working a lot. I literally slept the entire day yesterday. I woke up, and it was like 10 o'clock at night. I was like, 'I have stuff to do!'"

Asked about her father, Lindsay said: "I just wish he would shut up."

Classic. Here's Michael Lohan on Maury Povich today ...

Michael Lohan on Maury Povich

If Jon Gosselin ever needs a way to blow off steam following his many bitter and public fights with estranged wife Kate, Michael Lohan has some ideas.

Lindsay Lohan's dad stopped by Jon's home in Wernersville, Pa., on Sunday to urge the father of eight to join the Celebrity Boxing Federation. Really.

"I am in the Celebrity Boxing Federation, so I had to go to Philadelphia to meet with the chairman," Lohan said. "They asked me if Jon would fight."

Jon declined. But the occasion at least afforded his dirtbag, train wreck counterpart to meet Mady, Cara, Hannah, Leah, Alexis, Joel, Aaden and Collin.

Gosselin, Lohan said, seemed like "an unbelievable father. His kids are the most adorable children and they love him very much and he loves them."

Funny, we've also read that they hate him.

PUT 'EM UP: Who'd you rather get in the ring with and pound senseless?

During his 90-minute stay, Lohan also rode Gosselin's dirt bike around the property and discussed their neat reality show idea, The Divorced Dads Club.

M-Lo has been pitching that to networks since the summer, when the losers became fast friends partying in the Hamptons with Jill Zarin and Kate Major.

"It looks good," he said, adding that he hopes Jon will soon get out of his TLC contract with Kate Plus 8 "so that people can see the real side" of them.

On a side note, the following conversation just happened at THG's office:

Editor: Who the heck would willingly be friends with Jon Gosselin?
Intern: Some jackass who just wants to sponge off of his fame.
Editor: Who the heck would be friends with Michael Lohan?
Intern: A douchebag.

So young, yet so smart. This kid's getting a raise.

We never thought we'd say this, but props must be given to Bethenny Frankel.

The attention-seeking D-lister doesn't mere star on a reality show (The Real Housewives of New York City), she blogs about another reality show (The Real Housewives of Atlanta) for E! News.

In her most recent entry, Frankel comments on the ridiculous fact that Michael Lohan was involved in a restaurant scene with Kim Zolciak. She wrote:

Michael Lohan is a termite whose own daughter won't associate with him. He has leeched onto Jill Zarin and Jon Gosselin and now has moved to Atlanta. What an embarrassment. I cried when [Nene Leakes] said for him to get his ass back to Malibu. Unfortunately, he probably can't afford Malibu. His last name might as well be Ho-han. That man is a press ho, and coming from me, that's a pretty big statement.

Game. Set. Match, Bethenny Frankel!

Expect Lohan to reply with a biblical passage any moment now...

Thanks to the nutbaggery that is Michael Lohan, we're actually on the side of Bethenney Frankel for a change. [Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]