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Michael Lohan is livid over a new rumor surrounding him.

How he can even keep them all straight, with all the shady things he does and is accused of, we don't know. But this one is particularly offensive to him.

His ex-girlfriend, Erin Muller, alleges in legal documents filed this week that Michael was abusive quite a lot, and once even kicked her in the vagina.

She also detailed several other instances of verbal and physical abuse over a span of a year or so. Dude treated her like garbage 24-7, essentially.

M-Lo says these allegations are "patently untrue."

Mike and Erin in pre-vadge-punting times.

Michael’s lawyer says Erin Muller made everything up after he "terminated" their engagement. Yes, she at one point agreed to marry Michael Lohan.

His legal team also says her story is “a desperate attempt to dismiss the allegations against her.” Michael has been suing his ex for harassment.

Erin first made the claims in documents filed yesterday in New York as she was attempting to get Michael’s harassment suit against her dropped.

She also has an active restraining order out against Michael, which the father of Lindsay Lohan violated and was recently thrown in jail for.

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Erin Muller, who once agreed to marry Michael Lohan for some reason, now wants nothing to do with him. Better late than never on that realization.

Part of the reason? She says he physically abused her at least 12 times over the last two years, including once when he "kicked [her] in the vagina."

Erin, who already has a restraining order against Mike (which he violated and ended up in jail for), filed court documents in Nassau County, N.Y., yesterday, asking the court to drop Michael's recent harassment allegations against her.

In doing so, Erin Muller said Michael Lohan abused her in ...

December 2007: Michael Lohan "slapped Erin in the face twice because Erin accused him of giving her a fake watch on her birthday." The nerve.

February 2008: Michael "punched Erin in the mouth" because she had a male friend on Facebook. Well, she should really know better, right?

Erin Muller says Michael Lohan is abusive.

March 2008: Michael "whipped a computer cord" at her face but she blocked it with her hand ... causing a laceration. Good reflexes, though, Erin.

May 2008: Michael "kicked Erin Muller in the ribs."

May 2008: Michael "kicked Erin Muller in the vagina, bruising it and causing substantial pain." Okay, this is really not funny and is just depressing.

June 2008: Perhaps worst of all, Michael allegedly "spit in Erin's face and then beat her repeatedly with his fist." Then he "yelled at her to 'stop crying c*nt - other people will see you - and if they see you, I will kill you!'"

This guy needs to get locked up for a long, long time. Maybe Adam Senn really is good for Lindsay ... compared to this maniac, how can he not be?

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The former girlfriend (and rumored fiancee) of Michael Lohan fears he "will do bad things to me and my family" after he allegedly called her in a jealous fit.

In filing the police report that got Michael held in contempt and jailed over weekend, Erin Muller claims Michael called her at 11:30 a.m. this past Sunday.

That's in violation of a restraining order against the dad of Lindsay Lohan, who's no stranger to finding himself in an orange jumpsuit. More on that shortly.

According to Erin, Michael Lohan "started harassing me, questioning me who I have 'been with, who's car was currently in my drive way,' things like that."

Michael Lohan Mug Shot

Michael Lohan's spiffy mug shot from yesterday.

Erin told Suffolk County Police the first threatening call from him lasted two minutes and the second lasted five - and that she recorded both conversations.

How deliciously ironic, given Mike's love for secretly recorded calls.

In the report, Erin Muller told the police, "I want him arrested." Ask and ye shall receive: he was busted Monday and jailed for violating a restraining order.

M-Lo, who was barred from initiating phone contact with Muller, claims she's lying, that she actually called him, and her harassment claims are "fabricated."

How funny would it be if both secretly recorded the other?

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It turns out Michael Lohan was held in contempt of court and thrown in jail over the weekend. Couldn't happen to a better, more deserving fella!

We can think of many reasons he should be locked up - sabotaging his own daughter, screwing over Jon Gosselin, not paying child support, etc., etc.

Derek Lowe Mug Shot

But it turns out it was a simple phone call that did the trick.

According to police sources, Lindsay's dad was arrested in Medford, N.Y., on Sunday after calling up ex-fiancee Erin Muller. Why was that so bad?

Because Erin has a restraining order against him, natch.

Michael Lohan was charged with criminal contempt of court due to Erin's order of protection barring him from "trying to communicate by phone."

Guess Erin didn't respond to that fake Twitter suicide note, so he got on the horn. No word on how long he'll stay locked up, but it's long enough!

BAD CALL: That would apply to Erin Muller's decision to wed Michael Lohan (which she luckily reconsidered) and his illegal phone correspondence with her Sunday.

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Jon Gosselin's attorney, Mark Heller, is berating Jon's so-called pals Michael Lohan and Kate Major for selling out the dumbass dad in depositions last week.

Of TLC's court case against Jon, Lohan stated that he felt "stabbed in back" by Gosselin for backing out of and then denying some potential business deals.

Contrarily, Heller says, Gosselin barely even knew Lohan (he even says as much in that leaked tape) and suggested Lohan was just using Jon for publicity:

"It's regrettable that Michael Lohan is publicly discussing his relationship with Jon. Jon doesn't want to dignify anything Mr. Lohan is addressing in the media."

"I think it's very clear that Jon did not enter into any arrangement with Mr. Lohan and has done nothing of a negative nature in his dealings with Mr. Lohan."

Jon is Such a Tool

Jon Gosselin's mouthpiece summarily dissed Kate Major as well.

"Kate Major has basically used Jon Gosselin as her Obama stimulus package," he says. "Every time she runs low on funds, she comes up with another story."

That's a good one by Heller. Major says it ain't so, though, and maintains that Gosselin reneged on legally binding agreements for her to be his assistant.

A legally binding cocktail napkin? That'll hold up in court.

Lohan and Major are the only two people who have been deposed so far, with Jon's on-off-on-off-on-off ex-girlfriend Hailey Glassman on tap later today.

This Thursday, Gosselin and TLC will be in court to hash out his breach of contract dispute. Heller says Gosselin "feels extremely optimistic" about the case.

That could be all talk, as Jon is on the hook for millions of dollars by reneging on an exclusivity clause in his  contract by trying to score deals on the side.

For his part, Jon claims TLC took advantage of him, forced him into veritable inventured servanthood and exploited his eight cute little kids for profit.

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Just when you think Michael Lohan could not possibly stoop any lower in his unyielding quest for attention, the proverbial bar somehow falls even further.

Still, this maneuver is unbelievably low, even by the standards of a guy who records phone calls with his famous daughter and sells them to gossip sites: 

Michael Lohan threatened to commit suicide on Twitter!

Feeling sorry for himself and even more desperate than usual, M-Lo fired off the following Tweets (which have now been removed) Sunday night:

  • FIANCE JUST LEFT ME. MY WHOLE FAMILY HATES ME. I SPENT THANKSGIVING WITH MY MOM I JUST CANT DO ANY OF THIS ANY MORE
  • THE DEATH OF MY FATHER PUT ME IN A BLACK HOLE IDK WHAT TO DO
  • HEADING TO THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE
  • GOODBYE
  • @LINDSAYLOHAN LOVE YOU. B YE

So ... is Michael Lohan single again? Or alive, for that matter?

Whether Erin Muller really left Michael Lohan is unclear, but somehow we doubt he jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge. Those railings are pretty high.

Not to mention the fact that while plunging to his death in New York Harbor would make for unbelievable PR, there's no way he could cash in on it.

Having a last-minute "change of heart" and selling interviews about how he almost ended it all, though? He can probably make money that way.

He may not have met his demise this Thanksgiving weekend, but there's no doubt where Mike's final destination is whenever he does bite the dust.

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This guy is a joke.

Just when you thought Michael Lohan could not get any more reprehensible, court documents reveal that the deadbeat dad, well, really is a deadbeat dad.

He's $15,000 behind in child support. Guess those business deals with Jon Gosselin never came to fruition, or he just had all the cash deposited offshore.

Either way, he couldn't come up with $15K?!

Michael has racked up $15,100 in unpaid child support to ex-wife Dina for their three minor children: Ali Lohan, Michael Lohan, Jr., and Dakota Lohan.

Yes, there is a Dakota Lohan, age 13. Scary.

M-Lo Blows

Michael Lohan continues to redefine pathetic.

How about this for irony. If Michael profited off those phone tapes of Lindsay at her lowest points that he released to Radar Online, he could actually support the three children ... with money he made from exploiting his oldest child.

Pack lightly where you're headed, Michael.

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Having already alienated his entire family, Michael Lohan has turned on Jon Gosselin and leaked an audio tape of a phone call the two had earlier this year.

In the nearly four-minute call, Jon spouts off about his contract with TLC, Hailey Glassman and Kate Major, and how he will not be "scare tactic'd." His words.

But here's the real choice quote from the call:

"I mean, I put my kids out there to every pedophile on the planet and they never got paid for it?" Jon says on tape, obtained by Radar Online. "It's disgusting."

In more ways than one.

Gosselin made that claim as part of his theory that TLC was being compensated for stories about the show that appeared in People and Good Housekeeping.

They were not. But Gosselin was upset at what he saw as TLC exploiting him and profiting off his family and wanted to get a piece of the action for himself.

  • Bad Dad
  • Mike Lohan Pic

"It's like a shopping game now," he told Lohan "Because everyone knows I talked. So like, 'Oh my God, he's free game now cause TLC doesn't give a f--k.'

Jon's rants to Lohan, who wanted to rep him, continued: "They don't! They haven't said s--t! What the f--k? Why the f--k didn't I do this, like, months ago?"

"They tried to scare tactic me. They tried to scare tactic me. Why the f--k should they get paid and not my kids? And I see now they know that I know."

"I know that they struck side deals and that none of that money went to my kids. To leak that to the public? Oh my god, Michael, can you imagine? They'd be so f--ked! Their stock would tank! That they stole from eight kids!"

As for his past relationships, Jon's ramblings were similarly (in)coherent.

"The Kate Major thing - I tried to do all the In Touch things and say... you know we're friends, it didn't work out, blah, blah. Then she goes, 'Oh, I look so bad.' You do not look bad. You look like ... you know we hung out? Still don't get it? F--k!"

The recording also makes it clear that Lohan and Gosselin were indeed pitching their own reality project, something both have denied in recent weeks.

Follow the jump to listen to the Jon Gosselin-Michael Lohan tape ...

Continue Reading...

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Michael Lohan was receiving money for securing paying gigs on behalf of Jon Gosselin, he says, a fact that could doom Jonny Boy in his legal battle with TLC.

Jon Gosselin entered into a business relationship with Hailey Glassman, Mike Heller and Michael Lohan to earn money, all in violation of his TLC contract.

Though unsigned, the contract led to Jon being paid for outside appearances that violated his TLC deal, Michael Lohan himself told the celeb gossip site.

The document and the payments Jon ended up getting could be a smoking gun in the breach of contract lawsuit brought against the father of eight by TLC.

According to the deal, "TR" is entitled to certain fees resulting from business transactions on behalf of Gosselin and then-girlfriend Hailey Glassman.

“I brought Jon to the table so I told Michael Heller we needed an agreement. He said no problem,” Lohan said, explaining the origin of the document.

HI, Jon

Get ready to say BYE to a lot of money, Jon.

“We were representing him ... I brought Jon Gosselin to Mike Heller, so Michael therefore had an obligation to pay me a percentage of what he made.”

TR is a joint venture of Lohan’s company and Mike Heller’s company. Heller never signed the deal after his dad Mark, Jon's lawyer, advised him not to.

Regardless, in what is sure to be strong evidence for TLC, who subpoenaed Lohan, says he got paid for deals Jon made money from. Probably illegally.

Heller “was paying me all along, which basically proves I have a deal. Why was he paying me checks and giving my wife and my son checks?” Lohan said.

Lohan said some payments he got for helping get Jon gigs was in cash.

“A lot of it was cash, so I would imagine that there were a lot of things I wasn’t paid for too,” the father of Lindsay and Ali said. “We’re going to find out.”

The fact that a paper trail exists on side business deals may turn out to be strong evidence for TLC against Jon. The tool's best shot, according to his $5 million countersuit, is to claim his original deal is unreasonable. Stay tuned.

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On How I Met Your Mother, Marshall becomes enamored with a stripper who is a dead-ringer for his wife, Lily. This was understandable. Lily even got into it.

When the girl looks like your daughter, though? Most men, even types who have daughters and still go to strip clubs, would head for the exits at that point.

Not Michael Lohan, though. According to a source, that's how he likes it!

That's right. In what is easily today's most hilarious celebrity gossip rumor, Michael actually seeks out a certain kind of stripper when he heads to the clubs.

A former owner of a renowned strip club (there's a contradiction in terms) claims that when Michael came in, he liked girls resembling his unstable daughter.

Linds Photo

It's okay, Michael Lohan. You can look. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

"Lindsay Lohan's father once sat down and described the kind of dancer he was looking for," said Eliot Osher of Scores. "We sent some girls over. Funny ... they all seemed to look like Lindsay. We ended up having to show him to the door."

It's probably not all that surprising. Lindsay is a female who bears a resemblance to Michael Lohan's absolute favorite person in the world: Michael Lohan.

For the record, Mike denied this report, saying he never had girls dance for him at the establishment. Right. He just went to watch the Yankees game ...

That's up there with Bill Clinton's tall tale of trying pot but not inhaling. Can you even do that? It's okay, Mike. At least we think you're revolting anyway.

Hey, and at least he wasn't requesting Ali Lohan look-alikes.

Michael Lohan Biography

Lohan, Michael It's a close race between Michael Lohan and Jon Gosselin for the world's worst celebrity father. In terms of making the argument for... More »
Full Name
Michael Lohan

Michael Lohan Quotes

Just like the [topless] Marilyn Monroe spread, Linds is my daughter and there are just some things a father doesn't want to see or hear, regardless of whether they are true or false.

Michael Lohan [on daughter dating Samanta Ronson]

Michael Lohan: Maybe her mother's life revolves around the tabloids and reports, but mine doesn't. I am into setting a good example and doing good things that don't deceive or exploit my kids. But I will say this: While we were a family, you never even saw or heard a negative thing about any of us.

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