Perhaps the lamest singer of all time, Michael Bolton has nonetheless piled up the hits, including "Time, Love, and Tenderness," "When a...

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On Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2, we picked up not long after Alan and Walden's surprise gay marriage proposal on the final season premiere.

If you missed it, Walden convinces Alan to marry him so he has a better chance at adopting a baby, setting the stage for the sitcom's huge gay sendoff.

Walden, we're reminded again on Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2, wants to leave a legacy in this world but just can't find the right woman.

What he can find is a great "husband" in Alan.

Alan has nine out of ten qualities that Walden is looking for (you can do the math on the missing 10th), which isn't a surprise since they are best friends.

Really, why haven't more single bros desperate to adopt babies alone thought of this incredible faux gay workaround? It begs the question, that's for sure.

Not that there aren't some snags, even in this near perfect relationship. Alan wants a destination wedding, while Walden just wants a courthouse ceremony.

Also, Alan is offended when Walden asks to get a pre-nuptial agreement, which is probably just in this (or any) billionaire's DNA at this point in life.

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The Lonely Island performed at the Emmy Awards Sunday, marking a rare live performance by the SNL trio of Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone.

The guys were joined by Michael Bolton on "Jack Sparrow" before giving way to Lonely Island stand-ins Ed Helms, John Stamos and Maya Rudolph on "3-Way".

Akon then came on to belt out the chrous from "I Just Had Sex", with an assist from Bolton and the guys at the end. It was ... different at least. Take a look:

Hilarious as those guys are, did the live effort fell a bit short? High expectations didn't help them, but it felt a little forced, and yet lacking at the same time.

It's not as funny when the hilarious comedic crew has to censor every other word ... or when other people stand in for Justin Timberlake and Lady Gaga.

Why not go with only "Jack Sparrow"? Bolton's big, sexy hook (and watching him attempt to pull off all the costume changes) would have been priceless.

In any case, props to them for trying something so ambitious if nothing else. Here are the original videos for each of the above songs for comparison ...

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Michael Bolton definitely upped his cool quotient this week.

With a performance on Dancing With the Stars, and especially with his surprising SNL Digital Short appearance (see below), the singer is back in a big way.

And he's available, ladies.

"I'm single now, and my schedule is probably going to continue in a busy theme for a while longer," Bolton told People, adding, "I'm waiting for the right woman to come along. I'm open-minded. I'm more than open-minded."

Bolton has three grown daughters with his former wife Maureen, then was engaged to Nicollette Sheridan. His new album Gems is due out next month.

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Michael Bolton joins the guys from The Lonely Island in their latest single, released in the form of an SNL Digital Short and dedicated to Jack Sparrow.

Yes, you read that right.

Even Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone and Akiva Schaffer can't believe Michael Bolton is singing the hook ... then gradually hijacking their entire song.

We've been laughing at Michael Bolton's Office Space quotes for years ... but who knew the real Bolton was hilarious - and such a huge Pirates fan?

Watch the (NSFW) awesomeness below:

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At just 23 years of age, she's already conquered the celebrity fashion world, Israel's obscenity laws and both the dance and pop music charts.

Now possible hermaphrodite Lady Gaga has set her sights on dominating the world of ... adult contemporary, teaming up with Michael Bolton.

The no-talent ass clown singer Michael Bolton, not his nerdy software engineer namesake responsible for all those hilarious Office Space quotes.

In an interview with London's Metro newspaper, Bolton, 56, said he has been working with Lady Gaga on his new album, One World One Love.

Calm down, you don't have to pre-order it this instant.

The idea for a collaboration actually happened before Gaga got super famous - and it was apparently all her idea, according to Michael Bolton.

Lady Gaga Nipple Slip

A match made in music heaven if ever there were one.

"I was taking a break from production when my manager and the label tag-teamed me on the phone about writing with this young artist named Lady Gaga who I had never heard of - but they were raving about," Bolton said.

"They said she was a huge fan and wanted to write with me. No one had heard of her ... but a minute into "Just Dance," I thought, 'This CD is gonna be huge!'"

Let it be known that Michael Bolton knows talent when he hears it.

When the two finally met, Mike was taken by Lady G's energy and commitment (not to mention style) and "realized right away she was destined for greatness."

"When I met her in the studio later that night, I realized she was not only about to have a big hit record, but Gaga was a superstar about to launch," he said.

"Her energy was so high and her focus excited me. She reminds me of a young Madonna, with more exuberance and emphasis on art rather than marketing."

That's high praise, considering the marketing aspect of these Lady Gaga pictures. Sure, she's got catchy songs, but is she more than a flash in the pan?

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We're sorry, Michael Bolton.

We know this is no time for kidding around, since you and Nicollette Sheridan have just nixed your own engagement. But we will always associate you only with Office Space quotes. Sorry man. You should see the movie, it's great.

Anyway, Nicolette Sheridan and Michael Bolton have been engaged since March 2006, and together since 2005, and previous from 1992-1997 (dude is kinda old) but all of that unwed bliss was apparently plenty for them.

"We haven't decided where, and as soon as we make that decision it will happen very quickly," Sheridan recently told the U.K.'s Mail on Sunday.

Sadly for the Desperate Housewives star, it was not to be.

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Michael Bolton may be - to borrow a classic Office Space quote - a no-talent ass clown. But the man wins Grammys - and once had the thinning, long, curly-hair down to a science.

Heck, he's even engaged to Desperate Housewives cougar Nicollette Sheridan ... whose stock plummeted once we learned she's engaged to Michael Bolton, but who is nonetheless hot.

Perhaps trying to avoid widespread ridicule, Bolton plays it safe - looking to see if the coast is clear - before heading out of the hot West Hollywood restaurant Koi last week.

We can only hope for more Michael Bolton sightings in the future. If nothing else, it inspires us to toss his 1991 classic album Time, Love & Tenderness into the CD player. Man. For our money it doesn't get any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman."

Not really. But anyone who gives us a reprieve from Lindsay Lohan is all good.

Michael Bolton Biography

Perhaps the lamest singer of all time, Michael Bolton has nonetheless piled up the hits, including "Time, Love, and Tenderness," "When a... More »
Full Name
Michael Bolton
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