by Hilton Hater at . Comments

The Real Housewives of New Jersey painted an absurd family portrait on this week's season finale - but they aren't finished yet!

The women will get back together on Sunday night for what Bravo is hyping as the "most dramatic reunion" in show history. Wow. The writers must have been up late penning the script for this one!

Look for it to be highlighted by an exchange between Teresa Giudice and Melissa Gorga in which the former snaps at the latter: “You’re the devil. You’re wearing red.” Watch a sneak peek at the contrived madness below:

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by Free Britney at . Comments

It's been a long season for our Real New Jersey Housewives and our season finale is finally here. THG breaks it all down in our + or - review ...

It's family photo time as the Gorgas and the Guidices decide to do a group family portrait with the Gorga's parents. It's a lovely idea and starts us off with a Plus 10

I know the man isn't well but does Poppa Gorga always have to come off as such an old grump. Minus 5. Not much seems to make this man smile.

Melissa Gorga Fashion

Joe tries to make his father feel better by offering him a drink and you've got to love little Gia. "No, no. Drinks don't make him feel better." Plus 7 to the little girl for speaking up.

The kids are adorable. Melissa and her family show up in a sea of leopard print coats. Joe Gorga says he'd love another little girl. He'd name her Jovina, after himself. (Insert eye roll here.) Plus 5 because despite the huge ego, it's almost kind of cute.

In other news, Ashley gets a reprieve. Chris relents and says he can't kick her out. His brother, Jamie comes to visit Ashley and says he loves her but she's lazy.

And I had to laugh at his advice about not telling guys about her Swallow tattoo. Plus 8. So funny. Plus I don't think Chris could have looked more uncomfortable if he tried.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

The Real Housewives of New Jersey continued their Punta Cana vacation this week and THG breaks down their ridiculous adventure in our +/- recap!

Teresa does yet another wardrobe change donning a gold cut out bathing suit resembling a superhero. This entire trip is Teresa's own private fashion show and that might be mildly entertaining if Teresa and Kathy could shut up about their fight. Minus 8 because I'm just as tired of hearing about it as Caroline.

Teresa Giudice Cleavage

Despite that the rest of the crew seem to be getting along quite well. Plus 7. The two Joes try to decide which of them is shorter. When their height appears about even they attempt to up the stakes by whipping it out and seeing who is really the bigger man. Everyone gushes that it's just like the good ole days. Plus 10 for the drunken group hug.

Why can't Joe Gorga keep his pants on?  First he's flashing the Manzo boys when they show up to go golfing. Then he's mooning them on the golf course. Plus 5 for the technology that allows the show to block out the graphic details. No one needs to see that.

Plus 10 to Albert. He's the only real golfer in the bunch and he'll take it as a personal favor if none of these idiots ever sets foot on a golf course again.

Teresa decides her next project will be an Italian / Latin fusion cookbook and she drags the ladies along to a local market. They're all shocked to find that they have to see actual animals at the market, not just pieces of meet under plastic wrap. Minus 3.

Of course the cow heads weren't nearly as disturbing as the fact that Teresa didn't know the difference between semolina and salmonella. Minus 8. I don't think I want Teresa Giudice cooking my food.

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Jacqueline Laurita may be exiting The Real Housewives of New Jersey, but she's intent on landing a few blows against a castmate before she departs.

In response to a rumor this week that Melissa Gorga formerly worked as a stripper, Laurita has taken to Twitter and implied that Gorga's sister-in-law, Teresa Giudice, is behind the chatter.

Teresa Giudice and Jacqueline Laurita

"Teresa told me that 'rumor' about Melissa when she first started the show," Laurita Tweeted today. "She wanted her out then. She knew. She plotted it. She played dumb on camera and even defended Melissa."

"Teresa is scum!"

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by Free Britney at . Comments

The Real Housewives of New Jersey made their way to the Dominican Republic's Punta Cana this week with one question on their minds. Can't we all just get along?

What are the odds of that? Let's find out in our +/- recap!

Have you ever noticed how incredibly blinged out Teresa's phone is? Plus 5 because I don't think you could fit one more sparkle, sequin, or rhinestone and still be able to speak.

Joe Giudice in Action

But the trip really starts off with the packing. Seriously, they're going away for four days and Teresa has nine bags. And I've never seen so much leopard print luggage in my life. Apparently it's a hot item in Jersey.

Plus 8 to Lauren who points out that if sharks are attracted to shiny objects, Teresa and Melissa are shark bait. That could put a quick end to this vacation.

There were so many things that made me ill in this episode it's hard to count them all ... but here goes.

Did Joe Guidice, Richie, Albie, and Chris really have to jump out of the vehicles to pee on the side of the road? As if TV doesn't make Jersey look trashy enough, these idiots have to prove it to the Dominican Republic. Minus 10. Apparently they needed their Mommies to ask them if they had to go before they left the airport.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

The Real Housewives of New Jersey were back this week and it truly was painful, in so many ways. Let's relive all the action in THG's + or - recap!

Teresa fills in Caroline and Jacqueline about her husband and brother's text feud. Plus 10 goes immediately to Caroline who points out that fighting via text messages is for high school girls, not grown men. Of course, your average high school girl might have more common sense than this crowd.

Teresa Laughs

Teresa laments what she should do about Milania's upcoming birthday party. Should she invite her brother? Should she ask her husband to play nice? Another Plus 5 for Caroline telling the men to act like big boys. It's a child's birthday party. If these two can't shut their mouths for a few hours so a kid can enjoy her birthday, well that's pretty sad.

Later, the Housewives crew participates in a charity 5K run. Why are they there? No one really seems to know. Hopefully they're all donating money for the cause. 

Teresa has to pull her husband out of bed for the event. Please God, do I have to see Joe Guidice in his underwear? Is this punishment for something? Minus 8 because now I have to try and burn that image from my brain.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Belly up, man up, pay up. The Real Housewives of New Jersey picks up right where it left off and we'll recap it right here in THG's +/- review!

The family feud continues as Ashley's parents try and talk sense into her. Unfortunately, Jacqueline can't hold it together. She's a sobbing mess and won't hear Ashley's apology. Not that it would have meant anything. Ashley admits the only reason she was there is her father pushing her. Minus 5 for the whole thing being such a disaster.

Poooooor Ashley

Daddy tells Ashley she's done nothing but party her ass off and it's time to grow up. Plus 7 for saying it but does it really matter since he's headed back to Texas?

Ashley says her mom plays the victim but Ash is no slouch in that department herself. They both end up whining and crying and yelling at one another and nothing is truly accomplished. Minus 10 for such a waste of everyone's time.

On a lighter note, Kathy decides to have a Goddess party for the ladies to show off her catering skills. I have to admit, Kathy seems to have quite a talent. The food looked fantastic. Plus 8.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Everyone is really stepping it up (or at least trying) on The Real Housewives of New Jersey this week. THG recaps it all in our +/- review ...

Teresa's doing photo shoots for her second book and the entire family is involved. Between Joe complaining, Teresa whining, the kids screaming, and the parents looking somewhere between bored and annoyed, it's the photo shoot that just won't end.

The photographers earn a Plus 9 because I'm guessing they had no idea what they were getting themselves into and they still managed some decent shots.

Rich is an idiot. Victoria is 16 and Rich is telling Kathy not to talk to her about sex. Personally I think that shouldn't be one talk but an ongoing conversation and either way it's completely overdo. Rich seems to think that if Kathy talks to her about sex, that will put the idea in the girl's head. Minus 15 for taking naivete way too far.

Then Kathy decides to have said conversation with her daughter in the middle of a store. Oye. Minus another 5 for not making this a private conversation.

And those dresses Victoria's trying on for her junior prom are terrible. They're either too tight, too short, or completely gaudy. 

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by Free Britney at . Comments

It's New Year's Eve and The Real Housewives of New Jersey are descending on The Brownstone to celebrate. Will they make it to midnight without a brawl?

Let's check it out in THG's +/- review!

Caroline's still doing her radio show and good for her. Her advice is right on the money. You never know what the new year might bring and don't let bitter people affect your goals. She earns a Plus 10 for the positive message.

But not everyone is taking her advice.

Awesome Play Date

Teresa seems determined to be bitter and mean while Melissa keeps throwing out an olive branch. Did you catch some of those digs she took at Melissa?

When Melissa shares that she's working on an album Teresa shoots back that "Nowadays anybody can be a singer." I'll admit there's some truth in the statement but Ouch! Minus 8 because that doesn't sound like someone looking to bury the hatchet.

And Melissa commenting that Teresa is like Ursula looking to steal her voice just popped a picture into my head. I can just see Teresa snatching Melissa's voice and then running through the house gleefully cackling. Plus 7 for the imaginary fun.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

It's still Christmas in Jersey and we get to spend the festive morning with all the families. Who has the Christmas spirit and whose can use a little work?

Let's run it down in THG's +/- review:

Why can't Teresa stop causing trouble? It's only been a few weeks since she and her brother started speaking again. Having them show up for Christmas Eve is a big deal considering where their relationship was just a short time ago.

Joey G

But Teresa can't let it be. When she hears the Gorgas are heading over to Kathy's she can't hold her tongue. She even tries to use the kids to make her point. Minus 10 for such a lack of manners.

I can't believe I'm saying this but Joe Gorga's was the voice of reason. He explains that they had already accepted Kathy's invitation so they felt obligated to attend both parties. 

Joe's calm and thoughtful and tries to make peace. Plus 10 and can someone please help me up off the floor. I think I fainted from the shock. Realistically though, I won't be surprised if he does something next week that makes me take those points right back.

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