Melissa Gorga

The Real Housewives of New Jersey celebrated Antonia's birthday and if you were looking for an over the top affair for a six year old then you came to the right place. We recap all of the indulgence of the showy soiree in our THG +/- review.

It was nice that Melissa didn't over do it for her six year old's birthday party. She invited all of their family and friends plus all of the kids from Antonia's school. There was a bounce house, a giant crawl through caterpillar, tents with cotton candy and popcorn, a henna tattoo artist…did I miss anything.

Minus 10 because the most ridiculous thing was watching Melissa Gorga get her makeup professionally done for a kid's party while she swore to her husband that she was NOT high maintenance.  I'd like to know what's her definition of that term.
Across town Joe Guidice bails on the party and Milania calls her dad a big poop.  Plus 5.  I couldn't really disagree with her assessment.

But the party had its moments.  Plus 7 to Teresa who crawled into that caterpillar with the kids. I hope she grabbed some hand sanitizer when she finally found her way out.

Plus 5 to Joe Gorga who got in on the fun and let the kids watch him get his own tattoos.

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey look for some help from a professional but when it's all just "Temporary Shrinkage" can you expect the results to last? We recap all of the drama of therapy in this week's THG +/- review!

Is that really just a garage Joe and Teresa are building back there?

It's bigger than most single family homes but then again do these two know how to do anything normal? Minus 10.

But Plus 8 for appearances. The Guidice kids may act like brats but they look adorable in those matching overalls and even Joe seems more human as he tries to teach his little girls how to spread the concrete.

In an unexpected surprise Rosie shows up on the Guidice doorstep ticked off because of all the things she's read about Teresa putting down her sister. Minus 9. That's been going on for over a year now. What took her so long?

Teresa just looks at her perplexed as though she doesn't know what she's talking about and remarks that she doesn't store things in her brain. Yeah. No kidding. 

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How does a Real Housewife of New Jersey hit rock bottom? When she has no one left to hear her whine. That's the place Teresa Guidice found herself in during last night's episode, "Public Displays of Rejection."

We break down all the drama below in THG's +/- recap!

What doesn't Teresa understand? Jacqueline was upset about the magazine saying she was going to jail and confronted her about it. Minus 10 because I don't see what's the big deal.

But Teresa calls it an ambush. I'll give her a Plus 3 because once Caroline jumped into the fray it sort of felt like one but that wasn't Jacqueline's intention. Teresa's biggest issue is that she can never see someone else's point of view.

When she runs home to cry on Joe's shoulder he gives his typical response. He tells her she has him and she doesn't need anyone else so move on. Minus 12. It always feels like Teresa's husband is trying to isolate her from the rest of the world. Maybe it's because the less friends she has, the less likely she is to leave his sorry butt.

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What happens when best friends decide to have a chat?

On The Real Housewives of New Jersey, it apparently ends up including lots of screaming and hand gestures and ends up with "Best Friends For Never." 

We break down all the finger-flailing drama in THG's +/- recap!

Teresa and Joe are still in the middle of their bankruptcy proceeding and the tabloids say Teresa may have to do prison time for fraud. They allege she knowingly withheld assets including her $250,000 book advance for Skinny Italian.

Yet somehow not only do they still live in their big fancy house but they're adding a carport and a huge garage with an upstairs apartment?

Minus 15. If this is bankruptcy then sign me up.

The visit to their lawyer left more questions than answers. How much debt are these two in that they can't pay it off with Teresa's book sales? I can only imagine that the money they waste in a month could support most families for a year. Minus 10.

Plus 12 to Chris. I couldn't believe he'd offered to buy all of their auction items and give them back to Joe and Teresa. Friendship or foolishness? The guy certainly has a good heart.

Which was certainly in evidence with all the crap he's put up with with Jacqueline's daughter Ashlee. Heck, Chris lasted longer than her own dad. He's already had enough of his daughter down in Texas and is ready to ship her off to California. 

Plus 8. It's about they let the spoiled brat head out on her own. She needs a good dose of reality and she won't get that with her family constantly paying her bills while she runs off and parties.

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On this week's episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, "True Love, True Lies," we saw plenty of both as the gang partied both in Chicago and down at the Shore.

We break down all the love, laughs, and lies in THG's +/- recap!

Teresa is on the cover of yet another magazine?!? But really, is anyone shocked. If Teresa's in this for any reason it's certainly the fame…and the money. 

Plus 10 because the most amusing part is that no one can stop talking about the puppy. There on the cover of In Touch magazine is canine phobic Teresa with a cuddly pup. Of course it wasn't her idea.

The celebrity news magazine brought the adorable pooch along for the photo shoot. Maybe they were trying to soften Teresa's slightly tarnished image.

In the article Teresa claims her friends bully her because of her financial problems. Minus 8. Teresa never met a dollar she couldn't spend. It certainly doesn't look like she's buying the kid's clothes at Walmart. 

But who needs money when you've got love. Unfortunately we were treated to Teresa trying to give Joe a wake up call in Chicago which included a shot of the lube they used on their bedside table.

Did we really need to see that? Minus 15. Then Joe mentions giving himself his own wake up call. That's just way too much information.

As if that weren't enough we got a lovely glimpse into some romantic pillow talk between Joe and Teresa…

Joe: "Your breath smells ilke hot dogs from last night."
Teresa: "My breath smells like your hot dog."

If that doesn't make you feel all warm and fuzzy then I don't know what will. Minus 20 while I go find my toothbrush and try to burn that piece of dialogue from my brain.

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Teresa Giudice, Melissa Gorga and Kathy Wakile of The Real Housewives of New Jersey appeared on The View yesterday. But the castmates did not do so as a group.

Due to what she referred to as "family issues," Giudice refused to conduct her interview alongside Gorgoa and Wakile, telling the co-hosts:

"We have family issues that we need to resolve and I didn't think that today was the appropriate time, you know, in front of an audience and it to be done in just a few minutes."

We gotta give props to the Bravo producers for staging this controversy and finding a way to extend the feud beyond their show. And negative props to The View for allowing itself to be used in such a manner.

Meanwhile, an insider tells The New York Daily News that Gorga "flipped out" when she learned Giudice would not be on stage with her, supposedly telling someone over her cell phone

"Our plan is ruined... we have to come up with another way to take her down.”

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This week's episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, "Uncivil Union," had nothing to do with the upcoming gay wedding and everything to do with the family drama between friends and siblings ... what else is new.

We break down all the crass comments and wardrobe disasters in THG's +/- recap!

Caroline's brother Jaime is getting married to his partner Rich at their place in Chicago which looks like a cross between a Swiss chalet and a miniature golf course.

I can't say I've ever seen anything like it but Plus 20 to the happy couple. Too bad the rest of their family and friends can't follow their example.

The dress code for the big day consists of floral prints and pastels and an emphasis on hats for the ladies. Plus 10 because who hasn't wanted an excuse to wear one of those ridiculous looking English hats. 

Considering what some of the rest of the ladies were wearing this episode, the silly hats weren't looking so bad. 

Take Teresa who hangs out at home in a tube top, hot pink Daisy Dukes, and those strange leather string boots. And Minus 7 for letting the baby toddle around in those four inch heels. I was just waiting for her to topple over and the crying to begin.

Then we had Kim D. hanging out in her string bikini. Minus 12. Between the fake boobs and the sun damaged skin I wanted to beg her to put on a shirt.

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey had a field day last night. 

No, really. They called it Field Day when the whole gang got together to have some fun. So who can't get through the day without a meltdown? 

We'll break it all down for you in THG's +/- review.

Teresa Giudice heads home after Kathy's party and tells Joe all about the argument with her brother. Well, that's a mistake. Wasn't she just telling her brother that he shouldn't share their conversations with his wife?

Minus 10. She should really take her own advice.

Joe Guidice reaction has become so typical of him I'm no longer surprised. He tells his wife, "You're a f**kin' idiot for even talking to your f**kin' brother." 

Nice. Minus 12.

But it actually gets worse. After cursing out his brother-in-law he tells Teresa the Gorgas aren't allowed in his home. When Teresa says that will upset her parents Guidice says he'll kick them out too. 

He ends his tirade by telling her, "When I say something, you f**kin' listen and shut up," and if she doesn't he threatens to leave her and the kids.

What a guy. Minus 20.

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Here comes the drama.

Hanging out by the pool. Doesn't that sound relaxing? Yes, unless you're on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Then it's pretty much the exact opposite.

Then you'll probably need a stiff drink to get through an afternoon in the sun.

We recap all the fussing, feuding, and name calling in our THG's +/- recap!

How can you not love Caroline's mock phone call between Teresa and Joe? It was hilarious. Plus 10. 

And why does Caroline think Teresa hates Melissa. Because "she's a better, younger version" of Teresa. Plus 8. That sounds about right.

But as everyone else is discussing Teresa's behavior, Teresa is telling her husband her version of the Solstice party and Joe has some definite opinions.

First, Melissa is a horse-face, gold digging tramp. Caroline is boring. Rosie's a butchy boy, and the idiot cousin (I can only assume he means Kathy ... no offense to Kathy) looks like a frog. 

Joe Guidice certainly has an opinion about everyone but the scariest is the one he holds about himself. He tells Teresa he's the powerhouse and she doesn't need anyone else. Minus 12. What happens when they haul his sorry butt off to jail again?

Oh, and Teresa says her brother is a little pansy for telling his wife about their conversation. How can you not love family?

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey celebrated the Summer Solstice by trying to open up their third eye chakra on last night's episode. Yeah, we don't know what that means either but we break it all down here in THG's +/- recap!

Teresa is excellent ... at placing blame. On taking responsibility, not so much.

First off she's still upset about her husband's black eye which of course is all Richie's fault. Minus 12. I'm sure poor Joe was just an innocent bystander in that scuffle.

Who is she kidding? But in usual Teresa fashion she can't let it go. She even tells Rich he could have poked his eye out. 

Joe's a big boy. I'm sure he can fight his own battles.

Of course it's hard to tell who has the brains in the Guidice family. We know Joe's had at least one DWI, then was caught driving with a suspended license, and finally took someone else's ID to try and get a new license. Minus 15.

Somehow the guy can always find a way to make a bad situation worse.

Teresa cries about what's being said in magazine articles about her and her family but even Jacqueline realizes that Teresa's making her own problems there so Plus 8. She agreed to do the interview and I'm sure she got paid handsomely for it. Now she's crying?

While everyone's down the shore their problems simmer under the surface. The kids look like the only ones having fun but they're also allowed to run wild.

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