Mariah Carey

What do Christina Aguilera, Mariah Carey and Britney Spears have in common?

If you said they possess giant boobs, a diva-like attitude and the delusion that people still care about their music, you'd be correct for the latter two singers.

But throw in the beautiful, pregnant Aguilera and here's what trait all these celebrities share: a new fragrance on the market.

The Hollywood Gossip marketing staff is here to analyze the promotional posters for all three perfumes, starting with Xtina:

Channeling her inner Justin Timberlake, Mrs. Jordan Bratman brings her sexy back to this advertising campaign. The perfume's tagline? Sometimes it's all you need to wear.

We hope Megan Fox follows that advice.

Similar to Christina, a naked Mariah Carey pimps herself out in the above ad. Said the singer about this product: "The inspirations for M by Mariah Carey were multiple places I've been, moments in my life and childhood memories. It combines my favorite scents and means so much to me. I wanted my fragrance to be like a gift to my fans."

And, hey, it only costs $175 for a half-ounce bottle!

Do you believe in a fragrance from Britney Spears? The mess of a mother hopes so, touting in her poster that "The greatest freedom is to believe in yourself."

We agree. Still, though, we're not sure why anyone would wanna smell like a train wreck. Carnage and smoke aren't an alluring combination.

Mariah Carey has basically no singing career left.

Can you even name her last hit? Emotion? Honey? That song about a hero coming along, with the strength to carry on?

But it's nice to know that Carey can always pull a Lucy Pinder when in need of attention: Pose naked now. Ask questions later.

Here is the diva, and her bare body, gracing the cover Interview magazine. We know how excited guys are now for the (legal) possibility of Hayden Panettiere nude, but take a moment and answer this question:

Is Mariah Carey naked hot... or not?

We haven't heard anything recently about those rumored Lindsay Lohan nude photos - but we did come across this one of Mariah Carey.

Now it all makes sense.

For awhile, we didn't understand why Mariah Carey cared that a porn star shared a similar-sounding name. Aren't music and pornography very different worlds?

Will fans truly mix up Mimi for Mary Carey?

But now that we've learned Mariah will pose in Playboy, it's apparently the soon-to-be washed up singer will soon be starting a career in skin flicks herself.

Granted, Mariah won't be nude in the pictorial. She'll continue to leave all sex pictures to Paris Hilton. But she'll still be featured in the publication. Don't ask Carey about the layout, however.

She'll just say it never happened, just like her lies regarding Eminem getting her in the sack.

Phew.

That was a close one. Fortunately, singer Mariah Carey has proudly defended the honor of her unique name.

The narrow-minded star has successfully sued porn star Mary Carey in order to halt the use of her similar sounding name. A judge has decided the naked wonder - born as Mary Ellen Cook - may no longer go by the moniker that jump started her sex-crazed career in 2002.

And not a second too soon, either!

Fans across the globe were constantly confusing the washed up singer who can't possibly compete with Britney Spears for attention with the pornographic actress that ran against Arnold Schwarzenegger for governor.

The lawsuit was almost as logical as the recent age discrimination case brought against Donald Trump and The Apprentice.

There are no reports, however, of Mariah taking Eminem to court over allegations that her boned her rotten. We think we know why.

Ah, the life of a porn star. If you're Kendra Jade, you're stuck with a tiny K-Fed problem.

If you're Mary Carey, you've got a mostly washed up singer on your worn out behind. Indeed, Mariah Carey is trying to block the porn star from trademarking her similar-sounding stage name, saying that fans could get the two performers confused.

We hear Suri Cruise and Margaret Cho often have the same problem.

But the adult film actress, whose real name is Mary Cook, said on Friday that she would not be intimidated by the international superstar and will press forward with her trademark application.

"I'm ready to battle Mariah over this because I've been Mary Carey for a long time," Mary Carey said. "It's kind of funny because I'm a porn star and I've been being myself for a long time. I think she's being silly."

For someone who's been on her back more than Lindsay Lohan, the woman does make a point.

The star of such films as Double Air Bags 11 and Boobsville Sorority Girls, she started using the stage name Mary Carey in 2002 and once ran for California governor against Arnold Schwarzenegger, filed the trademark papers earlier this year.

In October, a lawyer for Mariah Carey sent Mary Carey's representatives a letter threatening legal action if she did not withdraw the application.

"Mary Carey and Marian Carey share the identical surname and have first names that are very similar," attorney Robert Becker wrote. And in part because the porn star was seeking the trademark for audio and video recordings, he said, "Confusion between your client and her Mary Carey trademark and our client and its Mariah Carey trademark is therefore likely."

Becker also demanded that Mary Carey use her name only for "adult entertainment" and that she not sing or perform music.

It's enough to make your head, or other body parts, spin. We're just excited for when Brooke Hogan sues Ashlee Simpson for infringing on her lack of talent.

 
Eminem is pissed.

No, not because we imposed his face on a woman's in a recent blog about Martha Stewart wanting the actor to appear on her show. We assume Slim Shady found that humorous.

But the 34-year-old rapper did launch into a tirade against Mariah Carey on his Sirius Satellite Radio show. He was aghast the singer denied a relationship with him in 2001.

"Yes, me and Mariah did have a relationship for about a good six, seven months. (But) it didn't work. I wasn't really into what she was into; our personalities collided. She's a diva, and I'm a little more regular, I guess."

Right. Eminem is about as regular as Kristin Cavallari is poor.

"I can never deny her talent, but the fact that she denied we ever had something, that's bad," the rapper continued.

We agree. It would be like David Katzenberg denying he's had a relationship with Mary-Kate Olsen and Nicky Hilton. We have the pictorial evidence to prove him wrong if he tried that lie.

Hey, wanna receive numerous nominations for the American Music Awards? Just don't release an album.

That strategy seems to have paid off for Mariah Carey, who's last CD hit stores a year and a half ago. Nevertheless, for the second consecutive year, Mimi leads the nominations at the Dick Clark-produced trophyfest.

Carey, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, the Black Eyed Peas and Nickelback each snagged a field-best three nods for this year's event.

Mariah is once again up for Favorite Female Artist in both the Pop/Rock and Soul/Rhythm & Blues categories, as well as a nod for Favorite Album in the latter category.

Fergie and her fellow Peas are up for Favorite Rap/Hip-Hop Album, along with Favorite Artist in both Rap/Hip-Hop and Soul/Rhythm & Blues.

Also racking up multiple nominations were virtually any artists who managed to score some airplay this year: Mary J. Blige, Kelly Clarkson, Eminem, Kanye West, Jamie Foxx, Rascal Flatts, T.I., Carrie Underwood and Pussycats Dolls all scored two nods apiece.

Underwood and the Pussycat Dolls will do battle with Chamillionaire in the redundantly named Favorite New Breakthrough Artist race.

They hate her wardrobe, but fans of Mariah Carey still wanna see this diva belt out the high notes.

Need proof? No problem: The number-one most requested map for directions on Ask.com during the week Carey was performing in Atlanta was to that city's Phillips Arena. We somehow doubt these people wanted an early jump on tickets to the Hawks.

Right behind Mariah was the Ford Amphitheater in Tampa, where the Dave Matthews Band was set to entertain. But coming in third place, once more, was the The Orpheum Theater in New York, where the woman behind such songs as "We Belong Together" and, of course, "Hero," was performing.

The latter song, by the way, refers to Stephen Colbert for many young Republicans.

Perhaps all that time Mariah Carey spent slimming down for her current tour should have been spent picking out clothing instead.

Numerous fans are complaing on the diva's message boards that her outfits are closer to eye poison than eye candy. It could be worse, of course, Carey could be considered as badly dressed as Sean Preston Federline.

Here's a snippet of what fans are saying:

"The picture promises a night of glamorous, high fashion, truly sexy haute couture, but the reality, at least when it comes to that black get-up, is a tacky, too small, trashy embarrassment of a number. I don't know how Mariah, or her staff, think that this stunning woman would look good in this itty bitty cheap frock, but they need to ditch it before the concert moves on."

Another fan states:

"Mariah failed to create a buzz about her live performance during her album because she wore tacky costumes and stood in one place and sang, and a lot of times had some off key moments, not bashing, but telling the truth...

Her outfits are too revealing to appeal to a massive adult audience, and the fact that she just stands in one place and sings, and waves her hands is not entertaining enough for younger audiences."

Got that, Mariah? You gotta bust a move! Act like your crotch is on fire or something.

According to the most recent issue of Life & Style Magazine, Mariah Carey got skinny. Not quite emaciated, third-world, war-torn refugee/Mischa Barton-style, but still pretty thin!

She's lost about 32 pounds over the course of four months, if you're keeping score at home. Which would imply that you have serious issues.

In any case, Mariah's comeback over the past 18 months, spurred by the multi-platinum album The Emancipation of Mimi, is clearly not limited to music. The much-maligned diva is back in tip-top shape, looking hotter than ever and ready to kick off her latest tour.

Billed as "The Adventures of Mimi: The Voice, The Hits, The Tour," the travels of Mariah kick off in Miami, Fla., on August 5. The opening act will be rising reggae-rap star Sean Paul, according to Vibe. Sean P., as he is often called, is riding high on the success of his current album The Trinity.

He is not to be confused with Sean Preston, Britney Spears‘ infant son.