The Hollywood Gossip is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity world that you might never have considered. Because they are pointless, and above all, not real.

Last week, we broke down a three-way fight between Sean Penn, Sean Paul and Sean Preston Federline. Our current match-up features an ex-wife of one of the above. Can you guess who? This Tale of the Tape has actually been brewing for over 2,000 years. Or at least since we thought up this idea 10 minutes ago.

Posted in: Madonna

Mock crucifixions, that is. Even the Material Girl has standards.

After hanging herself by a cross during her "Confessions" Tour, Madonna finally spoke up this week in defense of the act. Several religious groups, including the Roman Catholic Church and the Russian Orthodox Church, have complained that the scene was insulting, while NBC television is trying to decide whether to include it in a special to air in November.

Posted in: Madonna

Not only does Madonna appreciate a clean toilet seat, she also knows a worthy cause when she finds on.

The Material Girl recognizes that not everyone out there has access to materials. She's committed to helping orphans in Malawi, Africa, according to the new issue of Time magazine.

Posted in: Madonna

Does papa preach? Not when his daughter is keeping her act clear for his sake.

Madonna has been shocking audiences around the world during her Confessions tour, repeatedly using the f-word, flipping her middle finger at the crowd, reaching inside her pants and suggesting that people perform a lewd act on President Bush.

Posted in: Madonna

H&M sure hopes it doesn't suffer the same fate as Britney Spears. The store would prefer to maintain a close relationship with Madonna for years to come, now that the Material Girl has agreed on a deal with the company.

The will supply Madonna and her entire touring company with offstage wardrobes during the artist's Confessions Tour. In Auguest, the ageless singer, along with members of her posse, will appear in an H&M ad campaign. Meanwhile, the retailer will begin selling a specially designed track suit it created for the artist.

Posted in: Madonna

Madonna Biography

Best. Kiss. Ever. Madonna, a.k.a. The Material Girl, is still going strong even as she nears 50. She's also adopting babies and speaking with a British... More »
Full Name

Madonna Quotes

Leave her alone. She’s gonna be 16 soon and then 17 and then 18, and then she might show her knees and then what's gonna happen?

Madonna [on Miley Cyrus Vanity Fair photos]

My husband and I are not planning on getting a divorce. I know Alex Rodriguez through Guy Oseary, who manages both of us. I brought my kids to a Yankee game. I am not romantically involved in any way with Alex Rodriguez. I have nothing to do with the state of his marriage or what spiritual path he may choose to study.