by Free Britney at

Three of the four Teen Mom stars moved in with their significant others on last night's episode. The lone exception, Farrah Abraham, lost hers years ago.

Of course, while Amber Portwood deals with that boob Gary Shirley, Farrah is focused instead on her new boobs and modeling career, not relationships.

Let's break down last night's episode, THG style!

The Fair Farrah

On good terms this second, Amber and Gary move into a house. He's got a job doing "in-home health care." And apparently raiding people's kitchens. Plus 7.

No sooner does he proclaim "It's gonna be great," than a step in the house literally collapses under the weight of the moment. And Gary. Amazing. Plus 14.

His excuse: "pressed wood, ain't my fault." That's what they all say. Minus 2.

Before long, the squabbling begins, with Gary telling Amber, "Watch your mouth before I take Leah from ya." Producers? Fist-pumping. DCFS? Cringing. Wash.

Amber's brother, with whom they were supposed to meet up, warns, "It's gonna come back and bite you in the ass one day." More like every day. Minus 8.

Five words: Gary Shirley. Shirtless. Water park. Minus 12.

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by Free Britney at

Having children while basically still children themselves can be tough going, but Amber Portwood, Maci Bookout, Catelynn Lowell and Farrah Abraham are taking life one day at a time and making the best of their situations.

The (sometimes) fabulous foursome is back for a new season of Teen Mom on MTV. Let's break down last night's third season premiere, THG style:

Farrah and Sophia Picture

Farrah Abraham is working hard! She's in culinary school, waitressing and modeling to make ends meet. No plug for the most anticipated book of the year, though? Golden opportunity wasted there. Minus 3.

"Being a good mother is a full-time job too," she adds. Yes. Plus 5.

Not sure what's more ridiculous, the fact that Farrah claims she's getting plastic surgery on her chest "for her daughter's future," or the fact that she wrote "Here for Boobs" on a medical form. We'll call it Even.

Farrah wants a "C you can see." Plus 4, we begrudgingly admit, because she is a model and this may help her support her kid, but Minus 8 for MTV now glamorizing plastic surgery and glorifying teen pregnancy.

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by Free Britney at

Teen Mom star Maci Bookout is not a happy woman.

On this evening's season premiere of Teen Mom, she learns that her baby's father, Ryan Edwards, has been skipping out on child support payments.

In the clip below, when she calls to inquire about the missed deposit, she gets a rather rude awakening when it comes to the unemployed Edwards.

"If payments aren't coming in, we can file a contempt with the court," the agent tells a surprised Maci Bookout. "Which typically means community service and, in most cases, six months in jail or a large lump sum payment."

Later, a shocked Bookout calls a pal to report her findings. "Can you get me a new baby-daddy?" she asks. Wishful thinking. Watch the clip:

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by Free Britney at

According to OK! Magazine, Maci Bookout will finally get to have a “happily ever after” moment when she weds beau Kyle King on Teen Mom this season.

Which is interesting, since we hadn't even heard she was engaged to King, who she began dating after her split with Ryan Edwards, her son's father.

Knowing OK!, it's probably a highly misleading cover story. There is no mention of a specific wedding or even of an engagement, just quotes like this:

Maci Bookout Getting Married?

“Maci says that although she’s young and doesn’t know what she wants to do with the rest of her life, she knows for sure that she loves Kyle,” a friend says.

“She loves being around him and he makes her very happy.”

A source says Maci Bookout’s wedding dreams are "down-to-earth and achievable," whatever that means, and will be a simple, fun and family-oriented.

Again, light on the details. But here are two things we do know:

  1. Engaged or not, she and Kyle King are definitely still together.
  2. Things are going much better for Maci than Amber Portwood.

[Photo: OK!]

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by Free Britney at

After showcasing a new crew in season two, MTV is reuniting the original cast of Teen Mom for the third season of the reality show, premiering July 5.

Catelynn Lowell, Farrah Abraham, Maci Bookout and Amber Portwood (if she stays out of jail) will all return next month for "their toughest year yet."

Battle For the Twins!

Custody battles, 911 calls, fist fights, shouting matches and, of course, the joy and pain of raising kids they didn't plan for - that's life for these four.

Sure as Amber and Gary Shirley will break up twice between now and then, THG will be reporting on the absurdity and life lessons as they unfold.

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by Free Britney at

The stars of MTV's Teen Mom are basically a case study in why people should think before becoming parents. It's not all it's cracked up to be, is it?

At the very least, there are pitfalls as well as joys. Most of the ladies know this all too well, with family feuds and even arrest records to prove it.

But through it all, they do their best. Well, mostly. Jenelle is a mess.

So, THG ponders, which Teen Mom star is actually the BEST mom, fighting through adversity and shining bright? Let's break down the candidates:

Teen Montage

Amber Portwood: Leah's mom must stand trial for felony neglect of a dependent and domestic battery. She was also in a recent nude photo scandal.

Catelynn Lowell: She gave up her baby for adoption, but she and her boyfriend / stepbrother still have a relationship with the child and its parents.

Chelsea Houska: Chelsea's devoted dad provides for his Aubree's every need. Chelsea herself? Mmmyeah not so much. Three letters, girl. GED.

Farrah Abraham: Despite adversity - losing Sophia's father in a car crash, feuds with his family and her own mom - Farrah goes hard. Respect.

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by Free Britney at

Jenelle Evans has been accused of so many things.

Substance abuse. Being unable or unwilling to perform her duties as a mother. Breaking an entering. Breaking Britany Truett's face in this epic beatdown.

A plastic surgery addict, though? That's a new one!

Plastic Surgery Addicts

Too bad Jenelle can't have a brain implant done.

Also calling out Teen Mom 2 star Leah Messer and original cast members Amber Portwood and Maci Bookout, In Touch says the surgical craze is widespread.

Even if this were true, does anyone care?

Amber and Jenelle have both been arrested for pummeling other human beings in fairly shocking fashion. All of the above girls got pregnant at a very young age.

There's so much to debate already - is Teen Mom bad for society, what's best for the kids, whether these loons should be in jail, etc. What's a little plastic surgery?

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Teen Mom Maci Bookout isn't letting recent controversy over her underage drinking pics get her down, insisting she's "grown up" a lot since then.

Photos of Maci hitting the beer bong hit the web last week, thanks to the sleuths at TMZ ... who caught up with Bookout last night in NYC.

No hard feelings toward the site, though. Maci cheerfully explained, "I was on vacation, Bentley wasn't with me and I was having a beer."

"It's obviously something I don't do anymore because I've grown up since then." Obviously. She's now a mature 19, not merely 18 ...

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Is Maci Bookout trying to give Amber Portwood a run for her money?

Okay, that's taking it a bit far. As far as we can tell, her future will be largely free of screaming matches, baby daddy beatings, celebrity mug shots, restraining orders, terrible Gary Shirley singing and so on. For this we are grateful.

Amber Portwood and Maci Bookout

But the 19-year-old was still photographed hitting a beer bong. Peep it:

Hey, at least she doesn't appear pregnant. You never know with these Teen Mom stars. Next thing you know, one will smoke a cigarette while pumping gas.

Check out more Maci Bookout party pics after the jump ...

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You know the old saying: Young moms who only became celebrities because they did not practice safe sex as teens gotta stick together forever!

Yup, Teen Mom star Maci Bookout and Bristol Palin are pals.

Bristol Palin, Teen Mom

"We are good friends," says Tennessee native Maci, who forged a bond with Bristol the Alaskan Pistol at teen motherhood and abstinence events.

Maci Bookout and Bristol Palin: Who would you ... forget it.

"We're friends outside of... TV and the press," Maci Bookout says, calling it a normal friendship. "We more talk about our kids and our babies' dads and stuff."

Bet those conversations involve a good amount of venting. Their former fiances? Not on the best terms. Their sons are just a few months apart, too.

Bentley, Bookout's son with ex Ryan Edwards, just turned two; Tripp, Palin's boy with Wasilla mayoral hopeful Levi Johnston, turns two next month.

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