Lindsay Lohan is not actually in rehab.
On Thursday, the troubled actress checked into rehab at Morningside Recovery in Newport Beach, Calif., and then summarily checked back out.
The million-dollar question: WHY?!
"She felt Morningside was not suitable for her," a source said. "There were too many paparazzi and she didn't feel safe. Nobody close to her is happy about this."
"They think she's really not being smart."
Understatement of all time?
Lindsay Lohan has a lot on her plate these days.
After her tear-and-sometimes-fun filled interview with David Letterman Tuesday, it was time for her to unwind ... and let loose on former assistant Gavin Doyle.
The N.Y. Daily News claims she was at her hard-partying, tantrum-throwing, glass-tossing best at club 1Oak hours after her chat with Dave, and it got ugly.
While Lindsay was relatively composed and even funny on TV, she "went ballistic at the club" when Gavin Doyle decided to come over to say hello.
“He tried to come over to her and say hi. She was at another table and she went ape s—,” according to a source. “He attempted to approach the table."
I could no longer look at myself in the mirror.
So stated Lindsay Lohan this morning in a stunning turn of events, as the troubled star copped to being a total mess and vowed to turn things around.
She also promised that she will check into rehab immediately and will not return to work (or whatever it is that she does) until early 2014 at the earliest.
"I've been living a lie for too long," Lindsay said early Monday. "I've been spiraling out of control, even if I didn't know it at the time. I lost track of who I am."
In an apparent shot at her family and management, she adds, "I've been surrounded by enablers instead of those who will guide me down the right path."
Lohan said her mentality has been to "deny, deny, deny" when it comes to getting into trouble with the law, or when it comes to personal issues.
In a surprising (and yet somehow not surprising) twist, Lindsay Lohan struck a plea deal with prosecutors, avoiding jail in her lying-to-cops case ... for now.
Lindsay will be headed to rehab and must do community labor but will avoid major jail time, provided she complies the the terms of her probation.
Yeah, we all know how that goes.
The star showed up 48 minutes late (obviously) to face the music, and despite having rejected a plea deal earlier this month, agreed to the following terms:
In concluding the proceedings, the judge told Lindsay "don't drive" and "this is it" regarding probation. Next time, there will be no hearing. Just jail.
Following her explosive claims that Michael Lohan beat and raped her - and Lindsay Lohan is messed up as a result - Dina Lohan has revealed photographic evidence.
Or so she says. Check out this "vintage" photo published by ET:
Dina's shocking allegation that her husband Michael abused her during their marriage was not new, but the level of detail she provided this week was.
Her point in describing graphically the alleged 1986 beating and 1990 sexual assault? That Lindsay is such a disaster because she had to survive MiLo too.
Michael Lohan denies her accusations, saying he only backhanded her once, causing no injuries, and couldn't have raped her because she was on top.
Proof of abuse or not, they're bound to stir up controversy. Follow the jump for two more Dina photos, featuring her black eye and baby Lindsay Lohan:
In a new interview, Dina Lohan basically implies that Lindsay Lohan is a train wreck because she saw her father, Michael Lohan, abuse drugs - and her mom.
"I need to make the world aware that Lindsay is messed up because her father is so messed up," Dina told the New York Daily News in an explosive story.
Dina claims her daughter's ongoing problems all stem from graphic incidents in which she witnessed her father beat her mother in 1986 - and rape in 1990.
"Lindsay saw her dad abuse me - that's why she's so screwed up," Dina said. "She saw a lot of crazy stuff. I want the world to know the root of her problems."
Lindsay Lohan could be headed to the can for a long time, according to reports. The fallout from her recent run-ins with the law could mean 245 days behind bars.
When Hot Mess Anonymous is arraigned Wednesday for allegedly lying to police following her car accident last June, the judge will likely revoke her probation.
Linds is on probation for her jewelry heist conviction.
Judge Stephanie Sautner will then set a date for a hearing to formally decide if Lindsay Lohan violated the terms of her probation by breaking the law again.
The IRS has seized ALL of Lindsay Lohan's money in a bizarre development that exemplifies the actress' current financial woes ... in addition to her legal ones.
This is the kind of thing that'll make you drink two liters of vodka a day.
Her tax situation is well documented. The U.S. government has filed tax liens against Lindsay for 2009-2010, claiming she owes $233,904 in unpaid federal taxes.
Lindsay Lohan's rep says she wasn't drinking before she was arrested for punching a woman, Tiffany Ava Mitchell, but sources tell a different story.
LiLo's reportedly been drinking heavily for months, according to insiders quoted by TMZ ... we're talking as much as TWO LITERS OF VODKA A DAY.
While that's a practical impossibility - a 1.75-liter handle of vodka would be the equivalent of 40-50 shots - we wouldn't doubt that she's boozing hardcore.
She's reportedly stressed by financial and legal woes - Lindsay Lohan was charged with four crimes in two states just yesterday - and turned to alcohol for relief.
Lindsay Lohan may have just set the new high water mark for celebrity train wrecks. She's been hit with FOUR criminal charges on the same day - on different coasts!
Police in New York City arrested Lindsay Lohan this morning, which we'll get to in a moment. Amazingly, the fight she got into may be the least of her problems.
The Santa Monica City Attorney's Office will charge the celebrity with three crimes in connection with her car accident last June on Pacific Coast Highway:
Lindsay Lohan is a troubled actress that hasn't starred in a mainstream movie in years. The star has been arrested for drug possession...
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