Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan may be the luckiest petty criminal ever. A new report indicates that she may reach a plea deal that gets her out of jail AND rehab.

Lohan, as you may have heard, already shot down a plea deal in her lying-to-cops / probation violating case because the D.A. insisted on rehab.

Not the smartest move when her trial - currently scheduled for March 18 - could result in jail time, but it looks like she's angling for an even better deal.

First of all, there is NO WAY she's going to trial represented by incompetent lawyer Mark Heller, so a plea bargain is going to be struck one way or another.

It's just a matter of how good it is, which brings us to the latest update. According to celebrity news sources, Heller might not be as bad as we thought:

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Lindsay Lohan's trial for allegedly lying to Santa Monica police last summer will proceed in the coming weeks after a judge refused further delays.

LiLo's lawyer asked to "give her leeway to show that she's worthy of compassion." L.A. County Superior Court Judge James Dabney wasn't moved.

"I don't know how the next two weeks is suddenly going to change the history of this case," Dabney said, scolding the incompetent Mark Heller.

Dabney warned that if Lohan continues to use Heller before the March 18 trial, she must waive her right to "competent" counsel under California law.

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Apparently Lindsay Lohan is rejecting Charlie Sheen's overtures in regard to becoming a mentor for her, and wishes he'd just shut up about her life.

While she appreciates everything Sheen has done for her - namely that $100,000 check - she would never take advice from him as any sort of mentor.

Lohan supposedly knows her life is "out of control," but doesn't buy his claim that he's the one who can help her because he's been down that road.

In a recent interview, Sheen said he can save her and that he can be the mentor his troubled Scary Movie 5 co-star desperately needs right now.

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Charlie Sheen wants to save Lindsay Lohan.

No for real, he wants to step in and help the spiraling train wreck, and says he's got both the credentials and credibility to make a difference in her life.

Sheen says he may be her best shot, too. The actor tells TMZ, "I have a kinship with somebody [Lindsay] who clearly needs a mentor, whether she wants one or not."

"She can continue to hang out with her dress shredding club buddies, or turn to a guy who's been down the road as well as every other side trail on the journey."

"If she listens, she'll win. If she doesn't, that's on her."

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Lindsay Lohan has an incompetent lawyer representing her. Straight from the mouth of Judge Jim Dabney, the man in charge of her criminal case.

Dabney reamed out Mark Heller, saying he was incompetent to practice law in California and Lohan has to get another lawyer who knows what he's doing.

That or waive her right to a competent California lawyer. Seriously.

The judge informed Heller he screwed up the legal documents he filed by not following California law, and denied his motion to dismiss Lohan's case.

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Lindsay Lohan's attorney will be back in court Friday for a hearing in the actress' latest criminal case, as discussions continue about a possible plea deal.

The 26-year-old isn't required to attend. She's too busy partying.

Just kidding. Although that may not actually be far off at all.

The hearing is intended to deal with any issues before a March 18 trial on charges that LiLo lied to police about a car crash and was driving recklessly.

Attorney Mark Heller has tried to bargain on his client's behalf, but Lindsay rejected a plea deal that would have required she go to rehab for 30 or 60 days.

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This girl is either crazy like a fox or just full-on crazy at this point.

Lindsay Lohan has rejected a plea deal that would have kept her out of jail in her lying-to-cops case, opting to take her chances at trial. Why, you ask?

Because she's totes innocent and doesn't have a problem, OBVI!

Her lawyer, Mark Heller, has been trying to pull a rabbit out of his hat this week, and was close to a deal with Santa Monica and L.A. City prosecutors.

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Throwing everything against the wall in hopes that something will stick, Lindsay Lohan's attorney says she is going to seek help - and devote time and money to helping others.

Mark Heller, filed a motion requesting that Lohan's probation-violation case be put on the "slow track" so she can pursue "certain activities which will benefit her."

Ones which will make her a "productive and responsible contributor to society."

We just have to ask: Does he know who his client is?

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Lindsay Lohan may have been drinking just before she crashed her Porsche last June on Pacific Coast Highway, but a field sobriety test was not performed.

Law enforcement sources say a bottle of alcohol was found next to Lindsay's Porsche, and her breath smelled of alcohol; it's unclear if she was drinking.

Despite this new revelation, prosecutors are reportedly offering a new plea bargain that does NOT involve jail, proving she truly is the luckiest person alive.

The Santa Monica City Attorney is prepared to offer Lindsay 60 days in a rehab facility in her lying-to-cops case, four months less than their initial offer.

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The legal beating just keeps on coming for Lindsay Lohan.

A judge overseeing a civil lawsuit that was filed against the actress by a photographer fined her $1,000 for failure to appear at a deposition, reports say.

Hilariously, the fine was handed down one day after her attorney asked for a continuance in the actress' unrelated probation violation case. Why?

So she can “demonstrate her worthiness for compassion and mercy by using her present and future actions to set a glorious example,” he wrote.

All together now: LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO.

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