by Tyler Johnson at . Comments

Lindsay Lohan bikini photos have been all over the Internet recently, and like the ongoing Ebola crisis in Africa, it seems there's nothing we can do about them. 

But while early victims of the outbreak reported booze belly and saggy side boob sightings that seemed to signify the end of our species, the more recently afflicted seem less devastated and more confused.

Lindsay Lohan Bikini Selfie

Those who have set eyes upon the photo above, for example, can't believe what they see.

Where are the billions of freckles? The prominent booze belly? The overwhelming sense of sadness that comes from seeing a once-hot 28-year-old stricken with Betty Whit boobs?

There's only one possible explanation for this: Lindsay made a deal with the Devil and he taught her to use Photoshop. She really should've just asked for a new body.

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by Tyler Johnson at . Comments

If the Lindsay Lohan sex list taught us anything, it's that LiLo isn't exactly shy about sharing the details of her love life with the world.

But as much as she loves attention, Linds is now looking to get paid actual dollars (or "party straws" as she calls them) to continue spilling the beans about the many famous men she's slept with.

Justin Timberlake
Lindsay Lohan claims she got it in with Justin Timberlake back in the day.

Like so many troubled starlets before her, Lindsay is reportedly planning to publish a tell-all memoir in the near future. Of course, these days, Lindsay is doing mall appearances for money, so she's trying to do more than just set the record straight about her bizarre life.

Yes, Linds is looking to cash in big time. As such, she's recruiting major talent to help with her book, and while one of her dream ghostwriters might actually be interested, the other is just another example of how laughably delusional Lindsay's become:

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by Tyler Johnson at . Comments

Yesterday, the world caught an unwelcome eyeful of Lindsay Lohan's side boob.

If you're afraid to click that link (and who could blame you?) just picture two freckly fried eggs nailed to a wall.

Since Googling herself is Lindsay's only hobby that doesn't start with "C" and end with "-ocaine," she clearly saw the photo and was as traumatized as the rest of us by the sight of two depressing Golden Girl breasts oozing out of the side of her ill-fitting wetsuit.

So today, Lindsay did what any delusional narcissist would do and posted a sort of side boob rebuttal:

Lindsay Lohan Side Boob Selfie

Yes, it was a smarter idea that the infamous "Lohan underwear and champagne selfie" but it still didn't work out quite as she'd planned.

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by Tyler Johnson at . Comments

Like the rest of the celebrity world, Lindsay Lohan is in the Spanish party capital of Ibiza at the moment.

But while Orlando Bloom is there earning our undying respect by throwing punches at Justin Bieber, Linds is making headlines the only way she knows how - unfurling flaps of freckly flesh.

Lindsay Lohan Side Boob Photo

That's Lindsay preparing to board a jet ski. Don't worry, she put safety first and strapped on a life vest, even though we're sure her bloated liver could be classified as a flotation device at this point.

Obviously, the real news here is the side boob, if it can be called that. These days, it looks as though Lindsay's torso is more or less a series of mottled folds, with boobs indistinguishable from booze-belly rolls.

The sight of Linds in a one-piece wetsuit thing is far less offensive than the Lohan bikini photos we showed you last week, but you should still be warned that prolonged exposure to this photo can result in malaise, paralysis, and, of course, this:

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by Tyler Johnson at . Comments

Lindsay Lohan's European bender is entering its fifth month with no sign of slowing down. Sadly, we don't have any new Lohan bikini photos to share with you today, but don't worry - Lindsay is still showing us an embarrassing side of herself that she should probably keep hidden.

Lindsay Lohan in Ibiza

As you may have heard, Lindsay isn't exactly setting the world on fire with her acting career these days, and she needs to fund her jet-setting, coke-hoovering lifestyle somehow, so she recently did a mall appearance in Austria.

Naturally, Lindsay's reps have remained tight-lipped about how much she was paid for this low-point in her career, but it was just a freakin' mall appearance. Lindsay sat around and signed Mean Girls posters for some nostalgic fans and probably made in the low-to-mid five-figure range for an afternoon's work.

Not bad, but not exactly "fly all your friends to Ibiza for a weekend of top shelf partying" money. Sadly, this is Lindsay we're talking about, so that's exactly what she did.

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Over the weekend, Liam Payne posted a photo of himself standing on a boat, nearly naked.

The image was handsome and unexpected, but let's face it: not exactly groundbreaking.

Celebrities from across all industries and genders have been publishing shirtless photos on Instagram for nearly as long as this social media site has been in existence.

The following picture gallery includes singers and actors; models and athletes; and two women who have had sex with Chris Brown!

There's no accounting for taste. But there is accounting for hotness! Click and drool away now, men and women:

Kendall Jenner Topless Selfie
Kendall Jenner posted this selfie to Instagram. As is often the case, she's half-naked.

by Tyler Johnson at . Comments

The Lindsay Lohan bikini photos from last week showed the "actress" looking as though she was several months pregnant with an unwanted booze baby.

Since then, Lindsay has been posting constant selfies, and attempting to mold her various sags and protrusions into something that might pass for a human female form.

  • Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Image
  • Lindsay Lohan Vacation Photo

On the left, we've got Lindsay using her tongue to clean last night's coke residue from her hair (Waste not, want not!), and on the right the Master of Deception attempts to conceal the drink/cigarette/crack pipe in her hand by cleverly extending her arm off camera.

We kid. She's probably just pointing out local points of interest like that bar where she slipped in her own vomit, and that other bar where she slipped in someone else's vomit. 

In fairness, Lindsay looks better here than she did last week. But then again, the Courtney Love swimsuit photos look better than Linds did last week, and we're pretty sure Courtney's been legally dead for months. 

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by Tyler Johnson at . Comments

The Lindsay Lohan bikini photos from yesterday are the stuff of urban legend. Some say if you stare at them too long, she'll tell you the exact day and time that you're going to die.

Perhaps feeling guilty about the cancerous evil that she'd unleashed upon the world, Lindsay tried to compensate today by posting a much more flattering photo of herself in a two-piece.

Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Selfie

She put some thought into this one, folks. Note the way she crouched over and pouted her lips: not only does the pose hide her prominent booze belly, it also subconsciously brings to mind the top-notch blowies that Linds has used to help her stay rich.

Is it enough to erase yesterday's embarrassments from our mind? (In addition to the showing off her foul beach body, Lindsay fell down drunk at a film festival.) Of course, not but we encourage cleavage-y selfies under any circumstances.

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by Tyler Johnson at . Comments

It's been a banner week for Lindsay Lohan.

On Tuesday, Lindsay drunkenly fell down at an Italian film festival. Yesterday, bikini photos of Lindsay hit the Web and revealed that LiLo has been spending far more time hitting the bottle than hitting the gym.

But while most of us can laugh at Lindsay's prominent beer belly and lack of coordination, some of those who know the troubled actress best don't find it so funny.

Lindsay Lohan: Cocaine Nose?
Some Instagram users have suggested that Lindsay has visible cocaine in her nostril here. Sadly, we wouldn't be surprised.

Since moving to London back in early May, Lindsay has reportedly cut off all contact with her "sober circle" - a network of friends in the US who had helped Linds resist the temptation to go back to drinking and drugging.

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by Tyler Johnson at . Comments

Lindsay Lohan is in Italy at the moment, and when she's not falling down drunk at film festivals, she's treating the beautiful nation to the sight of her booze-ravaged, once-hot body.

Lindsay Lohan Bikini Image
Linds rocks a bikini in Italy. She's certainly looked better!

That's Linds exposing her ginger skin on the island of Ischia. Yes, despite having not done any sort of real work in the past ten years, Lindsay still lives the good life.

But while Lohan's lack of work doesn't seem to have affected her lifestyle, her lack of working out is immediately apparent.

Sure, we've seen Lindsay's gym selfies, but ya know who takes photos of themselves at the gym and posts them to Instagram? People who only go to the gym once a year!

Anybody who's seen Lindsay's Playboy photos knows it wasn't all that long ago that the Mean Girls star was sporting a taut stomach and some smokin' curves. So what happened?

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Lindsay Lohan Biography

Lindsay Lohan Photo Lindsay Lohan is a troubled actress that hasn't starred in a mainstream movie in years. The star has been arrested for drug possession... More »
Born
Birthplace
New York City
Full Name
Lindsay Dee Lohan

Lindsay Lohan Quotes

Tell him he's f*cking amazing, and I want to meet him.

Lindsay Lohan [on Michael Phelps]

I just want to live a happy, healthy year and continue on the path I've been on and be with the person I care about and my family.

Lindsay Lohan
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