by Hilton Hater at

Perhaps she was distracted by the vocal stylings of Ali Lohan in her CD player.

Or maybe the lips of Rumer Willis on her backside threw her off course.

Lohan Out Clubbing

Whatever the reason may have been, the fact remains that Lindsay Lohan rear-ended her black Mercedes coupe early yesterday morning after being chased by a paparazzo. The condition of the actress wasn't known and her rep didn't know if she'd filed a police report.

This is far from the first time Lohan has been rear-ended. It's not her first traffic accident, either.

Lindsay was driving another black Mercedes in May 2005 when she was broadsided by a photographer's minivan; and five months later, she hit a van that was making an illegal U-turn.

You'd think someone as incredibly spoiled as Lohan would hire a driver. We hear Kevin Federline is pretty lonely and available these days.

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by Free Britney at

The wonderful train wreck Lindsay Lohan and her sister, Aliana Lohan (who goes by Ali) are collaborating to bring you a white trash Christmas album, Lohan Holiday.

It features original songs like the title track and "I Like Christmas," as well as classic tunes like "Winter Wonderland" and "Jingle Bells" and a collaboration with Amy Grant for the song "Santa's Reindeer."

The Lovely Lindsay

Wow, and we thought Paris Hilton's CD (which NO ONE BOUGHT) was the worst album of 2006. Move over Paris, you've got underage, sucky company. The barfing Lindsay Lohan pumpkin we showed you yesterday turned out to be more than mere humor -- it's apt foreshadowing of this album, which is bound to make you ill.

Nonetheless, Ali Lohan is excited.

"I want to write songs, like about girls gossiping in my school," Ali Lohan told the New York Daily News. "Girls talk about girls and those girls talk about other girls and those girls talk about the girls who started it. Then they get in a big fight. But I don't get involved with that."

What has Ali Lohan, 12, she learned from her big sister?

"Don't believe rumors. And don't talk about other people!"

What about screwing everyone in sight? Oh well. Suffice it to day, that crazy Dina Lohan did a good job raising her kids. Hopefully, Ali doesn't party quite as hard as her big sis when she reaches her teen years... and hopefully she gets to have a Rumer Willis-like personal bitch assistant, too.

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by Mischalova at

Listen up, Lindsay Lohan: Once a year, on October 31, people dress in costumes that are actually different than their wardrobes the rest of the year.

Neutral Colors

Maybe you'll understand the concept next Halloween. For now, we have no idea what you are, aside from desperate on a typical Tuesday night? A Victoria's Secret Model? A member of the Pussycat Dolls?

And you wonder why Ashton Kutcher doesn't want his step-daughter following in your footsteps. Get out while you still can, Rumer. Maybe Hilary Duff needs an assistant.

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by Free Britney at

In honor of Halloween, and autumn in general, here are a couple of fall-themed pictures we came across while scouring the Internets for Gossip. Feast your eyes on these puppies:

Lindsay Lohan and Vikram Chatwal

On the left, we see a Suri Cruise pumpkin. So cute and innocent. The Asian-looking spawn of TomKat is captured really nicely in this jack-o-lantern, we have to admit. Apologies to the creator of this piece if it is actually intended to be Bjork -- hope you can understand the confusion.

On the right, we have a pumpkin carved in the likeness of Lindsay Lohan... after a long night of partying. Yes, this is as accurate a depiction of the drugged-up skank as one could hope for. The only thing missing is a pumpkin of Rumer Willis by her side and rushing to clean up the vomit. Gotta love having a personal bitch assistant.

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by Mischalova at

We've tried to come up with a few Halloween costume ideas for our loyal fans and readers. We hope the Nicole Richie suggestion was helpful, for example, but you'd have needed to cease eating 18 months ago in order to ensure its most realistic effect.

Lindsay Lohan From Behind

Now, Bill Simmons (aka The Sports Guy), ESPN's online columnist, has his own recommendation for Halloween.

We'll let him explain the Lindsay Lohan costume in his own words:

Wear a red wig and look completely strung out for about 30 minutes. Then go to the bathroom, fix your makeup, stick a pair of grapefruits in your bra and come back out looking like a million bucks.

Thirty minutes later, go back in the bathroom, mess your makeup up and take the grapefruits out. And just keep rotating the two looks all night and confusing the hell out of every guy there.

Sounds about right to us. Also find the person at the party with the weirdest name and hire your own Rumer Willis for the evening.

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by Mischalova at

Which is more of a celebrity trend: Adopting babies from third world countries (yes, we're looking at you, Madonna)?

Or complimenting your own cleavage?

OMG NO WAY

For whatever reason, more and more actresses are going on record about the beauty of their breasts. Or just wearing outfits that thrust these puppies in your face (yes, we're looking at you, Victoria Beckham).

But listen to Lindsay Lohan talk about her boobs: "I like my breasts the way they are. I read that I had breast implants and that I'd had my lips done too, which is such bullshit ... I feel great. I like having a shape."

The Gossip was gonna take a poll of all the guys who have touched them, but sadly, there is other news to cover and we don't have that kind of time.

Maybe Rumer Willis can get on it for us.

The latest star to admire her own figure is Ashlee Simpson. Jessica's sister had the following to say recently:

"You have to laugh because people make up the goofiest things. My boobs are beautiful! I'm not getting them done. I'm 22, they're up and high."

Hey, we're with you, Ash. We have nothing against your boobs. In this area, those crazy Olsen twins don't stand a chance against you and your sister.

Be proud.

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by Free Britney at

Dear God, Maybe Ashton Kutcher is being a good stepfather, not an overprotective S.O.B., by cautioning Rumer to stay away from this train wreck.

We're talking about Rumer Willis, of course, the daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, and current stepdaughter of Ashton. She's reportedly the personal assistant to Hollywood's biggest walking disaster, and if this Lindsay Lohan picture doesn't showcase what we've been talking about for months, we don't know what will.

Lindsay's Teeth

Oh my. This is worth at least 1,000 words. Maybe 1,500. Where does even begin analyzing this one (besides urging Rumer to run for her freaking life).

We really didn't think she could top getting chastised by her movie producers for partying too hard, dumped by Harry Morton for the same reason, served with a subpoena from her own family and doing half the men in Southern California, but it appears Lindsay Lohan is now hopped up enough narcotics to kill a woman twice her size. Get help, girl!

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by Mischalova at

Fortunately, for the men and woman fighting overseas and not wishing to be distracted by a promiscuous redhead, Lindsay Lohan is NOT going to Iraq.

Wasted Out of Her Mind

So it's ok, Osama bin Laden, you can relax and focus on winning over Whitney Houston again.

Lohan, however, did recently pose with a couple of fake troops - at Xbox's Gears of War launch party in Hollywood. She doesn't seem particularly impressed by their guns, does she? But Lindsay probably sees larger triggers on a nightly basis - if you know what we mean!

We're sure Rumer Willis does at least.

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by Mischalova at

What would Keith Urban say about this scene?

Probably that Lindsay Lohan should have moved straight out of Chateau Marmont and straight into a rehab facility.

Dina and Lindsay Pic

The Oscar hopeful is seen here in bed before moving out of the residence. Seen with her? A bottle of Jack Daniel's. Meanwhile, the New York Post reports the about item left behind when Lindsay too her leave:

"... after Lindsay Lohan moved out of the Chateau Marmont, found among mounds of designer clothes in her suite were copies of the New York Post, a collection of worn-out BlackBerries, and a bottle of Tanqueray."

We can understand the exhausted BlackBerries. It's tough keeping track of all Lohan's bed mates important committments. We're just afraid about what's gonna happen to Rumer Willis next.

The newspaper failed to report that the body of Harry Morton was also found in the room, burned to death from an unidentified firecrotch.

Kevin Federline will get on the case as soon as he stops pretending he can rap. In other words: never. Sorry, Harry.

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by Mischalova at

For a well-known harlot and awful actress, Lindsay Lohan has lofty goals.

"I want to get married before I'm 30. And have my house. And make the kind of record I want. And I'd like to win an Oscar before then," the Bobby actress says in the November issue of InStyle.

Happy and Blonde

The Hollywood Gossip, meanwhile, would like a Pulitzer Prize and to make sweet, passionate love to Jessica Alba.

Lohan then rattled on with a series of untrue, unrelated thoughts:

"Owning a house will make me very proud. I need a place to call home, to feel it's mine. I love to cook. My grandmother is Italian. I'm pretty practical. I'm a very domestic person."

It's true. We always mistake Lohan for Rachael Ray or Martha Stewart.

The actress kept up the comedy routine from there, saying she is simply too nice and is going out less since she was hospitalized for exhaustion.

"I tried to please my friend and I ended up getting sick," Lindsay said in regard to that incident. "It's about learning to say no more than yes. I'm a people-pleaser. But you can't always make everyone happy."

Again, she's right. Look how unhappy this dude being pleased by Lohan looks.

Of course, the spokeswoman for firecrotches everywhere most recently dated restaurateur Harry Morton, who said last month they're taking a "breather."

But "he's my friend, which is important," Lohan profoundly stated.

In an obvious slap to Morton, however, along with approximately 2,971 other guys, Lindsay was asked to describe her best kiss and responded: "I don't know if I've had a best kiss yet …"

Rumer Willis was also offended by this.

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