by Mischalova at . Comments

Lindsay Lohan claims she received no money for the following interview with OK! Magazine, hitting newsstands on Friday.

Right, and Kimberly Bell didn't pose for Playboy out of spite for Barry Bonds.

Lohan at Coachella

Ridiculous statements aside, here are a few highlights from the interview Lohan gave the celebrity gossip magazine, soon after she was released from rehab earlier this week...

On her second DUI arrest in less than two months: "[I hit] rock-bottom. Everything in my life came to a point where I had to make a decision; the arrest that night helped me come to a point where I had to make one."

On how she she plans to stay on the road to recovery: "[By surrounding myself] with good people who have their hearts and their minds in the right places."

On not saying goodbye to the Hollywood industry: "Absolutely not â€" never! I'm here to stay... My talent is a gift, and I'm going to use it in the right way."

On the the feud between her father, Michael, and mother, Dina: "I wish it would stop. It hurts when two people you love argue with one another. I don't think any child wants to see their parents argue or see their family fall apart. Unfortunately, it happens, and when it does, they should do it with as little effect on their children as possible."

It's way too late for that Lindsay. Let's just hope your sister, Ali Lohan, hasn't been doomed to your same path.

by Mischalova at . Comments

Without any balls to play with in rehab, Lindsay Lohan has resorted to fondling pumpkins.

We hate to think of where this alcoholic is taking the Halloween decoration. She'll probably carve the face of Calum Best into it and then stick it between her legs.

Lindsay Lohan Playboy Photo

We wonder what music Lindsay Lohan is listening to before she goes to fornicate with a pumpkin. Britney Spears? Kanye West? Rihanna?

by Mischalova at . Comments

You've missed celebrity gossip updates about Lindsay Lohan, haven't you?

Go on, admit that you can't stand this booze hound of a skank... yet also can't wait to see what she'll do next.

According to her evil mother, Dina Lohan, here's the answer: nothing. Contrary to reports stating otherwise, the Firecrotch Queen will not be leaving the Cirque Lodge rehab program in Utah this weekend.

People magazine reports that Dina emailed Access Hollywood this week with the breaking news that her daughter is "staying in Utah."

For those that think Kiefer Suhterland is the first star to drive drunk, don't forget: Lindsay's treatment at the facility began last month, following her early morning July 24 arrest in Santa Monica on suspicion of DUI after a brief car chase.

From there, a small amount of cocaine was found on the ex-sexual partner of (deep breath now...) Calum Best, Harry Morton, Jude Law, Criss Angel, AJ Lamas, James Blunt and many others.

Immediately after she was booked, her attorney blabbered on about how Lohan had "relapsed" and was receiving "medical care."

by Mischalova at . Comments

As far as celebrity news headlines go, the sentence above is as surprising as any of the following:

Britney Spears is a train wreck.

Email Check

Suri Cruise is cute.

Victoria Beckham likes to wear tight shirts.

Nevertheless, new information has surfaced regarding just how much Lindsay Lohan loves to wet her sexual appetite. It's our job to pass it along.

A source told Star magazine that the Firecrotch Queen has "been having erotic dreams about her former lovers, like Calum Best, Wilmer Valderrama, and Jared Leto. Her counsellors are trying to get her to understand that she's substituting one addiction for another."

The insider added: "Besides the obvious dangers of STDs, having indiscriminate sex can lead to emotional heartbreak, and that can lead to drug and alcohol abuse. If she doesn't come to grips with this, Lindsay is going to find herself back in rehab-sex addiction."

Maybe she'll be joined there by Kim Kardashian.

by Mischalova at . Comments

Sorry, guys.

We know you're dying to see Lindsay Lohan nude or Jennifer Love Hewitt nude, but we're here to provide you with the next best thing:

A glimpse at the boobs of these mediocre actresses.

Once you've voted in our previous Clash of the Cleavage - pitting Megan Fox against Tara Reid, in all her drunken, plastic glory - let us know which pair of knockers below you'd prefer to take a handful of.

Don't worry. There's no wrong answer. Just a sexy one.

by Mischalova at . Comments

In case you missed the latest Lindsay Lohan movie, I Know Who Killed Me (and, judging by its box office total, you most certainly did), you no longer need to rent it when it comes out on DVD.

That's because, below, we've included the only worthwhile scene from the film. In it, Lohan gets as naked as Gemma Atkinson any time a camera is around.

D-S-L

We're not sure who the actor is, but we're guessing Lindsay imagined it to be Harry Morton... or AJ Lamas... or Calum Best... or Criss Angel... or Jude Law...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1LDn88xwaY[/youtube]

by Mischalova at . Comments

In case that Katie Price vagina quote wasn't honest enough for you, here's an attempt by Lindsay Lohan to come clean about her lifestyle:

"It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs. Recently, I relapsed and did things for which I am ashamed. I broke the law, and today I took responsibility by pleading guilty to the charges in my case.

Linds Can't Deal

"No matter what I said when I was under the influence on the day I was arrested, I am not blaming anyone else for my conduct other than myself. I thank God I did not injure others. I easily could have.

Lindsay Lohan is addicted to drugs. In other shocking news, Britney Spears is really bad at singing and women find Zac Efron attractive.

"I very much want to be healthy and gain control of my life and career and have asked for medical help in doing so. I am taking these steps to improve my life. Luckily, I am not alone in my daily struggle and I know that people like me have succeeded. Maybe with time it will become easier. I hope so."

Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil have been hoping for the same thing.

by Mischalova at . Comments

Lindsay Lohan gets off easily with guys.

And now she reportedly gets off easily with the law, as well.

Derek Lowe Mug Shot

People magazine says the drunk dodged felony charges in her two drunken-driving cases, with prosecutors filing misdemeanor counts after tests found she possessed insufficient amounts of cocaine.

Unlike Michael Vick, the actress won't be seeing the inside of a cell for very long because she was charged with seven misdemeanor counts, including two each of driving under the influence, driving with blood alcohol of over .08 percent, being under the influence of cocaine and reckless driving.

The charges stem from two separate DUI incidents, one in May in Beverly Hills and one in July in Santa Monica.

In both cases, Lohan was making like Tara Conner (i.e. carrying cocaine). But in each instance, the amounts tested were below the .05 grams required by office policy for felony filing.

A conference before a Beverly Hills judge is set for Thursday afternoon, in which Lohan may enter a plea a day before her arraignment which was originally set for Friday.

The 21-year-old is currently in rehab at the Cirque Lodge program in Utah. She sucks.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Britney Spears' prayers have been answered.

Well, not really. Giant bags of pork rinds don't just fall out of the sky, you know.

Shoplifter

But Donald Trump himself has offered to hire her and resurrect her career. Along with other train wrecks.

Armed with the searing insight that she's a "[bleeping] mess," Trump tells the New York Post's Page Six that he's negotiating with Britney about appearing on his new Celebrity Apprentice and that he's also "thinking about" having Paris Hilton on the show.

However, says Lord Combover, "I don't know if we're going to do it."

Yeah, there's no guarantee you're going to see this at any point. There's only so much Paris Hilton pussy you can plaster across prime time television, after all.

As for Brit and Paris' comrade-in-wreckitude, Lindsay Lohan, the Donald says he's going to contact her this week about the show. He did not say whether or not she will try to have sex with him, but the odds are never too low with LiLo.

Paris Hilton's rep says he wasn't aware if any deal was in the works, and Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan mouthpieces weren't available for comment.

by Mischalova at . Comments

With Lindsay Lohan nude photos rumored to be floating around the Internet - and adult film actress Paulina James prepared to portray the troubled star in an upcoming movie - the next logical career step for this Firecrotch Queen seems obvious:

Just suck it up and get into the porn business.

With a pair of DUI arrests on her record, it's not like Lindsay has any respectable future ahead of her anyway, right?

Wrong, says The Sports Gal. Here's what the wife of ESPN columnist Bill Simmons has to say about the next choice of movies for Lohan:

"Lindsay doesn't need porn. She needs to copy what [Angelina Jolie] did and play a role close to herself, that's how she can turn her career around. Nobody wants to see her in a romantic comedy because she's too messed up and nobody wants to see her in a horror movie because we'd just root for her to get killed.

When Angelina was struggling, she did Girl, Interrupted and played a mental patient with drug problems who cut herself and acted crazy.

It wasn't exactly a stretch.

Lindsay needs to do that, something close to home, like a promiscuous alcoholic with low self-esteem and a drug problem who likes to drive drunk, chain-smoke and pretend that her breasts aren't fake - then, her life is turned upside down when she gets sent to jail for her 14th DUI and she ends up feuding with a group of skinhead prisoners who resent her because of her beautiful red hair, which they end up shaving before she joins a rival Kabbalah group and finds the strength to kill the Skinheads to survive.

I would go see this movie, and [Bill Simmons] would probably go too because there would definitely be a shower scene."

Lindsay Lohan Biography

Lindsay Lohan Photo Lindsay Lohan is a troubled actress that hasn't starred in a mainstream movie in years. The star has been arrested for drug possession... More »
Born
Birthplace
New York City
Full Name
Lindsay Dee Lohan

Lindsay Lohan Quotes

Tell him he's f*cking amazing, and I want to meet him.

Lindsay Lohan [on Michael Phelps]

I just want to live a happy, healthy year and continue on the path I've been on and be with the person I care about and my family.

Lindsay Lohan
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