Lindsay Lohan

Don't cry for Lindsay Lohan, readers.

Yes, she just got dumped, humiliated and tossed aside like some sort of underweight, spoiled actress by Harry Morton. But it looks as though she's made a new friend:

Paris Hilton.

As we reported earlier in the week, these former enemies were seen conversing in some manner at a party Hilton threw for those using her for her money and connections friends.

Here is an actual exchange between the two drama queens:

Lindsay: Look Paris, I just want all this drama to stop.

Paris: Don't believe anything they say Lins!!!! They'll say anything it's not true. F--k Brandon [Davis] and f---ing firecrotch s--t. We love you so much. You look so hot by the way.

Lindsay: (laughs)

And ... scene! We don't know if these loose ladies were just pretending for the cameras or on-lookers around them, but it's a rivalry/friendship we'll follow closely. Maybe Sean Penn and Canada can make up next.

All of a sudden, that fight with Paris Hilton doesn't seem so important anymore.

Breaking news into The Gossip headquarters tells us that Lindsay Lohan is, once again, single. Harry Morton dumped her and her crotch of fire last night.

"Harry broke up with Lindsay yesterday at Chateau Marmont after they had dinner on the courtyard patio," a source said. "Nothing happened at dinner, but shortly afterward, he broke up with her."

But why, Harry? Was it the broken wrist? How lost Lohan became once her dominant, man-pleasing hand was made more useless than a plate of food in front of Kate Bosworth?

"She was too much drama," said the source. "Lindsay did cut down on the partying, but with her it's all relative. Harry is sober. It wasn't the partying that broke them up. She's young and a little bit immature. Harry's more low-key and not into the same stuff she's into."

THG NOTE: The constant sex with other men didn't help. Neither did Lohan's lack of a soul.

However, in a blatant lie record-breaking spinning of the truth, a Lindsay friend chimed in:

"No one 'dumped' anyone. You don't dump people when you're 20 and 25. You have a mature relationship and you take a break and you see what happens. Everyone does that."

Tell that to Shar Jackson! K-Fed kicked his baby's momma to the curb!

A rep for Morton, meanwhile, said, "I do not comment on his personal life."

Indeed, Lohan was spotted at Hollywood's Chateau Marmont on Thursday, running onto the patio where four of her friends were sitting â€" and weeping, a wad of tissues on one hand, her cell phone in the other.

"She ran in, sat with her group, put down her cell phone and cried to her pals," People magazine reported. "The group looked very concerned and listened intently to what she was saying."

At least her cell phone was spared, however. But what, dear readers, will happen to the famous firecrotch? Who will fan those flames now? We vote for Jason Wahler. He's single now.

But he wasn't involved in any sort of dumping, of course. People his age don't do that.

It's not very clear at this point. But here's what we do know about two of The Gossip's favorites:

Following a party thrown by Us Weekly last night, Paris Hilton truly threw it down. She cleaned out the rolodex with invites, as those in attendance included: Pamela Anderson, Courtney Love, Jeremy Piven and Dave Navarro.

But the arrival of the night belonged to Lindsay Lohan.

Perez Hilton is reporting the two got into quite a yelling match in front of guests. Many overheard Paris telling Lindsay that she had never hit on Lindsay's boyfriend, Harry Morton. Reports also state that Kevin Connelly, the Entourage star diddling Nicky Hilton, slugged Brandon Davis in the face - twice!

TMZ contacted Paris' publicist, Elliot Mintz, about the report. His response?

"I was at the party, I remember Lindsay arriving and them having a lovely conversation by the pool. They seemed to have gotten along just fine and only polite words were exchanged."

Uh-oh. If Paris and Lindsay make up, what will be our go-to celebrity feud? Brangelina vs. Abject Poverty? Mel Gibson vs. Non-Catholics? Sean Preston vs. The Fashion Police?

We all know there's bad blood between Lindsay Lohan and her father. But now it appears as though the red-headed harlot and her fairly insane mom are also not getting along.

When Lindsay arrived at a Chinese restaurant on Manhattan's Upper East Side last week for a birthday celebration for Dina, she was dismayed to find that Mrs. Lohan and her friends were already into their second bottle of Cristal. The nerve! Right after the first course arrived, Lindsay and her mom started going at it.

Others in the restaurant at the time included Ryan Cabrera, Brandy and Serena Williams. They sat in stunned silence as the Lohans hurled curse words at one another. This was a change from the typical hurling Lindsay does in the bathroom after every meal.

Finally, Lindsay stormed out, telling her mom to "go to hell." Dina cried uncontrollaly, typed on her BlackBerry for 45 minutes and then started throwing fortune cookies at the waiters - and burst into tears again when her birthday cake came out.

Seriously. The reaction made Sutton Pierce Federline seem mature.

But, wait, there was more good news for Lindsay haters later in the week ...

Continue Reading...

On The View, Rosie O'Donnell may have to temper her opinions sometimes.

Fortunately for all Lindsay Lohan haters, however, this isn't the case when Rosie talks to OK magazine. Here's what she had to say about the promiscuous lush:

"[Lindsay's behavior on her latest film] was unacceptable. It's not like she was doing Dumb & Dumber 2. It's a Jane Fonda movie! Be early! I saw [Lohan] stumbling around a club drunk [once] and her mother was going 'She's all right!' I can say this from experience: It's hard to be famous, and she's not doing it well at this point.

But she'll get into rehab, take care of the eating disorder, and be all better in two years and have a huge comeback."

Wait, back up: Lindsay Lohan drinks?!? Who else dares to do this, Kristen Cavallari?

** Suppressing laughter and dances of jubilee throughout post **

This isn't funny, people. Lindsay Lohan became a victim of major theft grand theft victim at Heathrow Airport in London on Thursday.

Scotland Yard told TMZ that a "theft of a bag at Heathrow Airport was reported to police by a 20-year-old woman." Sources say the contents of the missing bag were over $1 million - or just a few bucks more than the number of guys bedded by the victim. Last month.

Police continued that "it is alleged that as the woman exited the Terminal One building, she noticed that an orange Hermès handbag was missing from her suitcase trolley." Reportedly, it contained "a quantity of jewelry."

Perhaps an engagement ring from Harry Morton (pictured above with his trashy girlfriend) was included?

Lindsay's rep, Leslie Sloane, confirmed that the theft occurred and her client is extremely slutty upset about the loss of personal belongings.

"She is begging for the return of the items," Sloane said. "She doesn't care how she gets them back, she just wants her stuff back."

So, robber, if you're reading this: you made Firecrotch cry. You're our hero.

** Now we're the ones crying: within minutes of this post, reports surfaced that the bag was recovered ** 

Does Harry Morton read The Hollywood Gossip?

It doesn't seem that way. If the Pink Taco mogul (the restaurant, people) were an avid fan, he'd have come across the Lindsay Lohan quote where she stated how she wants to be free to give her body to anyone, regardless of having a boyfriend or not.

Oh. And Lohan is Morton's girlfriend.

Perhaps Harry thinks he can tame the tramp, however, because sources claim he was spotted purchasing an engagement ring at Cartier in Beverly Hills.

It must be a challenging choosing such a gift for a nymphomaniac. We assume the ring has to be really loose.

A representative from Morton's company didn't deny the endeavor:

"I can confirm that Harry was shopping in Cartier. .. but what he purchased I cannot confirm. If it was in fact a gift then that's between him and whomever the gift is for and whomever the gift is for."

Hey, Harry, if the gift is for Lohan, know what else will be between you and her? About a hundred guys. Per week.

If Lindsay Lohan truly wants to inspire people, William H. Macy has some advice for her: stop showing up late to the set, you skanky harlot!

Okay, we may have added the last part. But the beloved character actor still had choice words for anyone that isn't punctual during filming.

"It's very very disrespectful ... "There is not an apology big enough in the world to have to make 150 scramble."

Oh, don't worry, William, Lohan didn't really try to apologize for her actions on the set of Georgia Rule.

Macy - who worked with Lohan on the upcoming film "Bobby," and said that she was "pretty late" getting to the set - did acknowledge that she isn't alone in this disrespectful act. He stated that anyone arriving late "should have their asses kicked."

As we all know, Lohan is used to other things being done to her ass.

Finally, Macy expressed consternation and fear about Lohan and other young cohorts who get rich and famous in their teens:

"I worry about these young kids â€" 15, 18, 20 years old â€" who in the span of one year become millionaires and powerhouses. It's too much power for a kid that age to handle."

In response, Britney Spears - pregnant, holding her poorly dressed son and sitting through her husband's inane excuse for a rap performance - said she can handle all the money and power just fine, thank you!

The Gossip isn't here to judge. If you wish to refrain from eating for weeks on end, star in your own version of Sex and the City, or sweat alongside a cycling champion, that's your business.

At least the following celebrities seem to understand their places in society. They're role models, whether they wish to be or not. Grow inspired by their hopeful messages ...

Just look at Kate Bosworth (can you see her?). The star of Superman Returns hasn't returned for seconds at a buffet in years. But she wants everyone to know that it's okay to be really, really thin.

Then, there's Lindsay Lohan. Ms. Firecrotch wants to make it known it's her duty to roll over for every guy she meets. Or sees from across the room. Or looks up in the Yellow Pages.

Of course, Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong don't have this problem. They don't need to search for love or affection. They've found both, with one another.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your Arizona Cardinals as they make their way into Firecrotch Stadium!

Such an annoucement may not be so far-fetched, now that the family of Lindsay Lohan's summer boy toy, billionaire Harry Morton, has put in a bid for the naming rights for the home of the NFL's Cardinals.

The Mortons have offered $5 million for the new stadium's naming rights, the largest amount ever presented in Arizona history. That's why Airhead Arena or Promiscuous Park aren't out of the question.

Morton is the President and CEO of the Pink Taco restaurant chain. His family recently sold its stake in Morton's Steakhouse, the Hard Rock Cafe, and the Hotel & Casino for approximately $1.2 billion. That's almost as many dollars as guys Lindsay has spread her legs for.

While we kid about such names as the Neighborhood Bicycle Bowl, the family is more likely to go with a traditional moniker, such as Pink Taco Stadium. So, in other words, it'll be based on Lohan no matter what.

In other football-related news, Morton is friends with Cardinals' quarterback Matt Leinart - who's been romantically linked to Lindsay's arch enemy Paris Hilton.

So there's another idea for the stadium's name: Catfight Coliseum. Leave us a comment now with your suggestions!