by Mischalova at

This would be downright adorable if it weren't so digusting.

Lindsay Lohan and new play thing, Riley Giles, were spotted at a shopping center in Salt Lake City, Utah yesterday.

Fashin Week Photo

The couple hit up Overland for some fine sheepskins and leather, Starbucks for some caffine and Victoria's Secret for, well, you know.

Giles is competing with Javier Bardem this week for which random boyfriend can be seen with his famous girlfriend most often. It's a close battle so far.

But if it makes Riley feel any better, he's got Barden beaten by a mile for which random boyfriend needs to get tested for the most sexually transmitted diseases.

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by Mischalova at

Riley Giles is calling one of three people in the photo below:

  1. His friends at home, to brag about his new celebrity status;
  2. The doctor's office, to discover the results of his latest STD test;
  3. Entertainment news reporters, to cover him and Lindsay Lohan, a la Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt.

Considering the fact that this snowboarder is actually dating Lohan, we can't possibly come to a conclusion about the phone call. How do you get inside the head of someone willing to live so dangerously?

Lindsay Lohan Handcuffed

It would be akin to wondering why Sarah Chapman would be surprised that Diddy wasn't exactly gonna be a stay-at-home husband.

Seriously, yo, I bent Lindsay Lohan over like she was Britney Spears and I was J.R. Rotem last night!

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by Mischalova at

Take our advice, Riley Giles:

Ask Alex Vaggo about the best places to get tested for STDs. The latest boy toy of Paris Hilton must be familiar with such necessities.

Lindsay in Hawaii

And Giles soon will be, too. The snowboarder is dating Lindsay Lohan.

The rehabbing skank said to InTouch magazine that "yes, I am seeing someone. His name is Riley. I am really happy and taking it day by day."

And position by position, of course.

Lohan met Giles in the Utah rehab facility they each attended, one she described as being hard and "really humbling for me, but I liked how I was treated as a normal person. I had to look out for myself. It's been a great experience. I'm really grateful. Everything happens for a reason and I am in the right place now."

We've all pretty much seen Lindsay Lohan nude at this point. But Riley Giles is getting a first hand look and touch. Yech.

From now on, Lohan claims she'll stay away from the glare of entertainment news reporters.

"The biggest thing is not being in LA and staying away from the nightlife. Going out all the time was very self-destructive. But there are some things that I can do to make changes and grow up. I want to act like a woman rather than a teenager. I am doing the best I can."

We'll see how long this lasts.

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by Mischalova at

Lindsay Lohan claims she received no money for the following interview with OK! Magazine, hitting newsstands on Friday.

Right, and Kimberly Bell didn't pose for Playboy out of spite for Barry Bonds.

Lohan at Coachella

Ridiculous statements aside, here are a few highlights from the interview Lohan gave the celebrity gossip magazine, soon after she was released from rehab earlier this week...

On her second DUI arrest in less than two months: "[I hit] rock-bottom. Everything in my life came to a point where I had to make a decision; the arrest that night helped me come to a point where I had to make one."

On how she she plans to stay on the road to recovery: "[By surrounding myself] with good people who have their hearts and their minds in the right places."

On not saying goodbye to the Hollywood industry: "Absolutely not â€" never! I'm here to stay... My talent is a gift, and I'm going to use it in the right way."

On the the feud between her father, Michael, and mother, Dina: "I wish it would stop. It hurts when two people you love argue with one another. I don't think any child wants to see their parents argue or see their family fall apart. Unfortunately, it happens, and when it does, they should do it with as little effect on their children as possible."

It's way too late for that Lindsay. Let's just hope your sister, Ali Lohan, hasn't been doomed to your same path.

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by Mischalova at

Without any balls to play with in rehab, Lindsay Lohan has resorted to fondling pumpkins.

We hate to think of where this alcoholic is taking the Halloween decoration. She'll probably carve the face of Calum Best into it and then stick it between her legs.

Lindsay Lohan Playboy Photo

We wonder what music Lindsay Lohan is listening to before she goes to fornicate with a pumpkin. Britney Spears? Kanye West? Rihanna?

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by Mischalova at

You've missed celebrity gossip updates about Lindsay Lohan, haven't you?

Go on, admit that you can't stand this booze hound of a skank... yet also can't wait to see what she'll do next.

According to her evil mother, Dina Lohan, here's the answer: nothing. Contrary to reports stating otherwise, the Firecrotch Queen will not be leaving the Cirque Lodge rehab program in Utah this weekend.

People magazine reports that Dina emailed Access Hollywood this week with the breaking news that her daughter is "staying in Utah."

For those that think Kiefer Suhterland is the first star to drive drunk, don't forget: Lindsay's treatment at the facility began last month, following her early morning July 24 arrest in Santa Monica on suspicion of DUI after a brief car chase.

From there, a small amount of cocaine was found on the ex-sexual partner of (deep breath now...) Calum Best, Harry Morton, Jude Law, Criss Angel, AJ Lamas, James Blunt and many others.

Immediately after she was booked, her attorney blabbered on about how Lohan had "relapsed" and was receiving "medical care."

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by Mischalova at

As far as celebrity news headlines go, the sentence above is as surprising as any of the following:

Britney Spears is a train wreck.

Email Check

Suri Cruise is cute.

Victoria Beckham likes to wear tight shirts.

Nevertheless, new information has surfaced regarding just how much Lindsay Lohan loves to wet her sexual appetite. It's our job to pass it along.

A source told Star magazine that the Firecrotch Queen has "been having erotic dreams about her former lovers, like Calum Best, Wilmer Valderrama, and Jared Leto. Her counsellors are trying to get her to understand that she's substituting one addiction for another."

The insider added: "Besides the obvious dangers of STDs, having indiscriminate sex can lead to emotional heartbreak, and that can lead to drug and alcohol abuse. If she doesn't come to grips with this, Lindsay is going to find herself back in rehab-sex addiction."

Maybe she'll be joined there by Kim Kardashian.

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by Mischalova at

Sorry, guys.

We know you're dying to see Lindsay Lohan nude or Jennifer Love Hewitt nude, but we're here to provide you with the next best thing:

A glimpse at the boobs of these mediocre actresses.

Once you've voted in our previous Clash of the Cleavage - pitting Megan Fox against Tara Reid, in all her drunken, plastic glory - let us know which pair of knockers below you'd prefer to take a handful of.

Don't worry. There's no wrong answer. Just a sexy one.

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by Mischalova at

In case you missed the latest Lindsay Lohan movie, I Know Who Killed Me (and, judging by its box office total, you most certainly did), you no longer need to rent it when it comes out on DVD.

That's because, below, we've included the only worthwhile scene from the film. In it, Lohan gets as naked as Gemma Atkinson any time a camera is around.

D-S-L

We're not sure who the actor is, but we're guessing Lindsay imagined it to be Harry Morton... or AJ Lamas... or Calum Best... or Criss Angel... or Jude Law...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1LDn88xwaY[/youtube]

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by Mischalova at

In case that Katie Price vagina quote wasn't honest enough for you, here's an attempt by Lindsay Lohan to come clean about her lifestyle:

"It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs. Recently, I relapsed and did things for which I am ashamed. I broke the law, and today I took responsibility by pleading guilty to the charges in my case.

Linds Can't Deal

"No matter what I said when I was under the influence on the day I was arrested, I am not blaming anyone else for my conduct other than myself. I thank God I did not injure others. I easily could have.

Lindsay Lohan is addicted to drugs. In other shocking news, Britney Spears is really bad at singing and women find Zac Efron attractive.

"I very much want to be healthy and gain control of my life and career and have asked for medical help in doing so. I am taking these steps to improve my life. Luckily, I am not alone in my daily struggle and I know that people like me have succeeded. Maybe with time it will become easier. I hope so."

Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil have been hoping for the same thing.

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